Be a Good Girl, Sandy Jones

That night was interesting. My mind raced with thoughts and memories that still burned into my brain: her telling me that she wanted to trust me and much how she feels about me. Then me waking up in the middle of the night to find her arm around my waist, holding me close to her. Her face in my hair, her breath tickling the back of my neck.

Taking a shower in her bathroom and wearing her clothes was weird, but an interesting experience. I picked out a tight black sweater with skinny jeans. The clothes fit me, but it wasn’t what I would usually wear. The outfit looked really good on me anyway. It smelled of her. Her sweet smell was addicting; it was almost like a drug.

“So here we are," Sandy said, breaking the suffocating silent.

She smiled as we walked up the school parking lot. She still didn't have the car, so we had to walk. The walk didn’t take long, though most of the walk was silent. There were a few times we forgot who we were and what had happened between us, and had funny, friendly conversations.

“Thanks.” I wanted to say more, but had no idea what I could possibly say. I smiled, looking at her lips, just to get away from her intense eyes.

Her bright lips formed into a smirk. “No problem,” she murmured, and shrugged.

I turned around to walk up sidewalk that led to the gym, to make my trek faster. I took a few steps away from her, and she grabbed my arm gently, halting my escape. My face started burning as blood rushed to my cheeks. I wanted her to pull me in and kiss me. Instead, our eyes met once again with hardly any physical contact, other than her hand on my arm.

“Thank you,” she said and dropped her hand from my arm. I chuckled nervously.

“Don’t get all soft on me!” I winked at her, then quickly walked away up the back walk way. I smiled to myself, and looked back to find her standing, frozen, in the same place.

“Where the hell have you been?” Taylor asked once I walked into the gym.

“Emergency,” I lied. “Sorry.” Even to my own ears, I didn’t hear an ounce of genuine apology in that one word.

“Well, it better’ve been good. You missed the entire Cheer Leading practice! You’re the Captain! You can’t afford to be late, it was a very important meeting,” she lectured. My mind was still far away, thinking through everything. Everything but what she was trying to say to me; the last words however stuck out to me.

“It wasn’t important!” I snapped back at her. “It was just a regular practice and meeting. Stop being so melodramatic; it would have been the same as any other day. You’re only upset because I didn’t tell you where I was. Stop being so controlling.” Her face flushed a bright red at my words. Her eyes narrowed, obviously ticked off at me. I’ve never snapped at her before.

“Fine.” She turned sharply on her heel and left the gym like a Drama Queen.

“Damn it,” I mumbled to myself.

The rest of the day went by slowly; Taylor was avoiding me. She even tried to talk some people into unbefriending me.

“Hey baby,” David greeted me and pulled me into a tight, protective, warm hug during lunch. I hugged back; I knew I shouldn’t have gone through this dating thing with him. How the am I supposed to get out of this one?

“David,” I started. His face dropped already, he probably already knew what was going to happen.

“You’re dumping me already?” His question hit home.

“David, don’t-”

“Who is he?” His voice had dropped with the question. He didn’t want to bring attention our way. “Really, it seemed like you were into me before. Then BAM! You’re not. It must be someone else. I don’t mind, really, I just want to know.”

“It’s not another guy,” I said truthfully. “I have to tell you something. And I’ve never told any other person this secret,” I started off. He looked curious, but nodded, understanding that I was about to tell him something big.

“What?”

“I’m into girls,” I whispered, once I had pulled him away from everyone else. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m a-”

“Lesbian?” He voiced, quietly and confusedly.

“Yeah,” I looked down at my feet. Was I ashamed that Daniel knew? Maybe a little.

He didn't say anything for a while, then he laughed. I looked up and he looked upset, but he was laughing. His reaction confused and shocked me. “So all this time, I thought it was just me. But really, it was my gender?”

“Just your gender? You said it like its no big deal, as if you can change it all the time.” I stated, smiling.

“Well you can change your gender, but I meant its not me you don’t like; you don’t like any boys.” He went back to looking upset once he said it like that. He probably just realized that he now knows he has no chance with me at all.

“I’m so glad I finally told you!” I felt relieved. I smiled and hugged him, him hugging back.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I'm just upset because I really liked you, but I wont tell anyone,” he reassured me and offered a half smile. He truly understands everything, and he still likes me for me. He doesn’t care about the gender of people I like; damn it, why can’t I be straight? He would be the ideal boyfriend.

We spent the rest of lunch talking and goofing around like best friends do, and before I knew it, I was in History with Sandy.

I sat in my seat nervously waiting for her. When she walked in, I ignored the fact that my heart just about raced from my chest. I smiled at her and she came straight towards me.

Today, we are going to be serious. No distractions, just working and finishing this project. That’s it. No starring into her eyes, or sleeping over, or thinking about her warm touch on my skin, not even thinking about those lips pressed against mine. No wondering what it would be like for our bodies to be entwined as our hearts raced and worked as one.

I swore at myself inside my head, my thoughts turned to what I was trying not to think about.