When Everything Gets Crazy, I Get Lost In You.

I wake up to someone saying my name. I roll over in the bunk about halfway, then decide screw it, and roll back over. I feel a hand nudge my shoulder and I roll over again and see Barry looking in at me. Of all the guys in the band I'm probably closest to Barry. We spent a lot of time together back when Adam and him lived together before we were married, and he was with me during the most devastating time in my life. He has the hood pulled up on his sweatshirt and sunglasses on.

"What?" I ask him softly. I notice then that I'm alone in the bunk.

"Adam said that if we wanted breakfast that one of us would have to wake you up," he says to me. I reach out and grab his wrist so that I can see his watch. 10:30 in the morning. I let go of his arm and rub my eyes.

"Give me five minutes," I tell him. He turns and walks away, sliding the door that separates the bunk area and the main lounge, closed behind him.

I roll out of the bunk and grab my duffel bag out from the storage area under the bunk, and pull some shorts out of it, and put them on. Then I get out a white bandeau top and put it on, and a fitted zip-up black hoodie, jacket style with the sleeves pushed up to my elbows. When I walk out to the main lounge, I see Adam laying on the long end of the couch with his eyes closed. Barry is sitting on the opposite end, and Brad and Neil are sitting in the booth with Chris.

"Is he sleeping?" I ask the guys quietly, motioning to Adam with my hand.

"No," Adam says flatly, not opening his eyes. I smile and bend at the waist and give him a kiss.

"Happy Anniversary, lover," I say to him. His eyes blink open then, like he's realizing what day it is.

"Babe," he starts.

"Don't worry. I don't blame you for forgetting. It's been..."

"Crazy."

"Yeah."

"Happy Anniversary, butterfly." I smile at him and kiss him again, then stand up and start looking around for some food to make the guys for breakfast.

"It's hard to believe it's been a year," Adam says to me, sitting up. I nod. I open up our tiny pantry area and find a bottle of Bisquick Shake and Pour pancake mix. I pull it down and look at the bottle. It says that it contains real blueberries. I hold the bottle up to the light. I don't see any blueberries. I shake the bottle. I don't hear any blueberries. I twist the lid open on the bottle.

"Real blueberries my ass," I say out loud. I hear the guys muffled laughter behind me.

"Where the hell are we anyways?" I ask as I pour some water into the bottle up to the fill line.

"Oklahoma City," Neil answers.

"Austin texted me this morning and said that their flight gets in at two this afternoon," Adam says to me. Adam and I decided that as a gift to Austin and Jackie, we would send them some tickets so they could come out and see one of the shows, and have some time away from the baby.

"He said that Jackie is already a mess about leaving the baby."

"I can understand that to some extent," I say. I open up the mini fridge and find a bottle of spray butter. I shrug and spray a bunch of it into the electric skillet that's heating up on the counter. Once I decide that the butter is warm enough, I pour a little of the batter into the skillet. To make the batter last longer, I make mini pancakes.

While they're cooking I get out some paper plates and syrup, and put it all on the table in front of Brad and Neil and Chris along with the spray butter and some plastic silverware.

After the pancakes are done and the guys have eaten, I look and see that there is one mini pancake left on the plate. I pick it up and eat it cookie style, and when I'm done I'm still hungry. Whatever, I guess. I'll eat a protein bar later.

A little while later we all go into the venue and the guys start doing soundcheck, and I go off to set up the Merch booth. When I'm done I go off to watch the guys finish soundcheck. When that's over we all head back to the bus to hang out for a while. Chris isn't in the bus, he went off to find us hotels for the night, which will be nice with Austin and Jackie staying with us.

I text with Billie and Mike for a little while, then I call Daisy and Jack and talk to them for a little bit. Jack's call was a little concerning because he told me that Nikki had been acting weird lately, but he wasn't sure what was going on with her. I told him that she probably just needed some sleep or something, and that she was probably fine. When we hung up I think he was feeling a little better about it, but I'm not sure I reassured myself. I also told him that we would send tickets for a show out to them for when we're a little closer to home.

"Knock knock," I hear Austin's raspy voice say as the door to the bus opens up. Adam and I stand up to greet them as they walk in.

"Hey guys," I say, giving Austin a hug.

"You have to calm this chick down, she's driving me fucking crazy," he whispers to me, then releasing me. I give him a confused look, but he just turns away from me and gives Adam a hug. I look at Jackie and smile at her. She looks stressed out.

"Hey J, how was the flight?" I ask her, giving her a hug.

"It was good, I guess. I'm just worried about leaving Austin for so long."

"Well it's not that long. Just today and overnight, then you guys leave in the morning, right? What time does your flight take off in the morning?"

"Um, nine-thirty I think."

"See that's not so bad. Just think, you'll have all this time to yourself with your hubby. The boys are gonna put on a killer show for you guys tonight. You won't have time to worry about the baby."

"I don't know, Soph."

"He'll be fine. You said he was with Austin's parents, right?"

"Yeah. I'm sure he'll be fine. I'm just worried that something might happen and we won't be able to get to him right away, you know."

"Eh..." I look over her shoulder and see Austin and all of the guys looking at me like their parents just came home and caught them having a house party.

"Look, he'll be fine. I promise you. Just try to have some fun, OK?" I say, trying to sound upbeat.

"Did you guys already do your soundcheck?" Austin asks Adam, trying to change the subject.

I sigh. We all hang out on the bus and talk for a while. Jackie seems to be a little more relaxed, but I do notice her checking her phone a few times. About an hour and a half before the show is supposed to start, Jackie and I go back to the bunk area and change our clothes.

When we're done, the guys are already gone except for Austin. So the three of us go with a band security guard inside. The guys are all in the dressing room getting ready when we get there. Tonight Adam is wearing black jeans, a white button down shirt with the top three buttons left undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black combat boots, his fedora, and a black leather fingerless glove on his right hand. He comes over to me when the three of us come in.

"Are you gonna go watch the other bands, or hang out back here?"

"Do you want me to hang out back here?"

"It doesn't matter. If you wanna go out there with those guys and watch the whole show that's cool. I'll catch up with you before we go out, I'm sure."

"I'll just come back here in between band sets then."

"Yeah that's cool," he says with a shrug, messing with a button on his shirt.

"You look fucking hot, by the way," I tell him. He smirks and steps in and gives me a kiss.

"You don't look too bad yourself," he gives me a once over. "Wearing your new shoes, I see." I grin.

"Of course." He smacks my ass.

"Get out of here." I laugh at him and run back over to collect Austin and Jackie, who both have gotten drinks.

"Come on you guys, we'll come back here in between band sets," I tell them.

"You want a drink before we go out there?" Austin asks me.

"No. I'll get one later. Lets go," I grab Jackie's hand and pull her off towards the dressing room door.

Once again we find a band security guard who escorts us to Barry's side of the stage. The opening band is Adelitas Way, and they're pretty good. They have a lot of energy onstage, which is really cool to see in a small up and coming band, especially when they're only the first act. I notice during the show though, that things between Austin and Jackie seem a little tense. Austin is drinking and getting down to the music, and just enjoying himself. And Jackie seems uptight, and is looking at Austin like he's the biggest jerk that ever lived.

After the show we walk back to the dressing room by ourselves without a security guard. Austin has his arm thrown around Jackie's shoulders and is talking to her. I'm leading the way.

"Well I'm so sorry Austin if I'm ruining your good time by worrying about our child," I hear Jackie snap at him loudly.

"Whoa, babe. Just relax, you know that's not what I meant. Lets just chill and relax and have a good time while we have it." He nuzzles at her neck a little as we walk into the dressing room and she looks like her mood has lightened a little.

When we're waiting in the dressing room for the next band, Austin starts drinking again. He offers all of the guys drinks, but they decline seeing as they're set to go onstage in less than an hour. I have one beer with him, and Jackie has a couple sips of a drink and I can tell she's back to worrying about the baby. Austin comes up to me after a little while.

"Dude, what the fuck? We're supposed to be having a good time, that's why you guys sent us those tickets and she's acting all fucking miserable, bringing me down. I just wanna party and get fucking laid," he tells me. I feel a wrinkle form between my eyebrows and my mouth forms a straight line. I nod while he talks, and Adam comes up to us, placing a hand on the back of my neck, which is a little distracting, because once again its been almost two weeks since we've had sex. He listens to Austin rant for a few seconds then walks away. He has to get ready for the show, not listen to Austin's drama.

"Just try to reassure her that the baby will be fine, and don't make fun of her for being anxious about it, ya know?" I tell him.

"I'm not trying to make her upset. I just want her to relax and have fun."

"I know, Austin," I pat him on the shoulder and go over to where Jackie is sitting on the couch observing everything around her.

"How you doing?" I ask her.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"I'm just a little worried about the baby, and all Austin seems to care about is getting drunk and partying." I sigh.

"Well try not to worry about the baby. I want you to have fun, OK?" She smiles.

"Thanks Sophie. I promise I'll try to have fun."

"Good, now lets go watch the next band. Then we get to watch my boys," I say with a little bit of squeal in my voice. She laughs and gets up and follows me back out to the side of the stage with Austin.

The second band is a band called Chevelle. Adam really likes them. They aren't really my cup of tea, but they're nice guys. Their set lasts about 45 minutes. Their sound isn't really good tonight, but their lights are amazing. When their set is done we all head back to the dressing room to see the guys one last time before they go on.

"I don't like you guys walking around without security," Adam says when we come in, yet again without a security guard.

"Adz, relax. No one is going to come get us when we're walking from here to the stage," Austin says. I can tell he's getting pretty drunk. Adam just shakes his head at him, then goes back to stretching his arms, swinging them back and forth in front of him.

Austin goes over to where there is a little mini bar set up and starts making a new drink.

"Soph, Jackie, you guys want me to make you a drink?" he yells at us. Jackie just rolls her eyes, which gets an eyeroll back from Austin. Oh boy.

"I'll just have a beer, Steen," I say. He grabs me a beer and brings it over.

"You sure you don't want anything, J? It might pull your ass out of the mud."

"Hey you, just hold the road back at the truck, here," I say to Austin, making him laugh. "Just mind your business and have a good time. Don't worry about her." He salutes me.

"Yes ma'am." I roll my eyes at him, then go over and give Adam one last kiss goodbye before we leave.

"I love you," I tell him.

"Love you too."

"Kick their asses, guys," I tell the others as I start to walk away. They mumble responses back, and Jackie and Austin and I follow a security guard out to Brad's side of the stage this time.

We watch as the crew runs around on stage, checking the mics and doing some other last minute things. Austin is holding a drink in each of his hands, just so that he is sure that he'll have a drink for the whole show. Jackie still looks stressed. It probably wouldn't hurt if she had one of those drinks. It might help loosen her up a little.

The lights go out a little while later, and the now familiar Buck Owens song starts playing over the speakers. A second later a bunch of red sirens start to play over the music. I hardly even notice when the guys come onstage until I see Adam run past me with a guitar strapped to him. As soon as he is in position, Barry starts playing and the lights and first set of pyro goes off. They start their set with Bitter Taste, a set list that I helped to make.

They end the set with Animal, just like always, then stay onstage for a little while to throw some things into the audience. When they come offstage, Austin, Jackie and I all follow them back to the dressing room so they can change their clothes and stuff. After the guys change, a bunch of the crew members come back to the dressing room to hang out for a little while. In other words, party.

Austin is pretty drunk at this point, probably the drunkest person here, and Jackie is staring bullets at him. This is making for a pretty uncomfortable atmosphere. I go up to Austin and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Sophie!" he yells enthusiastically.

"Hey buddy. I think you need to go talk to your wife. She looks upset and to be honest I think it's bringing the rest of the guys down." Truthfully, the guys could care less if Jackie is upset with Austin. They hardly know the two of them, but I'm trying to get Austin to at least act like he cares.

He looks over my shoulder at Jackie and takes another sip of his drink.

"Yeah man. She looks fucking depressed." Sure, fucking depressed about covers it. I was thinking more along the lines of fucking pissed off and fucking anxious as fuck, but fucking depressed gets the point across.

"Yeah, so you should go talk to her and make sure she's OK." He nods his head once sharply, then starts to swagger over to her. About the time he leaves, Adam comes up to me.

"Happy Anniversary." I smile at him and give him a kiss.

"I wanna get out of here. I don't like it here," he says.

"We'll go back to the hotel just as soon as mother tells us we can."

"Can't we go back to the bus?"

"Hmm..." Not a bad idea at all. I start looking around for Chris, but my vision is obstructed by Austin and Jackie. They're both standing now, and Jackie is up in Austin's face yelling at him. Austin is rolling his eyes and flapping his arms, and people are definitely staring at them.

"Oh my God," I hear Adam say.

"Excuse the fuck out of me, Austin! I'm so fucking sorry that I'm actually concerned about our child, you know, the one we left all the way back at home so you could come out here and get fucking drunk!" Jackie screams.

"Well at least I'm having a good fucking time. You're the one who has done nothing but bitch the whole time we've been here. No, scratch that. You started bitching as soon as we got on the fucking plane!"

"I'm so sorry if my bitching has inconvenienced you so much!"

"Oh my God, you're fucking impossible. Do you ever stop bitching? Is that all you do?" I feel all four of my guys come up behind me now, and when Austin says this one of them snorts a laugh.

"I'm impossible? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No I'm not kidding you. Read my lips. You are impossible!"

"That's really nice, Austin. Do you feel proud of yourself for coming up with such an original statement?" She has her hands on her hips now.

"Well at least I'm not a fucking stick in the mud like you are!"

"So me caring about your fucking offspring makes me a stick in the mud? Is that how it is now, Austin?"

"No Jackie, it's not about you fucking caring. It's the way you've gone about shit since we got here. It's like you've set out to make yourself and everyone around you miserable."

"Ouch," I hear Brad say from behind me. I hold a hand up for him to shut the hell up and he laughs.

"Oh so you're miserable, huh? GOOD! I hope you have a fucking shitty time tonight! I hope you realize what a fucking dickhead you really are, and I hope you fucking miss me, Austin because I'm gone! I'm fucking out of here!"

"Fine go. We'll have a much better time without you!" Jackie turns on her heel then and stomps off towards the dressing room door.

I turn around to face Adam and he rolls his eyes.

"Go get her," he says. "I shouldn't be dealing with this right now, it's my fucking anniversary. I should be getting laid upside fucking down, not dealing with Austin's fucking dramatics." I laugh and run off to catch up with Jackie.

I call her name and she stops in front of the door to go out of the room.

"I don't wanna talk to you right now, Sophie."

"I know, just don't go outside by yourself. It's gonna be crazy out there, all the fans will be out by the busses waiting for the guys and shit. Let me get a security guard and we'll walk out together." She nods and we walk out of the room together.

I see one of the band security guards waiting in the hallway outside of the dressing room and I nod to him. He walks behind us until we get to the back door where the busses are parked. I can already hear all the people that are waiting just beyond the door, waiting to see if they can catch a glimpse of the band as they come out, and maybe get a picture or an autograph which is unlikely. Tomorrow they'll go online and bash the guys and claim that they hate their fans.

The guard holds the door open for us, then puts a hand on both of our backs and moves us through the barricade towards the bus. There are a shit ton of people here tonight and they're pressing themselves against the barricade trying to get as close to us as possible. Most of these people probably know who I am, since it's pretty common knowledge that Adam is married and a couple of our wedding photographs actually ended up online somehow, plus I'm almost always wherever the band is. The other guys are all married too, except for Barry whose engaged, but their wives aren't as out there for people like I am. I figure that this goes along with the whole being married to the lead singer, who in turn is the most popular member of the band.

We walk quickly to the bus and go inside, leaving the body guard outside to wait for me to go back inside. As soon as we're inside I pull all the blinds shut, which I know isn't saying much being as all of the windows are tinted so that nobody can see in but we can see out.

Jackie slams her body down on the couch and crosses her arms over her chest. I go to the mini fridge and take out two bottles, and hand one of them to her.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Do you want me to leave?"

"I don't know yet. Are you going to defend Austin?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to come out like that." I stay quiet and wait for her to talk.

"I guess it's just that I know he's partially right. I know I should at least try to have some fun. I mean, that's why we're here after all. It's just so hard to leave the baby, you know? I mean as soon as they put that baby in my arms I knew that he was the rest of my life. And I hate having to leave him. I'm just so worried about him. And when we were inside it's not like I could call and check on him in there. I would just hate for something to happen to him while we were gone."

"Nothing is going to happen to him, I promise you."

"I know... I know that he's being taken care of, but he's not being taken care of by me. So, it's like, I don't know for sure. Does that make sense?"

"Sure." No not at all, but whatever, we'll go with it.

"I just don't understand why Austin just can't understand how I'm feeling."

"I'm sure he understands, he probably just thinks that you're overreacting." She shoots a glare at me.

"Do you think I'm overreacting, Sophie? Because if you think I'm overreacting, you can tell me. I want you to tell me." Nope not overreacting at all. The picture of pleasantness right there.

"I think you should call Austin's parents and check on your baby, and then just chill in here for a while. Adam is inside with Austin right now, and soon we'll have to go over to the hotel."

"Will you go check on him? I don't want him to be totally drunk when we go to the hotel."

"Absolutely." I give her a hug and get up from the couch, taking my bottle of water with me.

I meet the body guard outside and he escorts me back inside the building. On our way back in I spot a couple of white cargo vans, so I assume that we're getting ready to go to the hotel soon. If that's the case I just don't understand why the venue security hasn't gotten all of these people out of here yet. I go back to the dressing room, where I see the party has wound down and Adam is sitting on a couch with Austin.

He gets up as soon as I come in the room and comes over to me, hugging me tightly.

"I say we go get in one of the vans that's waiting outside and go to the hotel, and let these guys find their own way," he says into my hair.

"What's his story?" He rolls his eyes.

"He just wants her to loosen up a little, and I don't blame him. She's been tighter than a fucking helium filled balloon since they got here."

"And she just wants him to understand where she's coming from, being concerned and all."

"See, it's a pointless argument. Lets go get laid."

"In a minute there, Ron Jeremy."

"Ooh kinky. That wasn't exactly what I was thinking, but hey if that's what you're into. I can dig that." I laugh and roll my eyes at him. I walk over to Austin and stand over him. He looks up at me and raises an eyebrow at me.

"What?"

"All you have to do is lie and say that you understand, then we can all get out of here."

"I do understand. I just don't understand why she can't let go for a fucking night, and have some fun."

"So here's what you do, just so that I can go to my hotel room with my husband and get laid on my anniversary," he laughs. "This is serious business, so listen up. Find her, tell her you love her and that you understand how she's feeling and that she isn't wrong for feeling this way. Tell her that you're wrong and that you're sorry. Then get in the van and go to the hotel. Make love to your wife and fall asleep with her in your arms."

"That was beautiful," I hear someone say from behind me. I look over my shoulder and see Neil and Barry staring at us. I can tell that Neil is pretty tipsy.

"You think that will work?" Austin asks."

"I sure as hell hope so, because if it doesn't you're on your own and Lord only knows what you'll come up with."

"On my own?"

"Yeah, haven't you been listening? I'm going to my hotel and getting fucked by my beautiful husband on my anniversary!" He starts laughing and then he gets up and gives me a hug.

"Thanks, Babe."

"No problem, Steener." He turns and saunters over to the dressing room door. I walk up to Neil and Barry and sigh and shake my head.

"When I get married will you be my marriage counselor, Sophie?" Barry asks.

"Sure, but I charge by the half hour. And I have strict contractual agreements. I'll bind you into a contract that will force you to pay me at least four hundred dollars a week. And I get weekends and holidays off."

"Wow, is it really worth it then?"

"You can't put a price on happiness, darling."

"That's true I guess." Adam comes over to us.

"Lets get the fuck out of this dressing room."

"Yes lets."