Issues.

Alex is not confident. He looks at himself in the mirror and frowns, his disappointed brown eyes trailing over his body with a faint look of disgust. He's not exactly perfect at, well, anything.

Too skinny to play football, too short to play basketball, not smart enough for the mathletes and not popular enough for anything else. Just about determined enough to get by and desperate not to fail.

It's his first day of junior year and he's nervous, so very nervous. His hands are shaking as he grips the few books and presses them against his stomach. He keeps his eyes on the floor and avoids everyone he thinks might notice him on his way to homeroom.

He hopes that no one sits next to him in homeroom this year, as he places his books down and takes the same seat as last year. No such luck, however, as a vaguely pretty, brown haired girl takes the seat beside him.

“Hey, I'm Kara. I'm new here,” She says, and Alex doesn't look at her, “what's your name?”

“Alex,” He says quietly, “and you might want to rethink where you're sitting, if the popular kids see you're with me, they'll hate you.”

“Why?” She asks, surprised.

“Because they hate me, and if they see that we're talking they'll automatically hate you too.”

Kara looks shocked for a second before frowning, putting her bag on the table in what appears to be a gesture that she's not about to move any time soon.

The door swings open again and Alex winces as he sees who is there. Caleb Turman.

“Who's he? And why does everyone look scared of him?” Kara asks. Alex laughs a little from the back of his throat.

“That, that is Caleb. The most popular boy in school who enjoys making everyone else's life a misery. He's not a nice person, but stay on his good side if you want to survive.”

Caleb takes the seat behind Alex and immediately kicks his chair. Alex bites his lip softly but doesn't turn around to look at him.

“Good morning fag, are you ready for another year of fun?” Caleb asks in a mocking tone.

“Y-Yes, Caleb.” Alex says, his voice shakier than he first thought.

“Good.” Caleb laughs, kicking his chair again.

Kara stares at Alex for a few seconds as the boy bites back a distressed noise and wipes furiously at his eyes.

“Don't let him get to you, Alex.” Kara says, resting a hand on his back. “You're better than him.”

“You hardly know who I am.” Alex says, and Kara sighs, but doesn't admit that he's right.

Alex is more than happy when the bell for first period rings, but, of course, Kara has no idea where she’s supposed to be going.

“Uh, Alex?” She says before he gets chance to scurry away, “Where’s Music?”

Alex sighs, grabs her by the wrist and drags her off before Caleb manages to say anything to either of them.

“Caleb will probably try it on with you before the day finishes.” Alex sighs once they’re a good way away from the main hustle and bustle of the corridors.

“Oh.” Kara doesn’t sound too impressed by this prospect.

“Yeah, but let him down gently otherwise you’ll be in the firing line from now until forever,” Alex says, and pushes open the door to the classroom.

“Alex!” Someone yells across the room, and Alex laughs as a flurry of dark hair and glasses runs at him.

“Hey, Jersey,” Alex laughs, embracing him in a hug, “how’ve you been?”

Jersey’s about to answer when a blonde boy jumps on him.

“Morning, Lipshaw.” He says in a disgruntled voice as he brushes the other boy off.

“Hey, other Alex.” The blonde boy says, and Alex laughs.

“For the last time, Lipshaw, I’m older than you and my name comes first alphabetically!”

A girl appears through the door, sees Kara and immediately yells ‘Ooh! New girl!’ and goes about introducing herself as Cassadee.

“Is this it?” Kara asks, looking between the four other people.

“There’ll be more next lesson; it’s the first day, after all, and our year are lazy.” Cassadee explains.

Kara sees a different side to Alex when he’s in Music class; he laughs, smiles and is generally fun to be around.

But when they’re outside again, he changes back to shy little Alex that hides away behind a handful of books.

“They seem nice,” Kara comments, “how long have you known them?”

“As long as I can remember.” Alex replies. “They’re the only three people that aren’t assholes to me, really.”

Kara looks offended, and Alex sighs.

“Well, besides you, obviously.”

That seems to appease her, and Alex drops her off at her Math class before turning around and heading to his own class.

He takes his seat next to Mike Gentile, the quiet but still somehow irritating boy he’s been forced to sit beside for the past two years.

“Hey fag,” Mike says, before Alex even has chance to get out his books. Alex doesn’t respond. He’s used to it now, anyway.

He meets Kara during lunch hour and they sit with Jersey, Alex and Cassadee.

“So has Caleb tried flirting with you yet?” Cassadee asks Kara. She shakes her head.

“No, but a boy in my Math class did.” She blushes.

“Ooh, who?” Cassadee presses, spearing some more pasta on her fork.

“Rian Dawson. I think he said he was on the football team.” Kara says, blushing a little more and looking down at her food.

Alex exchanges a look with Jersey, who glances at Lipshaw, who is blissfully unaware of the whole situation.

“Yeah, he’s on the football team, but watch out, okay?” Jersey says, not looking at the girl, instead focusing on the bowl of salad in front of him.

“Why?” She asks. Cassadee shakes her head a little and laughs quietly.

“They’re mostly assholes. But if you think you got a good one, well done.” She says.

A few weeks pass and Kara and Rian start dating. She stops sitting with them at lunch and starts falling in with the popular kids.

“I knew she was too good to be true.” Cassadee says, shaking her head. “It was bound to happen.”

“But Rian does seem like a nice guy, at the least.” Lipshaw comments. “Where’s Alex today, anyway?”

Cassadee looks at the empty seat beside her and frowns.

“I haven’t seen him all day, actually,” Jersey says after a moment of thought, “I hope he’s okay.”

Alex returns to class the next day, and it’s more than obvious he’s just pretending he’s fine. He’s shaking and biting his lip and digging his fingers into his sides.

He has a panic attack in Music class, and Cassadee (whose mom is training to be a nurse) sits with him and tries to calm him down.

Kara takes him home to her house during lunch break, and she lets him stay in her room and calm down just until school lets out.

She comes back after football practice is done, with Rian and Jack, the team’s running back.

“Just let me check if he’s okay.” Kara says, pushing open her door gently, only to find Alex curled up in a ball, sobbing and shaking.

“Shit, I think he’s having another panic attack.” She says, and the two boys look worried. “I have no idea how to calm him down from them. Cass did it all this morning.”

“I can try,” Jack suggests, “my sister used to have panic attacks sometimes.”

Jack’s about to push the door open when Kara grabs his arm.

“Take that off.” She says, tugging at the football team jacket he’s wearing. “Caleb had one on this morning. It might trigger something.”

Jack does as he’s told and pulls off his jacket, leaving it with Kara as he pushes open the door.

As soon as his eyes fall on Alex, it becomes apparent that his sister’s panic attacks were nowhere near as severe as the boy’s are.

Jack decides very quickly to just do what he always used to with his sister, and so climbs onto the bed very gingerly beside the boy and, very, very gently just holds him.

“It’s okay,” He says quietly, even though it isn’t, “it’s okay.”

Jack can feel Alex’s heart practically pounding out of his chest, and the way he’s trembling in his arms and the way tears stream down his cheeks makes Jack panic just a little, because it’s been years since he’s dealt with this.

“It’s okay,” He repeats, and Alex looks up at him, terrified, for a few seconds, before blinking his eyes shut and allowing more tears to fall.

Alex can barely hear him, let alone register what he’s saying. He feels Jack press a hand to his forehead, and then pull back when he feels what he feared –hot flushes.

“Does it hurt anywhere?” He hears Jack ask, but just barely. He fumbles around and gestures at his chest, where Jack gently rests a hand in an attempt to soothe him.

Alex’s heartbeat is even more prominent, Jack decides, and quickly moves his hand away and smoothes Alex’s hair flat.

“It’s okay, it’ll all be okay,” Jack says again, “I promise.”

Alex grips tight onto Jack’s shirt and he just holds him tight while he continues to cry.

What feels like hours pass, but it’s only five minutes, and Alex’s heartbeat finally starts to slow to a normal speed.

“Do you feel better now?” Jack asks when Alex finally releases his shirt. Alex swallows -his throat still feels tight- and nods, shuffling away from Jack and tugging his phone from his pocket.

“I’m... I’m gonna go now.” He says, standing and pressing a few buttons on his phone, “Jersey’s coming to pick me up.”

Jack nods.

“I’ll wait out front with you.”

Alex is about to tell him he doesn’t need to, but Jack fixes him with a look, so he doesn’t bother.

So they end up sitting on the kerb outside Kara’s house waiting for Jersey and his stupid, junky birthday present to show up.

Alex hugs his legs to his chest, and Jack sighs a little. Kara had said he was shy, but he didn’t expect this.

“Hey, pass me your phone.” Jack says suddenly. Alex looks at him curiously for a second, before digging around in his pocket and giving Jack his cell.

Jack hands it back a few moments later.

“I saved my number,” He explains, “so if you ever need me for anything, just call or something.”

Alex nods hesitantly, standing to put his phone back into his pocket just as Jersey comes careering down the street in his beat-up old car.

“You okay?” He asks as he pops his head up out of the car, regarding Jack with a slight nod. Alex nods in response and opens the passenger side door. He gives Jack a small wave goodbye as Jersey starts the engine and drives away.

Jack heads back inside Kara’s house and finds her and Rian waiting expectantly for him.

“Is he okay?” She asks quickly, and sighs in relief when Jack nods. “Oh thank God.”

“Yeah, he’s... better, at least. A kid called Jersey just showed up and took him home.”

“That’s good, then.” Kara says with a slight smile. “Jersey’s one of his best friends.”

“I don’t suppose you asked what triggered it?” Rian asks, and Jack glares at him.

“The last thing he’d want to talk about is what made it happen. That would’ve been a terrible idea.”

“So what happened?” Jersey asks, focusing on the road. Alex presses his forehead against the cool glass of the window and shakes his head.

“I... I don’t really know. I just remember something about David, and Caleb, and... I don’t even know.”

“David called?” Jersey asks in surprise.

“I think he must have... I don’t remember.” Alex says quietly, embarrassed.

“He knows he shouldn’t, doesn’t he?” Jersey replies, and Alex notes the way his grip on the steering wheel tightens a little.

“I don’t know... I seem to recall Cass telling him not to, though.”

“I’ll call him and talk to him later.” Jersey says, and Alex knows that by ‘talk to’ he means ‘yell at’.

It’s a few days before Jack hears from Alex again. He’s just about to head for his car after football practice when his phone buzzes in his pocket. The text from Alex just says ‘Help’ and Jack goes running for his car until he sees the four people on the bench just outside the Math block. He heads over quickly, and finds Alex sobbing and clawing at his sides, Cassadee rubbing his back and Lipshaw trying to stop Jersey pacing around.

“I swear to God, David won’t have a dick by the time I’m finished with him.” Jack hears Jersey say as he jabs buttons on his phone somewhat overzealously.

Jack slides down onto the seat next to Alex, and the boy looks at him through his tears. Jack pulls him into his lap gently and Alex latches his arms around his neck.

“It’s okay,” Jack says again, trying to ignore the way Alex’s heart feels as though it’s about to break through his ribs, “everything’s okay.”

He nuzzles against Alex’s hair and repeats himself over and over and eventually the elder’s heart starts to regulate and he stops shaking.

“Do you feel better now?” Jack asks, and Alex nods a little into his shoulder.

“I’ll get him home,” Jack tells Cassadee, who nods. Jersey and Lipshaw seem to have wandered off somewhere, but Jack can still faintly hear Jersey yelling.

Jack is just about to leave Alex on his doorstep when he sees the look on his face, and Jack swears it looks like he could have another attack at any moment.

And so Jack bundles Alex inside and Alex guess that’s how he ended up lying on top of Jack on his bed, with the younger rubbing his back just lightly. Not that he’s complaining.

At some point, they must fall asleep because the next thing Alex remembers is being gently shaken awake by his mother.

“Alex, honey, dinner.” She says quietly. “Your, uh, friend can stay too, if he wants.”

Alex is trying to explain Jack to Cassadee during lunch the next day.

“So he’s Kara’s boyfriend’s friend.” She says finally, and Alex nods. She shakes her head a little.

“I still don’t understand why you’re telling me this.” Cassadee replies, stabbing her food viciously with a plastic fork.

Alex pushes his food around a little, taking a tiny bit before sighing.

“I think I’m in like with him.”

Cassadee almost drops her fork, and stares at the elder boy sitting opposite her.

“You’re kidding, right?”

Jersey and Lipshaw choose that moment to appear -mid-argument, no less- which distracts her long enough to forget about it. Alex, however, is thinking about it for the rest of the day. Especially when he passes Jack in the Science corridor and he gives him a shy little smile.

This doesn’t last, because David decides to call right before last period and Alex makes the mistake of answering it. He really wishes he hadn’t, when Jersey has to drag him, sobbing and shaking back home when the lesson finishes.

Fifteen minutes pass of Cassadee trying desperately to calm him and regulate his breathing, even just a little, but nothing works like it used to.

She sighs, worry really starting to set in as Alex rolls over on his bed and starts screaming into his pillow. She sees his phone sitting on his nightstand and grabs it, fumbling around until she finds Jack’s number.

The boy barely has chance to pick up before she’s babbling down the phone at him.

“Jack, he’s having an attack and he won’t calm down, Jack, I don’t know what to do! Jack, come and help, I can’t do this, I can’t.” Cassadee says, all in one breath, fighting back tears of fright.

“Stay calm, I’ll be right over. Just try and make sure he doesn’t get worse, okay?”

Cassadee bites her lip softly and hangs up, putting Alex’s phone back down.

Jack appears a few minutes later, and Cassadee takes this as a brilliant opportunity to run back to Jersey’s car.

Jack tries what he usually does; lies down beside him and tugs him closer; but Alex pushes him away and starts to cry harder. Jack ignores him and tries to pull him back, but Alex just pushes him back.

“Don’t!”

Jack tries to flatten Alex’s hair, but the elder boy rolls over and Jack looks at him with despair.

“Alex, please,”

“No!”

Jack refuses to leave him, though, and wraps his arms around Alex’s waist.

“Get away from me! I hate you!”

Jack chooses to pretend he didn’t hear anything Alex just said, and instead focuses on tightening his grip on the squirming boy in his arms.

Alex suddenly goes quiet and stills in Jack’s arms.

“Just... Just promise me you’ll keep David away,” Alex sobs, “please, keep him away.”

“Okay,” Jack replies quietly, despite not really knowing who David is, “I promise.”

Alex calms eventually and rolls back over so he’s facing Jack again.

“You feel better now?” Jack asks, smoothing down some unruly strands of Alex’s hair.

“Yeah,” Alex sighs, “at least, I think so.”

They sit for a few moments, and Alex thinks to himself how these attacks have only started happening since David tried to come back into his life. But then, if that hadn’t happened, he’d have never met Jack. Silver linings, he tells himself.

“Alex?” Jack asks quietly. Alex moves a little to show he’s heard.

“Who’s David?”

“Ex-boyfriend.” Alex says tonelessly. Jack instinctively pulls Alex a little closer, as if to protect him, but prays the other boy doesn’t notice.

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“Just wondering,” Jack replies quietly, burying his face in Alex’s hair.

And Alex doesn’t know how it happens, but suddenly he and Jack are kissing. And it’s not bad, but Alex can feel himself starting to shake a little, so Jack pulls away and apologizes quickly.

“Don’t be sorry,” Alex says, “it’s just me.”

“But, Alex,” Jack replies, “if you want to do this, then we’ll go slowly, okay? And if you don’t, then we won’t.”

Alex nods, and Jack kisses his forehead lightly.

“Okay.”

And Alex decides then that maybe Jack is just what he’s always needed; he makes him forget about his past and realize that a panic disorder doesn’t have to hold you back.