When Everything Gets Crazy, I Get Lost In You.

I slip my feet into some black flip flops and put my sunglasses on, then I look outside and see that it's raining so I take them off. So much for that. I'm still going to wear the open toed shoes though.

Jack is taking me to my last check-up after the accident so I can get my blood pressure checked, and my wrist cast off. I'm sure they'll poke and probe me until they find something else wrong, but I don't care. I'm just ready to move on from this stupidity. I cannot take another day of coddling. I'm ready to start taking care of myself again.

"Ready to go, Mama?" Jack asks me when he comes up from downstairs.

"Yes. Is Adam still working down there?"

"He was taking a smoke break when I came up." I laugh and put my purse on my arm.

"Alright then lets go." He grabs his car keys and we head out the door to where the car is parked in the driveway.

It's been two weeks since the accident and Nikki's miscarriage. Jack and Nikki have been working on their relationship a lot, and I think with a little more work and some communication they just might get back to where they were before this whole mess started.

"OK, so we're going to the hospital first, then we'll go to the school and I'll do what I need to do there," Jack says to me as we pull out onto the road.

"Sounds good to me." Jack had to go to his school and sign up for some extra classes today, so we figured instead of Adam taking me to my check-up, that Jack would just take me and kill two birds with one stone.

When we get to the hospital, Jack and I go inside and wait in the waiting room until I'm called in for my check-up. The Doctor takes my wrist cast off, and takes my blood pressure and determines that I'm as healthy as I've ever been. He also asks me if I'm planning on becoming pregnant in the near future, which I say no to. Kind of an invasive question if you ask me, but whatever.

After I'm done at the hospital we go to the school and Jack signs up for his classes, then we start heading back to the house. On our way back I push the volume up on the radio and hear a Candlebox song playing. I look out the window at the rain and start singing along as we pull up to a red light.

"As you lonely, people, keep on running round my door. You lonely people, keep on begging, beg for more," I sing, lifting the cigarette that I lit a minute ago to my lips and swaying my arms a little to the song. I can feel eyes on me and when I look over I see Jack watching me with a tiny smirk on his face. I laugh and keep singing.

"This band always made me think of you for some reason," he says to me as we pull away from the light. "Their vibe or something." I smile and take another hit from the cigarette.

He turns us onto the road that goes back to our house and about a mile he turns on his blinker to turn into our driveway. As he turns in I notice Nikki's car is backed up in the driveway, so that the nose of the car is pointed out towards the road.

"Nikki's here," I say as Jack pulls into his usual parking spot next to my car at the top of the hill.

"Why does this have bad written all over it?" he asks as he shuts the car off. I look over at him and see that he has an upset expression on his face.

"What?" He shakes his head at me and gets out of the car, and I do too. When we get out I see Nikki get out of her car, and stand next to it.

"Hey babe, what are you doing here?" Jack asks her as we walk up towards the house. She has a strange look on her face, like she's staring bullets into him. He walks up to her and leans down to give her a kiss.

"When were you going to tell me?" she asks him sharply. He gives her a confused look.

"Tell you what baby?"

"Don't fucking baby me. You know what."

"Bullshit. Now come on, lets go inside out of the rain."

"You're seriously going to stand there and act like you have no idea what I'm talking about?"

"No I don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about because you haven't told me." Right at that moment she winds back and slaps him hard across the face, making him step back a little.

"Nikki!" I yell in shock as Jack puts his hand up to his cheek where she slapped him.

"When were you planning on telling me about fucking your ex, Jack?!" He looks at her and I can see realization in his eyes. She reaches out and starts hitting him in the chest with her fists, striking him as hard as she can but not getting very far since he easily out weighs her. She's bawling now, and she's lashing out at him. He grabs her around her wrists and holds her away from him.

"Nikki stop it!" he yells at her.

"Were you ever going to tell me that you fucked your ex when I was pregnant with your baby, or were you just going to keep lying to me, Jack?!"

"Babe it was nothing! It was one time."

"That's not what she said!"

"She's a fucking junkie, Nikki. You can't believe everything she says. Yes I slept with her one time, but it was a mistake."

"Funny when I made a mistake you acted like it was the end of the fucking world. You fucked when I was fucking pregnant!" She yanks away from him and walks over to her car and gets in, shutting the door in Jack's face. He runs over to the door and starts pounding on the window with his hands.

"Nikki please open the door, you need to hear me out on this!"

"Fuck you!"

"Babe, it was one time. It was stupid and I hate that I did it. I hated it as soon as it happened. You have to believe me."

"Why should I believe you?!"

"Baby I love you, please. Just roll the window down and listen to me," he begs. I look up at the security camera and wonder if Adam is seeing this on the monitor, and if he is where the hell is he?

"She said that there were others. How many other chicks did you fuck when I was pregnant?!" Nikki yells at him through the window.

"None! I swear to you, it was only one time and it was horrible. It was the worst thing I've ever done. I'm sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Jack! What you did is despicable! I was going to have your child!"

"I didn't know that! All I knew was that you were pregnant, and chances were fifty-fifty that it was some other guys!"

"So that makes it OK? Because I cheated first that makes it OK?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying!"

"Whatever, I'm out of here," she says, staring the car up.

"No, Nikki wait!" He tries to open the door but it's locked, so he runs around to the other side of the car, just as she's putting it in gear.

"Jack stop!" I yell at him.

"Go in the house!" he yells at me.

"No!"

"Mama, please." he looks at me over the roof of her car, tearing open the car door forcing her to put the car back into park. He gives me a pleading look and I turn and go into the house.

When I get inside I stand with my back against the door for a second, trying to catch my breath.

"Babe?" I say. A moment later I hear footsteps then see Adam walk around the corner.

"Hey, there you are. How was the check-up? Where's Jack?" he asks, coming over and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"You don't have the monitor on?" I ask quietly. I see a small frown line appear on his face.

"What? No, I was down stairs. I just came up when I heard you guys pull in. Why?"

"Nikki found out that Jack slept with Kari-Ann."

"What? How do you know?"

"She's outside. She was sitting in her car when we got home, and when we got out she confronted him."

"They're out there now?" I nod.

"Was she really upset?"

"Upset would be an understatement. He was holding her back so that she didn't come after him."

"Oh my God."

"Yeah." I kick out of my shoes and walk into the house.

"He was just begging her to listen to him, but she wouldn't," I say, walking around the counter into the kitchen. I open up the fridge and pull out a bottle of water, as Adam leans against the counter watching me.

"What was she saying?" I shake my head.

"She just kept asking him if he was ever planning on telling her that he slept with his ex while she was pregnant with his child."

"Jesus Christ. When he did that no one even knew if it was his kid. If it wasn't for her fucking around first, he never would have thought about screwing that whore."

"I know, but does that really justify it? In her mind it doesn't. How is it fair to say, 'Well you cheated first. Fair is fair,' you know?" He kind of shrugs and then we both hear the front door open. We both look up as Jack walks around the corner and stops.

"She's gone," he says.

"Man, I'm sorry," Adam says to him. He shakes his head and takes his leather jacket off, tossing it over the back of the couch.

"I really fucked up this time."

"Honey, don't blame yourself for this. We all know what happened. There is more than one person at fault for this," I say to him.

"No there isn't. No one else told me to sleep with Kari-Ann. I did it to get back at her, and then when we got back together I never told her about it. It's my fault." He looks around the room then.

"I need a cigarette," he says. Adam hands him the one that he's been smoking and Jack immediately takes a long hit from it, then hands it back to him.

"How did she find out?" I ask.

"Apparently Kari-Ann came to her and told her. That fucking bitch," he says. "She told her that I was all upset and I fucked around with a bunch of chicks while that whole thing was going on, which is bullshit. I never did anything with any other chick except for her that whole time, and you know I hated that after I did it." Adam and I both nod.

"That doesn't excuse any of it though. It was wrong to do, and now I've lost everything."

"You have not lost everything, Jack. You still have us, and school, and work, and your whole future that you've been working on."

"But I wanted her!" he yells. "God dammit, I wanted her. I thought that after the miscarriage we were getting things worked out. We were talking, and getting past things. We started talking about moving in together again so that she could get away from her parents. And now all of that is just fucking gone." I sigh and watch as he lights one of Adam's cigarettes.

"I'm so sorry, baby. But you know what they say, everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is just one of those things that needed to happen," I say.

"It didn't need to happen. I didn't need to fuck Kari-Ann, and I didn't need to hide it from Nikki. I didn't need to break her fucking heart, and tear my life apart because of it." He stomps off into his room then and slams the door shut. I walk around the bar to follow him, but Adam grabs my arm to stop me.

"Just let him be alone for a little while," he says. I look up into his blue eyes and nod.

"Come on, it stopped raining. Lets take the dogs for a walk down to the lake," he suggests.

"OK." We get the dogs leashes and hook them up to their collars, and walk out the back door. I hold onto Simba's leash and Adam takes Mabel's, and we walk down the hill towards the road that leads to the lake.

We walk out on our dock that was just put in this week and look out at the water, which is pretty wavy today after the storm. We don't really say much as we walk around the rest of the park and back up to our house.

We get back to the house just as it's starting to get dark out. The dogs are beat and immediately lay down on their beds to take a nap. Adam and I sit on the couch by ourselves, since Jack is still in his room with the door shut.

I get up after a little while and make dinner for Adam and I, leaving the stuff out for Jack just in case he gets hungry. When we're done we hang out and watch a hockey game on TV. Jack comes out during the game and gets some food and his cigarettes out of his jacket pocket, not saying anything to either of us, then goes back into his room and shuts the door again.

When he's gone I look up at Adam.

"I feel so bad for him."

"I know."

"I mean, I know what he's going through and it really, really sucks. It really sucks to know that you caused the one you love pain."

"I know it does, but I think in time he'll realize that this was for the best." I sigh and lay down, putting my head in his lap. He looks down at me and brushes his fingers across my face.

"Let's go in our room," he says to me. I nod and we get up and go into our room.

When we get there he kisses me and slowly undresses me, then lays me down on the bed and makes love to me. When we're done I lay on my stomach with the blankets covering most of my body, but leaving my back and shoulders uncovered. Adam lays on his side next to me.

"You are the most amazing human being I've ever met," he says softly to me. I give him a beaming smile.

"Really?"

"You are so beautiful, and kind, and passionate, and loving, and forgiving. You live your life with so much grace. I admire you for everything you do." I can feel a tear forming in my eye, but I ignore it.

"I love you so much," he says. "I love all of the flaws that you think you have. I think they make you even more beautiful to me."

"I love you," I whisper to him.

"I will always love you, babe. No matter what." I lean my head up and kiss his lips then, and he puts his arms around me, and not too long after that I fall asleep.

When I wake up I'm alone. I'm finding this to be a reoccurring thing, and I don't think I like it very much. I look at the time and see that it's about five in the morning. Yikes. I get up and put my robe on, then walk out to see where Adam is. I see Jack's bedroom door open, so I peek inside and see Adam sitting on the floor with his back against Jack's bed. Jack is in bed sleeping.

"Hey," he whispers to me. I pull out the desk chair and face it towards him, and sit in it.

"What are you doing in here?" I whisper to him.

"I came in here to check on him, and he asked me to stay with him." I nod and watch as he reaches into the pocket of his jeans and takes something out.

"Get rid of this for me, would you please?" I look at what he's handing me and see what appears to be a rolled joint that hasn't ever been lit.

"Where did you get this?"

"He gave it to me. He didn't say where he got it and I didn't ask." I look down at it in my hand and then lift it up to my nose and smell it. Adam is looking uncomfortable, so I get up and leave the room.

I go out to the kitchen and throw the joint in the wastebasket, then tie up the bag and take it out to the garage to the garbage can. When I come back in the house Adam is standing in the dining room.

"I'll sit with him if you wanna go to bed," I say to him.

"We'll sit together." I nod and we go back into the bedroom, and retake our spots.

Jack wakes up at about 7:30. He opens his eyes and looks at me first, then he looks down at Adam.

"You guys are probably pissed at me," he says with a little laugh, lighting a cigarette.

"Why would we be mad at you?" I ask him.

"Why wouldn't you? I'm a total fuck up at life."

"No you're not."

"And just so you guys know, I got that joint out of Nikki's car yesterday. It wasn't mine and I wasn't planning on smoking it. I just wanted to get rid of it so she wouldn't have it."

"OK," Adam says nodding his head.

"All I could think about lastnight was using. That's why I wanted you to stay with me, so I would have an excuse to not get up in the middle of the night and go out and find some shit." I close my eyes and look down at my feet.

"It's gonna be OK."

"Yeah it will."