Mielisairas Rakkaus - a Crazy Dudesons Love Story

Nikki woke up the next morning to hushed voices and someone gently touching her face. She gasped and tried to jump away, but ended up rolling into something soft, which meant she was nowhere near her bedroom since she should have either hit a wall, or the floor. “Nikki, are you okay?” Jarno asked worriedly as the room came into focus for her. “What the hell?” she whined while burying her face into the arm of the couch. “You never came back last night, so we went looking for you. Jarppi found you passed out in the woods and carried you back here.” He explained, handing her a glass of water and a couple pills. “Why did you wake me up?” she demanded, letting the arm of the couch muffle her voice.

“Because you were having nightmares and we didn’t know what else to do. Who is Jason?”

“Nobody.” She answered flatly and took the pills and water form him quickly; “He’s nobody.”

“Nobody? You were dating for like, two years.” Dave frowned. “Yeah, two years, six years ago. He’s nobody Dave. It’s not my fault you’re fucking his sister now, that doesn’t change that he’s nobody to me!” she shouted, wincing at the pain in her head, which felt like someone was standing on it with a jackhammer. “So Sarah shouldn’t have invited him over tomorrow night?” he asked curiously. Nikki didn’t say anything; she just stood up and limped to the bathroom.

“Damnit.” She muttered, remembering that the door was completely broken and wouldn’t stay closed. “What?” Jukka asked, catching her mumbled swear as he walked past her. “Can you do me a favor?” she asked with a sigh.

“Depends on the favor.”

“I really have to pee, and Jarno’s got that camera glued to his head again. Hold the door closed for me?”

“Sure.” He laughed and kept guard until she was done. She washed her hands and hugged him, drying them on the back of his shirt, and went to her room, locking everyone else out including Lynn.

“Maybe you should wait to have them over.” Jarppi suggested as Lynn came through the front door with a defeated look about her. “He won’t budge, he’s still out cold.” She announced, referring to Squint who she had just spent the last half-hour trying to wake with HP, “Wait, invite who over?”

“Sarah and Jason.” Dave answered. “Whore and Ho? Why did you invite them?” she demanded angrily. “Look, that ‘whore’ is my girlfriend, and so-called ho actually meant at lot to my sister!” he argued. “You’re so stupid, Dave.” She sighed and went to start the hour long knocking to get back into her room. She knew Nikki wasn’t going to open it, but she felt better trying for an hour or two to get in. As a best friend, and the only one who was awake who knew what happened with Jason and Sarah, she had some obligations.

“Is there something I don’t know?” Dave asked, mostly thinking out loud. “I don’t know. Sarah seemed pretty nice to me.” Jukka shrugged. “She seemed a little hard on Nikki though.” HP pointed out. “Nikki was acting like a bitch to her as soon as she saw her, and so was Lynn.” Dave defended. “Maybe you should ask your sister, Dave.” Squint muttered as he stumbled through the room and into their bedroom.

“GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND OUT OF MY BED!” he screamed after falling on top of her. “Excuse me for having a sex life!” he retorted as Sarah quickly walked out and joined him in the armchair. “Excuse me for having the need to sleep, asshole!” Squint spat and slammed the door. “You guys are fuck-tards, you know it? Dave’s fucking around isn’t the issue here. I’m locked out of my bedroom!” Lynn pouted.

“We could always pick the lock for you.” Jukka offered. “Like you picked the bathroom door’s?” she scoffed. “Is that what happened? I thought we broke it when Jarppi threw me through the door.” Jarno shrugged. “Nope, Jukka picked the lock because I was locked in.” she explained.

“You guys destroy everything, don’t you?” Sarah asked. “Yeah, can we party at your house next?” she asked hopefully.

“Uhm, no. I like to keep things whole, thanks.”

“Fine, but next time you’re here keep your squeals down so I can sleep. You sounded like a stuck pig on helium.” She laughed. Dave couldn’t contain his laughter and was met by his girlfriend standing up and leaving. “Wow, I’ll make fun of her sex-sounds more often if it makes her leave that quickly. YOU MOAN LIKE A DYING COW!” she laughed hysterically. “YOU DRINK LIKE A SLUT!” Sarah shouted back. “You can’t drink like a slut… you can act like a slut while drinking, but sluts drink like everyone else. She would know, she’s an expert.” She winked. “BURN!” Squint howled form behind his closed door. “Shouldn’t he be sleeping off those drinks?” Jarno asked. Dave just shrugged as Nikki finally opened her door and let Lynn in.

“He invited them over!” she yelled as more tears streamed down her face. “Nikki, it’s okay. If he says or does anything I’ll kill him… but I think I’ll have to wait in line for that. Those Finns out there seem pretty protective of you already. That one Y name especially. With the shorter hair?”

“It’s a J.”

“Whatever!”

“Two have short hair, Lynn.”

“Mid-length, the one who ended up in the buff!”

“Oh, Jukka. Yeah, he’s pretty cool.”

“He’s already acting like he’s adopted you. I think you have a new big brother!”

“Better than Dave is right now.” Nikki sighed and reclaimed her place in the corner beside the window.

“Want another drink? There are some leftovers still in the cooler outside.”

“Nah, too early to drink. Cover for me?”

“Leave your bags, and I get to check your pockets.”

“I left the razorblades at home.”

“Okay then, I’ll cover for you.”

“Thanks!” and with that Nikki jumped out her window and went, once again, for a walk in the woods.

“Lynn, Nikki, open the door, please?” Dave pleaded while knocking insistently. “Dude shut up!” She hissed while adjusting Nikki’s bed to look convincingly like she was asleep before throwing the door open, “She’s out again, don’t wake her up! Her head’s spinning a thousand miles an hour and she feels like hell. What do you want?” she demanded in a harsh whisper. “To see if my baby sister’s okay?” he answered honestly. “She’s fine. She just needs some time out.” She sighed and led him back to the others.

The Dudesons were piling into Jarppi’s car after spending half the morning trying to get it to start, but still Nikki hadn’t gotten up yet. “Maybe we should go wake her up, you know, so she can say goodbye.” Squint suggested. “No, I’ll just have her call you guys when she wakes up. You know as well as I do last night was pretty heavy.” Lynn laughed, almost too quickly. “I think Squint’s right, besides the guys wanna say goodbye too.” Dave protested. “And I think honestly, I know your sister better than you do sometimes.” She laughed, now searching for anything to keep them from trying to wake up a pile of pillows and clothing.

“I know that when Jason and Sarah left before she could say goodbye after one of your parties, she cried for days. We should wake her up.”

“Jason and Sarah were never supposed to be in her life again, she thought it was forever-goodbye. This is until we see them later, it’s different David.”

“Ohh, 'David', she’s getting serious!” Squint chuckled, trying to lighten the situation. He knew Nikki wasn’t in her room, that much was obvious to anyone who knew her, which obviously Dave didn’t. “Look, I’m waking my sister up. I think after being with her, her entire life, I would know her well enough.” He announced, and marched to the house, leaving no room for argument.

Lynn gave a quiet sort of whimper and ran after him, but it was too late, he was already shaking the form in the bed. “Nikki?” he muttered, and Lynn prepared for the worst. “Well thanks Dave, just ruin the whole damn prank!” Nikki sighed as she climbed through her window. “Prank?” he and Lynn questioned together. “Yeah, make Lynn think I was asleep, keep her away from me as long as possible, so I could set some… traps.” She grinned evilly. “That pile of junk wouldn’t fool anyone.” He scoffed. “Fooled you.” Lynn muttered with a thankful sigh and once again led Dave out of the room.

“You guys are the coolest,” Nikki smiled as she hugged each Dudeson goodbye. “Thank you.” Jukka smiled. “Yeah, can I maybe come stay with you guys the night Sarah and Jason are supposed to come over?” she muttered through their hug.

“Why?”

“Long story.”

“Yeah, do you need to be picked up?”

“Would you?”

“Of course.” He smiled and she hugged him tighter. “Whoa, long embrace… someone doesn’t wanna say goodbye.” Squint smirked. “Shut it, butt-head.” She smirked, and waved as the Dudesons pulled away.

“So, what did you ask him?” Lynn asked that evening as the two of them sat together in a tree, drinking the six beers each they had brought with them. Nikki wouldn’t have made it up if Lynn hadn’t physically hoisted her up with each branch she climbed. “If I can stay with them at their place when Sarah and Jason come over.” She answered.

“Wow, genius!”

“Yeah, he gave the okay; they’re gonna come pick me up that morning.”

“Great. So do you know the Finnish charges and punishments for murder?”

“No… why?”

“Well, you know, incase I, maybe, accidentally, kind of, happen to push one of them in front of a bus, or into the bonfire… or just sort of back over them in Dave’s car… repeatedly.”

“God, Lynndsay. If only.”

“We could make it look like an overdose!”

“Running them over?”

“They were high, and stumbled out in front of my car officer! I-I tried to stop, but … t-the car didn’t, a-and,” she replied, pretending to break down in tears.

“The only way that would work, would be if the Finnish police are all really, very, extremely stupid.” Nikki laughed. “Yeah… but can I punch that bitch at least?” she asked hopefully, “Or even better, come with you?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask about you. I’m sorry.” She sighed. “Well, don’t worry about it. You go and have a good time, and I’ll stay here, out of trouble, in our room, drinking my ass off.”

“I like that idea. Well, the you not getting in trouble part. If you drink your ass off, what will I have to kick?”

“Dave’s!” they shouted together, and burst out laughing, so hard that Nikki fell out of the tree and dislocated her shoulder. “Are you kidding? These woods are mother-fucking cursed!” she groaned as Lynn climbed down to help, laughing so hard she thought she might pee. “Hey, these woods are going to hook you up I think. Be nice to them.” She sighed before popping the joint back in place, without warning.

“What makes you say that?” she asked after recovering from the pain enough to form proper words, without swearing. “Well, let’s see. You get upset and run into the woods. Cute Finn-boy gets worried and has his friend go with him to find you. Said cute Finn-boy finds you hurt and carries you back to the house. Later you get really pissed off, run back into the woods, same guy gets a search party together to come find you, and his friend carries you back because you’re passed out. Now think, if only it was one of them helping you climb the tree, they could have held you through your pain.” She mused.

“Yeah, since you stood here and laughed like a dick-fuck.”

“I do fuck dick, thank you very much. Ass-munch.”

“Bitch.”

“My name is Lynn, not Sarah!”

“Good point, m’love.” She laughed and slowly made her way back to the house, only to find an unfamiliar car parked beside Dave’s. “Wanna use my cell?” Lynn asked quietly as a tall, muscular, dark haired guy came jogging down the front steps of the house towards them. “Please,” Nikki breathed and took refuge in the collapsing garage/barn before Jason could reach them.

Of course Jukka answered his phone in Finnish, but that didn’t really matter to her. “Jukka, how far from Dave’s are you?” she demanded.

“Not far, the car stopped working. We’re trying to fix it now, why?”

“Jason and Sarah are here early, as in now. Do you think I can just ride to your place now if I can walk to you guys? I really, really don’t want to be here with them right now.” She pleaded. “Nikki, what did they do to you?” he asked, sounding almost as pleading as she did. “I’ll explain it to you later, I promise… it’s not really an over-the-phone conversation.” She sighed.

“Okay, let me talk to the guys and I will call you back. Whose phone is this?”

“Lynn’s.”

“Keep it on you. Are you okay?”

“Peachy.” She huffed.

“That’s a good thing, right?” and she could tell he was smiling as he said it. “Talk to the guys and give me an answer, he’s trying to get my attention. I have to go… he’s a demanding little fuck.” She sighed and hung up the phone as Jason walked into the garage/barn with her.

“Wow Nicole, I haven’t seen you in… damn, six years. You look great.” He smiled, actually meaning what he was saying. “You look pretty good too. How’ve you been?” she smiled, putting on a flawless act.

“Been okay, better now that I can see you again. I never got to say goodbye.”

“I was asleep.”

“You were high.”

“Drunk, not high. You know they didn’t have the right stuff at that party.”

“Right, because you don’t like blow.”

She was about to reply when Lynn’s phone started to ring. “Hello?” she smiled, thankful for the interruption. “Hey, we’re on our way back to get you. Jarppi and Jukka are trying to get the car to start still, so we’re walking. We should be there in twenty minutes, okay?” Jarno announced. “Okay, I’ll go pack up then, thank you so much!” she beamed.

“How long is she staying?” she heard HP ask. “However long you want me there. A day, a week… doesn’t matter to me.” She answered. “Pack a lot then, and we’ll send you home when we get tired of you. That could be never, so bring a lot of things.” Jarno laughed, and hung up after their short good-byes.

“Sorry Jason, I need to go pack up some stuff. I’m staying with some new friends of mine for a few days.” She explained. “Whoring around still?” he scoffed. Her leaving so quickly obviously pissed him off. “I never was, and you know it. That baby was yours, Jason. If you hadn’t been such a fucked up jackass, you would be a father and I… I never would have done it, Jason. I never would have gone through with it if you didn’t make me. You and her both. You have no idea what happened after that, and how much it still hurts to know what I did. So just fuck off, you fucking… fuck!” she hissed and pushed him out of her way so she could get to the house and grab her things.

“What happened? I thought you guys would be happy to see each other again.” Dave frowned. “You don’t know a goddamn thing!” she yelled, and slammed her door. “She’s been drinking, already?” Squint asked, looking to Lynn in awe. “She needed a drink, and a friend to pop her shoulder back into place. I happily stand for both when she’s in need.” She shrugged. “She fell out of a tree.” She explained before Sarah could ask and left to drink in the kitchen away from the others.

Until Jarno knocked at her door, Nikki didn’t open it for anyone. The only reason she opened it for him was because she knew he meant an escape from the hell that had been brought to her, by her oblivious brother. “You have been crying again.” HP frowned as soon as he saw her. “Yeah, well, shit happens.” She smiled, trying to hide her still-flowing tears to the best of her ability. “What happened?” Jarno asked as he and HP stepped into the room to grab her bags. “I’ll tell you later.” She sighed and followed them out, keeping her head down as she walked through the living room.

“Okay, it is later. Tell us what happened.” Jukka demanded as they reached the car, that still wouldn’t start. “Not on video, Jarno.” She muttered. He said nothing as he shut the camera down and put it safely in the trunk, in its case. “Now what did they do to you?” he pushed.

“It’s a really long story,”

“Stop trying to avoid telling us.” HP ordered.

“Well, me and Jason used to date. He was actually my first real boyfriend. He’s a shitface, and a worthless fuck, but I couldn’t see that back then. All I saw was Prince Charming… shows how smart I was.

“Anyway we got into a lot of parties, and he was the one who got me into the drugs, and after drugs came cutting. I have the marks and scars to prove it if you don’t believe me Jarppi.” She frowned, noticing the look of disbelief that crossed his face, “After about a year of seeing each other I, I gave him everything. Dave still thinks I’m a virgin… yeah, the twenty-six year old virgin, he’s got a really cookie-cutter image of his baby sister; I guess memories stick.

“Things were really great for a long time. As great as two drunk, stoned, stupid people’s relationship can be anyway. His sister hated me; from the day we met she hated me, but wouldn’t let Dave know it since she really liked him. Still does obviously. Half a year before we broke up, I found out I was pregnant,”

She had to stop and regain her composure, subconsciously resting her hand over her stomach. “What happened to the baby?” Jarno asked in his uncontrollable curiosity. “He said it wasn’t his. He still denies it, says I was just whoring around on him. He was the only guy I had ever slept with then. And until he left, he was the only one I would ever sleep with.

“His sister didn’t want the ‘thing’ as she called it, ruining her brother’s future. She thought he was going to be a rich and famous rock star. So she made a deal with me, she pays for me to have an abortion, and she’ll keep my secret from Dave. She never told him, but I never forgave her. I should have told him. She’s held it above my head ever since.

“He still doesn’t know. Not about the drugs, the baby, or the fact I used to cut. Basically, he doesn’t know anything about me; everything he sees is an act. I was going to start all new when I moved here, but that fucking bitch ended up in my life, and dragged her brother into it as well. HP was right, I can’t be hung up on little things like ruining your car, or getting stuck in a suitcase… but this I can’t deal with. Just being around him hurts me. He broke my heart, and left me on a three-week binge to try and forget him and our baby. It didn’t work! I wanted to fell numb, and all it did was make things worse! It just left me to wake up in beds I didn’t remember going to, and calling Lynn or Squint to come and get me!”

“Nikki, why haven’t you told Dave about this?” Jarno asked sadly, as Jukka pulled her into a comforting hug, trying to calm her down before her sobs suffocated her. “H-he’d hate me! I killed my baby; that’s enough for him to disown m-me. He’s against the drugs with a passion, and told… told me a long time ago that he w-would throw me out if I ever did that.” She answered.

Jarppi was standing in silent anger, unable to think of something to say aside from insults towards Jason and Sarah. None of them could believe how broken and small Nikki looked as she cried into Jukka’s shoulder. They’ve only known her a few days, but even when they found her crying in Helsinki she looked somehow stronger than she did now. When HP carried her back to the house she didn’t look this bad. They really didn’t know what to do with her.

Jarppi just went back to working on his car, muttering to himself in Finnish the entire time. “What’s he saying?” Nikki asked, finally calmed down enough to speak. “He’s… angry with the car.” Jarno answered. “So what’s ‘Jason’ mean in Finnish?” she questioned. “Asshole.” Jukka grinned and hugged her tighter before letting her go. “Can I help you with the car, Jarppi?” she asked almost shyly. “He needs all the help he can get. The only thing he has done is break it more.” HP answered before Jarppi had the chance. The other three Dudesons stayed quiet as Jarno filmed the two of them working on what would probably be the next car to blow up or be smashed.

“You’re working on the wrong parts. The water-pump has nothing to do with this problem.”

“That isn’t the water-pump it’s the starter!”

“Jarppi, that’s the starter. This is the water-pump.”

“Do you work on Finnish cars?”

“Do you? Because this is a water-pump!”

“You’re both wrong, that is an alternator.” Jukka announced. Both ‘mechanics’ gave him a death-glare before turning their attention back to the engine. “Oh my god, Jarppi!” Nikki gasped before laughing hysterically.

“What?”

“Look.”

“Guys, what is it?” HP asked, feeling as left in the dark as his two friends beside him did. “Fuel pump.” They answered together. Within twenty minutes of finding the actual problem, the car was driving down the road at an alarming speed. Nikki again sat up front with Jarppi, who every once in a while would start ranting again under his breath.

“So when we get back to the ranch, you guys get Nikki settled in, and we’ll get the cars together.” Jarno announced. “Why do you get to put the cars together?” Jukka demanded. “Because we walked and got her, and carried her bags.” HP answered. “But I was fixing the car!” Jarppi whined while trying not to laugh. “You didn’t have to come back and get me.” Nikki pointed out quietly. “What? No, no… we did mean it that way. I’ll put your bags away!” Jukka replied quickly. “And don’t worry, we won’t cry fire anymore.” Jarno grinned. “Better not, or I’ll beat you with your camera.” She smirked.

Half an hour later Nikki was laughing and chasing Jukka and Jarppi into their house, trying to get her things before they got broken. “I have a glass perfume bottle in that bag! Be Careful!” she almost screamed when Jukka threw it onto the bed. “Sorry.” He smiled innocently. “Damn right you are, if it’s broken I’m making you wash all the clothes.” She spat. “He wouldn’t do that… he hardly washes his own.” Jarppi chuckled. Nikki just rolled her eyes and checked her belongings for damages.

“So who’s room is this?” she asked Jarppi, since Jukka had run off to help the other two with cars. “This was HP’s, but it’s yours now.” He grinned.

“And where’s he going to sleep?”

“His new roommate Britney.”

“Britney? I thought Dave said you only have guys living here?”

“We do. Britney is male.”

“Named Britney?” she asked flatly, in clear disbelief.

“We first called him Satan, but then thought he was a girl because he has no balls, but then we realized later he is a boy, but by then it was too late because his name was already Britney.”

“Who the hell is Britney?”

“Our pet pig.” He answered simply. “No, Jarppi, no, I can’t just come in and take his room like that, and make him sleep with the pig. I’ll sleep there, and he can have his room back.” She replied quickly, already grabbing her things. “Nobody is sleeping with Britney. I’m sleeping on the couch, and you are sleeping in here.” HP stated firmly as he walked in, and took her bags from her to put them back on the bed, being far gentler than Jukka and Jarppi had been. “Are you sure? I could easily sleep on the couch, I mean this is your house, and your room. I’m just staying here because I’m too weak to deal with my own problems.” She replied.

“You are not weak… I think you could lift Jarppi up.” He grinned. “She could not.” Jarppi laughed. “I probably could, actually.” She smiled. “Shall we make a bet?” he smirked, feeling very sure of himself. “Sure, if I win you have to make sure there are enough drinks in the house at all times. That means going on the drink runs too.” She smiled sweetly. “Is that all?” HP questioned, almost seeming surprised. “Should there be more?” she asked blankly. “Fine, but if I win you do all the cooking, cleaning, and womanly stuff around the house.” Jarppi shrugged. “Haven’t we made that bet before, Jarppi?” she laughed. “Yes, but that was at Dave’s house; this is the Dudesons Ranch.” He snickered and left the room.

“HP, is that a pool outside the window?” she asked with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “Yeah,” he answered slowly. “JARPPI!” Nikki screamed and chased after him. Jarno happened to be filming Jukka setting up a prank in the living room when Nikki tackled Jarppi right in front of him, wrestled with him a little, lifted him over her shoulders and carried him outside before throwing him into the pool. “Jarppi, you fat bastard, I win.” She nodded breathlessly and walked back into the house. “That was cool!” Jukka laughed as she passed him. “You’re so little! How can you lift somebody so much bigger than you are?” Jarno asked in awe. “Me, Lynn, and Squint have a lot of experience carrying people. Usually though, they aren’t awake and struggling.” She shrugged. “Why?” HP asked. “Well, you carry people with broken bones, we carry passed out party goers. Carrying your best friends when they’re in need builds a lot of strength.” She shrugged and went straight to the couch.

“Your brother doesn’t know anything that happened with Jason and Sarah?” Jukka asked later, while the other three went out to play a game. It was obvious she wasn’t up for it, so he stayed behind with her so she would have to sit in their house alone. “No. I told you, if he knew he would kick me out. He’d think I was just like our step-mom.” She answered flatly, taking a sudden interest in the wall in front of her. “And what is she like?” he asked curiously. “Well, step-moms, there’s a ton of them. Always has been, but when he was married to our mom they were our ‘aunts’ or ‘close friends of the family’. They’re drug addicts, heavy drinkers, whores, and all about half his age. They were all after sex, and money to buy their next fix and he always gave it to them. But I love him too much to hate him. He’s a really great guy, and always treated me like his princess. But because of what he did to mom, Dave hates him with a passion, and hates anyone like the women who broke up our family.” She answered.

“But you aren’t like those women at all. At least as far as I can tell.”

“Thanks, but he’s made it clear that any girl who does what I did is just like them. And honestly I was. I can’t even count the amount of guys I slept with after Jason left.” She admitted, and more tears threatened to spill over her eyes.

“Why did you? If it’s okay to ask.”

“Dave was going to leave to move here, and I didn’t want him to. Jason and me just broke up and he was gone, already moved here. I didn’t want to lose him too, so we ended up having a huge fight over it and stopped talking for a few weeks. I wanted anything I could get to make the pain go away. I felt like there was no one who loved me and every one of those guys told me that they did, and each time it felt like they meant it. I held onto that, I needed that; I couldn’t risk losing that too. The drugs made me numb during the day so I couldn’t feel my regrets, or how hollow I was after agreeing to kill my baby. At night they kept it so I could go home with a different guy every night, and still see Jason before passing out, instead of some stranger above me.

“Jukka I loved him with all my heart. He was the first one I ever felt that for. I thought I had found the one, and when he left… I had nothing. I was nothing.”

“It doesn’t sound like you were the same way as your step-moms to me. You sound hurt and afraid.”

“I am,” she whispered painfully. Even though it hurt to talk about it, even though she never told anyone these things because Lynn and Squint just knew without her having to speak, she had no objections to pouring her deepest secrets to him. Jukka was instant family and very close to her already, and she now needed someone to hear it.

Jukka had nothing to say, so he put his arm around her and at once she had her face buried in his shoulder, crying away some of her pain. “If anything happens, you can come here anytime. The guys won’t care, and even if they did I would just give you my room; there’s always a place for you here, Nikki.” He stated softly as she continued to cry. She couldn’t reply to him, and he didn’t need her to.

“The guys are back. Do you want to stay here or go to your room?” he asked about fifteen minutes later. “I’ll go to the room, they don’t need to deal with me crying again.” She laughed weakly and quickly took refuge from Jarno’s camera.

“Where’s Nikki? We brought her a present.” Jarppi asked as they came through the front door. “In her room.” Jukka answered. The atmosphere changed instantly from happy and eager to give Nikki her present, to anxious and concerned about her. “What happened?” Jarno asked quickly. “She’s just upset about Jason and Sarah. I think she is really afraid of them; she doesn’t want to be hurt anymore.” He sighed, looking off towards her door. “I wish we could do something for her, to help. After everything she has told us, we should do something.” HP frowned. “Maybe our gift will cheer her up.” Jarppi smiled and went to knock on her door.

As soon as she opened the door he pulled her into the living room. “Come outside, we have a present for you!” Jarno ordered excitedly. “What is it?” she asked nervously. “A surprise!” HP answered with a huge grin, and pushed her out the door, with Jukka following close behind. “Tada!” He beamed. Nikki could only laugh when she saw what it was they had gotten her. “Yeah, well, anything to make our girl feel better.” Lynn laughed as they ran and embraced each other. Squint was a short way behind her bouncing up and down waiting for his hug

“Jukka did you know about this?” Nikki asked happily. “Not at all.” He answered honestly. “It was all HP’s idea. He even lied to Dave, Sarah, and Jason to get them here.” Jarno explained. “What did you tell them?” she asked as her smile grew even more. “That you were very homesick, and needed your best friends to cheer you up. He asked if he should come but Lynn told him that he should stay with his girlfriend.” He laughed. Nikki just laughed more and hugged Lynn again before being pulled into the house.

“Where’s her room?” she demanded sternly. All four Dudesons pointed to HP’s door. Lynn said nothing as she dragged Nikki into the room and slammed the door. “What was that about?” Jarno asked, now fully confused. “I have no idea. Lynn and Nikki are the kind of close friends that just notice or know something that nobody else can see. Sometimes they know things about the other, that they don’t even know.” Squint answered. “Is something wrong?” Jarppi demanded. “I don’t know. I love Nikki to death, and we are really close, but not that close. I can’t pick up on her things. All we can do is hope this is Lynn needing to bitch and rant about Sarah.” He sighed.

“Show me.” Lynn demanded after cornering her best friend, leaving no escape from the room she had been given. “Show you what?” she asked innocently.

“Don’t make me do it, Nikki. Show me.”

“I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Damn it!” Lynn yelled and grabbed her arm, squeezing with all her strength. Nikki instantly cried out and buckled as blood started to bleed through her sleeve. “Why? Nikki why the fuck! You promised you stopped! You promised me you wouldn’t do this anymore! Ever!” she scolded as tears built up in her eyes. “I’m sorry!” Nikki sobbed.

“Why?”

“I told them! I told them everything! The drinking, the drugs, parties, sleeping around, the b-baby, everything! They know it all! Even my step-moms! I-I’m sorry Lynn, I’m sorry!” she sobbed, sliding down the wall and burying her face in her hands as she cried.

“How deep is it?”

“Deep enough to bleed,”

“Just deep enough to bleed?”

“Enough to sting, that’s all I wanted.”

“I know… Look, I’m sorry okay? I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I just; I hate seeing you destroying yourself like this! How many scars do you have?”

“How many do you have?” Nikki yelled, pushing herself back to her feet and rising to the defensive.

The entire time they were arguing, the guys could hear them. Squint ended up sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, struggling, and the Dudesons all stood watching the door in a mix of confusion and worry. “What are they talking about?” Jukka asked, finally voicing the question that was at the front of all their minds. “THEN TELL THEM!” Nikki screamed before Squint could answer. They couldn’t hear Lynn’s answer, but whatever it was left Nikki in angry tears as Lynn stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

“She did it again!” she yelled with tears of her own rolling down her face. “Did what?” HP asked nervously. “She’s a cutter. After telling you everything, she went in her room, and cut herself with a razor she found in there.” She answered in a mix of sadness and fury. “Why?” Jarppi asked in shock. “Because it hurts. Talking about her life hurts. She says the razors help ease the pain from it.” Squint sighed, being a lot calmer, and a lot less angry than Lynn was. “By killing herself?” HP demanded. “She doesn’t cut in a way that would kill her. Not yet.” Lynn replied quickly. “She doesn’t want to die anymore.” Squint explained.

“Anymore?” Jarno questioned blankly. “After Jason left, after losing her baby to his fucking bitch of a sister, yeah, she wanted to die. Every day she wanted to die through those binges, and even more after when we put her in rehab.

“Then she got better, she stopped with the drugs, and the cutting, and didn’t drink as much. But now that son of a bitch is back in her life again and it’s killing her all over again! I can’t see why she’s so connected to him still, he’s not her boyfriend anymore, he isn’t trying to get in bed with her, she should just move on!” Lynn ranted.

“She’s still in love with him, Lynn. Madly, painfully, deeply in love with him, you never forget your first love Lynn. If Brice came up to you tomorrow and asked you to be with him again, would you?” Squint replied. Lynn sighed heavily, but didn’t answer. “She’s a mess, we’ve known this forever.” He sighed. “But she’s relapsing.” She muttered painfully.

“I am not.” Nikki announced quietly but firmly from the doorway to the living room. Not a word was spoken as all eyes went to the inside of her upper arm, where a little bit of blood was still spilling. “You’re not hiding it,” Squint smiled in awe, unable to believe she was wearing a tank top instead of her usual long sleeves that she was wearing before Lynn dragged her into the room. “No, I’m not. You all know what kind of person I am, so here it is. Are you happy now Lynn?” she replied quietly as more tears threatened to fall.

Lynn muttered a quick apology and left. “I’ll talk to her. You okay here?” Squint asked calmly, but with great concern. “Yeah, I guess.” She muttered as he ran after their friend. “Nikki,” HP said quietly, reaching for her shoulder but she flinched away. “Don’t, just don’t. I’ll call Dave and have my stuff out of here in about an hour.” She sighed and went to go back to her room but was stopped. “Why are you leaving?” he demanded. “Isn’t that what you were going to ask for?” she asked; now fully confused. “No, that’s not even close. I was going to tell you that no matter what happens, you don’t have to do this anymore. Jason doesn’t matter anymore, you are so much above that now.” He answered seriously. Jukka, Jarno, and Jarppi all nodded their agreement as her tears started to flow freely. “Thank you.” She whispered as she collapsed into his arms and started crying again.

“From now on instead of cutting your arms, just come over here and destroy some things; we have a lot of things for you to break. That way you can take your hurt out on something that won’t hurt you more.” Jukka announced. “I can’t impose on you like that.” She disagreed. “It isn’t troubling for us to have you here.” Jarno pushed. “It is troubling for us if you are out hurting yourself though. We Dudesons have to take care of each other!” Jarppi beamed.

“I’m not a Dudeson though.”

“For now you are.” HP nodded decisively. She just smiled and hugged him again before letting him pull her over to Jukka, who had their first aid kit out ready to bandage her arm.