Just Business

“What’s troubling you Dodo?” Hatter asked propping his feet up.
Dodo immediately smacked them off. “Not on my desk.” He growled. Hatter held his hands up, straightening his jacket as he sat up. “The Prince.” Dodo continued.
“He bothers everybody don’t he?” Hatter responded.
“He has agreed to join the Resistance, and yet, he doesn’t trust us.” Dodo said clenching his teeth as he stared into the distance.
“That’s the worst thing, lack of trust. Hurts doesn’t it?” Hatter sympathized.
Dodo glanced at him. “I don’t trust you, as far as you can throw your hat.” He responded.
“That’s far, that hurts.” Hatter said touching his chest as he slunk into the chair again. Dodo just gave him a look and Hatter smiled slightly folding his hands over his chest. “What do you want me to do about it?” he asked his thumbs bumping against each other boredly.
“Find someone that the Prince can trust.” Dodo answered.
“Yeah, how do you expect me to do that?” Hatter laughed.
“Easy. An oyster.” Dodo said.
“An oyster?” Hatter repeated.
“What’s more innocent, or trusting, than a person who knows absolutely nothing of our world?” Dodo replied.
“I wouldn’t say nothin’. We’re a fairytale to them.” Hatter said.
“Hatter.” Dodo responded, resting both his hands on his desk. “Just get it done. The Stone of Wonderland is within our grasp.”
Hatter exhaled loudly as he pushed himself to his feet. “Fine. But you owe me.” He submitted pointing at Dodo.
“Owe you?” Dodo repeated.
“Yeah! You think it’s gonna be easy smuggling an oyster in?” Hatter challenged sweeping his jacket back so he could put his hands on his hips.
“Earning the Prince’s trust is our last obstacle in overthrowing the Queen!” Dodo pointed out.
“Which sounds like, quite a bit is resting on my finely toned shoulders. I’m not risking my neck for nothin’. I want my usual cut, and then some…” Hatter responded.
“…Four times the amount.” Dodo said.
“Five times.” Hatter pressed.
“Done.” Dodo sighed. “Good.” Hatter said starting towards the door. “Hatter!” Dodo called. Hatter paused and turned slightly. “Make sure it’s a girl.” Dodo finished.

Peeking around a tree, Hatter watched as an elderly man wearing a white suit and a dressy grey jacket strolled toward the Heart Casino. He walked with a fancy black cane, which doubtlessly was only for show. His long white hair was separated by two ponytails. Hatter eased around the tree and swiftly caught up to him. “Hello. Going to grab some fresh oysters are ya?” Hatter greeted.
The man barely paid him any attention. “How did you guess?” he asked humorlessly.
“Figured you might be a white rabbit.” Hatter responded.
“Yes.” The white rabbit agreed in a snobbish tone.
“Right. All I needed to know.” Hatter responded concentrating on his right fist as he stepped into the WR’s path.
“What are you…?” WR started but his sentence was cut short by Hatter’s fist connecting with his jaw.
As the old man fell to the ground like a log, Hatter claimed his cane, giving it a twirl as he nodded his hat. “Sweet dreams old timer.” Hatter told him. “Although…you may have a nasty one of being nude in public.” He added with a smirk.

♦”What is it Club?” the Queen asked irritably; it was the fidgety one that got on her nerves. The Club took a shaky breath. “There is a…nude man a yard away from the entrance. He’s causing quite a commotion.” He announced. The Queen looked disgusted as she sat forward in her throne. “Bring him here!” she demanded pointing at her feet. The Club jumped. “YES. Of course! I will.” He muttered to himself as he hurried out of the room. > The white rabbit was just gaining consciousness when his arms were gripped by two Suits, the sun shining off their sunglasses startled him. “Wha-what?” he stammered eyes scanning the crowd as the Suits marched him through it. He looked down at himself. “Where are my clothes?!” he cried. The Suits remained silent, not even looking at him. Pushing the doors open to the throne room, they marched the white rabbit up to the Queen, thrusting him at her feet. “Someone has made a fool of you rabbit.” The Queen greeted. “Yes this…ruffian knocked me out, and apparently ran off with my clothes. I believe it was Hatter.” The white rabbit agreed hurriedly. “Hatter?” the Queen chuckled. She glanced at her second-in-command, a Bruce Campbell looking fellow who sat at her left. “I thought he was on our side.” She said with subtle uncertainty. “He is, he runs the teashop. I sell him the nectars myself.” The second-in-command responded studying the rabbit intently. “Then he’s two-timing you my Queen!” The white rabbit insisted as she leered down at him. “The only thing clever about Hatter is his tongue. Your attempts at blaming someone else for your carelessness is futile rabbit. OFF WITH HIS HEAD.” The Queen screeched. The Suits grabbed the white rabbit again and dragged him away; no one in the room acknowledged the rabbit’s pleading. The second-in-command leaned towards the Queen, speaking softly. “If someone from the Resistance jumped him…” he began. “Then we will finally have someone to drill. You-.” The Queen paused to point at a Club. “Gather the rabbits now, I want them lined up in front of me.” The Club nodded accordingly and exited. ♦

The shriveled old face of Ratty, tanned by living outdoors and dirty from not having a home, squinted worriedly at the scarabs not far from his port. Suits had appeared to talk to the rabbits and now the whole lot of them were walking away, the scarabs hovering in the air uselessly. “Ratty!” Hatter greeted in his ear, startling him so bad that he pulled out his knife and spun around. Hatter caught his knife-wielding hand as if he had somehow expected it. “Are you mad? Put that away.” Hatter said as Ratty calmed down.
“Something’s happening with the rabbits.” Ratty replied nodding toward them as he sheathed his knife.
“Mm.” Hatter mused looking over Ratty’s shoulder, hands on his hips. “I heard tale that someone made off with one of their outfits. Caused a big fuss….I also heard tale, that they suspect that someone is YOU.”
Ratty spun around quickly and Hatter refined from smiling. “Bu-But it wasn’t me. I haven’t left port!” Ratty replied.
Hatter shook his head making a noise as he studied the waterworn wooden boards of the port. “Well if you don’t help me,” Hatter’s eyes shot up to Ratty’s face. “I may tell the Suits differently.” He announced.
“No. What do you want?” Ratty asked nervously.
Hatter allowed his smile to show as he clasped a hand on Ratty’s shoulder. “You, are going to go through the looking glass and trick the prettiest girl you see, into coming back home with you.” Hatter began. Ratty looked at him with traces of alarm. Hatter rolled his eyes. “Home being here Wonderland, you understand?” Hatter clarified.
“I could do that…” Ratty murmured as Hatter let go of him. “But how am I supposed to get to the looking glass?”
“I’ll take you to it.”
“How?”
“I’ll be dressed as a white rabbit.” Hatter replied.
“You? It was you? You took the rabbit’s clothes?” Ratty asked coming to a stop.
Hatter sighed. “Yes it was me, who else would it be?” he said shortly.
Ratty took a step towards him. “What do you need the oyster for?” he asked lowly.
“My own personal pet.” Hatter lied. Ratty’s eyes narrowed. “You know – lil kiss-kiss, lil drink-drink. Yeah?”
“The Queen allows personal oysters now? That we can drain ourselves?”
“She will soon, and I want mine first.”
Ratty looked excited. “Things are looking up!” he said scurrying ahead of Hatter.
“They certainly are.” Hatter agreed with a small nod as he followed.
“But wait,” Ratty said pausing and turning. “I’m not doing this for free.”
“Didn’t expect you to,” Hatter responded retrieving something from his jacket. He held up a glass vial with red liquid inside. Ratty positively beamed. Hatter put the vial back in his pocket, trading it for a digital sportswatch – grey with blue numbers. “Hold out your wrist.” Hatter said.
“What is that?” Ratty asked shying away from it.
“A watch.”
“A what?”
Hatter rolled his eyes and grabbed Ratty’s arm. “The oysters use it to tell time alright?” he explained strapping it on Ratty’s wrist. “You are going to use it for that same purpose.” He tapped the numbers as Ratty examined it. “You have exactly 30 minutes to find a pretty oyster and bring her back, OR,” Hatter paused to retrieve the red vial again and gave it a little shake. “You never get to know what it feels like to win. Got it?”
“Got it.” Ratty said proudly.
“Good. Let’s go.” Hatter replied taking the lead again.
“Bet you know what it feels like to win dontcha Hatter?”
“Sure do. I’m feeling it right now for instance.”

♦”Is this all of them?” the Queen asked, scanning the rabbits in front of her. “Yes.” A Club answered. “You’ve already been informed of the foolishness of one of your own,” the Queen began. “He has been taken care of.” Her gaze dropped to a covered silver platter, which had two ponytails of white hair sticking out. Most of the rabbits swallowed uncomfortably and looked away, but one continued to stare at it curiously. The Queen noticed and nodded at one of the Suits to uncover the platter. The head of the nude rabbit sat surrounded by neat puddles of blood shaped like hearts. The curious rabbit nearly puked as the Suit covered the platter again. “Remember, curiosity. Don’t you use it to lure the oysters?” The Queen tutted to him. The other rabbits looked at him and he nodded swiftly. “Well. Let that be a lesson to you – ALL OF YOU. Dismissed.” The Queen finished with a tired wave of her plump hand. ♦

Dressed in the white suit and gray jacket, Hatter poked Ratty toward the Casino’s side-entrance using the rabbit’s cane. “Whoa what’s this oyster doing outside the Casino?” the guard asked.
“Had to give him a quick bath, he was dirtier than this if you can believe it.” Hatter responded. “Had to make sure he didn’t clog the pipes with his filthy feet so I hosed him down so to speak.”
The suit glanced from Ratty to Hatter. “What’s with the hat?” he asked tensely.
“I usually bring in younger oysters than this sad excuse,” Hatter answered, unfazed. “The hat helps me blend in slightly. But when I saw this mook, this burden to the world’s society, I knew I had to bring him in. Ya know make this oyster’s pitiful life mean something.”
The guard nodding, buying Hatter’s lies. “Alright. But you’re explaining this to the Queen if needed.” He announced.
“Course of course…” Hatter responded pushing Ratty past the guard. “Have a nice day then…” he said with a smile as he entered the Casino too.

“Here it is.” Hatter mused studying his reflection in the looking glass. “Huh. I don’t look too bad…” he said fluffing the grey jacket. Ratty just looked at him and when Hatter saw this in the mirror he turned to him. “Remember what I said? The prettiest oyster you see.” Hatter continued. Ratty nodded. “..Do you even know what pretty means?” Ratty shrugged. “Course you don’t, a woman has never even touch you before has she?”
“My mother did.” Ratty responded.
“Your mother.” Hatter sighed. “Look just bring me a girl you’d want to marry wait NO.” Hatter said holding the cane out to prevent him from going through the looking glass. “Correction. Bring me a girl that you think the Prince could fall for..”
Ratty looked a little stunned. “You’re not plannin’ on falling in love with this oyster?” he asked.
“What the hell do you care it’s my oyster not yours.” Hatter replied. “But no. Love? That’s crazy-talk. Go on.”
“You know what I bet Hatter?”
“No and I don’t really care because I think that’s how your life became the way it is.”
“I bet that you fall in love with this oyster the moment you see her.” Ratty announced sounding very sure of himself.
“Because she’ll be that beautiful?” Hatter pressed in amusement.
“Because you closed yourself off to love.” Ratty responded.
Hatter stared at him a moment than laughed. “O-kay Dr. Phil.” He said pushing Ratty through the looking glass. He jogged down the three steps chuckling to himself. “Love at first sight. Right.” He murmured as he let himself out of the room. A white rabbit was walking towards the door he had just walked out of.
“Coming back empty-handed?” he asked.
“Apparently.” Hatter answered. Not looking at each other as they passed, they both smirked.
“You disgust me.” Said a new voice. Hatter turned a little to see the crisp cheekbones, clear blue eyes and dirty blonde hair of Prince Heart wearing his red suit as usual. “How can you just drag people from their world into ours, to get drained of their very essence?” he asked.
“Do you see an oyster in my hands?” Hatter responded holding them out, the cane ducked beneath the thumb of his right hand.
“Still. How do you sleep at night?” the Prince wondered.
“A nice cup of tea. How do you sleep at night knowing your Mum is the root of all evil?” Hatter retorted. The Prince’s eyes narrowed. “Besides if what we’re doing really bothers you that much,” Hatter stepped closer to him. “Why don’t you do something about it?” he asked softly.
The Prince got in his face and spoke through clenched teeth: “I intend to.”
“So do I.” Hatter whispered. He stepped back with a smile and the Prince’s frown grew. Hatter tipped his hat and continued on his way. “Arent you a little young to be a white rabbit?” he called after him.
Hatter paused and turned around so he was now walking backwards. “Not really a white rabbit yet, but I will be!” he replied.
“…What an odd fellow.” The Prince mused, very confused.

*******
“Don’t you think we should call it a day now?” you asked swatting a fly away that had just landed on your arm. Your friend had guilt-tripped you into helping with her snowglobe ‘stall’ at the flea market – the products were cute, but did she honestly expect more than 3 people to buy snowglobes in one day?
“I suppose so.” Your friend sighed. Thank God, you were bored out of your mind.
As you started to pack up you side of the table, you noticed a grimy tan-skinned man with squinty eyes, and grey rags for hair, examining the snowglobes. He looked homeless. “Can I help you?” you asked resting a hand on your hip. He glanced at you with dark eyes and grabbed the snowglobe in the upper corner. “Hey!” you shouted.
“Did he just steal a snowglobe?” your friend cried.
“Yes!” you complained as you sprinted after him. He ran out onto the street and disappeared down an alleyway. You paused at the mouth of the alley, wondering if you should just let him keep it when your gaze fell to the ground – there was the snowglobe. You slowly started toward it, scanning the rest of the alley. The only thing you saw besides the snowglobe was a mirror propped sideways against a wall. As you picked up the snowglobe, you studied the mirror. It was rather nice, why had someone thrown it out? Then you thought perhaps the homeless guy had stolen it. You glanced from the snowglobe to the mirror curiously. Looking at your reflection, you saw the homeless guy appear behind you from the shadows As you spun around he pushed you with more strength than he looked capable of. You cried out participating the pain you would feel when you crashed into the mirror….but you didn’t stop falling. When you opened your eyes you saw that you seemed to be falling through a hurricane of orbing color which seemed to whisk the snowglobe out of your grasp. Before you could glance over your shoulder you thumped onto something soft. You panted for breath, your mind still whizzing with that strange hurricane. “Hm. A snowglobe.” Mused a strong Yorkshire (English) drawl. You were about to strain your neck backwards when the source of the voice walked into your view, clenching the snowglobe. He was wearing a subtle paisy shirt underneath a tan leather jacket which matched the leather-looking hat atop his messy brown hair. His brown eyes studied you intently as he tilted his head. “Hello. I’d get up if I were you, I wouldn’t want Ratty landing on me. Bet you smelled him before you saw him yeah?” He continued. You blinked a few times and looked down at yourself. You had landed on a random bed of flowers in a run-down building. Just as you glanced at the ceiling, Ratty appeared, falling towards you. You quickly rolled out of the flowerbed onto concrete, propping yourself up on your knees in the process. You watched as one of the flowers wilted before your eyes. “Nice one.” The stranger said as you stood up slowly. You realized as Ratty picked himself up, that the other guy had been speaking to him.
“I made it in time..” Ratty said lowly.
“That you did.” The stranger agreed retrieving a red vial from his jacket and offering to Ratty. When Ratty reached out for it however, the stranger’s hand closed slightly preventing him from taking it. “Remember, one tiny drop at a time otherwise the experience might burst your shriveled up lil heart. Got it?” he added.
“Got it.” Ratty replied.
“Good. Go.” The stranger responded handing it to him, and turning his attention to you.
You watched as Ratty scurried down an ill lit-hallway dodging the fluorescent lights that hung down randomly. Mind still swirling in the hurricane that had brought you here, you asked: “What did you give him?”
“The happiness of winning.” The stranger answered. You blinked and glanced back at him. “Long story. The short version is,” he stepped toward you. “We have just conducted a very illegal notion and need to get out of here quickly before someone finds out. C’mon.” he replied herding you after Ratty. You shrugged free and side-stepped away from him. “What?” he asked innocently.
“We? Who are you?” you responded.
“Ah how silly of me.” He mused studying the snowglobe. “They call me Hatter.”
“Like the Mad Hatter?” you murmured.
Hatter frowned then walked closer to you. “I am not mad, you understand? The only thing that makes me mad is when people call me the Mad Hatter!” he responded.
“…Sorry.” You said. He nodded a little. “Where am I?” you asked.
“Wonderland.” Hatter answered.
You stared at him a second then started to laugh. “That’s funny.” You giggled.
Hatter laughed too. “I’m serious.” He said, the humor disappearing from his tone.
“..Nu-uh…”
“You got an explanation for how you ended up here?”
“I..fell…through a mirror…” you stammered.
“Otherwise known as the looking glass.” Hatter said. You stared at him.
“..So you are the Mad Hatter.” You mused.
He gritted his teeth, fuming as he turned away for a second. “Did you hear what I said before? You’re the one making me mad!” he replied. “…Who are you anyway? I mean what’s your name?” he added still looking slightly pissed.
“My name’s ~~~~~.” You told him.
“~~~~? It’s nice to meet you.” Hatter said switching the snowglobe from his right hand to his left, then holding out his right hand for you to shake. Yours clasped around his hesitantly when he suddenly turned aboutface and started to pull you along.
“Hey!” you protested trying to pull free as he weaved you down the hallway of fallen lights.
“Stop being so difficult would ya?” Hatter replied shaking the snowglobe instead of paying attention to you. Refusing, you used your other hand to push against his right shoulder in an attempt to loosen his grip on your hand enough for you to pull free. He stopped abruptly when you did this causing you to stumble and come within inches of his face. “I’m beginning to think you have a listenin’ problem.” He said.
You took a small step back. “Okay say this is Wonderland, what am I doing here?” you asked.
“I’ll explain, when we get, to my teashop.” Hatter said slowly putting emphasis on each word. “I’d prefer not to get my head chopped off today.” He added as he continued to drag you along.
“What?!”
“I told you we did something illegal…”
“We?!” you interrupted.
Hatter sighed and stopped walking again. “Look you’re not supposed to be here…” he began.
“So send me back!” you replied.
“I can’t, I need you.” Hatter said. You blinked. “I need you to persuade Prince Heart to join the Resistance.”
“Prince Heart?” you repeated with the shadow of a laugh.
“The Queen of Hearts son.” Hatter replied.
“This isn’t Wonderland! It’s some…underground society…you walk through a mirror which takes you down a slide which leads to here!” you decided.
Hatter nodded a little as he studied you. “Rationality. You’ll lose that ability soon enough.” He responded beginning to walk again.
“Why cant you persuade the Prince?”
“There it is again!” (the rationality)
“Hatter.” You sighed stopping again. He stopped again too. “What’s your real name?” you murmured.
“~~~~~, please.” Hatter responded. “I’ll explain everything when we’re safely back in my shop…Except my name,” he continued, approaching the door at the end of the hall. “No one gets to know that but my parents and they’re long dead!”
“I’m sorry.” You said softly.
“Eh I barely remember ‘em.” Hatter responded turning his back to the door as he faced you. “Now when we get out here, you stay close. And yell if you see a scarab.” He opened the door enough to poke his head out and peek around.
“What’s a scarab?” you asked as he looked left and right.
“In this world, a giant metal bug that flys and collects oysters.” Hatter answered opening the door all the way.
“Oy..?” you trailed off as you stepped out of the building and saw a huge gap that separated this side of the land from the other. The other side consisted of pale, identical skyscrapers and as your eyes traveled up from the narrow walkway you and Hatter were on, you saw the buildings above/around you were the same kind of skyscrapers. This continued as far as you could see. “…Isnt Wonderland supposed to be…like a gigantic garden or something?” you asked still scanning the buildings.
“It was once. Not anymore.” Hatter answered. When your eyes dropped to him he looked smug. “As you can see.” He continued with a wave of his left hand, which still held the snowglobe. “Now. I’d really appreciate it if you just shut up, until we got to safety.” He finished.
You glanced around again. “I don’t see anyone…not even Ratty.” You challenged, remaining where you were.
“Why the hell are you so stubborn?” Hatter demanded stepping closer to you.
“Why the hell did you bring me here?!” you replied.
Hatter’s gaze traveled past your head. “Damn NO!” he shouted holding the snowglobe up and sweeping you behind him. Your eyes widened as you saw a gigantic hovering beetle shoot a bright light into the snowglobe which unfortunately reflected blinding you. Your held your hands up automatically and suddenly the light stopped. “~~~~~!” Hatter complained. Opening your eyes you stared as a black symbol spawned on the back of your left palm. “C’mon!” Hatter shouted grabbing your right arm as he ran. Since you were running sideways you saw the scarab was flying after you. Crying out in alarm you faced the way Hatter was running and the two of you ran faster.
“W-What is this?!” you demanded staring at your hand; the outline of the symbol was glowing.
“It’s the Suits way of branding their catch!”
“Suits?! Catch?!”
“Forget it, RUN!” Hatter dismissed.
“I AMHHHHHH!” You screamed as a metallic claw grabbing your shoulder and lifted you off your feet. Hatter who must have been expecting this, gripped the snowglobe by the base and crashed it and his fist into the metallic claw. Water splashed down on you and a scary electronic hiss sizzled through your ears as you fell into Hatter’s arms. You were barely able to process the remains of the snowglobe next to the metallic claw when Hatter started shooting at the scarab. “Where’d you get the gun?!” you blurted idiotically.
“I’m not a saint alright?” He responded still shooting even as the scarab flew away.
“I cant believe that worked…” you mumbled, looking from the sky to the ground.
“It didn’t.” Hatter said. You glanced at him. “The scarabs might be self-running machines but they also have a camera. It saw my face, got yours too I’m sure.”
“What does that mean?” you asked.
“My teashop is no longer safe.” Hatter answered sounding slightly annoyed. “…We’ll have to go to Dodo, c’mon.” he said taking your arm.
“Dodo?” you repeated. “Who is he?”
“Part of the Resistance.”
“Resistance of what?”
“The Queen of Hearts.”