Opposites Attract

You wanna know something really stupid? I am exactly like this guy on some dumb teen drama TV show. What am I, a cliché? The closet gay jock with an attitude problem? The guy who's in love with his best friend? It's like I'm in some bad teen movie.

See, we were all at Cory's house. Cor and Zephy had their eyes practically glued to the TV screen because their show "Degrassi" was about to come on. Me, being the "typical dude" here, really didn't care - if it wasn't sports, comedy, or had explosions then I didn't care. But there was nothing better to do but sit on the couch with them and play games on my Nintendo DS until the show was done. I don't know how long the show had been on, but after a while, Zephy just randomly shouts "OH MY GOD, SEAN! HE'S YOU!!!"

Not even flinching at her annoying shrieks, I kept playing my game and responded with a "What the hell are you talking about now?"

"Riley! He's just like you!!! I don't know how I never saw it before!"

I groaned, paused my game, and looked at Cory. "Do you understand her at all?"

"Um... not really. Zephy, how is he like Riley?"

She jumped up and starting ticking her points off on her fingers. "One, they are both gay. Two, they are both in the closet. Three, they are both jocks. And four, they both need to go to anger management. Just throw in the fact that they both like their best friend, and it's like they're twins! Well, okay, no. Riley liked Peter in the old episodes, but now he likes Zane, and technically they're just teammates-"

"Zephrinity, please put an end to your annoying babble." I sighed and put my DS on the coffee table.
"I'm serious! They are exactly alike! Don't you see it, Cory?"
I looked at him. He blushed slightly, then looked at me, and blushed even more. "Um... I hate to say it, but yeah. They both have a lot in common."
I sat up. "Okay, so let me get this straight.. You think that I'm nothing but a hot-headed jock with gay issues?"
"You hit the nail on the head." Zephy grinned.

Before I got up to hit her, Cory tried to convince me that she was joking and that they didn't see me that way. But as I actually started watching the show with them, I hate to admit that I was starting to see what they were talking about. Especially when later, one of those newer episodes came on and it was clear how Riley didn't want to come out because he'd get his ass beat by the football team.

This show really made me think. For one thing, it made me want to come out because I realized I really wasn't being fair to Cory about this. I mean, Cory has never officially announced that he's gay, but I guess it's not really some big secret. If I'm not willing to tell anybody, that means that he can't tell anybody. So now I feel incredibly selfish. But on the other hand, the show also made me want to keep it a secret even more. Do you realize how much teasing and fighting happens on this show? Not to mention all of the people out there who hate gays. It's too much to bear, and I don't just mean for me - I'm trying to help Cory also.

Anyway, the show was starting to piss me off, so I just hung out in Cory's room while they watched the show. I feel like I hardly ever come in here, probably because we usually just hang out in the living room. It's cleanish, but kinda dull. His walls are completely bare, where as I can't stand seeing empty space on my wall. There are no clothes thrown on the floor but some are on the bed. He doesn't have random sports equipment strewn across the room, or barely used textbooks propping up his desk. The only thing that's unique is his bulletin board full of photos. There are a bunch of pictures of all three of us, some with him and his parents, and of course dozens of me and him. I sat down at his desk and spent my time reminiscing while staring at the pictures, smiling and frowning as the memories crossed my mind.

I didn't hear anyone enter the room, but I did feel arms rest on top of my head. I smiled and tilted my head back.

"Hey Cor. Done with your show?"
"Yeah. Just wanted to check on you."
"Check on me? Why? You don't trust me being in your room or something?"
He shrugged. "I would say that wasn't true, but seeing as you always get me in trouble or end up breaking something, then yes, I don't trust you in my room."
I rolled my eyes and spun the chair around. "I wasn't doing anything, just thinking."
"You? Thinking? That's hilarious." He grinned. I glared at him and shoved him away, making him stumble back. He pouted then sat down on the bed.
"Cory, do I really have anger issues?"
"Uh...-"
"I mean, I'm not too violent am I?"
"Well... sometimes, you can get a little out of control."

I frown, but try to remember these 'sometimes' anyway. Most of them happen where I'm confiding in Cory. He never makes me mad, but I always go to him when I'm frustrated, and he just lets me vent and rage until I've cooled down. It helps, but I don't like being nicknamed "the Hulk" - the idea of me turning into a rampaging monster around my best friend sends shivers down my spine. I've never laid a hand on him before, but if I ever do lose control... I'd never forgive myself.

"What I promise not to freak out anymore?"
"What? You mean, you won't get mad?"
"Well, I will. But I'll try to relax. Instead of getting pissed or violent, I'll just calm down."
"How are you gonna do that?"
"I dunno. Count to ten or something..."
He smiled. "Maybe you should do what the guidance counselor always says: just pause, breathe, and walk away."
"I'll try it, but I don't think it'll work. I mean come on, the guy thinks that toddlers should do yoga. He's not alright in the head."
He giggled. "You have a problem with every adult at our school."
"That's because they are all insane!"
"You shouldn't be talking."
"Come on, you know a lot of our teachers are just too weird for words. Mr. Z, Mrs. Butts, 'Dennis' the guidance counselor... oh and let's not forget Mr. Sinclair - he's one of the weirdest."
"Why don't you like him?"
"Because he's creepy. I guess I don't hate him anymore since he really isn't a bad guy, but honestly, we just can't get along."
"Why not?"
"Because we... we argue too much. We both agree on one thing, but we can't agree on how to get it." Or who should get it.
"He's just a teacher. Let him do his job."
"But that's just it. He doesn't act like a teacher. He acts like a college student or something. He acts kinda like my older brother."
He gives me a sympathetic look, which I just ignore. "You still haven't heard from him, have you?"
"Not like I give a shit, but no, I haven't. Weren't we talking about Mr. Sinclair?"
He sighs. "I just think you can be a little too hard on people. Give your brother another chance, don't give up on your father, and at least try to get along with Mr. Sinclair."
"Why do you care so much? You never minded when I fought with any other teachers. What makes him so special?"

His face flushes red, and I already know the answer.

I stand up and hold back a growl. Pause, breathe, walk...

Pause, breathe...

P- Damnit.

"Cory, you can drop the act. I already know you have the hots for our teacher. It pisses me off, and it's completely disturbing, but... I have no right to judge you. In fact... I think you should go talk to him. Tell him the truth. I bet he's got something to say to you."

Cory looks confused, but I don't elaborate. I need to walk away before I turn into the Hulk right now.

What's the point in fighting it? I'm never gonna be comfortable with telling the world I'm gay. But Mr. Sinclair practically told me after knowing him for maybe a month, so clearly he's more open about it. If Cory wants somebody who isn't afraid to hold his hand in public no matter what the consequences are, then he deserves that person. Maybe I'm just not it. I'm not mad at Mr. Sinclair, or Cory. I don't know who I'm mad at. Maybe I'm just mad at myself. But it's my own fault. Things weren't supposed to happen this way.

I jump on the couch, ignoring Zephy's protests, and start switching the channels on the TV. After a while, Cory comes downstairs. He looks a little upset, but he is looking at me instead of avoiding my gaze, so that's better than nothing. Why is he upset? I'm not mad at him. He's got a shot at two different guys who would kiss the ground he walked on (or maybe that's just me). All he has to do is pick one - he'd probably be happy either way, I guess.

"Sean?" I look up at him. "You are really starting to piss me off." I blink. "Are you my boyfriend or not?"
My eyes widen. "Uh... I... don't-"
"Because I'm tired of you always thinking you aren't good enough. If you think I'm choosing him over you, then you're more insane than I thought. How I f-feel about you is j-j-just... it's d-d-d-different." He stuttered.
"Cor, can you honestly tell me that you don't like him?"
"Don't like who?!" Zephy butted in, but we ignored her.
"I do, or I did. I'm not sure. But it's different with you. I didn't even know for sure I was gay until I kissed you. I like you, Sean - that much I'm sure of. So can we please just forget about every one else - him, the jocks, your dad, just everybody - and only focus on what matters: us?"
"Would you seriously want me?"
"Duh. Though I can't possibly imagine why." He said with what I hope was sarcasm. After he smiled, I smiled too.
"What the hell are you two talking about?!" Zephy pouted.
Once again we ignored her; I got up and Cory and I hugged, then we hugged Zephy too so she didn't feel too left out.
"Cory, you know that I can't-"
"Come out yet. That's okay, I don't care. I just want you to be happy and to be with me. That's all that matters right now."
I pecked him on the lips, but he pulled me back in and made it last. I was grinning like an idiot, and Zephy was gaping at us. I rolled my eyes at her.
"What is it now, Zephrinity?"
"You guys look so hot when you make out!"
My eyes shot out of my head, and well, you know Cory and I turned bright red. I shoved her away from our group hug and inched away from Cory a little.
"Zephy, why'd you ruin the moment?" Cory whined before pulling me back into a hug.
"Sorry, but you should see yourselves! It's so freaking cute! Have you ever watched gay porn or yaoi?"
"Okay, it's time for you to go." I pushed her towards the door, my face burning.
"What's yaoi?" Cory asked innocently.
"Oh no."

I face-palmed as Zephy zoomed back over to Cory to explain, in-depth, every sexual thing you could possibly imagine - from yaoi (A type of anime that involves gay male pairings) to sex positions. These were not the type of things an innocent kid like Cory should be hearing. Thanks to my older brother, I've heard about pretty much all of this stuff already. I've never had the courage to actually look at gay porn, especially not at my house with my dad around, but I have the feeling that Zephy is probably gonna pull it up on her laptop in a few minutes. Which is why I am going to find some duct tape to tie her up and shut her mouth.