Opposites Attract

It's the day of the trial.

I don't know how to feel right now. Should I feel nervous? Scared? Angry? Happy?

I just feel numb.

Cory holds my hand and rubs his thumb against the back of my hand. It's comforting, but it doesn't wake me up or anything. I don't know what will come of this trial. My dad could get off scot-free and come back to torture me, or he could go to jail, I might even end up in foster care. With both parents being M.I.A., I doubt child services will be happy about leaving me in the care of a slightly irresponsible brother.

Then again, maybe things could work out. It's not like I had to suffer years of physical abuse before this was addressed, and Dallan has really stepped up to take care of me, and I only have one more year before I can go to college. Despite all the problems I've had, things have started to work out well for me. I still have Dallan and Cory and Zephy, and even gained two new friends in Keith and Forrest. Sure, my troubles aren't over - I still need to get back on track with school, but things have turned out better than I could've ever hoped for. I used to think that when I would come out to people, the world would stop turning. For a short time, it almost did. My dad was stunned, and Cory and I had our issues, but everything sorta worked out. It's not the end of the world.

"It's not the end of the world." I said out loud, to no one in particular.
"You're right, Sean. It isn't the end." Cory smiled.
I grinned and stood up, he did the same. Together, me, Cory, Dallan, Keith, Zephrinity, and Mitchell - our lawyer, walked into the court room.

We were seated in the front facing the judge - I really don't know all the legal lingo. Mitchell basically told us to make it a sob story. I was totally confused - I didn't see this as a sob story. My dad has issues, yeah, but it's not like I'm some charity case. But Mitchell insisted that we talked about how my dad "physically, verbally, and emotionally abused me", and about how depressed I was after my mom died. Then he said to answer any questions with either a sad response, sad look, or a "I'd rather not say."

I assume he knows what the hell he's doing, so I just agreed. Looking around the courtroom, I spotted Ms. Budro, the woman I had called the day my dad went crazy. I smiled and waved at her, and she waved back. I didn't expect to see her again after I was in the hospital. Mitchell glared at me. I sighed and went back to looking somber.

The judge came in, we all stood up, then everyone sat down. I wasn't paying much attention after that. I know I should, but being in this courtroom was like being in a classroom - a teacher who acts like she's all important and knows everything, students who will forget everything she said after they leave the room, and student teachers (lawyers) who know that they aren't the best, but pretend that they are so that they can get the good grade and get out of here.

I kept my eyes down at my lap. Mitchell said that if I wasn't being directly spoken to, I should just keep my head down, so I tried my best not to look bored. I heard a door open and saw feet shuffling forward towards the two tables. One person was wearing an orange jumpsuit.

Dad.

I kept my head down still, not to look sad, but because I was afraid to face him. The last time I saw him, he had a look of pure hatred and was relentlessly beating me. I don't care how he looks now - I'll never forget how he looked then. Cory grabbed my hand again but I shrugged it off. I didn't need sympathy right now. This wasn't me being brave again, I really didn't feel sad or anything. Why did I feel so numb today?

Mitchell got up and started his long speech about how I've suffered in a broken home and was ostracized by my family and peers because I was gay. He spoke so melodramatically that I almost laughed, but fought against it because I knew he would be mad that I ruined the moment.

Then he sat down. The judge spoke for a moment before she called the first witness to the stand - me.

I stood and followed Mitchell to the stand and sat down. Mitchell started talking and then asked me questions that we had rehearsed before - did I feel safe in my home? Did my father outright abuse me verbally and physically? Can I recall the events of that day (that he attacked me)? Who else is witness to what happened... blah blah blah. I answered his questions just as he wanted me to and made sure to keep a sad face, but still avoided looking at my dad.

When I stepped down, I felt the guilt hit me. I was about to send my father to jail. For so long, I wanted to be free of him, but now that it's possible, I'm having second thoughts. I have already lost my mom, and not by choice. Should I really lock up the only remaining part of my family besides Dallan? I mean, I don't even know if we have any other relatives! What the hell would the rest of my life be like without my dad? I'd be grown and on my own soon, but visits back home would be sad and lonely with just Dallan. I know Dallan is thinking of selling our house since we haven't been there in months and he doesn't want me to be haunted by all the bad memories, but I've been to Cory's house and the worst memory I have was there. I'm fine. I appreciate him protecting me, but I don't think Dallan feels the same way that I do about dad. He left his feelings for dad behind a long time ago.

Cory went to the stand next. Mitchell asked more rehearsed questions, and then my dad's lawyer cross-examined him. It seemed so fast, how we had gone through all the witnesses: me, Cory, Dallan, Keith, Zephrinity, and even Ms. Budro. Now it was time for my dad to go up. I finally met his gaze. His usually clean-shaven face was now sprouting a short black beard. His hair was shaggy and fell over his forehead, but that didn't shield his eyes. His stare was cold and icy, dark green eyes that pierced your skull. I got very little from my father trait-wise. I had my mother's eyes, smile, hair, pretty much everything. All I got from my dad was his nose, his ears, and his short temper.

His eyes set on mine, but he didn't show how he felt right now. I half-expected him to jump up from the stand and attack me, but that was ridiculous thinking. After all, every time he hurt me, he did it in private.

"Is it true that you viciously pummeled your son Sean after he tried to reason with you?"
"No, I never laid a hand on him." He glared at me. Great. He hated me. And now he was gonna lie his way out of everything.
"But what about the evidence?! The police came to drag you off of him! He was covered in bruises!"
"The cops found me in the room with him. There's no proof that I hit him."
"Nobody else was in the house."
"That isn't even our house. You don't know if someone came and went. You don't know if his friend or his family did it!"
Mitchell started yelling at him while I clenched my fists. The judge banged the gavel and ordered Mitchell to sit down. My dad's lawyer got up and picked up where my dad left off.
"It is true, we have no proof that the Barnes family didn't do anything. Isn't it rather convenient that neither Cory nor his mother were at home at the time of the supposed beating? Cory is Sean's boyfriend, but we don't know that this isn't an abusive relationship. The mother isn't even around half of the time. We have yet to hear what happened in the Barnes household after Sean ran away. Yes, ran away, not moved in. His father did not give him permission to board with the Barnes family. His father didn't even know where Sean was. Sean has stayed at the Barnes residence as well as with Mr. Sinclair. Does anyone else find it somewhat inappropriate that Sean was alone at both house, one with his boyfriend, one with his teacher? For all we know, Sean could be having affairs with dozens of people as an act of defiance and rebellion all because he misses his mother and feels unappreciated in his family. It all amounts to teen angst."

I stood up. "That's a fucking lie."
The judge hit the gavel again. "If you have something to say, then ask to be called to the stand. Mr. Jameson, are you done examining your witness?" she asked my dad's lawyer. He nodded and let me take my dad's place. Mitchell got up, not knowing what to do after my outburst, but to simply give me the floor.

"For years, I dealt with my dad's ignorance. He has never accepted me in his life because he was more proud of Dallan. Dallan was the sports pro, the babe magnet, and he could easily charm anyone. He got by enough in school, and even when he got in trouble, he was let off with a warning. I never envied my brother, but did feel insignificant when it came to my dad. My mom was the one who showed me love. I didn't hate my dad though. He was stupid, yeah, but I didn't hate him. I couldn't make him like me - I wasn't as smart or athletic or well-liked as Dallan, and on top of it all, I was gay. My dad hates gays with a passion. He's a old-fashioned manly man who loves sports and women and wants his sons to be the same. He isn't good with changes, like my mom's death or my coming out. When Dallan came out, they both blew up and eventually Dallan just left. My dad isn't good at dealing with things at all. That was my mom's department.

I'll admit, there are times when my dad has infuriated me with his insults and obvious dislike of me, but I know that deep down..." I looked at my dad. "I know that he loves me." He blinked.
"Years ago, I was in a car accident with my dad and mom. We crashed into the lake, and my mom and dad were knocked unconscious. When my dad woke up, he looked from her to me, thinking. Then he took me out of the car and swam me to safety, leaving my mom behind. I later found out that he saved me because that's what he thought my mom would have wanted. For a while, I hated him for leaving my mom behind to die, but when I think about his reasoning, I realize he's right. My mom would've been a wreck without one of her children. She loved us unconditionally, just like she loved everyone, and she wasn't an emotionally strong woman. If one of us was gone, she would go insane. Without her around, our family hasn't been the same, but I know it wouldn't have been any better with her here but one of us gone.

My dad loved my mom more than anything in the world, even his own kids, but he knew that my mom would always put his kids first. So he did what she would have done.

What I'm trying to say is, I know that I'm not exactly what my dad planned for his life, but he still could have ignored me and left me to die. He didn't though. He knew that his kids would always have more importance to his wife, but he never resented us enough to outwardly hurt us. Even his physical abuse came a lot longer than I would have expected. He has emotional issues. So do I. In a lot of ways, he's like me. He doesn't know how to handle his problems other than to bottle them up. And as my friends have seen in me, that isn't a good way to handle things.

I know my dad has some good in him. Everyone does. But his heart is just drowning in sorrow and pent-up anger that he can't function correctly. I had the same problem, but after therapy and anger management classes, I'm a lot better. I still have the same sadness because I'll never get over the loss of my mom or the pain I've dealt with from my troubled family, but I can handle it a lot better now. That's why, I think that my dad should be sent to a place to help him - a place to work out his problems through therapy - instead of prison."

The courtroom started up in a murmur of surprise and disagreement. The judge banged the gavel and the room quieted down. Then she looked at me.

"Are you sure this is what you want? After all he's done to you?"
"Yes."
"You realize that there is a possibility your father could still end up in custody of you, and you might have the same problems as before."
"I know. But it's a risk you take with the ones you care about. Everyone deserves a second chance." I looked to Cory. He was grinning at me.
"Okay, you may step down."
I nodded and went back to my seat. Cory instantly squeezed my hand and pecked me on the cheek. "I'm so proud of you, Sean."
I smiled, feeling a blush creep to my cheeks. "Thanks." I mumbled.

The judge called for the closing statements. Mr. Jameson went first, basically insulting me and calling me a stupid teenager with issues, and making my dad seem like a poor hardworking single parent. Then Mitchell went to talk some sense into everyone and made me seem like the prime sob story. I could never go into law - nobody uses their brains or tells the truth. Same with politics.

The courtroom took a break for the jury to deliberate. Cory held my hand and brought me to the restroom to get some privacy. I took deep breaths but didn't feel any better. I had poured out my heart in that speech, but nobody seemed moved by it. I didn't even realize what I was really saying at first, but near the end it all made sense. I didn't want my dad to suffer when I was so lucky. I have a ton of friends who helped me, and I went to therapy to get even better, but my dad had no help whatsoever. He had a breakdown just like I did. I know we aren't exactly the same, but it seems like I share a lot more with my dad then I thought.

Cory hugged me and told me everything would work out. I sighed and tried to look happy for him, but he saw through my fake smile.

He shook his head. "Don't hide your feelings again. It's okay to be nervous. We can't predict what will happen, but I know that no matter what, you won't have to feel unprotected. I'm here for you, Dallan said that he'd move back in with you and your dad if the judge lets him go free, and everyone will be on the lookout for any bad behavior from your dad. Things are gonna work out, I promise."
"I hope so." I sighed.
"They will." He smiled and put a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
I brushed his hand away and shook my hair wildly. "I hate when you do that."
"And I hate when you undo all of my work." He groaned and started combing through my hair with his fingers. I pretended to be bothered by it, but secretly I loved that he took such great care of me.

Sometimes, I would picture us married, and he would make sure that I looked presentable for work. He'd shake his head at how I was put together, then send me back upstairs to dress again. He'd adjust my hair and make sure I had my briefcase, and I'd roll my eyes and say he was babying me. But later I would return his kindness by taking him out for dinner instead of letting him cook every night like I'm sure he would insist on doing. And we would just enjoy each others company until we felt like we were in a rut, and I would take him on some adventurous journey that might land us in prison just to spice things up. Yeah, marriage is gonna be fun. ^u^

I kissed him gently, taking him by surprise at first but then he wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed back. My arms snaked around his waist and pulled him closer to me. His small frame fit into mine perfectly, and our bodies became inseparable. You would think that making out in a restroom would be gross, but when we kiss, it's like we exist in a whole other world. Or at least, that's how I feel. I wonder how he feels.

After we broke away, I asked him. "What do you think of when we kiss?"
He looked confused. "I don't know, your lips? What should I be thinking about?"
"No, I mean, when we kiss, what do you feel? Do you feel fireworks or something?"
"Hmm... I feel... warm, and safe. I feel like this is where I belong. And I also feel... lust." I raised an eyebrow. "Well there is practically no space between us, and your touch just leaves me feeling so hot... um... I... uh..." he started stuttering.
I smiled and kissed his neck. "I make you feel hot?"
"Shut up. Isn't that obvious?"
"No," I kiss his collarbone, "Not really."
I felt his skin growing warmer and pinker. "Sean, are you really going to tease me right now?"
"I have no intentions of teasing you," I bit down softly on his skin, making him gasp. "But I have every intention of continuing this later."
"So, what was this - a sneak preview?" He breathed out.
"Something like that. I suggest you catch the late show." I chuckled against his neck. I felt him shiver before he gently pushed me away.
"You are teasing me."
"Only slightly."

He rolled his eyes. He took my hand and tried to lead me out of the restroom, but I pulled him back and he turned to face me. I looked him in the eyes. It's true, I had been oddly more affectionate ever since we had sex, and my fear that he would pull away has not been true. He has gotten more affectionate too, but he knows that if he doesn't stop me sometimes, we would never leave the bedroom. It's true, I am a freak. I am, after all, Dallan's brother XD

"Do you want to go out after this?" I asked him.
He smiled. "What's the occasion? Gonna bribe me with food for sex?"
I shook my head. "I don't need to bribe you. If you want to, and I know that you will, we can have sex. I just want to relax after this whole court thing is over."
He nodded. "Okay then. Where do you want to go?"
"Anywhere and everywhere."
"I don't think we'll have enough time for everywhere. How about we start off at dinner and work our way across the state?"
"Sounds good to me." I grinned.

Anywhere with Cory sounds good to me.

***

"Have you reached a verdict?"

The break had ended and we had all piled back into the courtroom. The judge asked the jury what their decision was.

"We find the defendant guilty of all charges."

Fuck. He's been charged with assault and abuse and neglect, but as far as the law goes, I don't know what the punishment was for all that or if I was even naming the actual charges - Mitchell had 'dumbed it down' for me.

"Very well," the judge said. "Then the defendant is indeed guilty and will face the following punishment," I sighed and looked at my father. He was looking at me, but for the first time in my life, he didn't look at me with hatred or disdain or disgust. He looked at me... as if he was sorry. Never have I seen my dad look apologetic or even guilty for anything, yet here he was, looking more human than I could possibly imagine.
"Herald McClean, I sentence you to 1000 hours of community service, as well as immediate admission to an institution. Your son wants you to get help, then I suggest you do it. If I see this family in this courtroom again, I'll send you to prison no matter what the kid wants. Custody of Sean shall rest in the hands of his brother Dallan until the father is deemed capable of taking care of him. I also demand a plenary order of protection be placed until the father's therapy is over. I'll leave it up to his family to decide for how long. Court dismissed."

Cory hugged me before I even realized what the judge had said.

"Wait, what just happened?" I asked, feeling stupid.
"The judge just gave your dad a restraining order. He can't come near you until his mandatory therapy is over."
"Oh." I didn't know how to feel. I still felt numb.
"Aren't you happy?"
"I should be, shouldn't I? But... I just don't know."

The court started to clear out. Dallan came to me and brought me into a hug, followed by Keith and Zephrinity. Ms. Budro shook my hand and told me to call her if I ever needed someone to talk to. I nodded and she left.

I looked at my dad as the bailiff stood him up. He caught my gaze, then looked to Dallan, and then all of us.

"I... Thank you," his hoarse voice said to me.
I nodded and watched him be escorted out of the courtroom.

Dallan's hand rested on my shoulder. "Ready to go, Ace?"
I nodded again and followed them out of the courthouse.

So, this was it. My dad would finally learn his lesson and get better. Or at least, I hoped so. I wonder if my problems are over for now.

Dallan treated all of us out to dinner. I didn't have much of an appetite, which must have alerted my friends because they all asked if I was okay, if I wanted to try their food, if I wanted to go someplace else for dinner. I just told them I needed to get some air and got up from the table. I walked out of the restaurant and went to the parking lot. Sitting on top of the hood of our car, I looked up at the stars that were starting to fill the night sky. The moon was nowhere to be found. I felt someone climb onto the hood next to me. They didn't say anything - they didn't have to. I knew it was Cory, and he knew that it was best to let me be alone with my thoughts for a moment.

"Do you really think it isn't the end?"
He shifted on the hood. "It depends. Do you mean the end of your problems, or the end of everything?"
I thought for a second. "Both."
"Well, your problems will never disappear. You may have new ones, and you may still be bothered by the old ones. That's something we can't change about life."
"Okay, so what about everything else?"
He lie down next to me. "Let's just say, it's the end of a chapter."
"I'm ready to move on to the sequel."
"Me too."

I took his hand in mine. We stayed there for who knows how long, just staring up at the sky, finding shapes and figures outlined in the stars. If I was crazy enough, I would say that one group of stars looked like my mom... but that is really crazy. Isn't it?

I took the hand that was still intertwined with Cory's and pointed to that group of stars. "I might just be seeing things, but when you look at that group of stars, doesn't it... doesn't it look like my mom?"
He was quiet for a minute. "I'm sorry, I don't see it. I probably don't remember what she looked like as well as you do."
I lowered our hands. "Maybe I'm just crazy."
"Or maybe you just have a wonderful imagination. I've always been jealous of your creativity. You are an amazing writer, and a better artist then I am."
"No way."
"You are. I still remember every word of that poem you wrote in your therapy journal."
I blushed bright red. Thank god it was too dark for him to see. "Why do you keep bringing that up? It's so embarrassing!"
"I thought it was beautiful, and I like to remember it."
"Well can you remember it inside you head and not say it out loud?"
"Why are you embarrassed by your feelings?"
"Because they're so... mushy. I mean, I said that I wanted to marry you - isn't that like way too lovey-dovey?"
"Maybe now, because we're still in high school, but it's not a ridiculous thing to say."
I blinked and turned to him. "Wait, what are you saying?"
He smiled. "I'm saying, that no matter where life takes us, I'll be glad to be by your side."
"That isn't what you were saying... is it?"
He giggled and sat up. "It'll make more sense later on. Come on, let's go back inside."

He grabbed my hand and dragged me with him.

I hate when he gets so deep when he talks. It's like when Keith and my therapist would get all philosophical on me - I would never understand a word they were saying but they said I would understand it all better when I was older.

What does age have to do with intelligence? On Dexter's Laboratory, the kid was really young but fucking brilliant. Same with Smart Guy! And little kids always give you life lessons when you least expect it. If you ask me, everything makes more sense when you're younger, not older. But whatever. Grown-ups just don't understand.

***

Dallan dropped everyone off at their homes, but let me stay with Cory for the night. His mom wasn't home, so Dallan told me not to do anything inappropriate. I hadn't told him that Cory and I had already had sex, I never could find the right time to tell him, so I just nodded.

I followed Cory up to his room and took off my suit jacket. That thing was so uncomfortable.

"Do you wanna watch a movie, play video games, or..."Cory started but I cut him off with a yawn. He smiled. "Sleep it is, then."
"I don't... I don't really wanna go to sleep." I said, feeling extremely tired. "I don't want to have a bad dream..." I mumbled. I used to have nightmares when my mom died. I had been thinking of her all day, and now that my dad was barely going to be in my life for a while, I just knew I wouldn't sleep well tonight.
"It's alright. I'll be right next to you if you need anything, okay? Feel free to wake me."

I nodded and stripped out of my suit pants and button-up. Cory did the same, so that we were both in our boxers, but now that we had done the deed, Cory thought that we needed to start wearing more clothes in bed so that we wouldn't always try to get freaky. He was being overly paranoid, but I never told him that. I don't know whether or not I'll be able to control myself around him practically naked again. He took out two t-shirts and two pairs of pajama pants. I hated pajama pants, but I put them on without protest. We climbed into bed, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and curled up in a ball. He stroked my hair and brought the blanket over us. I knew that he would stay up until he was sure I was sleeping soundly, so I tried to get to sleep faster. But my mind was plagued with thoughts of my mother.

I remembered her long dark brown hair that fell past her shoulders, it was soft and I would spend some summer afternoons braiding it with flowers. "Oh, Sean, it's beautiful! Let's go to the park to show it off," she would exclaim when I had finished weaving flowers into her hair. I always thought that she looked beautiful anyway, but hearing her say how much she loved my work made me feel so proud. My drawings were always put up on the fridge next to Dallan's school papers and certificates. I even got a small trophy in school for a poem I wrote to my mom. She framed my copy and hung it right above my trophy. Even when surrounded by my brother's dozens of awards, I felt extremely proud of myself. My mom showed both of us her love and pride, but I cherished every single second that she was happy because of me. I barely remember my dad as a child, but I know that my mom was always there for me.

Before I knew it, Cory was wiping tears off of my cheeks. I took in a shaky breath and buried my face in his chest. He rubbed my back and whispered soothing things to me, just like I used to do with him. I cried even harder at that.

I let out every single tear I had been bottling up over all these years. I was blowing up the dam, and the emotions were rushing out in waves.

When I felt like I had no more tears to cry, my head was pounding and I was sniffling. He handed me the tissue box and I cleaned my face, then buried it back in his chest. I pressed my ear to his chest to hear his steady heartbeat. It relaxed me more than anything, and soon, I fell asleep.

I did dream about my mom, but it wasn't a nightmare. Instead I was back on the porch of our house. I was the same age as I was now, and my mom was there, years older but looking just as young and as beautiful as ever. I sat on the top step while she sat on the bottom step, her sitting between my legs. The bright summer sun shone on our porch, making her hair gleam and blow softly in the lazy summer breeze. I raked my fingers through her chocolate brown tresses, then picked a flower from the ground and started braiding in in with the strand of her hair that I held in my hand. I heard her laugh softly as I did my work, careful not to get dirt or bugs in her hair. When I was finished, she turned to me and smiled, looking more gorgeous then I remember. "Oh, Sean, it's beautiful!" she sighed as I held up the mirror. Suddenly, the porch disappeared and we were at the park. In the distance, I saw figures approaching us. My mom took my hand and brought me over to them. As we got closer, I saw that it was all of my friends - Cory, Dallan, Zephrinity, Keith, even Forrest and my friends from Murphy's Institute. I turned to face my mom, and she nodded, kissed me gently on the forehead, then let go of my hand. I raced off to play with my friends, not even noticing her fade into the sunshine. Her smile brought us more warmth then the summer sun. I turned to face her one last time, and saw her turn into a swirl of gold. Then the wind swirled with it, taking the flowers that were once woven in her hair. I felt a hand fit into mine. Cory looked at me and smiled. I smiled too, and waved goodbye at where my mom stood.

I was going to miss her, but I knew that she was always here with me.

And that night was the best sleep I have ever gotten.