Mielisairas Rakkaus - a Crazy Dudesons Love Story

“Nikki and HP sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Lynn and Squint sang, holding hands and skipping around them. “Guys, quit it!” Nikki groaned, burying her face in HP’s shoulder in an attempt to hide her blush as Jarno came over to film. After learning what the guys had been talking about the night before, Lynn and Squint showed their IM logs to Jarno, HP, and Jarppi, and told HP to make his move. He did, and it worked. The only downside was that the newly formed couple was being vexed by their closest friends non-stop.

“Guys, shut up!” Nikki pleaded as Jukka and Jarppi joined in the skipping and singing around them. “Just wait until Dave finds out!” Lynn giggled. “Guys, please, you’re making it awkward.” She sighed. “But you’re just so cute! Aren’t they just so cute?” Squint beamed, earning nods from the other three Dudesons.

“So are you moving in with them, or is he moving here, or what?” Lynn asked after the song and dance had ended. “Oh no, of course not!” she answered quickly.

“Why not?” HP questioned, pulling her back so that he could see her face.

“Well, I wasn’t invited, and I don’t want to mess up your show by getting in the way.” She answered honestly.

“You weren’t in the way before.”

“But that was short term, and I wasn’t asleep on the couch like I would be-”

“Who said you two would be on the couch?” Jarppi interrupted.

“What?”

“You just said that you would be on the couch, why?” Jarno explained.

“Well I can’t take away his room long-term like that, it wouldn’t be right!”

“Uhm, Nikki,” Squint snickered before whispering into her ear, and making her blush a deep pink.

“Now she gets it!” Lynn howled in her laughter. “I, I d-didn’t, I mean I… s-stop filming this!” she stuttered before yelling at Jarno.

“But we document the lives of the Dudesons for the show! This is a big turning point in HP’s life, where he falls in love, and brings in a wife to cook and clean, and have little Dudesons babies,”

Lynn shut Jarppi up by punching him in the stomach as soon as he mentioned babies. Nikki had said before that as much as she wanted one, she didn’t think she could because it would be wrong to the one she killed. She was also worried that something would happen, and she would be forced to lose that one as well, and didn’t think she could survive that.

“Oh hey look! Dave’s home!” Squint announced, changing the subject and leading everyone over to see what Dave had for Simon Says.

“In the trunk, I have helium tanks, balloons… big ones, baseball bats, a football, some darts, mousetraps, wires and car batteries, lightbulbs, paintball guns, fireworks, tennisballs, skiis, a snowboard, two sleds, and a really, really, big bag of silly string.” He explained as he got out of his car. “And in the car itself, I have a bunch of other stuff.” He added. “Great!” Lynn cheered.

“Yeah, why’s Nikki look like someone died?” he demanded after noticing his little sister’s change in personailty, and staring at HP for an answer. “Blame Jarppi, he said something stupid about her having a family with HP.” Squint sighed. “Oh,” he frowned, “Sorry HP. I thought you did something stupid.”

After a few minutes of setup, the game began. “Simon Says… eat the wasabi!” Dave announced, laughing as the others groaned and dug into the bowls he had set out for them. Squint was the only one who wasn’t able to make it through without vomiting, but since the rules of Simon Says weren’t too clear, he was still in the game.

“Spray yourselves with the pepper spray!” Dave ordered, and Jukka did. “Jukka you lose!” Nikki squeaked through her laughter, watching him frown through his confusion and pain. “Simon didn’t say,” Lynn explained as Jarno zoomed in to capture his expression in defeat.

“Simon Says spray yourselves with the pepper spray.” Dave laughed, giving Jukka a break and ending their laughter. “This isn’t right,” Squint muttered as Dave took the camera from Jarno to tape them all spraying themselves and suffering. Nikki ended up doubled over, puking beside Jarno once the spray actually kicked in, since they had both breathed some of it in, while everyone else laughed off their pain and suffering.

“Dave,” Nikki gagged, since he was laughing the hardest. “What’s up?” he chuckled while walking over to make sure his baby sister was okay.

Without giving a warning, she puked down his pantleg, and all over his shoes. “Nikki you bitch!” he growled as the laughter around them doubled, “Go drink some water, all of you!”

“We can’t!” HP replied.

“Why?”

“Simon didn’t say,” Jarno coughed, causing Dave to groan.

“Simon Says, go drink some goddamn water!”

All six of the remaining players ran for different bodies of water. Squint went for the kitchen with HP, Lynn dove head first into the pool, and Nikki, Jarno, and Jarppi went for the hose. “Shouldn’t it be you and HP in the kitchen together?” Jarppi teased as she took the hose away from him. “Shut up, Jarppi, this is why I didn’t just confess that I liked him; I knew you guys would be like this.” She frowned, letting Jarno take the hose and spray it down his throat. “Well, Squint was right when he said that you two are cute together.” Jarno laughed, handing the hose back so she could copy his actions before having it taken by Jarppi. “So would you and Jukka.” She laughed, trying so hard to stop it from slipping out, her eyes were now watering from that instead of the pepper spray.

“What?” he and Jarppi demanded, though Jarppi was grinning where Jarno was frowning deeply. “The question here is, which one would be the woman?” Jarppi asked with a laugh. “Jarno.” She nodded firmly, “Sorry, but I just don’t see Jukka becoming your bitch, cameraman.” She added.

“SIMON SAYS THAT WATER BREAK IS OVER!” Jukka yelled through a megaphone, signaling everyone to file back into their lines. “Good job, Jukka.” Dave nodded proudly. “Wait, wait, you two are on a team now?” Lynn demanded. “We decided that now when you lose, you become a part of Simon.” Jukka explained. “Damn it, Dave, that’s against the rules and not fair!” Squint pouted. “You only say that because you’re afraid of what Jukka will think of.” Nikki laughed.

“Aren’t you?” HP questioned.

“HP, you and Jarppi locked me in a port-a-potty, and threw me in a lake. Two weeks later, your outhouse was brought down over my head, causing me to fall into the shit pit below while you guys laughed and videotapped it. What more should I fear?” she asked seriously. He just shrugged and waited for the game to continue.

After hours, and hours of torture, pain, and endless laughter, Jarppi and Nikki were the only two left in the game, which had been moved to the Dudesons Ranch, and neither was willing to give up without a fight. Nikki was exhausted, and having trouble standing without swaying and wanting to fall over, and Jarppi was sitting against the barn panting after “Simon” told them to run thirty laps around the ranch.

“Simon says,” Lynn snickered, “pat your head and rub your tummy.”

Both Jarppi and Nikki did as they were told.

“Simon says jump up and down!” Squint added, and laughed as Nikki and Jarppi jumped while patting their heads and rubbing their stomach. “This… is not… fun, anymore.” Nikki breathed through their activity.

“Stop.” Dave ordered.

“No.”

“Simon says to stop what you are doing and spin in circles.” Jukka laughed.

“Simon says to do jumping jacks!” HP ordered, laughing so hard he had to kneel because he couldn’t stay standing when Nikki and Jarppi started doing spinning jumping jacks. “Just stop Nikki! It will be all over and we can rest!” Jarppi shouted. “Not a chance, in hell, Jarppi! You quit!” she retorted, almost falling over.

“This is cruel, guys.” Squint sighed finally. “Do you realize where we are and who we’re with? This is normal.” Dave laughed. “She’s going to pass out.” Lynn warned, but Dave wasn’t really listening as Jarno had “Simon” yell stop.

“This is getting boring. Simon says this is the last event!” Lynn shouted before he could announce his idea. “Thank god!” Nikki yelled, falling to the ground and struggling to stay conscious.

“Oh, yeah… Simon Says…”

“Lynn please don’t become… one of them. Fight it! Fight it, Lynn!”

“Simon Says, whoever can run one lap around the ranch, crawl through the mud pit, climb over Jarno, HP, and Dave’s cars, and tag my hand first wins.”

“Lynn!” Nikki whimpered as Jarppi muttered a few things in Finnish before standing up. “Ready?” she smirked as Jarno got into Jukka’s car to follow the race close enough to get a good angle. “Do we have a choice?” Jarppi joked.

“Three! Two! One! GO!” “Simon” counted together, and Nikki and Jarppi were off… slowly.

Jarppi won the race to the mud pit, but there Nikki caught the lead, it was a tie over the cars, but in the end it looked like a tie as they both hit Lynn at the same time. Jarno had to review the tape to announce who was the winner. “Nikki! You won!” HP beamed. “Yey!” she smiled quietly from her place lying on the ground. “I think you should drink some water, and get some rest before we go into the Walk of Shame.” Dave frowned, not realizing how exhausting their game was for Jarppi and Nikki until the end. “Okay,” Nikki nodded as Jarppi walked to the house, but she didn’t move.

Lynn nudged HP, who laughed and lifted her up to carry her into the house. “Hey! We said rest!” Jukka laughed when he carried her into his room, which was still that horrid shade of yellow, and shut the door. “He has to give the winner her reward.” Squint snickered.

Lynn squeaked and stood up suddenly, before running to her purse and digging through it. “What are you looking for?” Dave questioned. “I want to make sure those two are responsible, and safe.” She answered before brusting through the door and throwing something at HP, who was lying beside Nikki, kissing her neck.

“LYNN!” Nikki screamed in laughter as she slammed the door and sat between Squint and Jukka on the couch. “What did you just give them?” Jukka asked curiously. “Condoms.” She and Squint answered together. Jarno’s face was an expression of shock as he repositioned his camera to better capture the moment.

“You carry a box of condoms in your purse?” Dave asked blankly.

“No. I carry three. I also carry three brands of pregnancy tests, a box of tampons, box of pads, breathmints, gum, shoelaces, scissors, rubber bands, hair ties, a brush, hair spray, butter knife, apple sauce, a spoon, and a shock collar.”

“Are you serious?” Jarppi asked in awe.

“She has all that, and a bag of chips.” Squint grinned.

“And more.” Lynn laughed, tossing Squint his chips before reclaiming her seat on the couch.

In HP’s room, Nikki was cuddled even closer to him than she was when Lynn crashed in on them. Every time he’d caress her body, or go to kiss her neck and collar bone, she’d stiffen as if she were afraid of what he was doing. So instead, he settled on holding her closely and letting her sleep using his chest for a pillow.

The truth was she was terrified to get serious with him, because he was so perfect to her. He never hurt her, or said anything bad about her, even before they knew they liked each other. His perefctions scared her, because Jason was perfect as well. Jason was everything a man should be, until they got serious.

“Guys we… is she asleep?” Jarno asked after walking in to announce that the Walk of Shame was about to begin. “Yeah.” HP answered in a whisper, not wanting to disturb her. “She can sleep in the buggy!” Lynn shouted. It was then that HP noticed what Jarno was wearing… or, not wearing.

“Is that what the Walk of Shame is going to be?” he asked almost worriedly. “Yeah, and we have to pull a buggy like horses. Dave put it together.” Squint sighed, tossing HP a leather G-string, strap-up heels, and bridle. He just sighed and nodded as they left the room and closed the door.

“Nikki, Nikki wake up now. Our parade is going to start.” He frowned as he woke her.

“What are we doing?” she groaned

“We are pulling you like horses while you ride in the carriage.”

“That’s mean,”

“Well, we lost.” He laughed and pulled her into a sitting position. “Come on, we have to go now and I have to get dressed.”

“What are you wearing?”

He sighed again and showed her his parade uniform. Nikki burst into a fit of tired laughter. “I think your English was wrong. Get UN-dressed, HP.” She giggled, blushing after realizing what she just said. He tried his best to ignore it as she left the room, but it was difficult after the fact he had just told him to get undressed.