When Everything Gets Crazy, I Get Lost In You.

*Ding Dong*

I groan and roll over in bed when the doorbell rings loudly. The bed is empty, and I can hear a tapping noise coming from near the end of the bed.

I sit up on my elbows and look down and see Adam and Jack sitting in front of the computer with their backs to me, ignoring the doorbell.

"Are you guys just going to ignore that?" I ask them sleepily.

"It's your mother," Adam says, not looking up from the computer screen.

"What?"

"We watched her pull in on the monitor."

"She scares me. Ever since I asked her if she had any hot cougar friends, she's been all weird around me," Jack says in a low voice.

"Oh for Christ's sake." I throw the blankets off of my body and get out of bed in a huff, pulling a pair of sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt.

Both Simba and Mabel are standing with their noses pressed up against the front door, barking like crazy. I shove them out of the way with my leg and pull the door open.

My mother gives me a strange look when I open the door.

"Hi," I grumble.

"My god. Are you pregnant?" she gasps.

"I just woke up."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with... I just woke up," I repeat, turning around and heading into the kitchen with the dogs following behind me.

"So you're not pregnant?" she asks, following me in. The dogs wander over and stand in front of the garage door. I pour myself a cup of coffee and watch them, not answering my mother.

"What's wrong with you two?" I ask them. They both look at me, then scratch at the door.

"Jack, did you feed the kids?!" I yell loud enough for him to hear.

"No!" he yells back. I look at my mother.

"That's what's wrong with them," I tell her very matter of factly. I open up the door and let them out into the garage where they eat, filling their food dishes, and leaving the door open so they can come back in when they're done.

"So are you going to answer the question?"

"Mother, I just woke up. I haven't had my coffee yet. I haven't had a cigarette yet. I can't be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth this early in the morning."

"Sophie." I sigh.

"No, I'm definitely not pregnant. And I would really appreciate it if everyone would stop asking me if I am, and if not, when I'm going to be."

"Well, it certainly hasn't been brought up by me."

"No, not just you."

"You do look like you've gained some weight though, since the last time I saw you. That's why I asked."

"Oh thanks mom." I smack my pack of cigarettes against the palm of my hand, then pull one out of the box with my teeth.

"I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. I'm just saying that it might be something you should watch." I raise an eyebrow at her as I light my cigarette, then blow some smoke out of my mouth.

"This has already been an enlightening morning."

"So, changing the subject. Where is Adam today?" she asks.

"In the bedroom with Jack. He has to go write with another singer that he knows this afternoon."

We talk for a little while, then Adam and Jack come back out from the bedroom. Jack immediately goes into his room and shuts the door behind him. Adam sees this, then looks at me and smiles.

"Hi sweetheart, how are you?" he says to me.

"Fine."

"Well I should get going now," my mother says.

"Leaving so soon?" I say, biting my lip to hold back as much sarcasm as possible.

"I have a lot of things to do today, dear. I just wanted to stop by and say hello while I was in the area."

"Hello," Adam says pleasantly. I roll my eyes and she smiles at him.

"I will see you both soon. We have to have dinner sometime. Sophie, call me with your schedule's and we'll plan something."

"Will do." I walk her to the door and she gives me a kiss goodbye.

"Well, come back when you can stay longer," I say to her.

"Goodbye dear." I watch as she walks down the sidewalk, then slam the door shut and groan.

"Now Sophie. She only stopped by to say hello," Adam says from behind me.

"And to tell me that I've gained a bunch of weight and look fat." He cocks his head at me, and gives me a kiss on the forehead.

"I've gotta go. I'll see you later."

"Bye." I shut the door behind him and walk back into the kitchen to drink some more coffee.

"Jack!" I yell. He comes out of his room a second later.

"Yeah?"

"Do I look like I've gained weight to you?" He does the same head cock that Adam did, and raises an eyebrow at me.

"Feeling insecure?" I tell him about what my mother said to me this morning. He comes over to me and puts his hands around my waist, then lifts me up over his head. I squeal a little and he sets me down.

"Not fat."

"That was your test?"

"Yeah," he smiles at me.

"Very funny."

I go into the bedroom and get dressed, then do my daily hair and make-up routine.
When I'm done the doorbell is ringing again.

"Don't come running, I've got it," I yell to Jack sarcastically, opening the door.

Jackie is standing on the other side. She's about six months along now, and her baby bump is steadily growing everyday. She's carrying a stack of books in her arms. When she sees me, she immediately barges into the house.

"I need your help, Sophie. I'm totally lost and Austin is totally useless."

"You seem troubled," I tell her, following her into the living room. Jack looks up at us from the kitchen where he's making a pitcher of ice tea.

She plops on the couch and tosses the books on the coffee table. I observe the covers of them, and see that they're all baby name books.

"Baby names?"

"Yes! I have to pick out two, you know."

"I do know."

"And we found out that one is going to be a boy, and one is going to be..."

"An alien?"

"A girl."

"That would have been my next guess." I hear Jack snicker and I look out at him in the kitchen. He's pouring instant tea into a measuring cup.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

"Making a mess," he says with a laugh. I look back down at Jackie.

"So you need help with baby names?"

"Yes!" I sit down on the couch next to her and pick up one of the books, flipping through it.

"Do you have any ideas?"

"I don't know. We were going to do it like, Austin picks the boys name, and I pick the girls name. But now he's showing no interest in any of it."

"I see." We both flip through the books for a second.

"How about Bernard?" I suggest.

"No. How about Andrew?" I nod.

"That's not too bad, I guess." She writes it down on a piece of paper.

"Your husband is such a dirty whore," Jack says to me from the kitchen.

"Tell me something I don't know. Why is he a dirty whore this time?"

"Do you see this fucking mess he's made all over the house? It's like a fucking sty in here." I look around the house and shrug.

"He never cleans up after himself, what else is new?"

"What about Taylor?" Jackie asks.

"What about Jack?" Jack suggests. We both give him a look and he shrugs and goes into his little bathroom with a glass of the tea that he just made.

"Taylor is a good name for both a boy or a girl," I say. She nods.

"I'm looking at unisex names."

"Mama!" Jack yells.

"What?" I say, kind of exasperated. He swings open the door and comes out with a bar of soap between the tips of his fingers, holding it out away from his body.

"There is black hair wrapped around this soap."

"So?"

"Do I have black hair? No. You don't have black hair either. Adam does. He left fucking hair on my soap."

"So just throw the bar of soap away and get a new one. Problem solved."

"What about Karma for a girl?" Jackie says.

"I like that one."

"Hello!" Jack shouts.

"Indoor voices, Jack."

"We need to do something about your disgusting husband."

"Like what, Jack? What do you suggest we do?"

"Payback is a bitch." I sigh.

"I don't care what you do, Jack."

"You're going to help me."

"Oh lord."

"What about Matthew?" Jackie says to me.

"Matthew and Karma. That works." She writes some thing on the paper, and goes back to looking in the book she's reading.

"We're going to make this place a disaster for when Adz gets home. He's gonna see what it's like to have to live in a pig sty," Jack goes on.

"I am not cleaning this place, babe. If you make it a disaster, you guys are responsible for cleaning it up."

"That's just it. He's either gonna have to clean up, or live with it the way it is. He has shit too easy around here." I give Jackie a look.

"Come on," he says. "Both of you." We both get up and follow him into the bedroom. He's messing the blankets off of the bed when we come in.

"I just made that!" I yell at him.

"Are you going to help me or not?"

"Fine."

"I'm going to need a pair of scissors." I feel my eyes involuntarily widen. He finds a pair of scissors on the desk and walks over to Jackie, grabbing her wrist and pulling her into the bathroom.

"Stand with your head over the shower," he instructs her.

"Why?"

"I'm going to give you a hair cut."

"Like hell you are!"

"Just a tiny trim. Now put your head over the shower." She looks at me and I shrug, then she reluctantly puts her head over the shower. Jack puts the scissors up to the ends of her hair and trims a tiny fraction of an inch from the ends, letting them fall onto the shower floor.

"OK?" I say.

"Thank you, Jackie for contributing to the cause," he says.

"What was that for?"

"Pubes in the bottom of the shower."

"Oh my God." Jackie starts giggling. He goes over to the sink and grabs the bottle of toothpaste, squirting some out on to the counter.

"I've got an idea," I say. I turn and run out to the kitchen, and come back with a glass of cranberry juice. They both give me odd looks, and I grab a box of tampons from out from under the counter. I pull one out of the box and dip it in the juice, waiting for it to turn a bright shade of red.

"You are so wrong," Jack says to me, grinning. He reaches past me and grabs the tampon out of the glass, and takes it over to the toilet, letting it drip juice all across the tile floor. I pour some of the juice into the toilet and we leave the seat up so Adam is sure to see it.

"Alright, now for the other rooms," Jack says, leading us out to the main area.

We go out to the kitchen and start pulling things out of the fridge and cupboards, and leaving the stuff out on the counter. Jack goes into his room and comes out with an ashtray that's full of dead cigarette butts, and sets it on the counter.

When we're done the house is completely trashed. We look around the house, satisfied with our work.

"Nice," Jack says.

"Adam is going to be so pissed," Jackie says. I shrug.

"He deserves it for being such a dirty slut," Jack tells her, and we both laugh.

"Now, back to baby names." We all sit on the couch and look at the books that she brought over with her.

"I'm telling you guys, Jack is the best name in these books," Jack says.

"What about middle names?" I ask.

"I haven't decided on that either." Adam comes walking in the front door then.

"Hey team," he says, tossing his keys on the kitchen counter.

"What are you doing home so soon?" I ask him. I see him observing the mess in the house.

"Writing session was canceled, but I got a call from a magazine that wants to do a photo shoot of the whole band and their wives, and do an interview."

"That's cool. What did you say?"

"I said that I had to talk to you and the guys about it," he pauses. "You guys really made a mess in here today." Jackie has a hard time holding back her laughter. Jack just shrugs.

"You know how it is, Adz." Adam looks at me and nods a little.

"When is the photoshoot?" I ask him.

"I don't know yet. What are you guys doing?"

"Helping Jackie pick out baby names."

"I like Karma for a girl, but I can't decide on a boys name," she says. She all of a sudden looks up as if she's just had a light bulb of inspiration.

"What about Adam?!" she says happily. Adam grimaces.

"What about Adam?" Jack says, not getting it.

"For the boy's name."

"You want to name your kid after Adam?"

"Yeah."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," he says. I look at Adam and start laughing.

"Adam, what's your middle name?" Jackie asks him.

"Uh... Wade."

"Adam Wade Winkler."

"You know, J babe. I really don't know how I feel about you giving one of your kids my name," Adam says. "It's a little weird."

She's not listening to him. She's writing something down in her notebook of names that she's been writing down.

"What's your middle name, Sophie?" My eyes widen.

"Faith."

"Karma Faith."

"Um." Jack is full on laughing now.

"It's a good thing she's not having triplets," he says.

"You'd be in trouble then," Adam tells him, earning a dirty look from Jack.

"What would be better than naming my children after the two people who have been there for us the most since Austin and I got married?" Jackie says excitedly.

"I don't know."