When Flying Feels Like Falling

I was sitting on Oliver's bed for what seemed like centuries, though it might've been only ten minutes. Ten long minutes of serious thinking. I finally couldn't take it anymore, and got up, trudging out of his bedroom towards the bathroom he was hiding in.

I stood in front of the door and stared at it for about six seconds before my right hand wrapped itself around the knob. When I tried opening it, I realized it was locked.

I bit the corner of my lip nervously. "O-Oliver," I called quietly.

No answer.

"Oliver?" I repeated a bit louder, knocking once.

Still no answer.

"Oliver, come on. Open the door!" I pounded my impatient fist against it.

Silence.

I breathed out loudly, leaning my head against the door, with one hand on it. "Oliver, please."

No use.

I sighed sadly, shaking my head. "Oliver, come on, open up."

More silence.

I slumped my shoulders. "Look, you can stay locked in there as long as you want but you're gonna have to come out sometime. And I'm not leaving until you do," I stated sternly, attempting a final knock, which received no answer.

"Fine," I muttered low enough for him to hear from the other side of the door, shrugging hopelessly. "Be that way."

I shook my head, about to make my way back to Tom's room, when suddenly I heard a loud click, making me stop. I spun around and realized Oliver had just unlocked the door. I took in a brief moment of hesitation before my hand reached for the doorknob again and twisted it, causing the door to creak open.

I bit the insides of my mouth as I saw Oliver sitting on the floor with his back pressed up against the wall and his knees pulled up to his chest. He looked so damn miserable. I'd honestly never seen him like that before. Not once.

I gulped, taking a hesitant step forward, feeling the coldness of the floor through my socks. "Oliver."

He didn't say anything, as well as not looking up at me.

I breathed out deeply before going over to sit next to him on the cold tiled floor. He still wouldn't look at me and we just stayed silent for a moment. I could hear the wind howling outside along with the noise of the rain splashing against the roof of the house.

I glanced at Oliver, who didn't look like he'd be the one to start talking anytime soon.

"O-Oli?" I spoke quietly, breaking the dreadful silence between us. "Let's talk about this."

He laughed dryly, still avoiding eye contact with me. "Talk about what? I fucked up, okay?"

I sighed, staring down at my hands. "I had no idea you...uhm…" I cleared my throat. "Felt that way."

His jaw tightened as he stared straight forward.

"W-Why didn't you tell me this before?" I looked at him again.

"Would it made a difference?!" He snapped, now glaring at me. "No, it fucking wouldn't! Yo' with my brotha."

I chewed madly on my bottom lip. "O-Oliver, I--"

"Yeh know, yeh realleh don't have to say anything, Loreh," He harshly cut me off. "Just forget this shit evah happened, alright?" He shook his head. "Yeh can leave 'ere tomorrow pretending this whole thing nevah happened."

I frowned, staring back down at my hands. "It's not something I can forget that easily, Oliver."

"Well, fucking try," He spat venomously.

I pulled my knees against my chest, hugging them close. "I can't."

He sighed angrily. "Yeh have to."

I rested my chin on top of my knees, briefly closing my eyes, not saying anything.

"God, how could I have been so fucking stupid?!" He hissed, mostly to himself.

I continued quiet.

"Just go back to bed, Loreh." He sighed, resting his head on the wall.

A part of me really wanted to, trust me. But the other part wanted to stay there and console him. He just looked so helpless and I honestly couldn't stand seeing him like that. I cared for him, just like I'd previously told him.

"No," I replied simply.

He frowned, staring at me in consternation. "What do yeh mean no? Yeh don't have to sit 'ere and feel sorreh fo' me! It's fucking ridiculous."

I shook my head. "I wanna stay. I'm not leaving you here."

"Are yeh mad?! Why the fuck would yeh want to stay 'ere aftah what I did? Yo' fucking mental, Loreh!" He fumed.

I ignored the way he was talking to me only because I knew how upset he was and how he clearly regretted kissing me.

"Maybe I am." I laughed humorlessly. "Maybe I'm just that. Fucking mental."

He eyed me weirdly before looking down.

"I'm sorry I freaked," I muttered. "It was just so unexpected."

"Don't apologize. I fucked up and yeh were right to freak out." He shook his head. "I don't know what came ovah me."

I didn't say anything, as my eyes scanned the bathroom.

"Why aren't yeh leaving?" He then asked, with his head still down.

"Because, Oliver, I care about you. And I know what happened back there was probably just something you did out of impulse." I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "I'm not leaving you here."

"I realleh don't need the sympathy, Lorelai," He growled. "Just fucking leave."

"I said I'm not leaving," I stated firmly with a bit of anger to it. "You can't make me."

He abruptly slammed his palms hard against the tiled floor and I refrained myself from squealing in surprise. He looked beyond pissed, to say the least.

"Why the fuck are yeh doing this to me?" He seethed, glaring daggers at me. His usually light hazel irises became dark and a tad menacing. "I made a fucking mistake and I just want to be left the fuck alone, alright?!"

I stared at him seriously, with absolutely no intention of moving from my spot. Part of me was a bit scared, but I knew he wouldn't really do anything to hurt me. I kept a brave face. "Why can't you just talk to me?"

"I don't want to talk to yeh."

I pressed my lips into a hard line. "Why?"

"Cause I just don't, okay?!" He exploded. "Why can't yeh get that through yo' head?"

"Oliver, you unlocked the door for a reason," I stated calmly.

"Lorelai, yo' seriousleh pissing me off," He growled. "Just go away."

I took in a deep breath before nodding. "Alright, fine. You want me to leave? I'll leave." I hastily stood up off the floor. "But next time you make a mistake, be a man and fucking deal with it. Don't hide out in the bathroom like some four year old!"

This caused him to look up at me, completely astounded by my words. He then got up and stood dangerously close to me, fuming. "I can do whatevah the fuck I want!"

I crossed my arms. "Grow a pair, Oliver."

He breathed loudly through his nose, and his irises became even more menacing. "Don't tell me what to do, Lorelai."

"I seriously don't know why you're acting like this!" I shot. "All I want is to talk to you and all you can do is scream at me."

"Yo' screaming, too!" He pointed. "And I told yeh I don't wanna talk about it!"

"So what, you really expect me to just forget about you kissing me? You expect me to ignore the fact that you have feelings for me? I'm sorry, Oliver, I can't. I fucking can't." I shook my head, looking down at the white floor. "I mean, you start this whole thing and then you just shut me out without any explanation."

Oliver didn't say anything as he folded his arms over his chest. Silence quickly took over the bathroom again.

I narrowed my eyes, glancing up at him. "What, you're not gonna scream at me more?"

His jaw tightened. "The kiss was a mistake and I'm sorreh."

I sighed. "Oliver, the kiss isn't the main issue here. It's what you said afterwards."

"I have absolutely nothing to say about that," He muttered, looking at everything but my face. "It kinda just came out like word vomit."

"But that doesn't make it any less true, does it?"

He didn't answer.

"How long?" I suddenly asked, staring at him intently.

This caused his eyes to stare back at mine in wonder. "What?"

"How long have you liked me?"

His gaze left my face and settled on the ground. Once again, no reply.

"How long, Oliver?" I repeated the question a bit more firmly, taking a step forward.

"Please, just go away," Was his response. His words sounded hurt and they faltered a bit near the end.

"No, stop. Talk to me. Don't just shut me out like that," I said quietly. "Just talk to me."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, still avoiding eye contact.

I sighed hopelessly.

Lori, just do what he wants. Leave.

But he needs to talk to me.

He wants to be left alone, Lori! You can't just force him to talk to you!

Ugh, what do you know? You're just a voice in my head!

"Oli," I whispered, as my hand bravely and slowly moved to rest upon his shoulder. He flinched slightly at my touch, but I left my hand right where it was. "Oliver."

He grunted, glancing up at me. "What?!"

I bit hard on the corner of my lip as I stared at his face. His expression was one of hurt mixed with anger mixed with just a tiny bit of confusion. I found myself leaning forward. Something about his expression was beginning to lure me in. It was suddenly like he was metal and I was magnet. It was an uncontrollable force pulling me against him. It was like I was some puppet held by strings while my puppet master was doing his work to control each of my moves.

And suddenly, I kissed him. I full on kissed Oliver. A small part of me did it just to grab his attention and the other part couldn't seem to resist. Something inside me made me want to help him. But I could hardly call kissing him any help at all. I was only making things fucking worse than they already were.

Oliver instantly froze and I didn't even know if his eyes were closed or not. A million things were probably running through his mind at that moment. I pressed my lips harder against his, feeling the cold of his piercing and I could clearly hear his heart banging ferociously against his chest.

Shit. Way to help him, Lori.

I abruptly pulled away, wiping my lips with the back of my hand. The look on my face must've been comical. Even I didn't understand why I did that. I closed my eyes briefly, before walking past him and returning to my previous spot on the floor. Oliver was left standing there, immobile and completely dumbfounded, with his back towards me.

Me kissing him was just as unexpected as him kissing me, if not more.

Oliver slowly began turning around to face me, and I quickly averted my eyes to my hands. I could hear his fast and loud breathing and I knew he was staring quite intently at me, trying to figure out why I'd just done that.

The bathroom was dead silent again. The sound of rain was the only noise that met our ears. Oliver couldn't stop staring at me which only had me feeling a tad self conscious and a whole lot shameful. Then, he came forward and slowly sat himself down next to me, merely five or six inches away.

I pulled my knees against my chest.

"W-What.....um..... what?" He stammered in pure confusion, staring at me like I was some insolvable math equation.

I sighed. "S-Sorry."

He shook his head. "Loreh...."

I pursed my lips, afraid to look him in the eye. Funny how the situation suddenly flipped and was now about me. I was the center of attention rather than Oliver.

Why do I always do the wrong thing? WHY?!

"Lorelai," Oliver spoke, interrupting my reverie.

"I'm sorry," I repeated quietly. "I-I didn't mean to."

Oliver sat still for a moment before he slid closer toward me, suddenly placing both his hands on either side of my face, making me look at him. I swallowed the large lump that had lodged itself in my throat. His hazel orbs, which were no longer dark and menacing, scanned every aspect of my face.

I found myself doing the same. I took in his gorgeous features, feeling the tingly sensation I'd often feel whenever he touched me. His stare was filled with what I could only describe as admiration. The left corner of his mouth slightly twitched and it seemed as though he wanted to smile but didn't.

And that's when my right hand unconsciously reached for his face, touching his cheek.

He breathed out before abruptly wrapping his long tattooed arms around my waist, pulling me onto his lap in one quick motion. He did it with great ease and it sort of made me feel like a rag doll. His hands were on my face again and he leaned in closely, brushing his soft lips against mine without any hesitation.

I was definitely taken aback. But that really didn't stop me from kissing back. My arms reluctantly wrapped themselves around his neck. His hands then let go of my face, sliding down to my hips, gripping them firmly.

I knew what I was doing was completely wrong. Believe me, I knew that very well. But there was just an undeniable spark between us and there was also something else I felt while being with him that I didn't feel with Tom. I couldn't quite pin point what that was exactly, I just knew there was something different. And that something was what made the electricity go crazy inside of me.

Mine and Oliver's breathing grew heavier and louder by the second. My fingers tangled greedily into his hair and I pulled him closer to me. He hugged my waist while we kissed for what seemed like five minutes.

"O-Oliver," I whispered, pulling away to catch my breath. My head was spinning and I felt like I was flying.

"Don't say anything," Was all he said to me.

He crushed his lips onto mine once more, only this time a bit more violently. I was utterly ashamed to be enjoying every second of it. I started pulling him closer. My desire to have him was increasing each minute that passed, which made my heart seem like it would explode. I'd never felt that way before in my entire life. It was new, it was scary and it was amazing.

LORELAI, STOP! PLEASE STOP! YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE AND YOU'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO REGRET IT!

I ignored the irritating voice in my head as Oliver's lips were now concentrated on my neck, sending a few waves of pleasure down my spine. I bit my lip to hold in any noise about to emit from my mouth. Soon, Oliver's lips were pressed on mine again. His tongue poked at mine tauntingly and I immediately granted him full access to explore my mouth.

I felt his fingers digging into my back, almost as if afraid I'd let go or something. I felt the goosebumps rising from within my skin, and I couldn't help moaning into the kiss. I could feel the smile surfacing on Oliver's lips when I did this. I shifted on his lap, now with my legs on either side of him.

While continuing on with this wrongful act, my conscience stopped pestering me with its words. Instead, it found it better to show me just how wrong I was being. And with that, Tom's image suddenly appeared in my mind.

I instantly stiffened, and my eyes popped open. Oliver didn't notice, as he continued kissing me, hard and forceful. I removed my arms from his around his neck and stopped moving my lips. Once Oliver realized I wasn't kissing him back, his eyes snapped open to stare at me in confusion as he pulled away.

"What is it?" He asked, trying to control his breath as he pushed a few strands of hair away from my face. We were both still pretty damp from earlier's window incident.

I blinked a few times. "I um, I-I can't," I uttered. "I can't." I hurriedly detached myself from his lap and stood up, clutching my chest.

He frowned as I did this. "Loreh?"

I felt a familiar stinging sensation in my eyes and I knew I was going to cry. I spun around and walked out of the bathroom, distraught.

"Loreh, wait!" Oliver called, scrambling to his feet and following me.

I breathed loudly, knowing the tears would start flowing any minute. I aimed for the stairs but just as I reached it, I felt Oliver's hand grabbing my arm, whirling me around to face him.

"Wait a second," He said, with a hurtful look in his eyes.

"N-No." I shook my head. "I can't do this. I-I'm with Tom."

He sighed, taking one of my hands in his own. "Loreh."

My bottom lip trembled and I could feel the water escaping from my eyes. I quickly wiped the tears away, refusing to cry in front of Oliver. "Just leave me alone."

His face fell. "No. Yeh can't do that, Loreh. Yeh can't just kiss me the way yeh did back there and just fucking leave!"

I yanked my hand away from his. "I made a fucking mistake!"

"No, yeh didn't," He stated calmly. "Yeh kissed me because yeh have feelings fo' me."

"No, no!" I shook my head furiously in denial.

"Yes. Othawise yeh wouldn't have kissed me." He crossed his arms.

"I wasn't thinking, okay?!" I pushed him back, though he hardly moved.

"Yes yeh fucking were!" He argued. "Don't tell me that didn't mean anything!"

"It didn't!" I hissed.

He laughed dryly. "I don't believe yeh."

"Ugh, asshole!" I screeched, pushing him back once more. I tried going down the stairs again, but he grabbed both my arms this time to stop me. "Fuck, let me go!"

"Loreh, come on." He sighed in frustration. "Don't keep lying to yo'self."

"I'm not fucking lying to myself, Oliver. I don't like you like that!" I spat. "I knew sleeping over was a fucking bad idea! I'm going home!" I managed to yank my arms away from him and took off running down the stairs.

"Unless yeh wanna get hit by lightning, I suggest yeh stay right 'ere!" He called, while following me.

I let out a humorless laugh, turning around to face him. "It's okay if lightning hits me. I fucking deserve it!"

Oliver rolled his eyes. "Would yeh stop talking bullshit?"

My mouth gaped in disbelief. "Bullshit? Oliver, I just cheated on your brother!"

"It wasn't cheating!" He argued. "It was just a fucking kiss!"

"It wasn't just one kiss. It was three," I corrected, wiping more tears away.

"Whateva! It's still just kissing!"

"And it still counts as cheating." I sniffed. "He's your brother. He's my boyfriend. And I...I just cheated on him!" I couldn't control the tears this time. They poured down my face like a fucking waterfall.

Oliver swallowed hard, narrowing his eyes at me. I was guessing he didn't deal well with people crying in front of him, because he didn't seem to know what to do. The tears continued cascading down my cheeks, and I kept wiping them away.

Finally, Oliver moved and came to stand in front of me, placing his hands on my arms. "Stop crying," He ordered.

I sniffed, glaring at him. Is this his way of consoling someone?

"Stop panicking," He spoke quietly. "Stay calm."

I took a step back. "How can you expect me not to panic?!" I shouted. "I'm a fucking horrible person!"

"Yo' not horrible, Lorelai," He whispered. "Yo' amazing."

I wiped away more tears with the back of my hand. "No, I'm a cheater."

"Yo' not a cheater!" He released my arms, taking my hands. "Lorelai, just tell me the truth. Yeh like me, don't yeh?"

Oh no. I am not doing this now.

I tried pulling my hands away, but his grip was unbelievably strong. "Let go."

"Tell me the truth," He pressed.

"Let. Go," I repeated through gritted teeth.

He sighed in frustration. "Why do yeh keep lying to yo'self?!"

More salty tears streamed down my cheeks and I couldn't wipe them away this time because Oliver still had my hands in his. "I-I'm not lying."

"Yes yeh fucking are!" He snapped, startling me. "Tell me yeh like me."

I shook my head fast.

"Fuck, what's so hard about that?" He hissed.

"Let go of me. Please," I choked, on the verge of sobbing.

"Not until yeh give me the truth."

"I'm not lying, Oliver! I don't like you!" I shouted in his face. "I don't fucking like you!"

He frowned, biting his bottom lip. "Maybe if yeh hadn't kissed me, I'd believe yeh," He stated quietly. "But yeh did, Loreh. And I know yeh didn't just do it out of impulse. Yeh did it because yeh have feelings fo' me."

I sighed, dropping my head. "I told you. It was a fucking mistake."

"There yeh go. Keep lying to yo'self. Keep denying yo' feelings." He shook his head.

I tried prying my hands away from his again. "Let go of me."

"No! Yeh wanted to talk, didn't yeh? So let's talk!" He maintained a firm grip on my hands, and I sighed out defeatedly, avoiding eye contact.

"Listen to me, Lorelai. I like yeh and I have fo' a while. But I nevah said anything because I knew yeh wouldn't want to see me anymo' and I didn't want to make things weird between us. I liked having yeh around and everytime I saw yeh with my brotha, I always kept thinking how unlucky I was."

I glanced at him.

"To tell yeh the truth, what realleh made me like yeh was when yeh sang in the car that day we were coming back from the beach." He shook his head. "I don't know why, exactleh, because yeh sounded like a completely crazeh person and yeh couldn't have been more off key." He chuckled lightly. "But that did it fo' me. That's what made me see how amazing yeh are."

"Yo' funneh, yo' smart, and loads prettier than aneh otha girl I've met. Sometimes yeh make me laugh even when yeh don't try. Yeh have a pretty smile and it sucks that my brotha always gets to see it mo' than I do." He sighed lowly, letting go of my hands. "I know it's wrong to feel that way about yeh. Maybe if I hadn't been such a dick in the beginning, I would've had a chance. I would've broken up with SJ in a heartbeat." He shrugged. "But it's all there, Loreh, and I can't help it." He ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. "I can't fucking help it and I'm sorreh."

Oh. My. God.

I stood completely motionless, like a statue. Tears continued pouring from my widened eyes and I couldn't even move my hand to wipe them away. Oliver's face was bright red and it was clear that it had taken a lot to spill his guts out like that to me.

My eyes then left his face and I lowered my head, causing a few droplets to hit the floor. The gap between Oliver and I was small and I felt the suddenneed urge to hug him. To kiss him. To be as close to him as humanly possible.

But I couldn't.

He had said way more than I would've expected. He had said way more than I needed to know. I began feeling light-headed.

"Aren't yeh gonna say anything?" He asked, staring at me. I sniffed, not responding his question. One of his hands suddenly rested on my face and with his thumb, he wiped some of my tears away. "Stop crying."

For some reason, him telling me to stop crying only made me cry even more. It had been so long since I'd cried like this. I wasn't one to cry and be all emotional in front of people. I hated it. Even in front of my own parents I'd refuse to shed a tear.

But yet here I was, sobbing uncontrollably in front of Oliver Sykes. I wanted nothing but to run out of that house and into the storm. But I knew he'd never let me.

"Loreh?" Oliver spoke, lifting my chin up. "Say something."

I breathed heavily, resting my gaze on his face. My mouth gaped, but nothing came out. I was at a total loss for words and even if I did have the words all planned out in my head, I'd still have trouble finding my voice.

Oliver's eyebrows burrowed into a V. His face leaned closer to mine, and he planted a small, yet hard kiss on my lips. This mere act was enough to kick my heart into overdrive. I didn't kiss him back, but I didn't exactly fight him off, either. I just stood there awkwardly while his lips ached for my own lips' movement.

As soon as he pulled away, haziness unexpectedly began taking over and my vision suddenly went blurry, causing me to see two Olivers standing in front of me. My heart pounded fiercely against my chest, like it was wanting to come out. I could feel sweat forming on my forehead and I knew what was happening. I was hyperventilating.

My legs were becoming limp under me and Oliver stared at me weirdly. "Are yeh okay?"

I stared at the two Olivers with heavy eyes and tried mouthing a 'no', but I couldn't find the strength. And that's when everything suddenly became dark and my body finally caved, as I found myself falling flaccid into his arms.