My Life Has To End

Days, week, months...? Time passed and passed and I never noticed... Being in that hospital left me drowsy, sleepy and unconscious from the agony of social deprivation, God I missed just talking to people, and I mean I never thought I'd say that, since I'm always in my books and buried in my own subconscious. I tend to speak my mind without thinking, since I'm usually distracted and I don't give people attention, even when they swirl around me... Even to myself I sound harsh and like a bit of a bore, why am I such a bookworm, and what do people find in me so that they stay my friends? “Gosh! Finally April! A half decent and somewhat interesting thought!” -Yes, yes. Now I've started talking to myself a little, because peoples visits grew fainter, and the the light that I saw at the end of the tunnel had once again faded...

I became a mess, screaming at myself in that empty hospital room and all... Well Angela had a business meeting, or conference, I don't really care. All I know is that she's in publishing and had to go outta town for a bit (*me: YES! THE WITCH MOM IS GONE!*). The one thing I knew for sure is my sentimental memories, and all the me-being-thankful-to-my-kidnapping-parents-crap had passed. I once again was myself, and once again didn't value them for much, I mean all that they really gave me was a roof over my head and food, that's about it. Even if Rob stayed in town, he realised after a couple of visits of seeing me that I annoyed him, and so he just stopped coming... (Well okay it wasn't exactly like that. I guess I kinda got him super pissed and told him to stay the hell away from me. Well anyway, like who cares what happened in the first place? He's my step-dad, and one of the people who DECIDED to adopt me, and so now he has to take my crap... That's my official adoption law for the pair, both 'Angie and Rob').

I needed my space again. Man! Damn! I missed just speaking to people, but also just books and general things that involved movement... Haven't been able to leave the bed for a very long time, Ahh!!! So just imagine my thrill and excitement when I was FINALLY let outta that dump, well turns out not much of me feeling anything. I wasn't happy, or thrilled or angry, or anything really I just had a blank and empty feeling and my face, pretty much said the same... One thing I really knew, and that was, 'Man I'm glad to be off those freaking drugs...!'

“Ok, ok. Just relax and slowly slowly slowly...” mumbled Rob.
“Oh my god! I can walk, so just get in the stupid car and take me back to the prison you people call your home...” I snapped.
“Easy young lady, my temper's not been the best after out last encounter... So drop the attitude April. I mean it, or I'll leave you here to rot, decay and die for a while” replied Rob.
“Oh feisty now are we today?”
“I SAID PACK IT IN!”

He reached to grab my arm and I froze, I didn't want to show my alarmed fear, but that didn't mean that I didn't feel it. We were just outside the hospital doors, and once we started arguing I sat down on a bench just next to the car park when he tried to verbally drag me into the car... And that was when he snapped and tried to hit me, but he stopped himself, just in time.
“Okay... Your fine Robert, just breathe...” he told himself “Stay calm”. “Okay, April now you listen up, I'll help you get up and you wont say anything, I'll take you into the car and you wont say anything and I'll drive you home out of here, and YES! You guessed it! You wont say a thing!” he was getting worked up again, so I just let him shout at me and get it out of his system. Then, while standing over me, he stopped himself again, cooled off and offered his hand to me. I decided that since I didn't want to turn around and go back into that hospital because of abuse I would take his hand and do as he said, for my own good. So I went without any more 'backfire', as he put it, and we just drove home in silence.

After I put up that fight at the car park, Rob just ignored me and we stayed out of each other's way. All I could think was 'Lucky us...', as since this house is unusually bigger than most houses on our road, as even if you live in the suburbs of London, housing is still pretty tiny. Yet it was enough for us to stay out of each others way...

The rest of my 'healing time' at home I spent doing nothing really, couldn't go back to school just yet so I had no routine, so it was just a 'stuff your face and live like a couch potato while reading' type thing.

So yes. Once again, I had 'family' problems, with my fake-ass excuse that I have for parents...