When Everything Gets Crazy, I Get Lost In You.

When I wake up the next morning, the only one in my bed with me is Mabel. She has her head laying on Adam's pillow and she's facing me, still sleeping. I listen to see if I can hear Adam in the bathroom or in the closet but I can't. The bedroom door is closed so he must be out in the other room doing something. I pull myself up and look around the room for Simba, but he's nowhere in sight. Must be with Adam. I lay back down and see that my movement must have been enough to wake Mabel, because now she's staring at me.

"Daddy must have wanted to let us sleep in," I say to her softly, petting her face.

To make a short story even shorter, I didn't get to have sex with my husband on my birthday. I wanted to, but Adam could see that I wasn't really in a good place lastnight and he just decided that we should go to bed. I lay there petting Mabel, thinking about lastnight and everything that happened with Jack. I'm still not completely over the whole thing. Not in the slightest actually.

I get out of bed and get dressed, then flat iron my hair and do my make-up. When I come out of the bathroom I see that Mabel is still laying in bed. I walk over to the bed and slam my hands on it beside her.

"Get up you lazy ass," I say to her and she jumps up quickly and runs around the other side of the bed to where I am. I hit the power button on the computer and push the sleeves of of my hoodie up to my elbows, and start to head out of the bedroom with Mabel walking beside me.

The first thing I see when I come into the living room is Adam sitting at the dining room table. He's wearing faded jeans and a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, barefooted, his long legs stretched out in front of him and his hair looking disheveled. In other words, completely delicious and fuckable which is making me even more frustrated than I was already.

Jack is sitting at the one and only bar stool that we have, on the kitchen side at the end of the bar. He has his cigarettes and his cell phone on the counter in front of him, and they both have cups of coffee.

Mabel immediately runs over to Simba who is laying on the floor in front of Adam's feet and starts licking his face. Lucky ass dogs. I walk into the kitchen and I can feel their eyes on me, but I don't say anything to either of them. They can probably tell that I'm still pissed from lastnight.

I pour myself a cup of coffee and put my cream and sugar in it, then walk back around the bar, past Jack into the dining room/living room. As I walk past Adam he reaches out and grabs my wrist, pulling me to him.

"Good morning," he says to me.

"Morning." I give him a kiss and he releases my hand, and I turn to go back into the bedroom.

"So do you still hate me?" Jack asks me. I stop in the middle of the room and turn around to look at him.

"I never said that I hated you, Jack. You're the only one who said anything like that. I could never hate you, you know that. I was fucking pissed off, and I'm still pissed off about what happened lastnight. If you can't understand why, then I don't even know what to do anymore."

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't hate you."

"I know that, Jack."

"I really fucked up lastnight. I don't even know what the fuck I was thinking. But, a lot of shit went down and I just lost it for a little while, I guess." I sigh and put my hand on my hip.

"Did something happen with Nikki?"

"She called; right before Mike came over to get me. She said that the results of her pregnancy came in and... she's pregnant." I close my eyes and I can feel my heart sink into my stomach. I look over at Adam and he doesn't look surprised by this, so Jack must have already told him.

"OK, so what next?"

"She said that the earliest she can have a paternity test is in like, a couple weeks. Then she started going on and on about how she didn't know if it could hurt the baby, and she didn't know if she could afford it, and if I could help her pay for it. It was just too much. We got into a fight and I hung up on her, so when Mike came to get me I was still pretty riled. I didn't tell him what was going on though, but he probably assumed something was up."

"You've never been very good at hiding your shit from people, Jackie," Adam says with a little laugh. Jack kind of grins and looks down at the cigarette he's holding between his fingers.

"So how did the slut get involved in this mess?" I ask.

"She's not involved in this mess, period."

"Well how did she end up here lastnight with her skirt hiked up around her waist?" He rolls his eyes.

"She was at the bar that we were at lastnight. Mike and I were just hanging out, and he went somewhere, the bathroom or something. And she came up to me and was hanging on me. She knew that something was up with me because if I had been in my right mind I would have told her to fuck off, and I didn't do that. She finally got me to tell her what was up, and after that I guess, one thing just kind of led to another."

"You never thought of what the consequences of that could have been? I mean, if just you guys talking led to jumping in the sack, what was going to come next?"

"I was not going to take drugs from her."

"You don't know that. You weren't going to sleep with her either, but look what happened." He looks down again and takes a hit from his cigarette, blowing smoke out his nose.

"I know. I just want this whole thing to go away. I want Nikki to not be pregnant, and I want to be with her like we used to be. I wanna forget this whole nightmare even happened."

"It's probably never gonna be like it used to be, Jack. Even if you do get back together, so many things have changed."

"Ugh, I know. Why does everything have to suck so bad?" Adam laughs a little, causing the two of us to laugh too. Jack's cell phone starts ringing and he looks at the caller ID before answering.

"Hello?" he says, his voice low as usual.

"Uh, just talking to Sophie and Adam. Apologizing," he says taking a hit from his cigarette.

"Yeah, I was a dick lastnight and did some stupid shit. Pretty much ruined Sophie's birthday, and I feel awful."

"Like, sleeping with my ex," he says into the phone. I can only imagine that he's talking to Shaun. He's the only one other than Adam, Mike, and I that's he told any of this too.

"Yeah, she called and uh, apparently she's pregnant. She can have a paternity test in a couple weeks, so I guess we'll see what happens after that, ya know?" I turn and walk back into the bedroom by myself, and sit at the computer.

I open a few emails and login to the bands social networking sites to check for any messages. As usual, there are tons. I read through a few of them, then I login to my personal Myspace account that I haven't used in months. I read a message from a girl telling me about how her boyfriend was addicted to cocaine and that knowing about myself and Adam helped her get through everything, and help him get some help. By the end of the message I'm pretty choked up. I respond to her and tell her that I'm proud of them both and that I'm glad that Adam and I could have helped her. Right after I hit send, Jack pops his head into the room.

"Bye," he says. I turn around in my chair and look at him.

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go hang with Shaun for a while and just, I don't know. Get things together maybe." I hold my arms out to him and he comes over and gives me a hug.

"I'm sorry I ruined your birthday," he says.

"You're forgiven."

"Alright, well I'm gonna get outta here. I'll see you in a bit," he says, standing up and starting to head out.

"Love you," I say as he walks out.

"Love you," he says back. A second later I hear the front door close and then, silence.

I continue to sit on the computer and look around at some things. I look at a bunch of new pictures of Kya that Liv sent me, then I go on the Three Days Grace message boards to see what people are saying about the band. A little while into my browsing, I feel Adam's presence in the room. I don't look back at him, but I hear him grab a chair and pull it up behind mine. He places his hands on my shoulders and massages them for a second, then he stands up and attempts to pull my hoodie off of me. I sit up a little and put my arms back, allowing him to remove it, then he sits back down and goes on massaging me while I stare at the computer screen. I read a post that a girl wrote about seeing Adam on tour with some girl, and how they were flirting or some shit. I raise an eyebrow.

"Well that's interesting," I say. Adam looks over my shoulder at what I'm reading, and laughs to himself.

"Some people, will say anything to get a rise out of others."

"I love all the people jumping to your defense though. Pretty much everyone is saying that you wouldn't do that because you're too loyal to me. That or they believe it, and they're defending it saying you must have been drunk." He laughs again.

"I don't know which is worse."

"What? The fact that you might have been flirting with another girl, or the fact that you might have been drunk?"

"Exactly." I smirk and navigate away from the post while he keeps massaging my shoulders. After a few seconds he starts kissing the back of my neck, and I can't keep focused on what I'm doing on the computer, so I stand up and face him. He stands up too and I put my hands on his stomach.

"Drop your pants," I say to him rather bluntly. He bursts out laughing.

"Adam, I am serious. Lastnight was my birthday and to this minute, I remain unfucked. Now, we are alone, you look hot and I'm horny as hell, so stop laughing and drop your damn pants." He immediately closes the distance between us and puts his mouth on mine, pressing his body against mine and thrusting his tongue into my mouth.

I start carefully working at the buttons on his shirt, and when they're all undone I pull it off of his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. He pulls my shirt off over my head and starts kissing my chest. I sit down on the edge of the bed and unsnap his jeans, pulling them down and he pushes me back on the bed so I'm laying down on it. I roll over onto my stomach and he unclips my bra and slides the straps over my shoulders, and I feel his hands and lips roaming all over my back.

He reaches his hand between my legs and cups me in his hand. I moan a little and he continues to finger me though my lace thong.

"Roll over," he whispers in my ear, his hand still on me. I roll over, putting my leg up over his head and resting my heel on his shoulder. He uses his free hand to cover my breast, massaging it.

"You're killing me," I whisper to him. He smirks at me as if he's trying to decide where to start. While he's still massaging my breast he uses the other hand and in one quick motion removes my panties and throws them to the side. He kisses my lips once deeply then moves his face downwards until he's between my thighs.

He rolls his tongue over me and I press my thighs tightly against the sides of his head, using my hands to push his head further down into me. He has his hands on either side of my legs, resting them at the tops of my thighs. He nibbles, and licks, and does pretty much all that he can do and I can feel the effect it's having on my body as my back arches up.

"You taste so good," he says to me. I moan loudly as my body finally releases from all of the pent up tension that was building and I feel him taking me in his mouth, resting his lips against the inside of my thigh once he's finished with me.

I lay on my back panting for a few seconds, then I feel him start to move back up on my body. I open my eyes and look at him, and he grins at me.

"Are you ready for the real thing?" My whole body shudders at the thought, making him smile again. He grabs my knees and separates my legs as far as he can, then he slowly starts to enter into me. I take a deep breath and put my hands on his shoulders, as he puts his hands on either side of my body and pushes his upper body up off of me and starts thrusting into me fast and hard.

"Babe," I moan to him as he keeps thrusting, his eyes closed and his hair slightly damp from sweat. I feel him coursing though me then as his orgasm comes, then a second later mine comes.

"Fuck!" I scream, gouging my fingernails into his shoulders making him groan a little.

When we're done he continues laying on top of me.

"That was so good," I say, my voice rasping. I feel him smile against my chest.

We lay there in complete silence for a while, just listening to each other breathe. All of my thoughts of this whole Jack and Nikki thing are at bay for now, and all that matters is just being here holding my husband in my arms. I feel Adam inhale sharply, then he sits up on his elbows.

"You are so beautiful," he says. I smile at him.

"And you smell beautiful when you're naked." I laugh a little.

"Thank you." He leans down and kisses me, then he looks off into space like he's thinking about something far away.

"What?" I ask him.

"Do you remember the first night we spent together?" I take a deep breath and try to think back.

"Yes."

"We both knew that something had changed, but we didn't want to admit it to ourselves."

"I didn't anyways," I say.

"Who could blame you? I've never been what you could call stable minded," he says with a little laugh.

"We didn't meet that night under very good circumstances, either if you'll recall."

"You saved me that night. Just like you always did, whether you knew it or not. That's one part of our relationship back then that I always regretted."

"The fact that we used each other." He nods.

"You were just my distraction if I ever felt like I needed to use. You were always there, though. You never expected anything from me, except a warm body to lay next to for a couple hours."

"To this day I can't think of good words to describe why I needed you so much back then," I say. We sit and think about this for a while without saying anything.

"Butterfly," he says to me softly.

"Yeah, babe?"

"I love you." I smile.

"I love you too. Let's get up now," I say, sitting up a little underneath him. He rolls off of me and sits up on the edge of the bed. We get redressed and go back out to the living room and hang out for a while.

Adam is sitting on the couch watching TV, and I'm laying with my head in his lap working on the drawing that I started yesterday.

"What do you think is going to happen with Jack and Nikki?" He asks me out of seemingly nowhere. I keep drawing for a second before I answer him.

"I don't know. I know that this probably isn't the end of Jack's hurting, especially if that baby isn't his. If it is his... they'll have to find some way to figure something out between them. I can't imagine if that baby is his that he'll just leave it fatherless, especially after how he grew up. I know that he has very strong opinions on that topic."

"He told me that he would probably never have kids if it was up to him."

"He's told me the same thing. I just don't know whats going to happen. I'm really glad that when you and I were in a similar situation that nothing like this happened to us."

"Yeah, me too. I can't imagine having to go through what he's going through."

"I've never been cheated on before. Have you?"

"Once, but it wasn't a serious relationship or anything. It was one of those things where we both knew it was over but neither of us said anything, so when it happened it was just like, oh ok, I guess we're not together anymore, ya know?" I hear the front door open then.

"Honey's I'm home!" Jack yells out. The dogs get up and run to the foyer as he comes in.

"I had to make sure you weren't naked or anything," he says to us.

"You gave us so much time to cover up if we were naked before you came running in here too," Adam says sarcastically, making both Jack and I laugh.

"How was Shaun's?" I ask him. He shrugs.

"I'm glad I belong to you guys and not them. Don't get me wrong, I love those guys, but yeesh."

"They're a different kind of animal that's for sure," Adam says, reaching down on the coffee table for his pack of cigarettes. He takes one out and sticks it between his lips then looks inside the pack.

"Oh shit," he says.

"You're out of smokes," Jack finishes with a grin.

"Get up, we have to go to the store," he says, getting up nearly pushing me off the couch when he does.

"You're going now?" I ask him.

"Well yeah. Jack smokes fucking menthol's, and you smoke slims. I can't deal with that shit." I roll my eyes and get up from the couch, tossing my drawing down on the coffee table.

"Mama," Jack says with a mock whine.

"What Jack?"

"What are you making me for dinner?" I think for a second.

"Chicken Parm?"

"Ooh, yeah." I laugh and get up to take inventory of things that we need. I write some things down on a piece of paper while Adam slowly smokes his last cigarette.

"You're such a fucking junkie Adz!" Jack taunts. "Look at how you're smoking that, it's like someone told you you weren't ever allowed to smoke again. You're getting your last fix before you go to detox or something." Adam grins a little and shakes his head.

"You're so dramatic Jack."

"I've had lots of practice." I put on my black converse and grab Jack by the collar of his jacket.

"Let's go boys," I tell them, pretending to drag Jack. We all get in Jack's car, with Adam driving since his car is too small for the three of us to fit in comfortably with groceries, and pull out onto the road. Almost as soon as we get in the car, Jack lights a cigarette, looking at Adam the whole time.

"You are such a dickhead, man," Adam says to him, making him laugh. Ugh, someone remind me again how I ended up with these two. When we get to the store we all troop in. Adam goes straight to the counter to get his smokes, and Jack and I go off to get the few things that I need to make dinner.

I see Adam outside the store as Jack and I stand in line to check out. He's standing next to the car, smoking. I look up at Jack who's standing behind me and roll my eyes. The guy in front of us in line turns around and as soon as he does, I feel my heart contract a little. It's my ex John. He smiles as soon as he sees me, recognizing me instantly, which I guess isn't that hard to do. How many chicks in town have hot pink chunks in their hair?

"Hey, how are you?" he says with a genuine smile.

"I'm good, how are you?" he nods and keeps smiling.

"I'm good, just picking up a few things." I look at his stuff up on the belt and notice that one of his items is a pack of diapers.

"I ran into your mom the other day, she said that you got married," he says to me.

"Yeah, we just had our first anniversary not too long ago."

"That's great." He reaches into his back pocket then and pulls out his wallet. He takes some money out and gives it to the cashier, then he takes something else out and hands it to me.

"This is my little girl. Her name is Olivia," he says. I look at the picture that he hands me and see that it's of him and a woman with a newborn baby.

"John, she's beautiful."

"Yeah. She's turning six months in a week."

"She looks like you," I tell him, handing him back the picture. He smiles.

"Yeah, she's great."

"I'm so happy for you, John. It looks like you're really happy."

"I am."

"You deserve it. You got everything you wanted in life."

"You're not doing to bad yourself it doesn't seem."

"Life is good."

"I'm glad to hear that, Sophie. Well, it was good seeing you."

"You too. Go home to that beautiful girl of yours."

"I will. Take care of yourself." I pay for my groceries as he walks away, then I look back up at Jack who is carefully watching John as he walks across the parking lot of the store to his car. I smirk a little to myself. Jack being all protective is funny to me.

"That was my ex," I tell him as we walk out of the store to the car where Adam is waiting for us.

"The one you were telling me about the other day?"

"Mmhmm." Adam pops the trunk for us from inside the car and we put our bags into it, then get in.

"Did you see John?" I ask him.

"No, was he here?"

"He walked right by the car."

"I didn't see him. Did he say anything to you?"

"Yeah. He had a baby." He raises his eyebrows slightly.

"That's kind of a mindfuck after what we were talking about earlier."

"Yeah it is."

We go home and I make dinner, and afterwards we all just hang out. We don't talk about anything to do with Nikki and the baby, and it's very refreshing just to have a good relaxing night in with my boys and not have to worry about any drama. I figure I might as well enjoy these times while they last, because who knows how long they'll be here.