Mielisairas Rakkaus - a Crazy Dudesons Love Story

For the first time in their lives, Nikki and Lynn stood side by side dressed formally, looking at themselves and each other in the mirror before them. “So is this what it felt like to get redy for prom?” Nikki asked her friend with honest curiosity. “Yeah, but without the epic zit on your nose, and the nervous boyfriend standing awkwardly in the living room with your dad.” She laughed, “I really wish you could have gone that night. Who the fuck gets chicken-pox the day before prom?”

“Me, obviously.” Nikki sighed and smoothed out her long blue silk and velvet gown.

“You know, he’s gonna die when he sees you, right?”

“Who?”

“HP, idiot! This dress fits you in every perfect way, and the makeup job and hair are top of the line. You look beautiful.”

“Thanks,” she smiled weakly and continued staring at herself in the mirror, positive that Lynn was just saying that to live up to her possition as best friend.

At Castle Bam however, it was a completely different setting. Instead of the quiet house full of women getting themselves ready after dressing the bride, it was a roaring house of men who waited until the last minute to get things together. Dave was still in the shower, HP was looking for his jacket, Jukka was trying to untangle his tie from Dunn’s, and everyone else was just as behind on time as they were.

“Why is it so important that I wear this tie?” HP questioned, looking oddly at the ice blue piece of silk. “Squint said that Jill demanded you wear it.” Bam shrugged.

“But why?” he honestly found it to be a very ugly tie, and didn’t want to wear it.

“Something about matchin’ Nikki’s dress and some shit, I don’t know. Girl stuff.” He dismissed and continued to fight with his hair to make Ape stop yelling at him to look “at least presentable”.

By sime miracle, the two hummers pulled up to the field the wedding was set to take place in on time, and the guys ran out to take their seats, promising not to distrupt the service in any way, shape, or form under penalty of death. They still had a few minutes until it started, so instead of sitting in the uncomfortable metal fold-out chairs that had been set out, they stood around and broke off into their own conversations.

Bam, Squint, HP, Jukka, and Jim were all huddled in a corner talking excitedly about his soon-to-be marriage, when something caught Bam’s eye. He quickly nudged HP’s arm and nodded towards the only woman wearing a dress that matched his ugly blue tie, and could practically hear his jaw hit the ground.

The ice-blue gown was a beauitful floor length evening gown made of silk, and velvet, accented with black hoop earings, choker, and classic black heels. Her hair was curled, freshly dyed a beauitful dark auburn, and decorated with a silver and ice blue dragonfly clip to keep her hair pinned behind her right ear. “No way is that Nikki,” Dave muttered as they watched her converse with a redheaded woman who wore a dark pink gown of the same cut and style, accented with matching jewlery, the only difference was her clip was silver and pink, and shaped like a rose. “That is Nikki,” HP nodded, feeling guilty for ever thinking the shade of that tie was ugly. How could it possibly be ugly, when it was so flawlessly, and unspeakably beautiful on the woman before him?

“Go talk to her, she’s your date after all.” Jim smirked pushing him toward her. He just nodded and slowly walked over to Nikki, tapping her on the shoulder to get her attention.

“HP!” she smiled happily, hugging him tightly while still being mindful of her dress, and his suit which matched her outfit enough to make her blush. “You look…” he started before ending his statement in Finnish. “Is it really that bad? Because the wedding hasn’t started yet, I can go back to the house and put something else on; there’s a really simple black dress I got that Lynn refused to let me wear today. It’s really cute though, and I think it would work.” She frowned nervously.

“No, no Nikki, it’s not bad,” he laughed, kissing her head lightly, “I said you look beautiful, but I couldn’t think of the right words. It was easier to say in Finnish, and sounded better, but you couldn’t understand it. Sorry.”

“Oh,” she blushed, looking down at the toes of her black heels.

“Come on, I wanna go find out who got the pink tie.” Lynn grinned, tugging on their arms. “Lynn! I did not recognize you!” he laughed in shock. “We’re wearing matching dresses!” She squealed, punching him in the arm.

“Holy shit, that’s Lynn?!” Bam gasped after seeing the woman in pink punch HP before dragging him and Nikki towards them. “Apparently, it is… my god she looks,” Dave muttered. “Hot,” Squint finished for him, blushing a little after realizing what he said. “She does look very pretty dressed like that.” Jukka nodded, but ended there because she was now within earshot.

“So, who got my tie?” she asked with a grin, noticing that none of them was wearing the tie that matched her dress. “Actually we put it on Rake.” Bam laughed. “Awe, the wearer of that tie was supposed to be my date!” she whined as Squint’s mother came over frowning deeply.

“Oh damn,” Squint sighed as soon as her eyes locked with his. “I trust there will be none of your little games here, James Finch. After hearing the tales of your ‘games’ in Finland, and overhearing some conversations between your skater friends, I’m not sure I can call myself a proud mother.” She scolded.

“Mom, I swear we aren’t like that all the time. It’s just a way to pass the time, and nothing bad ever really comes from it.” He defended calmly.

“Parading around town in… in sex clothes?” she demanded, whispering the word ‘sex’ because she was too ashamed of the term.

“I’ll admit that wasn’t the best choice to make, but it was a punishment for losing the game. We all had to do it!”

He regretted his words instantly, as her eyes darted from his to Lynn’s, who were filled with awkward regret. Scanning the group she could see the guilt in Dave’s eyes, as well as Jukka, Nikki, and HP’s. “And I’ll guess these two aren’t saving anything for marriage, either?” she scoffed, noticing the way HP was now holding Nikki.

“Mom, enough.” Jim ordered, “One, this is my wedding, and I won’t have some clashes of personalities ruin it. Two, don’t forget, this is Jill’s day too. Three, I’ve heard these same stories, and they don’t sound so bad. Maybe you are just being judgmental because of what happened between all of us all those years ago. And four, and most importantly, even if they were jacking off, and shooting out on the Holy Cross, while worshiping Satan himself, this is still my brother and I refuse to lose him again. With him, comes his friends and new life. I’m willing to accept that.”

Michelle’s face went blank, before it turned to complete fury. “Maybe you all should have stayed in Finland.” She muttered before stalking off. “She doesn’t mean it, Squint.” Lynn assured quickly, embracing him tightly as he wiped some of his tears on her shoulder, trying to hide how much he had just been hurt.

“Dude, we gotta go. Your last few moments as an unmarried and free man have come to an end, it’s time to take the plunge and wear the cuffs… ehm, I mean rings.” Jack beamed as he jogged up to them. “You got the ring, Jamie?” Jim grinned, patting his brother on the shoulder. “You still want me to do this? I mean Mom and Dad are totally pissed off, and I don’t wanna wreck this any more,” he rambled before Jack punched him in the stomach. “Thank you, Jack.” Jim nodded as they both supported their brother, “Yes I want you to do this. You are one third of us, without you guys I wasn’t a whole person… as gay as that sounds. You’re my brothers, and if I have to choose between having my brothers, or having my parents, we’re all moving to Finland.” He grinned, and tugged them off to start the precession.

The wedding was nearly perfect. No one tripped going down the isle, Jack and Squint presented the rings without any flaws, and no one stuttered while giving their vows. Squint’s parents were still glaring daggers at Bam’s crew, the Dudesons, and Nikki Lynn and Dave, but no one else seemed to mind it. Jill was grinning ear to ear throughout the entire ceremony as a few happy tears rolled down her face as the preacher began the final part of “I Do”. Ape was crying as well, and Nikki was trying not to, but everything was just too good to be true.

“I do.” Jim smiled, taking the ring from Jack and placing it on Jill’s finger. Thunder rolled as the preacher addressed Jill, but before she could answer the sky opened up and rain poured down on everyone. “Is it a sign?” Jack joked over the sound of pouring rain as the bride’s maids rushed to protect Jill’s dress and hair. “Well do you, Jillianna?” the preacher pushed. “Of course I do! Rain can’t ruin this parade!” she laughed, taking the ring from Squint and putting it on her husband.

“You may now kiss the bride!”

Their kiss was very quick, and hardly what anyone would considder a first kiss to start their lives together, but that short peck was all that was given before they ran laughing like maniacs to stand under the one and only tent, which was only big enough to cover them, the cake, and the table of gifts.

“Mr and Mrs. Finch, do you have somewhere to hold the reception that isn’t being flooded out?” Bam asked over the rain, trying not to laugh as HP tried to hold a newspaper over Nikki to keep her hair and makeup from being ruined; it was a very pointless gesture, but cute nonetheless. “Actually no, it wasn’t supposed to rain today.” Jim laughed. Bam was shocked to see that Jill was laughing right along with him, hair a mess, eyeliner running down both sides of her face, dress probably weighing a hundred pounds, and she couldn’t be happier. “C’mon, we’ll hold it at my place. Can’t have all this party shit goin’ to waste!” he shouted and stood up on one of the chairs.

“Listen up bitches!” he shouted, addressing his crew but gaining the offended attention of everyone else around him who were taking shelter anywhere they could, “My bitches,” he clarrified, “Grab what you can, and get it to Castle Bam. We’re movin’ this shindig elsewhere!”

At once everyone, Phill and Ape included, started rounding everything up and loading cars. “If anything gets broken, I’m kickin’ some asses!” he announced firmly before jumping down form his chair and joining in their assistance. “Don’t drop that cake, Raab!” Ape ordered as he carried the wedding cake while Dave, Nikki, Jukka, and Dunn carried the tent over it to keep it from getting ruined. “Nothing happened to it, see?” He shouted back after setting it down beside one of the hummers, only to have Dico trip over it getting out and knock it into the muddy ground.

“It’s okay!” Jill laughed as Jim tried to carry her to their car, “It’s just cake, Mrs. Margera, we can stop at a walmart somewhere and buy another. Cake is cake.”

She was about to protest, but noticed her son was already on the phone with someone, talking about wedding cakes, and decided to let it go, trying not to laugh when Jim slipped and dropped his bride in the mud.

“Okay! Everyone follow the Hummers!” Dico announced as everyone went to their cars, and then they were off.

“Jill’s a pretty cool chick.” Bam laughed in disbelief as they drove down the road, going slow enough to make sure everyone stayed together. “Yeah man, what kind of woman laughs when her wedding is flooded out, cake trampled by a complete dumbass, and to top it all off, her husband dropps her in a mud puddle while she’s wearing that expensive white dress!” Dunn agreed.

“Hey, who were you on the phone with back there?” Rake questioned after their Hummer fell into silence. “Oh, nothin’. Just getting the cake replaced, since Dico’s retarded ass stepped all over it.” Bam answered. “Hey, I said I was sorry!” Dico deffended, but was shut up by Raab slapping him across the face as Bam’s phone rang.

“Yeah,” he answered, clicking it over to speaker.

“Bam, we’re going to Walmart. If we get lost, you can come get us right?” Nikki asked hopefully.

“Why the fuck are you goin’ to Walmart? We’re heading to a wedding reception!”

“To get the cake?”

“Already taken care of. Who’s driving?”

“Squint’s mom.”

“Tell her to follow the Hummers, and not to worry about it.”

“We’re already pulling into the parking lot for Walmart… I think it’s kind of late for that.” She sighed.

“Then the whole damn party is going to Walmart!” he shouted and hung up before turning around.

“Dude, what the hell are we doing?” Dave demanded from the open window of the other Hummer as they pulled up beside him. “Going to Walmart to get your sister!” Dunn answered as Bam took off again, waving everyone to follow him.

Once the Walmart Side Trip Fiasco was overwith, they finally made it to Castle Bam, where everyone was quickly led inside to set up the party. It wasn’t much of a mystery why Jim had fallen in love with Jill. Soaked to the bone, dress ruined with water and mud, hair and makeup a mess, and wedding cake destroyed, she was laughing and partying with her newly-wedded husband without a care in the world. She wasn’t very attached to her worldly possessions, and as far as she cared she could be wearing a paper bag for the wedding, and eating store-bought cookies for the wedding cake, and it would be okay. Her brides-maids weren’t so happy, and were being extremely catty over the whole thing, as were her mother and other family members. All and all, most of the guests weren’t happy about where their reception was now taking place, however they admired Bam for stepping up for two total strangers like that. Especially when the four-hundred-dollar cake arrived.

“Oh you didn’t have to do that! Our cake hardly costed one-hundred, this is way too much!” Jill gasped, but he just shrugged off and admired the heartgram decorated cake proudly. “Ape would’ve killed us all if we didn’t make up for trashing your cake. Personal thing.” He shrugged and walked off to tackle Jukka into a table, breaking it of course.

Once the wedding guests started drinking, things lightened up. Michelle apologized to her son after seeing everything his friends and new family was doing to make Jim and Jill’s wedding great, Jill’s bride’s-maids were bitching less, and Dave even found a girl to dance with… for the whole party.

“All right, it’s time for the Bride and Groom to have their special dance!” Bam announced, once again standing on a chair to get everyone’s attention. There wasn’t a lot to choose from, so he put on “Right Here In My Arms” by HIM. How could he have in a million years known that that very song happened to be their song, and the song that was playing when he proposed?

When the song ended, and everyone’s applause was done, Bam stood up and made another announcement. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I know that this is Jim and Jill’s big day, but there is another dance that needs to take place. We already talked to the happy couple about this, and they don’t have a problem with it so we’re not that big a bunch of assholes. Anyway, our very good friend Nikki, never got to go to her prom because she had chicken-pox,” he announced, looking directly to Nikki who was leaning on HP’s shoulder, staring back in confusion, “Her boyfriend at the time ended up going with another girl, and that was the last time they spoke to each other. I personally hope he burns in hell. To make up for that night, we dressed her and her boyfriend HP like teenage prom dates tonight, and it’s time that she got her Senior Prom Dance.” He finished his little speech by nodding to HP who was smiling wildly; so that was why he had to wear that stupid tie to match her dress. They were going to prom that night together.

“I was just talking to Lynn about that before the wedding, about how much I wished I could have gone to prom. I missed my Jr. prom because of food poisoning too… I’m cursed.” She sighed as they danced slowly to another lovesong that Bam had chosen, her with her arms draped around his neck, and he with his arms lightly wrapped around her wasit, both letting their foreheads rest together. “I am glad to be your prom date.” He laughed as she snuggled closer to him, letting a few tears slip as he hugged her tighter.

“They’re so freaking cute together! Look at that, they really are like prom dates, all cute and cuddly together, wearing matching suit and dress.” Squint gushed as he and Lynn watched them. “I know. Damn we’re good.” She smirked just before everyone applauded the cute cupple’s shy kiss at the end of the song. “Really damn good,” she laughed before being pulled onto the dance floor by Squint as “Ten Black Roses” by The Rasmus began to play.

“You know, this guy’s a total liar.” Lynn laughed half way through the song. “Why do you say that?” Bam demanded as he, Dave, Squint, Jill, Jim, Nikki, Jukka, Hp, Lynn, and Raab danced together. “Because there were millions of times when we were sad, and no one knew it… I never got any roses Finn-Boy!” she yelled at the music playing, making everyone laugh and continue to party.

“Well, next time I see Lauri, I’ll tell him to send your damn roses!” Bam announced, making Nikki and Lynn laugh harder until he explained that he really could get a hold of him, and have their roses sent if they really wanted them.

By the end of the night, everyone was exhausted. The older, and more straight-laced guests of the wedding left hours before the party even started to die down, leaving Jill, a few of her bride’s maids, their dates, Jim, Jack, and Jack’s friend with Bam’s crew, the Dudesons, Nikki, Lynn, Squint, and Dave.

“I really want… to thank you, for making this wedding so incredible.” Jill laughed as they sat crowded around the Tree Top Cassino. “You’re welcome, it was a kick ass time.” Bam nodded, taking another drink of his beer.

“I think the best part was making my mom think our cake was covered in satanic symbols.” She laughed, “Who hasn’t heard of HIM?! That’s anything but a satanic band! It’s the most romantic cake I’ve ever seen!”

“I’ll let Valo know next time I see him.”

“No, Jill,” Jim ordered, confusing everyone as they snacked on what was left of the food and cake. “What was she gonna do?” Dico asked curiously. “Ask if you could arrange for her to meet the guys from HIM.” He sighed. “Easy, he’s comin’ out next week.” Bam shrugged.

“And we won’t be here!” she pouted while Jim started laughing.

“Where are you going?” Raab questioned.

“Finland.” They, Squint, Lynn, Nikki, Dave, HP, Jarno, Jukka, and Jarppi answered together before bursting into more drunken laughter.

“Our honeymoon starts in Helsinki, and ends in Lapland, technically. But we’re staying a few extra days in Helsinki before flying here.” Jim explained.

“Why Finland?” Raab asked.

“Because, as you already know, the country is full of awesome!” Jill laughed, showing off her tattoo of a waving Finnish flag on her hip, “Plus, I want to visit my dad and this is the only way I can get there without my mom trying to kill me.” She shrugged.

“Jill’s half Finnish. Her parents don’t talk, and her mom changed her last name from Jass-call-line-en to her maiden name, Bell, when she moved back to the states after their divorce.” Jim explained.

“Say my original last name again, baby.” She smirked as the Dudesons tried not to laugh.

“Jass-call-line-en. You know that’s the closest I can get.”

“Jääskeläinen. Remember the Finnish J is a Y.” She laughed before kissing him lightly, letting her Finnish accent ring naturally through her correction, “Jillianna Ruusu Auli Jääskeläinen-Bell.”

“Jillianna Ruusu Auli Finch.” He corrected, “But, Jääskeläinen just sounds so sexy when you say it. I love when you speak Finnish.” He smiled, taking extra time to properly say her maiden name.

“Mm, minä rakastan sinua.”

Jim grinned more as her lips crashed into his, pulling her closer to his body as she continued muttering to him in Finnish. “Told you it’s a sexy language.” Nikki giggled to HP as Jim and Jill started a very passionate newlywed makeout session. “I’m going back to the house. This is… awkward.” Lynn announced as HP kissed Nikki.

“Relax, we aren’t going to do anything like them.” Nikki yawned, trying to follow her down but she was very drunk, and nearly fell out of the Tree Top Cassino. HP helped her down, and proceeded to support her weight as everyone slowly made their way to Castle Bam, leaving the newly wedded couple to their doings in peace.

“You need to sleep, Nikki.” HP sighed a few hours after they arrived. Everyone else was asleep, and they were the only two left awake, sitting in a corner of the dining room where their beds for the night was set up, since with all of the guests there wasn’t enough room for everyone to have a guest room.

“I don’t want to. I can’t take it anymore. I know he can’t find me here, I know I’m safe with you, I know he’s out of my life forever now… but every time I fall asleep, there he is, and I can’t escape it.”

“I know, but it is not healthy for you to give up sleeping forever. Just try to get some rest, for me? You do owe me for getting you back here safely.”

“Shut up… I know I owe you.” She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, and running her hand up the inside of his thigh. “I have told you this twice already, and this will not be the last because you are always drunk when you do this. Sex is not going to make anything better, Nikki. You will only forget Jason for a short while, if it works at all. You need to face this, and stop hiding.” He stated firmly, forcing himself to resist her attempts at turning him on, which was pointless since he had been “excited” since they left Jill and Jim, when she “accidentally” grabbed his crotch when she fell, and ended up with her face against it.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed as a few tears welled up in her eyes. She knew what she was doing that time, and it wasn’t because she was drunk and wanting to forget Jason this time. When she fell in the woods, it really was an accident, on her part. Raab and Dico tripped her, and pushed her so when he caught her she would land that way. She only grabbed him there because it happened to be where her hand landed when she fell. As the hours passed she had sobered up quite a lot, and wasn’t as drunk as he thought she was. This time, she didn’t want something to make her forget, she just wanted to be close to him. She wanted to feel every inch of him, and hold their bodies together without an inch seperating them. She wasn’t afraid of him anymore, and wanted to be entirely his. But her drunken mistakes left her rejected.

“Don’t cry, Nikki. Just get some sleep, and everything will be all right. I won’t let anything happen, even in your nightmares; I’ll wake you.” He promised, kissing her forehead lightly before making her lie down on the pile of blankets Bam had thrown down and called a bed.

“You’re going to stay with me, right? You won’t leave?”

“Of course not, this is supposed to be my bed too.” He grinned, and snuggled close to her for the rest of the night, keeping their bodies firmly held together in that protective embrace.