When Everything Gets Crazy, I Get Lost In You.

Adam and I are sitting on our couch listening to music by ourselves. I'm sitting Indian style with my back against the arm of the couch, watching Adam as he's reading something out of an old notebook of his.

"Yo babe," I say to him.

"Yo babe," he says back, mimicking the way that I said it, not looking up from his notebook.

"You know where an awesome place to fuck would be?" He looks up at me as soon as the words are out of my mouth, and I can tell he's trying hard not to laugh.

"What?"

"I love you."

"Right back at you, babe. Why?"

"We've been married for over a year now and some of the shit that comes out of your mouth still surprises the hell out of me."

"So you don't want to hear my idea?"

"Are you kidding? I'm dying here."

"On the boat."

"The boat?"

"Yeah, don't you think that would be amazing?" I say enthusiastically. "I mean imagine it. Out in the middle of the water with no one else around, under the stars with the waves rocking the boat with every movement. Being able to feel the cool breeze everywhere on your body..." I look at him and see him looking at me with a cocked eyebrow.

"That's nice, isn't it? It's almost dangerous if you think about it," I say, taking a hit from my cigarette.

"You're crazy." I sigh then get up and put my cigarette out in an ashtray that's sitting on the coffee table. I frown when I see that it's full of dead cigarette buds and ash.

"I just emptied this yesterday," I say to him, picking it up and taking it to the kitchen to empty it in the garbage can.

"A lung cancer specialist would have a field day with the three of us," Adam says, not looking up from what he's now gone back to reading in the notebook.

"Mmm. We should at least try to quit." He doesn't say anything, which I take to mean that he's not interested in quitting anytime soon. I come back over and put the clean ashtray back on the coffee table and Adam looks up at me.

"You lost an earring," he tells me.

"What?" He points up at my ear.

"Your earring." I reach up and feel my ear, and sure enough one of my earrings is gone.

"Shit." I drop to my knees and start looking around for it. I crawl over in between Adam's feet and start looking under the coffee table, just as I hear the front door open and then a second later be slammed shut. Jack stomps into the room another second later. He stops and observes me on my hands and knees between Adam's legs, and raises an eyebrow at us.

"It looks like I'm interrupting," he says with a cocky sounding voice.

"Don't slam the front door please," I tell him.

"Sorry," he mutters sarcastically.

"What's with the attitude?" Adam asks him.

"I'm just fucking sick of school and all of the people there. If I wasn't so close to graduation I would have quit today."

"What happened?" I ask, dropping back off of my hands so that I'm just sitting on my knees on the floor between the couch and the coffee table.

"Nikki went and ran her mouth about me to all of her friends, who went and told all of their friends, most of who all go to my school. Now it's all over campus that I cheated on my pregnant girlfriend." Adam and I exchange glances.

"And you know, fuck the fact that she was smoking weed behind my back, and that she lost her job because of it. And fuck the fact that she cheated on me first with some guy she didn't even know, when she told me she was trying to get herself better," he goes on.

"Baby, you just can't focus on what all of those people are saying. You know the truth," I tell him.

"I know, but it's fucking hard to deal with everyone when they're looking at you, and telling you that you're an asshole. I know that I'm an asshole for what I did, and that I shouldn't have done it. But I shouldn't have to go there everyday and be on the defensive the whole time, trying to tell people what really went down. First of all, it's not their business, and second, no matter what I say she's going to be the saint and I'm going to be the junkie fucking loser."

"We need a vacation from life," Adam says.

"Fuckin' A." Adam and I both laugh at him.

"I'm serious. You guys think of where you want to go and I'll set shit up to go."

"Amsterdam," Jack suggests.

"No."

"That's just what you need, Jack. You need to get laid," Adam says to him.

"I could get laid here if I wanted to."

"Yeah with a prostitute."

"I don't need to pay someone to fuck me, Adz. I can get them to fuck me for free." I roll my eyes. I need a vacation from these two.

"Go by my old philosophy from back in the day," Adam says. "You're not paying them to sleep with you, you're paying them to leave after." Jack laughs and I roll my eyes again. Adam looks at me, laughing with Jack.

"What?"

"Nothing dear," I say, going back to my search for my earring.

"I used to be a pig didn't I?" he says, shaking his head. I raise my eyebrows but don't say anything.

"Used to be?" Jack says.

"It must have been that shit I was on."

"Behind Adam's foot, mama," Jack tells me. I grab Adam around his ankle and lift his foot up, and sure enough my earring is partially under his foot. I grab it and put it back in my ear quickly.

"So where's your second choice?" Adam asks.

"Somewhere tropical," I say. Both guys roll their eyes at me. I stand up then.

"Fine. Just, fine," I say, stomping off to the bedroom. I sit and pout for a few minutes, and then Adam comes in. He sits on the bed next to me and puts his arm around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"Mmm."

"We can go wherever you want to go. If you want to go somewhere tropical we can."

"OK." He smiles and nudges my shoulder with his.

"Remember that idea you had earlier about the boat?" I give him a sideways glance and smirk.

"I thought that maybe we would try it out tonight after Jack goes to work."

********************************************************************************

Later that day just as it's starting to get dark outside, Adam and I leave our house on foot and walk down to the lake. We walk by ourselves down to our dock where our small Bayliner cruiser boat is. There are no boats allowed on the water after dark, so the only way that we're going to get out there to exercise our plan, is to leave now while there is still a little daylight left. Since out neighbors already hate us, it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if they called us in for being out on the water when we're not supposed to.

We walk out on to the dock and Adam starts to unload the boat from the dock hoist as quickly and as quietly as he can.

"Ready to go?" he asks me. Right at that moment my cell phone rings.

"Jesus," Adam mutters, hanging onto the rope that's connected to the end of the boat.

"Sorry I thought it was turned off," I say, looking at the caller ID and seeing Austin's name.

"I'll just get this really quick. It's just Austin, I'm sure it will just take a minute," I tell him as I answer my phone.

"Hello," I say.

"Where are you guys?"

"Down at the dock."

"Oh."

"Why, what's up?"

"You're never going to believe this," he says to me.

"What?"

"I have to tell you in person." Adam is flapping his arms up and down at me, trying to get me to hang up.

"Austin, we're getting ready to go out on the boat," I say. "Can't you just tell me now?" I look up and see headlights coming down the road alongside of the lake, and damn if that car doesn't look familiar.

"Austin?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Where are you right now?" The car pulls up in front of the dock and stops on the side of the road. The window on the drivers side rolls down and I see Austin smiling out at me, still holding his cell phone up to his ear.

"Shit," I hear Adam say from behind me.

"I was up at your house when I called you, but you weren't answering the door," Austin says as he gets out of the car, going to the back door and opening it. I look back at Adam and see him tying the boat back up, and I walk up the dock to meet Austin as he takes Baby Austin out of the back of the car.

"Where's Jackie?" I ask him.

"At home puking." I hear Adam mutter something under his breath but I can't tell what.

"Puking?"

"She's fucking pregnant again." I feel my mouth fall open.

"Again?" Adam says, shocked but finding the word that I couldn't.

"Yeah. She just went off her birth control less than a week ago, and we've only had sex like, once."

"Jesus," Adam says.

"Tell me about it. She's like Super-fucking-fertile-Woman."

"Oh my God," I finally say, mostly at his last comment.

"I know, right?"

"And you're happy about this?" Adam asks. I'm sure he remembers the last time Jackie found out that she was pregnant with Baby Austin.

"I guess, yeah. I like being a dad, it's fun. You should try and get Soph knocked up, Adz! Then we can have kids at the same time."

"That's quite alright, I'll leave the parenting to you Steener."

"Has she been to a Doctor yet?" I ask.

"Yeah she went today and just told me."

"You came over here right after she told you?"

"She yelled at me and told me to get the fuck out because I made fun of her puking technique," he says with a laugh. Mental face-palm.

"There's a technique?" Adam asks. Another face-palm.

"Of course. There's a technique for everything." I roll my eyes at him. Austin's cell phone starts ringing then.

"Here Adz, take him while I get this, would you?" he says, handing the baby off to Adam who takes him reluctantly. The baby looks at Adam with almost an evil look on his face as Austin answers the phone.

"Hey baby, are you still puking?" Austin says into the phone. I look at Adam and grimace, lightly scratching the baby's back with my fingernails.

"Sorry baby. What did you need?" he asks Jackie.

"Does he look pissed off to you?" Adam asks me.

"He's a baby, babe. He isn't pissed off," I say, listening in on Austin and Jackie's conversation, and gather that she wants him to pick something up at the store for her on his way home.

"If I were a pissed off baby, this is how my face would look," Adam says. I laugh at him and Austin hangs up the phone with Jackie.

"Jesus, if we could just skip the next nine months, that would be cool with me," he says. "I'm not sure if I can handle her mood swings."

Little Austin starts whining and swinging his arms around with his face all scrunched up.

"See I told you he was pissed," Adam says, looking at the baby that's still in his arm's.

"I think he's just hungry," Austin says. Right at that moment I hear a noise similar to one that I've only heard one other time, and that was when I was around this baby. I spin around on my heel and see Adam holding the baby away from him at arms length, and he's covered in green baby vomit.

Austin bursts into laughter behind me and Adam is giving him the death glare.

"Go fucking kid," Austin says between snorts of laughter.

"Austin, take this baby, now," Adam says, barely breathing. Austin makes no movement to take the baby because he's still laughing his ass off, so Adam starts to put him down on the grass.

"Babe, you can't put him on the ground!"

"Well where would you like me to put him Sophie? I'm covered in fucking puke and Mr. fucking cackles over there isn't taking him."

"Here, I'll take him," I say, holding my arms out for him. I hold him on my hip and go to the car to get his diaper bag, then I walk out on the dock and take him onto the boat.

I lay him down on one of the seats and undress him, and put a clean outfit on him. Then I clean his face up with a baby wipe.

When I bring the baby back I see Adam standing with Austin without his shirt on. I see the shirt is laying in the fire pit that's on the grass by the dock.

"There's my boy," Austin says, taking him from me.

"Oh now you want him," Adam snarks off.

"Hey when nature calls, you know?" he rolls his eyes.

"Well I'm gonna get going now, I have to get J's stuff at the store."

"Yeah well, congratulations. Tell Jackie to call if she needs anything," I say, giving him a hug.

"I will. Sorry about the puke, Adz."

"Yeah." We watch as he puts Baby Austin in his car seat, then get in a drive away.

"To say that this was not what I had imagined for the evening, is a serious understatement," Adam says after he's driven off. I snort in laughter.

"Yeah, chances of getting the boat our of here now are slim." We stand there for a moment in silence, listening to the waves crash lightly against the shore.

"He fucking puked on me..." Adam says. "Again. He fucking puked on me again." I laugh and put my arm around his waist.

"Come on babe. Let's go home."