I Am Invincible

After a lot of discussion (read: arguing) between Emilie and I, we decided that the best way to communicate to Zach that I didn’t want to spend any longer without him was not through face-to-face contact, but through an invitation to prom. The main reason is because I wasn’t sure if he wanted me back or not in the first place, even though Emilie told me a thousand times that he did. I wanted to believe her, I really did, but this nagging voice at the back of my head that was saying “maybe you hurt him just that little bit too much; maybe he’s happier now that you’re out of his life” kept me from truly believing her 100%. Em gave up after a while trying to convince me to just grow some balls and go to Zach’s apartment, but I was adamant. If there was a chance that Zach would just shut me down and basically destroy my whole life (miniscule, Emilie told me but I didn’t care) then I couldn’t stand it if he did it to my face. By sending him the invitation, I knew that if he didn’t show up at the prom, then he obviously doesn’t want to be with me, and while it would leave me heartbroken for the rest of my life, at least I didn’t make a complete fool of myself by professing my love to someone who doesn’t love me back.

So, as usual, being the stubborn bitch that I am, I won the argument against Emilie. She gave in when she realised that no matter what she said, she was not going to change my mind and so instead, she helped me to word out an apology on the bottom of the prom invitation. I didn’t want it to sound too mushy because I’m not that kind of person, but I did want it to sound sincere.

We eventually came up with something short and sweet, but very heartfelt at the same time. With a shaking hand, I slowly wrote the message on the space at the bottom of the invitation. As soon as I was done, Emilie grabbed the piece of cardboard away from me as if she was worried that I’d rip it up or something. She placed it in the envelope she had waiting with Zach’s name already written on the front in Em’s fancy calligraphy print, and sealed it, before grabbing my hand and hauling me out of my room. As she dragged me down the stairs, she yelled to mom and dad who were in the music room that we were going to “fix things with Zach”.

“About fuckin’ time,” I heard my father shout back as I was dragged out the front door. Em let me stop for five seconds to put my shoes on, and then, once more, she grabbed my hand and pulled me along – all the way to Zach’s apartment block. As I stood at the front entrance, feeling like my right arm was at least a foot longer than my left because someone decided to yank it out of its socket; my heart began beating more rapidly and unevenly, signalling that I was nervous as hell.

Emilie grabbed my face in her hands and looked at me seriously.
“Get your ass up there. Now,” she said slowly, accentuating every word.
“Come with me,” I whispered, my voice shaking.
“Okay,” Em sighed, and took my hand once more, this time gently leading me up the stairs. When we got to the third level, I had to fight very hard to resist the urge to run all the way back down again. I probably might have if Emilie hadn’t been holding my hand tightly in hers.

“Go on,” she encouraged quietly and pushed me forward slightly with her free hand. Taking a deep breath, I slipped the envelope through the mail slot, and then bolted. I ran down all three flights of stairs, for once not falling down them and was panting by the time I was back at the entrance to the building. Em joined me a couple of minutes later, and we walked slowly back to my house. Whatever the outcome of inviting Zach to prom was, it would either make or break my relationship with him for good. I could only hope that he still wanted me as much as I still wanted him.

~~~

I had sent Zach the invitation to prom three weeks before the big day, and I still hadn’t heard anything back by the time I was in my bedroom with Emilie, Tamsin and Hanna, getting ready for the evening that could either make me the happiest person alive or could demolish my heart forever. I guess I wasn't really expecting to hear anything back,but the lack of knowledge made me even more worried about the evening ahead.

“Cam?” Emilie whined, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah?”
“Can you zip me up?”
“Sure,” I replied, making my way over to her. I grabbed the zipper on her long blood red strapless dress and pulled up, making sure that I didn’t get any material caught as I did so. “There… Oh my god, Em, you look incredible. Aaron’s going to love you in that.” Aaron is the boy who asked Em to prom, and she’s really excited about going with him. I don’t blame her, he’s gorgeous, but he’s also a nice guy so I definitely approve. Hanna was going with her friend Dan, who goes to a different school and Tamsin of course was going with my brother, who was getting ready in his own bedroom. I had invited him to get ready with us, but he refused, jokingly saying that he didn’t want to get ready for prom with a bunch of girls. After he said that, I gave him the finger and pushed him out of the room, telling him that if he actually wanted to do his hair, he’d better do it right then because he wouldn’t get much opportunity after the girls had gotten dressed.

Once the girls had their dresses and shoes on, they asked me to take a photo of them before and after they put their makeup on and did their hair. Why, I have no clue, but I dutifully did as they asked. They posed in front of my mirror, all looking stunning in their dresses, which were all so different to each other. Next to Emilie in her long red dress, Hanna stood wearing a knee-length midnight blue dress and high silver heels. I just knew that Declan would love what Tamsin had on; a shape-hugging floor-length shimmery silver strapless dress clung to her thin frame, accentuating her features perfectly. He’d have a hard time keeping his hands off her, I thought out loud, and the girls laughed as I snapped a couple more photos, before they raced into the bathroom with bags and bags of makeup and hair products.

As the girls were beautifying themselves, I opened my closet and grabbed the suit bag that was hanging in there. After laying it carefully on my bed so that it didn’t get crushed, I unzipped the bag and drew out the classic black suit that my parents bought me for this special occasion. I removed the pair of jeans I had been wearing, and pulled on the suit pants, doing them up before looking in the mirror. I had never in my life worn a pair of pants like the suit pants and I felt uncomfortable; most of the time, the clothes that I wear hug my body, and these weren’t doing that. They were sort of baggy, but I guess the good thing about them is that I didn’t need a belt to hold them up. I then removed my t-shirt that said “Psycho Ex-Girlfriend” on the front and tossed it on the floor. I slipped the plain white shirt off the coat-hanger and put it on, fumbling with the buttons slightly because I wasn’t used to having to wear a button-up shirt. Grabbing the tie that I was going to wear, I began trying to figure out how exactly I was meant to tie it so that I didn’t choke to death or something, and was about ready to give up when Tamsin re-entered my room and saw me looking like I was about to cry from frustration.

“You don’t know how to tie a tie?” she asked me.
“No,” I answered crossly, and for good measure, threw it on the floor and pouted. Tamsin giggled and walked over to me. She picked the tie up and placed it around my neck, and in a few seconds, my tie was sitting perfectly tied, flowing down the length of my torso.
“Thank you, Tammy,” I said, and hugged her, “You look amazing, by the way.”
“Thanks, Cam. You look very handsome yourself,” Tam giggled, as Emilie and Hanna joined us once more in my bedroom.

“Hey, sexy, where’d Cameron go?” Em asked me, a smile playing on her lips. I stuck my tongue out at her before flouncing off into the bathroom to do my hair.

I emerged a little while later to find the girls perched on my bed, looking through the photos on my camera.
“Don’t you delete any,” I warned, and they looked up with smiles on their faces, before standing up and coming over to me.
“Photo time, Cammy,” Em squealed, and kissed my cheek as she took a photo.

This went on for some time, the girls and I trying every pose we could think of, until I heard Declan calling us from downstairs. I grabbed my suit jacket and led the girls downstairs to where family members and (in my case, family friends) were waiting to ooh and aah over how gorgeous Em, Tamsin and Hanna were, and how handsome Dec and I were.

It wasn’t long before dad announced that it was time to leave if we wanted to get to prom in time. I inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly, beginning to panic all of a sudden. Emilie sensed this and grabbed my hand as we walked out the front door to the car.

“It’s ok, Cam. You’ll be okay,” she whispered to me as we reached my car and she had to let me go, seeing as her parents were going to drop her off (I don’t know what it is with hers and my parents, but they seem to want to be involved in everything; both sets of our parents insisted on driving us to the prom).

After I dragged my seatbelt across my lap, I laid my head back on the headrest, breathing in and out slowly so that I didn’t hyper-ventilate. Suddenly, I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life.