Opposites Attract

I stared at Cory. He looked me right in the eyes. It was a little intimidating because I'm so used to him looking down or having a soft or shocked expression. Now he's dead serious.

"We need to talk."

I hated those words. Those are the start to every end.

I nodded.

He ran a finger through the black shaggy bangs that reached his eyelashes. Then he sighed, looked at me, then groaned.

"Ugh, why is this so hard?"
"Are you breaking up with me?" I asked him.
He looked shocked. "What? No! Are you breaking up with me?"
"Why the hell would I do that?!"
Now he looked stupefied. "Because you think I cheated on you."
"Oh. I was hoping that my mind was just playing tricks on me."
He smiled slightly. "You know I could never cheat on you. You're just too perfect for me."
I raised an eyebrow. "I'm too perfect? I just got out of a mental institution. How am I perfect?"
"I said that you're perfect for me. I love your flaws - they're a part of you and I wouldn't change them."
"Even though I almost punched you?"
"You saw you were wrong, you got help. I've seen you get mad before and you never came near me."
"But-"
"And at school when you finally broke down, you walked away from me first. Remember? I told you about your mom, and then you turned away from me. You didn't attack me until you had ultimately lost it. I'm not making excuses for you though - you hit me and I'm gone. I just think you deserve some credit for your extreme amount of self control. I honestly think that, if you really are better, then you won't try to hit me again."
"I won't. I swear that to you right now."
"Thank you." He kissed me on the cheek.
"Okay, now that we've cleared that up, what's with you supposedly cheating on me?"
"That was a total misunderstanding! See, Zephy knew that I was upset because I missed you too much, and so she forced me to go to a club with her. That's when she ditched me and this guy came up to me and challenged me to dance, so we danced and then I guess I sent him the wrong signals cause he thought I was into him, so he kissed me. That's when I started to freak out, so I ran away from him. And then you called while I was still in mid-freak out, and then Frank - the guy - he came in the bathroom with me and kissed me again and I shoved him off me but my phone flew in the toilet. And then you ignored all my calls after that."
I waited for him to catch his breath, then said "I'm sorry."
His eyes went wide. "You're sorry? I thought I was at fault here!"
"I'm sorry I never called you back. Most of the time, I really was in therapy. After the phone call at the club, I was worried that you were gonna break up with me because I lost control of my anger. That made me even more angry, so my therapist scheduled me for extra sessions to help me out. And then when I was free and you called, I just couldn't handle talking to you yet. I wanted to know the truth when we talked in person. I should have at least told you I wasn't ready to talk yet."
"Noooo don't apologize," he whined. "It's my fault."
"No, it's my fault."
"My fault."
"Mine."
"Can we just say it's both your faults?" Dallan piped in - I had forgotten he was even there.
I laughed. "Fine. Truce?"
Cory smiled. "Truce."
We made it official with a kiss I've been waiting months for.

"Finally. Do you know how long I've been waiting for this?" Dallan said while walking up to us. He put his hands on both our shoulders. "All that going back and forth: Sean's all mopey and Cory's so worried - it was wearing me out."
I grinned. "Well, I'm sorry we bothered you."
"Yes, next time we'll be more considerate of your feelings." Cory told him.
"That's all I ask." We shook our heads before Dallan ruffled our hair.
"Okay, boys. Where do you wanna go?"
"Huh? I thought I couldn't leave until tomorrow."
"Eh, I pulled some strings with Richard. He said if you're ready to say goodbye, you can leave now."

I looked at him and Cory, then back to the institute, and shook my head. "I'm not ready to go yet. I still have some unfinished business."
Dallan looked confused but nodded anyway. "Okay. I can either go back home and come tomorrow, or just rent a motel room for the night."
"I'll stay the night." Cory said.
"Alright. I promise not to take advantage of your boyfriend, Ace!" Dallan called to me while hopping in the car.
"Wait, what?!" Cory exclaimed. I laughed and pulled him close to me.
"I missed you so much." I sighed before kissing his forehead.
"I missed you, too. Everything felt so empty without you: no one to argue with Zephy, no one to eat all the food in my fridge, no one to shove me into abandoned classrooms to make out." He giggled.
"Yeah, I definitely missed that last part." I kissed him, making him blush. "Anyway, I kinda wanna show you something."
"What's that?"
"Just come on."

I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the building, using my free hand to put up two fingers in Dallan's direction so he knew to wait for Cory.

We first reached the front desk. I stopped and introduced Cory to the nurses and secretaries, who all smiled and awed when I called him my boyfriend. Then I went back to Richard's office. Luckily, he wasn't in another session, because I had already burst through the door. He looked up, not surprised by the outburst when he saw me, and smiled.

"Sean, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
I shoved Cory forward. "This is Cory."
"Ah, so this is the famous boyfriend I've heard so much about. He talked about you every day, even when he wasn't in a therapy session."
Cory blushed. "Hi."
"Do you know how much Sean cares about you?"
Cory shook his head. That actually upset me a little.
"Sean, maybe you should tell him."
"No way, that's way too embarrassing if I say it."
"It'll mean more coming from you."
"Yeah, but still... you're killing me with this mushy stuff, Richard." He just smiled. "Fine." I turned to Cory. "We all had to write a stupid poem/confession thingy. Don't laugh:

'The longer I'm away from him, the more my love grows.
How much I truly care for him, I hope to god he knows.
It breaks my heart to think that I almost broke him, too.
I dread the day, if it ever comes, that he says "We are through."
He's never given up on me, and that's what gives me hope.
I don't believe he's really cheating, but still it makes me mope.
When I've dealt with my problems, his burdens I will carry
And one day I hope that he will be mine to marry.'"

I spoke fast and low through the whole thing, saying the last two lines in the softest voice possible. I didn't bother looking up at all.

"Okay, can we leave now, Cory?"
I didn't wait for his answer, I just turned and started walking out the door.
"See ya, Richard."
I ran to my room and stared at what I was leaving behind: empty walls, small bed, grumpy roommate, and the old Sean. Everything else I packed in my bags. I sat on my bed and debated if I really needed to stay here another day, or if I was ready to go. I had put so much work into getting better and connecting to the people here, I guess I wasn't ready to let them go yet.

I heard a knock on the door. I looked up as Cory came in.

"Richard gave me your room number. He said you might be here."
"Yeah, Richard thinks he knows everything." I grumbled.
"Sean, that was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Why didn't you want me to hear it?"
I sighed. "In a way, I did. I mean, nobody was forcing me to say it, even though Richard would've been relentlessly annoying if I didn't. I guess, I still kinda feel like being so open and honest like that is just another sign of weakness. I feel vulnerable."
"Feeling vulnerable isn't a weakness, it means you're human," he said, coming to sit on the bed with me. "And for the last time, nobody cares if you aren't the strongest man on the planet. After going through what you've been through, I'm surprised you didn't crack under the pressure a long time ago. To me, having strength in the mind is more important than being macho. And you are the strongest yet most sensitive person I know, and I love that about you. Please don't try to hide it from me."
I looked at him. He gave me a comforting smile and brought me into a hug.
"I wrote it down in my journal if you want it."
"I do." He smiled. "I do, I do, I do."
I gave him a confused look but he just shook his head and rested it on my shoulder. l couldn't help but wonder if he was answering another question as well.

I guess I'll have to wait a few years to find that out. ;)

***

I left the institute on Thursday and didn't have to go to school on Friday. So I've set aside the whole weekend just for catching up with Cory. Dallan understands, so he's letting me have the apartment while he stays at Keith's house. He told me that they are officially dating now, and that they're having sex - I didn't need to know that last part.

Right now, it's 10 a.m. on a Saturday - the earliest I've ever been awake on a Saturday. It's just a weird feeling being wide awake so early - I feel like I'm on a whole other planet. Cory's an early bird, so he'll be over soon anyway.

What do I have planned for today? A return to normalcy. I've unearthed Dallan's movie collection, put away all the ones that are borderline-porn, and stocked the kitchen with snacks. Cory and I haven't done our Friday sleepover in a long time, and I really do miss that. Since he's mom miraculously gave him permission to sleepover for the weekend (probably because Cory already finished his homework, and I told her Dallan would be watching us the whole time), I just want to try hanging out with him.

I know, it seems almost impossible for a teenage couple to sleep in the same room together with no supervision for two days, but I'm not a man-whore like my brother (sometimes) and I think I can make it.

...Unless my boyfriend walks in here wearing tight skinny jeans and a v-neck like he's doing right now. Crap.

He smiled and closed the door behind him by hitting it with his duffel-bag. "Hey Sean," he says casually as he struts over to me looking like a sexy beast. Damn him.

"Why are you dressed like that?" I groaned.
He frowned and looked at what he was wearing. "I always dress like this?"
"Yeah but I always try to take your clothes off when you dress like that."
"Sean, you promised you wouldn't try to violate me this weekend."
"Well, that was before I saw you walk in here looking that good. I haven't seen you months, you know. You're like a huge slab of steak and I'm a starving lion."
He rolled his eyes and put his bag down. "Well all my clothes are the same except my pajamas which will probably be even worse for you, so get over it."
"Why do you even wear skinny jeans? I thought you said you hated them."
"When they first came out, yes, because everyone and their mothers were wearing them. I am not a follower."
"So... now you're a hipster?"
"I don't know. I think I still need the glasses."
"You already have a weird taste in music."
I glared at me and sat down on the couch.

I joined him on the couch and grabbed the remote off the armrest.

"Okay, what do you wanna watch?"
"I dunno. What do you wanna watch?"

I shrugged and just pressed the buttons on the remote out of boredom. I flipped to a kid's channel, then somehow did a complete 180 of that and found a porno. My eyes widened and I immediately turned the channel back to the kids show.
Cory was chewing his lip in that annoyingly cute way he always does.

"Uh, so, what do you wanna watch?" I repeated nervously now.
He giggled. "What was wrong with that?"
I dropped the remote. "You want to watch that?"
"Well, I've never actually seen that."
"Wait, you've never seen... a porno?"
"No. I've never had the desire to look it up, and even if I did, I'm sure my mom would somehow find the exact moment I was looking at something like that to walk in."

I scratched my head. This was awkward. I've seen this stuff a bunch of times before. I'm not a perv, I'm just... well I'm a guy, and most guys look at that kind of thing. However, that was when I was sure that I was straight. Now I'm not even sure if still like girls at all.

"This isn't awkward now, is it?" he asked.
I shook my head even though it was. "No."
"Then why won't you look at me?"
"Because..." I had no answer.
"Why is it so weird to associate me with a porno?"
I covered my ears like an immature child. "Shut up!"
"No, really, Sean! Can you not picture me in a sexual situation? Would you rather have a girl?"
I stared at him. "Are you fucking nuts?! Of course I look at you sexually - that's what I spent all of puberty doing!"
"Answer my other question."
"Would I rather have a girl over you? Never. I love you too much, and no girl gets me hot like you do."
He frowned. "Okay, now this is weird."
"You asked for it, babe. Why are you asking me if I'd rather have a chick anyway?"
He looked down and bit his lip. "N-N-N-No reason."
I sighed. "Are you really gonna lie to me right now?"
He looked at me. "No. But promise you won't try to kill her, or break up with me and go after her."
"Whoa whoa whoa - emo much? I'm not dumping you for whoever you're talking about. Now what happened?"
He took a deep breath. "Zephrinity said... that she had a crush on you since you guys were ten. She didn't tell me exactly when she stopped liking you, just that she gave up after she saw how much you liked me. I haven't talked to her since I found this out."
I stared at him, then I cracked up laughing. "Oh my god," I said between laughs. "That's hilarious. No... no seriously, what happened?"
He frowned. "That is what happened. I'm telling the truth - she liked you."
I paused. "Wait, like, like-liked me?"
"Yes, like-liked you."
"What the fuck?"
That's what I thought!"
"So, all this time, us fighting and making fun of each other, that was flirting?"
"I guess."
I made a face. "Nasty."
He giggled. "What?"
"I mean, she's my friend and all, but I've never looked at her like that. That'd be like hitting on my sister." I shuddered. "Ugh."
"So, you're not-"
"Don't even finish that sentence. I'm so not into her."
He hugged me tightly. "I know this is really mean of me, but I am so glad to hear you say that."
"Okay, whatever makes you happy, weirdo."
He giggled then released the hug. "So, I still wonder, do you even like girls?"
"I have no idea. The only female I've come in contact with for a while was Zephy, so I haven't really thought about it.
"Hmm... well," he picked up the remote and turned back to the porno. "Think about it. Does this work for you?"
I looked at him. "Are you really telling me to watch this right now, while you're right there?" He nodded his head. "See, on the one hand, I wanna say you are the best boyfriend ever for making me watch porn. On the other hand, if it's between watching two strangers getting it on and getting it on with you, I'm gonna pick you every time."
"Sean, I'm serious. I need to know if you're bisexual."
"All you need to know is that I'm Cory-sexual. Isn't that good enough for you?"

He rolled his eyes but let me kiss him anyway. I kissed his lips, his nose, his cheek, his neck. He sighed deeply and looked at me but didn't say anything. I found myself staring at him, making him raise an eyebrow at me. I shrugged, he laughed, and we snuggled closer. It's weird, we don't even need to talk now to have a conversation.

We stayed like that for a while. I even forgot that the TV was on and that it was still turned to that porno. I ignored it. Cory still had the remote and it wasn't bothering him and I didn't care, so we just sat there listening to the TV moan. It's really weird when you think about it. I'm not even in a sexual mood. Times like this make me wonder how I didn't turn out like Dallan. Dallan used to tell me that I was like dad: I hadn't found anyone I wanted to be with yet, but when I did, I'd want to stay with them forever. Of course, after he left and dad became an asshole, I hated thinking that I was anything like my father. But I can understand now - I've been in love with Cory practically my whole life and I honestly can't remember liking anyone else. Maybe my dad really did love mom more than his own kids. I hate to think I could ever be like that, but I know what that kind of love does to a person.

Cory groaned and snuggled closer to me. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his forehead, earning a content sound from him. I drifted back into my thoughts. Then Cory snapped me out of it with another groan.

"Cor, are you okay?"
"Y-Yeah."
"...Are you sure? You keep complaining."
"I'm not complaining."
"Then what's with the-" I looked at him and saw him adjusting in his seat. He shifted and put a hand over his crotch. Well, now I feel devious.
"Whatcha hidin', Cor?"
"Nothing." He mumbled and folded his arms over himself.
"Looks like you're hidin' somethin'."
"It's n-nothing."
"Hmm..." I kissed his neck right below his ear, making him shiver. "Are you sure it's nothing?"
"It's nothing." He repeated.

"Okay then." I took the remote and turned up the volume. He didn't say anything. I kissed his neck again, leaving small bites every now and then. He groaned and shrugged me off of him. My hand trailed down his arm to his leg and rested on his mid-thigh. Now I could tell he was staring at it but still refusing to do anything. I leaned back on the couch and pretended to watch the screen. The moaning got louder and I almost wanted to laugh because it was really cheesy - I'm not saying I've watched alot of x-rated stuff on purpose, but with Dallan being my brother, it's not like it's new to me. But now that I think of it, this has got to be new to Cory. I'm wondering if torturing him is a nice thing to do now. Well, it really wasn't nice to begin with, but now it might just be cruel.

"Sean..." He moaned my name. Now I started to feel aroused. Payback's a bitch, huh?
"Want me to turn it off?" I asked.
He shook his head and readjusted in his seat so now my hand was closer to his crotch. This wasn't going to end well.
"Cory..." I started, not really knowing what to say. I know I should stop this before it gets out of hand, but my brain, or whatever part of me is thinking right now, is not letting me talk.
"Sean." He moaned even louder. I groaned and gave in to this losing battle. My hand now rested on his crotch and started rubbing him slightly. I tried to relax as his breathing sped up, but one gasp from him and I lost. I bit my lip and turned to him. He was blushing pink and his hair was not covering his eyes for once, making him look even cuter than ever.

"Is there anything stopping us from going all the way?" He asked me out of breath. My eyes widened, not expecting that from him at all. It took me a minute to focus and answer him.
"I... I..." Once again, my 'brain' wasn't letting me talk.
"If it's about protection, I already have that." If my eyes could possibly go any wider, they did. "Don't judge me. I just thought that one day we'd be in a situation like this and there'd be no reason not to do it except for not having any protection."
I was just speechless now.
"Sean, please tell me I'm not making a complete fool of myself for suggesting this."
"You're not," my voice surprised me, "making a fool of yourself."
"Then... why do you seem like you're hesitating?"

I thought about it. For once, there was nothing I could come up with. I loved him, he loved me, we were alone, we were protected, and I wouldn't feel guilty for taking his innocence because if anyone were going to take it, I would want it to be me because I care about him more than anything else in the world.

"I love you. I haven't said that in a long time."
"I love you, too. I've said it everyday that you were gone."

We smiled at each other, then both laughed as the TV climaxed - I don't know why it was funny, but it just was. I turned off the TV, took his hand, and brought him to my bedroom. Behind all the lust, I was very nervous. This was my first time, too. All those years of puberty giving me fantasies of my best friend are finally becoming a reality. I feel so unprepared for this. He gave me a calm look, though, and I felt much more relaxed. I know he's nervous, too, but I think we both know that we'll be totally comfortable in each others arms.

Lying down on my bed, we started kissing softly. The whole time we were gentle, as if the other would break. After an awkward conversation, we decided I should be on top. That put a lot more pressure on me. I focused on his face: soft, gentle, sweet, and brave. And do you wanna know something else?

He hasn't stuttered in a long time.

"I love you, Cory."

Ha laughed. "I know, Sean. I love you, too. Quit stalling."
I would've argued, but we both know I was stalling. So instead I laughed, feeling completely relaxed and comfortable now.

... <3<3<3

"Cor?" I breathed.
"Mm-hmm?"
"I'm definitely not bisexual."
He was quiet for a moment, then he started laughing. I laughed, too, and basked in the happiness that surrounded me.

I don't think sex really changed anything with us, but I do know that my shy, stuttering, asthmatic boyfriend was calm, confident, and totally fine the whole time.

After today, I'm pretty sure we won't be able to have sleepovers anymore.