My Life Has To End
Chapter 7
So for the next 4 more days on top of the week that I was in hospital I started getting visits, everyone from school dropped in; some crying, some worried, scared for me and yet some completely pissed at me. I got screamed and screamed at by Angela, she was weeping and screeching hysterically, first about how mad at me she was for being so stupid but then for how sorry she was for everything and it just went on and on and on... Rob, on the other hand just hugged me once and said that he's glad that his DAUGHTER'S okay, that was a bit of a shocker for me since he's never said it (I mean Rob's nice and all, but he's still a man; and very secluded), I guess accidents do bring out weird sides in people that you've never seen before, and people just let you know that they care and in some way luckily for me things get forgiven and forgotten.
So for once I just cooled off on my excessive, obsessive ways and just let myself kinda melt into this mellow person state, where I just wanted to let go and be relaxed. As I sometimes miss being the little girl buried deep inside of me who misses her family so gravely that it rips out her insides and makes her want to crawl up in a pit and die. I don't admit it, EVER. But a world without parents once you've known them is just rough, so that day I wept with Angie and Rob and let them know that on a level I didn't know I had of how could I not love them, despite any hatred and scorn that I have brought upon them before. So here was my mind's cross road, for the first time ever did I see the light... They saved me, took me in and out of a world where nobody wanted me as I had no one left, it's a massive world out there and I was so young, and never did I say this but I realised how grateful I really should be. Therefore, even though my parents wanted and loved me till the end, and I guess by opening my heart to others I felt like I would be betraying them, I realised that I need to just let Angela and Rob in a little (that's my limit, even in this medical condition that I at that moment developed...).
I was just sick of hiding from the world, that was the day that I decided, that if I do have any blood family left out there that it's time for them to be found on my part, and for them to find me. The first person that I then thought of was Max. I heard within myself then that your big brothers out there and you are going to find him no matter the price, this was my time to start growing up and discover for myself who I am.
By the time I started thinking of Max I was starting to dream and so I was drifting off, so Angie and Rob left me to sleep for a while. That's when I heard a knock at the door, I figured it might be my flock that came to see me earlier, with a trillion gifts, get well cards and flowers (so now my room was filled, everyone wanted me back and truly to me that was unexpected). Yet when I said come in as cheerily as my croaking voice would let me (as I was still, oh so sleepy) it was to my surprise that I saw Freddy at the door, but by all means a good surprise... I already had accusations and declarations of betrayal and begging for forgiveness from Celeste that I just felt worn out from. So seeing Fred just melted my worries away by him just being there. My mind raced ahead before he could even speak so I just marvelled at him standing there for a minute before he began.
"Oh God Ape, I'm... I don't even know how to begin" he glanced away at me pained by the sight of the state I was in, then he continued "Me and C had the stupidest fight that day, and you don't know how sorry I am for you getting the blame, I never realised the hatred that everyone put on your shoulders. When kid, I'm the idiot, oh God forgive me, I love you kid... You're the best girlfriend, I... I... mmean friend whose a girl anyone could ever have, oh please". As he delivered his speech he stuttered and slowly paced closer and closer to my bed from the door, with pleading eyes that seemed to glisten in the light. He drowned in his sorrows in front of me then, just completely opening up. I was just so relieved and glad then that he wasn’t mad at me, so the first thing I did was just sit up and drag him into a bear hug. He responded quickly, and then I was safe, I just felt like nothing could touch me, I've known Fred for ages and he's always made everything better... (By the way Ape is his nickname for me cause APPARENTLY to him I resemble a monkey).
Anyway, after we just stayed in that hug for a while and my pain just seemed to drift away, and I wish that everyone would find someone/anyone who could hold them for 20 minutes straight, so that the person doesn't try to back away or look at you, so that they're just there and wanting to be there just as much as you, you're the only two people in the world. I love Freddy, he's truly the best a girl could get; but still he's my brother and friend and I could never do anything to change that, I felt like I broke my own heart just then. So I dismissed the thought, and me and Fred just talked; pointless chatter about anything really like spaghetti, pizza, school, how we met, reminiscing about the past... Hmm, it was nice, I'd missed those long days from when we were younger, where we'd just spend the whole day together and play around for hours on end, never getting tired. It's so good to be a kid, all the cares in the world don't concern you because you're in your own little world that kept you protected, safe and sound and no one, and I mean no one could break that. All the medicine left me drowsy, so I fell into a deep sleep again, I was snuggled up in Fred's arms so when he noticed that I was out, he just gently backed away and left me to dream.
The next day I started getting floods of scenarios of what actually happened the day I fell off the stairs, who was there and who said what, a sea of people came pouring in with their stories, it was chaotic but also hilarious because of the extent of the exaggeration in the scenarios... The first time I really laughed in days, I was just so glad and relieved. Lara said she was trapped between the concrete wall that was the crowd staring at me through the windows of where I landed once falling off the stairs, so she missed the show. I got all sorts, saying that my head was cracked open and the scale of the gore was incomprehensible, that blood was squirting everywhere and all over the stairs and the walls, looked like I fell off the red carpet at a premier apparently (yeah some people just like to make their answers colourful and creative...).
So no clear picture, just vivid and distorted perceptions of the random people who were there, although most people could agree on the fact that Edward found me. He was going past the building when he noticed me, that corner of the building where the stairs are is glass all the way up, so how could he not see me? So he was panicked and in dire shock, he rushed in from the side door, took off his jacket and sculpted a pillow to support my head, checked my pulse and my body for any breakages, apparently he found the broken rib, then he shouted for help. Rushed in Malachy and Jane (addicted football freaks, not trying to be mean, they're great people), they rushed to medical while the others called 999 (even though phones are not allowed in school, any teacher would say...). In the end everyone called 999, the ambulance took a while though, the teachers blockaded the first floor of the building and kept everyone out, people could still stare through the windows though.
Most teachers didn’t specialise in medical help, so only the deputy head of our year stayed as authority in the situation, and a few others to block the doors, yet Edward stayed with me every step of the way, he knew CPR and a few first aid tricks, he kept me alive. Everyone said he was sweating like hell, swearing in the process and his eyes watered of range as he fought to keep me here. His dark hair was messed up and his white shirt was stained so badly that it looked like someone just threw a bucket of red paint all over him, as he was blocking with his body the wound that I had on the side of my waist, where the rib broke. And no one dared to interfere as the boy knew what he was doing and most of the female teachers were living through paper bag anxiety attacks anyway.
That was when the ambulance came and took me away, once I was forced out of the building on one of those emergency carrier beds the doors of the ambulance were smacked in everyone's faces and they drove me away, no one was allowed to come as nobody was a family member. Though later on some of the teachers came into that same hospital for a check up, some doctors joked to say that they seemed in a worse state than I was. Most people that were there were called in too while I was still unconscious for eye witness reports, as the police had no idea what had happened and truly neither did anyone else really. I mean they only had the last part of the story with all the gore and the part before with my depression and Suzie, but not the part about how I was high and threw myself down the stairs... Man that way I sound like some suicidal maniac...
So for once I just cooled off on my excessive, obsessive ways and just let myself kinda melt into this mellow person state, where I just wanted to let go and be relaxed. As I sometimes miss being the little girl buried deep inside of me who misses her family so gravely that it rips out her insides and makes her want to crawl up in a pit and die. I don't admit it, EVER. But a world without parents once you've known them is just rough, so that day I wept with Angie and Rob and let them know that on a level I didn't know I had of how could I not love them, despite any hatred and scorn that I have brought upon them before. So here was my mind's cross road, for the first time ever did I see the light... They saved me, took me in and out of a world where nobody wanted me as I had no one left, it's a massive world out there and I was so young, and never did I say this but I realised how grateful I really should be. Therefore, even though my parents wanted and loved me till the end, and I guess by opening my heart to others I felt like I would be betraying them, I realised that I need to just let Angela and Rob in a little (that's my limit, even in this medical condition that I at that moment developed...).
I was just sick of hiding from the world, that was the day that I decided, that if I do have any blood family left out there that it's time for them to be found on my part, and for them to find me. The first person that I then thought of was Max. I heard within myself then that your big brothers out there and you are going to find him no matter the price, this was my time to start growing up and discover for myself who I am.
By the time I started thinking of Max I was starting to dream and so I was drifting off, so Angie and Rob left me to sleep for a while. That's when I heard a knock at the door, I figured it might be my flock that came to see me earlier, with a trillion gifts, get well cards and flowers (so now my room was filled, everyone wanted me back and truly to me that was unexpected). Yet when I said come in as cheerily as my croaking voice would let me (as I was still, oh so sleepy) it was to my surprise that I saw Freddy at the door, but by all means a good surprise... I already had accusations and declarations of betrayal and begging for forgiveness from Celeste that I just felt worn out from. So seeing Fred just melted my worries away by him just being there. My mind raced ahead before he could even speak so I just marvelled at him standing there for a minute before he began.
"Oh God Ape, I'm... I don't even know how to begin" he glanced away at me pained by the sight of the state I was in, then he continued "Me and C had the stupidest fight that day, and you don't know how sorry I am for you getting the blame, I never realised the hatred that everyone put on your shoulders. When kid, I'm the idiot, oh God forgive me, I love you kid... You're the best girlfriend, I... I... mmean friend whose a girl anyone could ever have, oh please". As he delivered his speech he stuttered and slowly paced closer and closer to my bed from the door, with pleading eyes that seemed to glisten in the light. He drowned in his sorrows in front of me then, just completely opening up. I was just so relieved and glad then that he wasn’t mad at me, so the first thing I did was just sit up and drag him into a bear hug. He responded quickly, and then I was safe, I just felt like nothing could touch me, I've known Fred for ages and he's always made everything better... (By the way Ape is his nickname for me cause APPARENTLY to him I resemble a monkey).
Anyway, after we just stayed in that hug for a while and my pain just seemed to drift away, and I wish that everyone would find someone/anyone who could hold them for 20 minutes straight, so that the person doesn't try to back away or look at you, so that they're just there and wanting to be there just as much as you, you're the only two people in the world. I love Freddy, he's truly the best a girl could get; but still he's my brother and friend and I could never do anything to change that, I felt like I broke my own heart just then. So I dismissed the thought, and me and Fred just talked; pointless chatter about anything really like spaghetti, pizza, school, how we met, reminiscing about the past... Hmm, it was nice, I'd missed those long days from when we were younger, where we'd just spend the whole day together and play around for hours on end, never getting tired. It's so good to be a kid, all the cares in the world don't concern you because you're in your own little world that kept you protected, safe and sound and no one, and I mean no one could break that. All the medicine left me drowsy, so I fell into a deep sleep again, I was snuggled up in Fred's arms so when he noticed that I was out, he just gently backed away and left me to dream.
The next day I started getting floods of scenarios of what actually happened the day I fell off the stairs, who was there and who said what, a sea of people came pouring in with their stories, it was chaotic but also hilarious because of the extent of the exaggeration in the scenarios... The first time I really laughed in days, I was just so glad and relieved. Lara said she was trapped between the concrete wall that was the crowd staring at me through the windows of where I landed once falling off the stairs, so she missed the show. I got all sorts, saying that my head was cracked open and the scale of the gore was incomprehensible, that blood was squirting everywhere and all over the stairs and the walls, looked like I fell off the red carpet at a premier apparently (yeah some people just like to make their answers colourful and creative...).
So no clear picture, just vivid and distorted perceptions of the random people who were there, although most people could agree on the fact that Edward found me. He was going past the building when he noticed me, that corner of the building where the stairs are is glass all the way up, so how could he not see me? So he was panicked and in dire shock, he rushed in from the side door, took off his jacket and sculpted a pillow to support my head, checked my pulse and my body for any breakages, apparently he found the broken rib, then he shouted for help. Rushed in Malachy and Jane (addicted football freaks, not trying to be mean, they're great people), they rushed to medical while the others called 999 (even though phones are not allowed in school, any teacher would say...). In the end everyone called 999, the ambulance took a while though, the teachers blockaded the first floor of the building and kept everyone out, people could still stare through the windows though.
Most teachers didn’t specialise in medical help, so only the deputy head of our year stayed as authority in the situation, and a few others to block the doors, yet Edward stayed with me every step of the way, he knew CPR and a few first aid tricks, he kept me alive. Everyone said he was sweating like hell, swearing in the process and his eyes watered of range as he fought to keep me here. His dark hair was messed up and his white shirt was stained so badly that it looked like someone just threw a bucket of red paint all over him, as he was blocking with his body the wound that I had on the side of my waist, where the rib broke. And no one dared to interfere as the boy knew what he was doing and most of the female teachers were living through paper bag anxiety attacks anyway.
That was when the ambulance came and took me away, once I was forced out of the building on one of those emergency carrier beds the doors of the ambulance were smacked in everyone's faces and they drove me away, no one was allowed to come as nobody was a family member. Though later on some of the teachers came into that same hospital for a check up, some doctors joked to say that they seemed in a worse state than I was. Most people that were there were called in too while I was still unconscious for eye witness reports, as the police had no idea what had happened and truly neither did anyone else really. I mean they only had the last part of the story with all the gore and the part before with my depression and Suzie, but not the part about how I was high and threw myself down the stairs... Man that way I sound like some suicidal maniac...