I Am Invincible

It took me a while to get into a rational state of mind when thinking about Zach and I. Okay, that’s an understatement; it took me like, six months of my family and friend’s constant nagging before I really considered the fact that, like the saying goes, “it takes two to tango”, and that maybe we were both at fault. I didn’t want to believe it at first; I was so sure I was right. Like my father and my uncle (so I get it on both sides of the family), I was stubborn, and didn’t listen to anybody when they tried to tell me something I didn’t want to believe. I didn’t want to believe that I did anything wrong, but when I finally accepted that it was partially my fault that Zach and I broke up and screwed up our relationship, it had already been about five months since Zach became a father, which depressed me even more. I figured that now his kid was born, he would’ve forgotten about me and moved on, even though Emilie assured me time and time again that he was constantly asking about me whenever she went to his apartment to visit him and his newborn son, Kayden.

I had started school again by the time I had the epiphany that I had to forgive Zach completely and apologise for how I had acted if I wanted to ever be truly happy again. It was weird being back at my old school after spending so much time at the school in Australia. It was scary too. I wandered the halls where I nearly died and sat in the lunchroom where I met those guys who sold me the ecstasy. I think somehow most people knew about my drug problem and steered clear of me. I’m pretty sure there were rumours flying around about why I was gone for so long as well; some of the ones I heard were pretty on-the-mark.

I heard that he went crazy and went overseas to visit some of the top psychiatrists over there. Well, that last part obviously wasn’t true, but the first part was pretty accurate.

No way, he just went on an extended holiday to get over everything. You know he was beaten pretty badly by that guy who was arrested like, three years ago. You know; that Patrick guy? That’s probably why he went on drugs in the first place… Spot on. Minus the ‘beaten’ part, but I’m glad that no-one actually knew that I was raped, otherwise I think the rumours would’ve been much worse.

There were some pretty out-there rumours involving me as well. I have no idea where some people managed to come up with some of those, but they were pretty funny.

I heard someone say that he’s starring in a movie that’s coming up. Apparently it’s about this cute little gay orphan boy who goes about trying to find his family and finds true love along the way…

I actually know where that one came from. It came from the mouth of my best friend, and, of course like every other rumour about me, it spread like wildfire. The girls who decided that my apparent ‘up-coming fame’ was much more important than the fact that I was a drug addict for the good part of a year (which would obviously put most people off of wanting to talk to me) stopped by the table I sat at with Emilie and Hanna and chattered away to me about how cool it was that they were talking to a movie star. The first time that happened, I was about to correct them and tell them I had no clue what they were talking about, but Emilie kicked me under the table and then burst into giggles. I knew her well enough to know that she was a part of whatever it was that was the girls were talking about and so, I pretended that I knew exactly what was going on. So, among the 7th and 8th grade girls, I was a “gorgeous, hot, sexy movie star” (and believe me, they are so not my words). Some of them even asked for my autograph, which I gave them while trying to hold in my laughter.

I spent a lot of time working on assessments and homework for my final year at school. Even after everything, I still wanted to get good grades so that I could maybe go to college, seeing as I still hadn’t figured out what exactly I wanted to do with my life after school. I had a couple of, I guess you could call them ‘study dates’ (well, that’s what they called them anyway, but there wasn’t a huge amount of ‘study’ on their minds) with a couple of the other guys in my classes who were ‘out’, but the dates never lasted long enough for us to get any work done. As soon as they tried to shove their tongues down my throat I was out of their houses and on my way home to get some real study done. I was sick of people using me for their own pleasure and after what happened with that guy in the bathroom at the year 10 prom, I had vowed I wouldn’t do anything like that again, except if it was with someone I loved. I’d been doing well before those ‘study dates’ and then those stupid assholes decided to ruin it by kissing me. I yelled at one of them that the reason we were there was to study, not to hook up and he laughed at me, explaining that he’d heard I was easy and wanted to see if it was true. I punched the guy in the face when he tried to kiss me again and left his house to go straight to Emilie’s so that she could assure me that I wasn’t a slut like everyone obviously thought I was. She cheered me up in no time and it was very amusing to me that when I saw the guy the next day at school, he had a swollen black eye and avoided me at all costs. It was funny that this tough guy who was at least 6 feet 4 inches and had ginormous muscles was scared of a kid who was 5 feet 6 inches with no muscle whatsoever.

Anyway, apart from the crappy ‘study dates’ and the comments about me being ‘easy’, I was pretty content with my life after school went back (I had decided on the first day that I wasn’t going to be the depressed, heartbroken kid I had been for the previous several months), but I was also well aware of the tugging on my heartstrings whenever I saw a happy couple together, and I knew that there was still something missing in my life that I needed back more than anything if I was going to stay content. When I finally came to the realisation that I did need Zach in my life shortly after my seventeenth birthday, I kept it to myself for a while, knowing that if I told anybody they’d be on my back, making me go and talk to him straight away and I knew I wasn’t ready for that. I was, however, ready to forgive him and admit that I was wrong, and that I overreacted when he told me what had happened with Kirsten (by the way, I still hated her, but I was going to ignore the fact that she was still somewhat a part of Zach’s life). I just didn’t know how I was going to go about telling him all of this, because I was sort of scared to talk to him after the way I’d treated him.

I stressed, worried and deliberated over how I was going to approach the task of fixing things up with Zach and I for another couple of months until I became fed up with all the thoughts running through my head, and sought Emilie’s help. She shook her head at the fact that I’d been trying to think of something for this long without seeking her help earlier, but got right down to business and helped me come up with a plan to get the boy that I loved back in my arms, for once and for all.