When Everything Gets Crazy, I Get Lost In You.

When I come home from grocery shopping my house is as empty as when I left it. Adam is with Brad and his younger brother Matt, and Brad's oldest son James, in St. Louis somewhere at a go-cart track. Apparently they're having a boys day. Jack is working and going to school today, so I don't expect him home for another couple of hours. I have no clue when to expect Adam, so I just picked up a couple frozen pizzas for dinner, just in case I'm only feeding myself.

I unload my groceries and pour myself a glass of white wine, then I put all of my Jeff Buckley cd's in the player and put them on shuffle, letting the music play all throughout the house. I plunk down on the couch with Mabel and listen to music for a while feeling pretty blissed out, then I grab a book that my brother Brayden gave me and read. About ten minutes into my reading my doorbell rings. Both of the dogs get up and run for the door like they're going to be able to answer it or something. I get up and carry my glass to the door and answer it, when I do I see my dad standing there dressed all in black looking like the badass that he used to be.

"Daddy!" I say to him, hugging him around his neck.

"Hello daughter. Am I interrupting?" he asks, motioning towards my glass of wine.

"Not at all, come on in," I tell him, turning around and walking back in the house. I turn the stereo down a little and go into the kitchen.

"Do you want something to drink?" I ask him. "I have wine, water, Red Bull, beer, and ginger ale."

"I'm good, thanks." I shrug and refill my wine glass, and carry it back around to the living room where he is standing looking at some pictures on the mantel over the fire place.

"So what brings you by, father?" I ask, plunking back down on the couch.

"Billie's out of town."

"Are you lonely?" he shrugs.

"Are you sad?"

"Yeah," I laugh.

"Aww. There's a beer in the fridge." He laughs and sits on the couch with me, and we both put our feet up on the coffee table.

"Where are your heathens?"

"One is at work, and the other is having a boys day in St. Louis." He nods. I pull the sleeves of my sweatshirt down and take a sip of wine. We talk for about an hour and then the home telephone rings. I set my glass down and stand up to answer it. When I look at the phone I see that whoever it is, is calling on the private line.

"Hello?" I say.

"Sophie, it's Nikki."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Is Jack there?"

"No he's not, he's at work. You could try his cell phone."

"That's okay, I actually wanted to talk to you."

"Oh."

"I didn't want him to be standing right there when I talked to you, though."

"Um... OK."

"I'll just come right out with it. The hospital just called me and told me that my paternity test results were in and they want me to come in and get them in person. The thing is, I don't really want to go in there by myself so I was wondering if you would go in with me."

"Are you sure you want me? You don't want like, your mom or a friend or something?"

"My parents are out of town, and I haven't told any of my friends that there is a possibility that this baby isn't Jack's, you know?" I sigh.

"I guess I could go, but I've been drinking so you'll have to drive."

"That's fine. We'll take my car."

"OK."

"I'm just gonna get dressed and then I'll head over."

"I'll see you in a little bit then." I hang up the phone and turn around to see my father in the kitchen looking inside the freezer.

"That was Nikki."

"I heard."

"She wants me to go with her to pick up her test results."

"Do you mind if I eat this?" he asks, holding up one of the pizza's that I bought for dinner tonight.

"Go ahead." He shuts the freezer door and walks over to the oven with the pizza. I lean up against the counter and watch as he pre-heats the oven and puts the pizza on a pan.

"She go to the hospital in Peoria?" he asks me after a minute.

"Yeah. I don't really expect it to take too long. You gonna stay here?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna eat."

"Alright. If Adam comes home before I do tell him where I went, but don't tell Jack. I wanna be the one to tell him."

"You don't think the baby's his do you?"

"No, I do think it's his."

"Are you worried about it?"

"I'm very worried about it." He nods and puts his pizza in the oven. I go into the bedroom and put some shoes on and then I put on my jacket and come back out. I find him sitting on the couch again. He has the music turned up pretty loud and he's just chilling.

"She just pulled in," he tells me when I come out. I look on the security monitor that's sitting next to the TV and see Nikki's car pulled up in front of the garage.

"I'll see you in a bit." I walk out the front door and get in the passenger seat of Nikki's car.

"Thanks for doing this, Sophie," she says to me as we back out of the driveway.

"It's no big deal. How are you feeling?" She shrugs.

"Good right now, but that could change. I'm nervous about this test."

"Be honest with me, Nikki. Who's baby do you want this to be?" She's quiet for a minute.

"I don't know. I love Jack, I really do. But I've screwed him over so much lately, that I think it would be better for him if it wasn't his and we just, moved on from each other. But, a bigger part of me wants it to be his so we can be a family... I know that will probably never happen, though."

"So many things have changed, Nikki."

"I know that, probably more than anyone. And I also know that this whole mess is my fault. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking."

"Well, we could go on forever relishing in the past. What really matters is how you go on with your present and future."

"I guess."

"You just went to the hospital in town right?"

"Yeah." We drive for a little while not speaking, which seems very strange. Nikki and I have always been able to talk about anything which is amazing especially for me because I don't get along with a lot of women. Daisy, Liv, and Jackie are the exceptions. And of course Brad, Neil, and Barry's wives, but that's kind of different. But now, it's like so much has happened and I don't really know what to say to Nikki.

Out of nowhere when we're driving I hear a loud clunk. I look over at Nikki and see her looking down at her feet.

"Oh my God," she says.

"What?"

"We have no brakes. The pedal just went straight to the floor."

"Try pumping it."

"I am, nothing is happening." I look up when I hear a car blowing it's horn, and when I do I see that we've veered into the other lane and a set of headlights is heading right towards us.

"Nikki!" I scream. She looks up and jerks the wheel hard to the right, too hard. Before I realize what's happening we're off the road and headed straight for the woods...

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When I wake up I can tell that I'm in an ambulance. I'm laying down, and there is something on my face, covering my nose and my mouth. Oxygen mask. I try to lift my head to look around but my head is strapped down and I can't turn my head because I appear to be wearing a neck brace. What the hell happened? There are two paramedic's in the ambulance with me. One is messing around with an IV bag, trying to hook it into my arm. The guy paramedic's face floods into my vision and he shines a tiny flashlight in my eyes. I squint and he takes it away.

"Ma'am? Please try not to move for me. Can you tell me your name?"

"Sophie," I rasp. My voice sounds horrible. What the hell? I try to think for a second about what happened.

"Sophie, you've been in an accident. We're taking you to the hospital, alright?" I attempt to nod but it doesn't work which frustrates me. I've been in an accident? I try to think back. I must have been in a car accident. But, if I was in a car accident, where is Adam? I must have been in the car with Adam, or Jack.

"Adam?" I say to them. It takes nearly all of my strength to say it, and they look really confused. That's the last thing I do before I close my eyes again.

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The next time I wake up, I'm in a hospital bed hooked up to a bunch of machines. I'm still wearing the neck brace, which is freaking me out. I know that neck and spine injuries are never good. My whole body hurts. It feels like I was just run over by a semi truck. I attempt to look around a little more, and I hear some voices talking not too far away. I move my eyes to look towards the voices and I see Adam standing with two doctors. He looks as pale as a ghost, and his face looks worn. My dad and my mom are standing with them, listening to what the doctor has to say.

I clear my throat and lift my arm up, holding my hand out towards Adam. His eyes flick from the doctors to me as soon as he spots my movement, and he practically runs over to me. I don't think his feet even touch the floor.

"Babe. Oh my God, Babe," he says as he takes my hand, pressing it against his lips. I smile at him weakly, and he smoothes my hair back on my head. I frown and try to talk to him, but my throat hurts really bad and it's making talking hurt. I put my hand up to my throat and tap on it.

"Does your throat hurt?" he asks me. I give him a thumbs up since I can't nod my head in the brace. He looks over his shoulder at the doctor.

"Completely normal. She probably inhaled some of the fumes from the car before the ambulance came." I look past Adam at my parents who look worried, but relieved at the same time. Adam is holding my hand tightly in his.

"I called your brothers, and Liv and they're out in the waiting room. They only wanted a couple of us in here at a time. Billie is on her way home so she can be here with you," Adam says to me, and I smile at him again. There is only one person that he didn't mention that should be here, and that's Jack. That's when I remember who was in the car with me. I make a motion with my hand like I'm drinking something, and my mother quickly hands Adam a glass of water with a straw in it to give me. He holds it up to my mouth and I take a long drink, that makes my throat feel a lot better.

"How's Nikki?" I say, my voice still sounding drier than normal.

"She's gonna be OK. Jack's with her now. He wanted me to give you a hug when you woke up." I smile.

"What about the baby?" He looks down at my hand and I feel my heart sink. He looks back up at me.

"The baby didn't make it." I look up at the ceiling and try to keep from crying, and I feel Adam kiss my hand again.

"I love you so much, Babe," he says to me. "I was so worried about you." I clear my throat again and look past him to my parents and the doctors.

"If it's alright, I would like to be alone with my husband for a few minutes," I say to them. My parents nod and come over to me. My mother gives me a kiss on the cheek, and my dad kisses my forehead, then they both leave.

"We'll be monitoring you and keeping you overnight. If there is anything you need, please feel free to call one of the nurses," The doctor says. Adam nods his head and stands up and shakes the doctors hand.

"Thank you very much," he says to them. They both nod and walk out of the room, and Adam comes back over to me.

"What happened?" I ask him, motioning for more water before he sits down. After he sits down he takes my hand again.

"The brakes apparently went out on Nikki's car and she over corrected and veered into the woods on the other side of the road. The car is a complete loss, but what matters it that both of you are going to be OK."

"What's wrong with me? Why am I in this brace? Why does my whole body hurt so bad?"

"You have a minor sprain in your wrist and they put a brace on that. Your spine and your neck are apparently under a lot of pressure right now. Apparently you whipped your head around pretty good in the crash, and it's lucky that you didn't fracture anything. They did a bunch of X-Rays on it, and didn't see anything broken, so that's really good. But for the time being you have to wear the brace." I look at my wrist and see the brace on it for the first time.

"They put you on a bunch of drugs for the pain, so those should be kicking in soon." I open my mouth to object to any pain meds and he holds his hand up to me.

"I told them not to give you any Oxy, because I know how much you hate it and how much you're against it."

"Good. I have to see Nikki and Jack."

"Not tonight, Babe. You can't get out of this bed. Now that you've woken up though, they'll move you out of ER and to a normal room." I frown.

"I can't even believe this happened."

"I know. You should have seen Brad racing to get me here. I was so worried about you."

"Are they all here?"

"No, I told him and Matt to take James home and I would call Brad later."

"What time is it?" He looks at his watch.

"Eight thirty."

"Will you have my family come it here so I can talk to them, then they can go home. I'm really tired." He gets up and gives me a kiss on the forehead, then goes out to get my parents and siblings.

After I talk to them all and reassure them that I'm going to be fine, they all leave. A nurse comes in and tells Adam that he can stay with me overnight, but if I'm going to be in the hospital any longer than tonight he'll have to leave when visiting hours end. I look at him and wrinkle my nose and he smiles. I can tell that his mind is in a million places right now, and to tell the truth mine probably would be too if I wasn't so god damn tired.

The nurse brings in a blanket and a pillow for Adam and he sets the pillow behind his back, and spreads the blanket over his legs, keeping a watchful eye on me the whole time. I look at him and smile again.

"I love you Sophie," he says to me.

"Too," I say, drifting off.