Status: FINISHED.
For Always, Forever
Seven.
Martin wrapped his arms around Zack’s body as they lay on the couch, waiting for the goddamn phone to ring. He had been shaking so badly, Martin had had no choice but to hold him once he got home, followed by a tired-looking Jack. “Go crash on my bed for a bit,” he told Jack sternly, taking Zack in his arms. “I’ve got this.” Zack’s hazel eyes met his own worriedly. “C’mon, we’ll watch a movie or something until they call.”
For a while, neither man said anything. Zack’s breathing slowed just a little, relaxing into Martin’s embrace. This wasn’t fair. When his nose grazed the sliver of bare skin peeking out from Martin’s button-up, Martin’s heart skipped a beat. “They said it would only be an hour or two,” he said quietly. “I’m really scared.”
“I know,” Martin whispered. “You didn’t ask for this.”
A tear slid down Zack’s cheek. “I don’t even know his name,” he whispered back. “The asshole that did this to me, I don’t even know who he is.” Martin was struck by an almost uncontrollable urge at that moment to do something – wipe away Zack’s tears, go out and punch the asshole that had started this whole thing, anything. His fingers twitched uselessly at the hem of Zack’s t-shirt.
The phone started ringing; Zack flinched. “I’ll answer it if you want me to,” he sighed. Zack nodded slightly, burying his face in Martin’s armpit. “Hello?” he said into the phone, stomach tightening uncomfortably. God, poor Zack. The kid was shaking again, quivering in Martin’s arms as he awaited news that could make or break his romantic relationships for the rest of his life. “No, this is his roommate.”
‘Is it the hospital?’ Zack mouthed. Martin nodded. ‘I want to take it.’ His fingers were trembling as he took the phone from Martin, slumping back against his chest miserably. “Hello…? Yeah, this is he.” Martin couldn’t even look at his face; he tried to focus on whatever shitty Disney movie they had been watching as Zack talked. He hated this; he hated how stupidly attached he’d gotten to the kid in the couple of months they had been living together. What was wrong with him? Oh, wait: he already knew. He just had a big, stupid crush on Zack Merrick. “Fuck,” Zack whispered, lower lip trembling as he pressed himself into Martin’s arms.
Martin didn’t even need to ask to know what the test result had been. He knew. “Oh, fuck, Zack,” he whispered, rubbing the bassist’s back and making comforting noises because, really, he didn’t know what else to do. “Fuck, Zack, I’m so sorry… ‘m so sorry.” Tears stung at the back of his eyelids as he cradled Zack in his arms, whispering, “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay…” It really wasn’t.
Jack stumbled out of Martin’s bedroom. “It didn’t,” he said in a broken little voice. “God, no…” He sat down on the arm of the couch, reaching for Zack’s free hand and squeezing hard. “I’m so sorry, little bro,” he choked out. “I’m so fucking sorry. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Zack said miserably. “Both of you.” He barely made a sound as Jack slid onto the couch on top of his legs, joining the collective jumble of limbs holding onto him tightly. For a long time, the three of them stayed like that, just hugging. Martin’s heart ached. Finally, he looked up at Jack, and whispered, “You need to go pick Alex up from the hospital soon. Please… don’t tell him yet, okay? I need to tell everyone myself.”
Martin felt like throwing up. It had hit him hard when he’d learned that Alex was sick, but this was a whole new dimension of hurt. Because Alex? He was slowly getting better. Day by day, he could see that. Zack was basically getting a life-long death sentence. He would have a hard time finding adequate health care. He was going to get sick – really sick – and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. There was no cure for H.I.V. There was no magic wand that someone could wave to make this all go away. After Jack left, mumbling his goodbyes and looking stricken, Martin stayed on the couch with Zack, holding him. “I’m so sorry, Zack,” he whispered, feeling numb inside.
**
Rian was having lunch with his parents when Matt called a band meeting. He hadn’t really talked to any of the guys since they’d been home; it was really painful for him. Between seeing Alex in pain all the time and knowing that he had fucked things up with Zack, he couldn’t bear to be around anybody. So he’d spent a lot of time with Kara, and he’d hung out with Cassadee for a few days when she had been in town. Anything to keep him from thinking about what he had come to call in his head the Zack Thing. His heart stuttered in his chest as he pulled up to the driveway of Jack’s house, spraying gravel everywhere. Then he was just annoyed, because Jack still hadn’t taken the time to get his fucking driveway paved.
Matt was waiting for him, looking grave and generally un-Matt-like. “What’s wrong?” he asked, getting nothing in return as he followed Jack into the living room. His heart crawled up into his throat when he saw Zack curled up on Martin Johnson’s lap. What a slap in the face that was. “Guys? What’s going on? Is this, like, a band-tervention or something? Or…” he trailed off, looking at Alex. Was something else wrong with Alex? Oh God, was he dying? Were they meeting like this to get told how long he had to live again? He felt nauseous.
But Alex looked okay, tucked into Jack’s side serenely. Zack wouldn’t even look at him; he clung to Martin’s waist, burying his face in the older man’s shoulder. Well, Zack had always been kind of sensitive like that. He felt annoyed when he saw that they were holding hands. So that was how it was. Martin whispered something in Zack’s ear – he honestly felt like he was going to throw up. This was what jealousy felt like.
“So now that everyone’s here…” Matt said softly. “I guess we should lay everything out on the table. For one thing, Rian? You can’t be a dick like this and not talk to anyone for weeks at a time. I don’t know what happened between you and Zack and I don’t want to know, but you two need to work that shit out. Like, now. Thank you for showing up today, but that’s still no excuse for the way you’ve been acting lately.” He cleared his throat, staring at a spot about five feet ahead of him on the floor. “Second thing, and this one is good news: Alex has three months of chemo left, and then the doctors are going to do some more scans to assess whether he needs surgery or not.” In their little corner, Alex and Jack shared a smile, kissing softly. “Awww, you guys are too cute. If you don’t make me the best man at your wedding, I’m going to punch someone.”
“They’re leaning heavily towards ‘no surgery for Alex,’ thank God,” Alex chimed in. “I don’t want to have to shave all my hair off.”
Martin snickered. “Yeah, what would Jack have to grab onto when you go down on him?”
Jack kicked him. “Shut the fuck up, Martin, that’s not funny. We haven’t…” he muttered, blushing lightly. “Sorry, baby,” he said to Alex, who was giving him a very disapproving look.
Matt glared at them before continuing. “Zack, if you want to tell everyone your news, or I can do it…?”
Zack shook his head. “I’m going to do it,” he said softly, moving out of Martin’s grip and standing up. “So… uh… Jack already knows this, and probably Alex too, because we all know that Jack sucks at keeping secrets.” He looked uncomfortable; normally Rian would have held his hand or something, but since they weren’t speaking he didn’t know what to do. “Um… First of all… I’m gay. And… um… I went to the hospital last week, because… Something happened to me…” Rian wanted to die as Martin squeezed Zack’s hand comfortingly. “I have H.I.V.”
The bile rose in Rian’s throat. This could not be happening. Zack – his Zack – could not be sick. He couldn’t be. And what if…? No. Without even thinking, he crossed the room, throwing his arms around Zack and whispering, “I’m an idiot,” in the blonde’s ear. “I love you so much.” Zack clung to him, crying shakily in his arms. “Please forgive me, I’ve been so stupid.” Nothing around them mattered; he held onto Zack like his life depended on it – and really, it did, because Zack was kind of his life. He was more than a little surprised when Zack leaned up and kissed him. Like, his hands faltered for a fraction of a second before moving to the small of his back, pulling him closer. He ignored the wolf-whistles coming from Alex and Jack’s general direction.
“I needed you,” Zack said against his lips. “Don’t leave again.” The kiss was wet and salty with the taste of Zack’s tears. Neither of them noticed as the room emptied out, Martin trailing behind Alex and Jack sadly and biting his lip. Rian was full of so many questions, but they could wait. He had missed this.
For a while, neither man said anything. Zack’s breathing slowed just a little, relaxing into Martin’s embrace. This wasn’t fair. When his nose grazed the sliver of bare skin peeking out from Martin’s button-up, Martin’s heart skipped a beat. “They said it would only be an hour or two,” he said quietly. “I’m really scared.”
“I know,” Martin whispered. “You didn’t ask for this.”
A tear slid down Zack’s cheek. “I don’t even know his name,” he whispered back. “The asshole that did this to me, I don’t even know who he is.” Martin was struck by an almost uncontrollable urge at that moment to do something – wipe away Zack’s tears, go out and punch the asshole that had started this whole thing, anything. His fingers twitched uselessly at the hem of Zack’s t-shirt.
The phone started ringing; Zack flinched. “I’ll answer it if you want me to,” he sighed. Zack nodded slightly, burying his face in Martin’s armpit. “Hello?” he said into the phone, stomach tightening uncomfortably. God, poor Zack. The kid was shaking again, quivering in Martin’s arms as he awaited news that could make or break his romantic relationships for the rest of his life. “No, this is his roommate.”
‘Is it the hospital?’ Zack mouthed. Martin nodded. ‘I want to take it.’ His fingers were trembling as he took the phone from Martin, slumping back against his chest miserably. “Hello…? Yeah, this is he.” Martin couldn’t even look at his face; he tried to focus on whatever shitty Disney movie they had been watching as Zack talked. He hated this; he hated how stupidly attached he’d gotten to the kid in the couple of months they had been living together. What was wrong with him? Oh, wait: he already knew. He just had a big, stupid crush on Zack Merrick. “Fuck,” Zack whispered, lower lip trembling as he pressed himself into Martin’s arms.
Martin didn’t even need to ask to know what the test result had been. He knew. “Oh, fuck, Zack,” he whispered, rubbing the bassist’s back and making comforting noises because, really, he didn’t know what else to do. “Fuck, Zack, I’m so sorry… ‘m so sorry.” Tears stung at the back of his eyelids as he cradled Zack in his arms, whispering, “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay…” It really wasn’t.
Jack stumbled out of Martin’s bedroom. “It didn’t,” he said in a broken little voice. “God, no…” He sat down on the arm of the couch, reaching for Zack’s free hand and squeezing hard. “I’m so sorry, little bro,” he choked out. “I’m so fucking sorry. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Zack said miserably. “Both of you.” He barely made a sound as Jack slid onto the couch on top of his legs, joining the collective jumble of limbs holding onto him tightly. For a long time, the three of them stayed like that, just hugging. Martin’s heart ached. Finally, he looked up at Jack, and whispered, “You need to go pick Alex up from the hospital soon. Please… don’t tell him yet, okay? I need to tell everyone myself.”
Martin felt like throwing up. It had hit him hard when he’d learned that Alex was sick, but this was a whole new dimension of hurt. Because Alex? He was slowly getting better. Day by day, he could see that. Zack was basically getting a life-long death sentence. He would have a hard time finding adequate health care. He was going to get sick – really sick – and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. There was no cure for H.I.V. There was no magic wand that someone could wave to make this all go away. After Jack left, mumbling his goodbyes and looking stricken, Martin stayed on the couch with Zack, holding him. “I’m so sorry, Zack,” he whispered, feeling numb inside.
**
Rian was having lunch with his parents when Matt called a band meeting. He hadn’t really talked to any of the guys since they’d been home; it was really painful for him. Between seeing Alex in pain all the time and knowing that he had fucked things up with Zack, he couldn’t bear to be around anybody. So he’d spent a lot of time with Kara, and he’d hung out with Cassadee for a few days when she had been in town. Anything to keep him from thinking about what he had come to call in his head the Zack Thing. His heart stuttered in his chest as he pulled up to the driveway of Jack’s house, spraying gravel everywhere. Then he was just annoyed, because Jack still hadn’t taken the time to get his fucking driveway paved.
Matt was waiting for him, looking grave and generally un-Matt-like. “What’s wrong?” he asked, getting nothing in return as he followed Jack into the living room. His heart crawled up into his throat when he saw Zack curled up on Martin Johnson’s lap. What a slap in the face that was. “Guys? What’s going on? Is this, like, a band-tervention or something? Or…” he trailed off, looking at Alex. Was something else wrong with Alex? Oh God, was he dying? Were they meeting like this to get told how long he had to live again? He felt nauseous.
But Alex looked okay, tucked into Jack’s side serenely. Zack wouldn’t even look at him; he clung to Martin’s waist, burying his face in the older man’s shoulder. Well, Zack had always been kind of sensitive like that. He felt annoyed when he saw that they were holding hands. So that was how it was. Martin whispered something in Zack’s ear – he honestly felt like he was going to throw up. This was what jealousy felt like.
“So now that everyone’s here…” Matt said softly. “I guess we should lay everything out on the table. For one thing, Rian? You can’t be a dick like this and not talk to anyone for weeks at a time. I don’t know what happened between you and Zack and I don’t want to know, but you two need to work that shit out. Like, now. Thank you for showing up today, but that’s still no excuse for the way you’ve been acting lately.” He cleared his throat, staring at a spot about five feet ahead of him on the floor. “Second thing, and this one is good news: Alex has three months of chemo left, and then the doctors are going to do some more scans to assess whether he needs surgery or not.” In their little corner, Alex and Jack shared a smile, kissing softly. “Awww, you guys are too cute. If you don’t make me the best man at your wedding, I’m going to punch someone.”
“They’re leaning heavily towards ‘no surgery for Alex,’ thank God,” Alex chimed in. “I don’t want to have to shave all my hair off.”
Martin snickered. “Yeah, what would Jack have to grab onto when you go down on him?”
Jack kicked him. “Shut the fuck up, Martin, that’s not funny. We haven’t…” he muttered, blushing lightly. “Sorry, baby,” he said to Alex, who was giving him a very disapproving look.
Matt glared at them before continuing. “Zack, if you want to tell everyone your news, or I can do it…?”
Zack shook his head. “I’m going to do it,” he said softly, moving out of Martin’s grip and standing up. “So… uh… Jack already knows this, and probably Alex too, because we all know that Jack sucks at keeping secrets.” He looked uncomfortable; normally Rian would have held his hand or something, but since they weren’t speaking he didn’t know what to do. “Um… First of all… I’m gay. And… um… I went to the hospital last week, because… Something happened to me…” Rian wanted to die as Martin squeezed Zack’s hand comfortingly. “I have H.I.V.”
The bile rose in Rian’s throat. This could not be happening. Zack – his Zack – could not be sick. He couldn’t be. And what if…? No. Without even thinking, he crossed the room, throwing his arms around Zack and whispering, “I’m an idiot,” in the blonde’s ear. “I love you so much.” Zack clung to him, crying shakily in his arms. “Please forgive me, I’ve been so stupid.” Nothing around them mattered; he held onto Zack like his life depended on it – and really, it did, because Zack was kind of his life. He was more than a little surprised when Zack leaned up and kissed him. Like, his hands faltered for a fraction of a second before moving to the small of his back, pulling him closer. He ignored the wolf-whistles coming from Alex and Jack’s general direction.
“I needed you,” Zack said against his lips. “Don’t leave again.” The kiss was wet and salty with the taste of Zack’s tears. Neither of them noticed as the room emptied out, Martin trailing behind Alex and Jack sadly and biting his lip. Rian was full of so many questions, but they could wait. He had missed this.