Love, the Hardest Way
11
Sat on the plane, in first class might I add, the three of us were sat together discussing what we would do first. It needed to be something big, something that couldn’t be outdone. And boy did we have some evil schemes thought up.
(You’ve probably all guessed where we’re going by now.)
By the time we landed at Philadelphia International Airport, it was nearing dusk. We figured that it was as good a time as any to start work, if you could call it that. We drove to West Chester with Edy and Joe, checked into our hotel and got changed into more suitable attire for where we were heading. We knew exactly where Bam and his friends would be, courtesy of Edy and his handy dandy phone which held the number of none other than Brandon Novak.
Entering the Duffers Pub was surreal, it was nothing compared to good old English pubs. We heard them before we saw them; sneakily rounding the corner we finally saw them. Sitting in a corner booth was Novak, Seth Meistermann (aka Sweetheart), Bam and last but not least Johnny Knoxville. Looks like the original jackass had dropped in for a visit. This made our trip suddenly that much more interesting.
I heard Bambi gasp quietly next to me, she had been in love with Johnny Knoxville since the first Jackass movie came out.
“Shhh, Bambi. Don’t spoil our cover.” I whispered, giggling at her. “Edy, can you call Novak to get him over here please.”
He complied, and we all watched as we saw Novak pick up his phone and look at the caller id. We watched him stand up and walk away from the booth bringing his phone to his ear.
“Hey man, we around the corner. Just look for three hot girls with multicoloured hair.”
It took Novak less than a minute to find us. He immediately sidled up to Fish, wrapping his arm around her waist.
“Well hello Little Miss Rainbow Brite.” Novak purred to Fish.
“Hi there.” She wasn’t taking any of his shit, it was quite funny.
“So, what’s the plan?” He turned to Edy.
“The plan,” I said slightly louder than usual, catching his attention, “is easy. All you have to do is get Bam completely wasted. And make sure he gets back into his own bed.”
“Yes ma’am!” He saluted.
I turned to the bar and ordered a tray of various 12 different shots. After being served and paying for the alcohol, I passed the tray to Novak.
“Here you go, this is to start you off. Come back if you need any more.”
“Got it. Hey Rainbow Brite, wanna join us?”
“If I came with you, it would ruin our plan. You need to actually think once in a while, or your brain might just die of disuse.” Fish replied in a joking manner.
“Oh, that hurt babe. That hurt real deep.”
We watched them from a discreet corner for the next couple of hours. Having a few drinks ourselves and getting endless entertainment from watching Novak getting Bam increasingly drunk. It was hilarious, and we made sure Joe was getting it all on tape, bless him, he did an amazing job.
Finally, at about 1am, the four of them stumbled out of Duffers and climbed into a taxi to go back to Bam’s house. We got into our rental car and followed them, Edy driving seeing as he’d only had one drink. We managed to keep up with them all the way back to Bam’s. Waiting in the trees just before the drive opened up in front of the house, we watched while they fell out of the taxi and crashed their way through the house. Five minutes later Novak crept back out, squinting through the dark to try and find us. We ran quietly out to meet him.
“Is he out?” I whispered as soon as we were in earshot.
“Yeah man. He completely passed out on his bed. Not even bothering to take his shoes off.”
“Hey, you actually sound kind of sober.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t actually drink as much as it looked like. Plus, after years of heavy drinking, I’ve got quite a high tolerance for it.”
“Good. Then you can help us.” I grabbed him and we all made our way to the front door; it looked amazing even in the dark.
“You sure he’s out?” Edy whispered when we outside Bam’s room.
“Yeah completely. I even hit him on the head before I came out just to check.”
“Perfect.” I was almost purring, our plan was coming together just as we wanted it to.
“Let’s get to work then.” Bambi said, her hand on the door handle leading into Bam’s room.
“Yes, let’s.” I agreed, walking in and starting what could possibly be the best prank ever pulled.
(You’ve probably all guessed where we’re going by now.)
By the time we landed at Philadelphia International Airport, it was nearing dusk. We figured that it was as good a time as any to start work, if you could call it that. We drove to West Chester with Edy and Joe, checked into our hotel and got changed into more suitable attire for where we were heading. We knew exactly where Bam and his friends would be, courtesy of Edy and his handy dandy phone which held the number of none other than Brandon Novak.
Entering the Duffers Pub was surreal, it was nothing compared to good old English pubs. We heard them before we saw them; sneakily rounding the corner we finally saw them. Sitting in a corner booth was Novak, Seth Meistermann (aka Sweetheart), Bam and last but not least Johnny Knoxville. Looks like the original jackass had dropped in for a visit. This made our trip suddenly that much more interesting.
I heard Bambi gasp quietly next to me, she had been in love with Johnny Knoxville since the first Jackass movie came out.
“Shhh, Bambi. Don’t spoil our cover.” I whispered, giggling at her. “Edy, can you call Novak to get him over here please.”
He complied, and we all watched as we saw Novak pick up his phone and look at the caller id. We watched him stand up and walk away from the booth bringing his phone to his ear.
“Hey man, we around the corner. Just look for three hot girls with multicoloured hair.”
It took Novak less than a minute to find us. He immediately sidled up to Fish, wrapping his arm around her waist.
“Well hello Little Miss Rainbow Brite.” Novak purred to Fish.
“Hi there.” She wasn’t taking any of his shit, it was quite funny.
“So, what’s the plan?” He turned to Edy.
“The plan,” I said slightly louder than usual, catching his attention, “is easy. All you have to do is get Bam completely wasted. And make sure he gets back into his own bed.”
“Yes ma’am!” He saluted.
I turned to the bar and ordered a tray of various 12 different shots. After being served and paying for the alcohol, I passed the tray to Novak.
“Here you go, this is to start you off. Come back if you need any more.”
“Got it. Hey Rainbow Brite, wanna join us?”
“If I came with you, it would ruin our plan. You need to actually think once in a while, or your brain might just die of disuse.” Fish replied in a joking manner.
“Oh, that hurt babe. That hurt real deep.”
We watched them from a discreet corner for the next couple of hours. Having a few drinks ourselves and getting endless entertainment from watching Novak getting Bam increasingly drunk. It was hilarious, and we made sure Joe was getting it all on tape, bless him, he did an amazing job.
Finally, at about 1am, the four of them stumbled out of Duffers and climbed into a taxi to go back to Bam’s house. We got into our rental car and followed them, Edy driving seeing as he’d only had one drink. We managed to keep up with them all the way back to Bam’s. Waiting in the trees just before the drive opened up in front of the house, we watched while they fell out of the taxi and crashed their way through the house. Five minutes later Novak crept back out, squinting through the dark to try and find us. We ran quietly out to meet him.
“Is he out?” I whispered as soon as we were in earshot.
“Yeah man. He completely passed out on his bed. Not even bothering to take his shoes off.”
“Hey, you actually sound kind of sober.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t actually drink as much as it looked like. Plus, after years of heavy drinking, I’ve got quite a high tolerance for it.”
“Good. Then you can help us.” I grabbed him and we all made our way to the front door; it looked amazing even in the dark.
“You sure he’s out?” Edy whispered when we outside Bam’s room.
“Yeah completely. I even hit him on the head before I came out just to check.”
“Perfect.” I was almost purring, our plan was coming together just as we wanted it to.
“Let’s get to work then.” Bambi said, her hand on the door handle leading into Bam’s room.
“Yes, let’s.” I agreed, walking in and starting what could possibly be the best prank ever pulled.