Lyrissa's Sparkles

Lyrissa was training alone in the Danger Room, on the highest difficulty the Professor would let her use. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind it was higher than her ability, but it kept her busy. Her goal was simple; last as long as she could. Her longest round was only sixteen minutes, but she had been in there for most of the morning.

She lost again, this time being sent flying into the doorway after something hit her. “Eleven minutes. Course resetting.” a computerized female voice announced. Lyrissa jumped up, and righted herself, and prepared for yet another round. She knew it was useless to try and break her record, she only got that far because she got lucky.

Just as the round started, the doors opened and triggered an automatic pause; Beast had suggested that safety be added after Max had accidentally wandered in while he and Cyclops were working, and nearly got himself crushed. “You’re still in here? It’s been almost four hours kid.” Wolverine pointed out from the doorway. “Yeah, I know. Wanna go one-on-one? I tried to get Scotty to, but he said no. So did Jean, Rogue, Beast, Storm, and Gambit. Me and Jubilee went ‘round for a while, but she got tired.” she replied. “Sure. Came down here to train, so why not.” he nodded.

Lyrissa shut off the environmental settings so it could be just the two of them fighting; one of her all time favorite things to do. Wolverine mad the first move, but she didn’t try to block; he hit her full force and knocked the wind out of her. “Yer off yer game girly.” he smirked. “Yeah, I guess. Do-over.” she laughed as she stood up.

He charged again and this time she dodged, rebounding and kicking him in the back. He immediately took her down, and the grappling match began. “Come on Logan, you’re going easy on me. If this was a match between you and Scotty he’d have been down already.” she scoffed after a few minutes of her actually winning. “You ain’t Scotty.” he grunted through the fight. “No, I ain’t. Now hit me damnit!” she demanded; going even harder on him in an attempt to rile him up.

He could see something was wrong, she was never this serious during their fights. The more he stood down the more she fought against him, until it was clear that she was trying to get hurt. It got to the point that he was just dodging attacks; refusing to hit her at all. “Come on Logan, hit me! What’s wrong? The reason you’re my favorite to train with, is because you never worry about me getting hurt! Now Hit Me!” she yelled in frustration as he continued to dodge her.

“Why do ya want to get hurt Lyrissa?” he asked gently; trying to calm her down. This wasn’t a side of him she wanted to see. She wanted, or more needed, the cocky, confident, fighter that wasn’t afraid to knock her through a wall. She remained quiet, and kept her advances. “Lyrissa, answer me.” he said with a little more force this time. Again she ignored the fact he said anything and kept fighting. Finally he had had enough, and pinned her against the wall. “Answer me! Why do you want me to hurt you?” he demanded “Because I deserve it! You happy?” she screamed; trying to escape his grasp, but he was a lot stronger than she was.

She kept fighting him, taking all her frustration, and pain out on him until she finally cracked. Her knees buckled as she started crying uncontrollably. The only thing keeping her standing was Logan holding her against the wall; which soon changed to just holding her.

It had been four days since the labs. Xavier had had a funeral for the two kids who lost their lives a day ago, and only the mother of one came. He had contacted the families, but she was the only one who wanted to come; the others wanted nothing to do with mutants. Lyrissa didn’t go either. Not because she didn’t want to, but because she couldn’t. She couldn’t face the boy’s mother. It was tearing her up inside, to know she wasn’t even strong enough to pay respects to the two she had let die.

That wasn’t the only thing bothering her either. Allie, after seeing what happened in the lab, hadn’t slept alone since. Every time she fell asleep, she woke up crying because of the “Boogiemen”. Jean, Rogue, Storm, Jubilee, and Jazz each took turns sleeping in her room to make her feel safer. What killed Lyrissa the most about it, is that she was now afraid of her too. She wouldn’t touch her, and when she got scared she ran past her to someone else.

And to top it all off, four days ago she killed four people. Lost control of her powers, and killed them. She would’ve killed a fifth if Beast hadn’t been able to calm her down, maybe more. The thought of losing control again, and killing someone she cared about terrified her more than anything else in the world. More than the dark, and thunderstorms combined.

“Lyrissa, what makes ya think ya deserve to get hurt?” he asked quietly once she had calmed down a bit. “I didn’t even go to their funeral.” she cried.

“No, but they’d understand.”

“I let them die.”

“You didn’t. There wasn’t anything you could do.”

“I’m a horrible person Logan…” she whispered.

“No, yer not. Don’t say that.” he answered sternly.

“I killed four people! I tried to kill more! And I let two kids die! I’m a murderer Logan! How can you say I’m not?!” she shouted. Shaking with self hatred.

He had no idea how to react to this. He knew she was having a hard time dealing with everything that had happened, but he could never have guessed she was this bad. Seeing her break down, and hearing the things she was saying, he started to worry that she could be suicidal.

Lyrissa suddenly cried out and threw her head back into the wall as hard as she could; six inches isn’t much, but it was enough to get some force behind her. “All right, enough! Come on, we’re done training let’s go.” he demanded while trying to get her off of the floor. “No! No, I can’t go out there… please, don’t make me go out there…” she begged. “Why, what’ll happen if you go out there?” he asked; entirely confused by her pleading. “I d-don’t want, anyone to see m-me like this… I’m pathetic…” she answered weakly. For Lyrissa, seeming weak was probably worse than it would be for Wolverine and Cyclops combined. “All right, we’ll go when ya wanna go.” he agreed quietly. Lyrissa nodded and crawled back into his arms for comfort.

“Whoa, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Jubilee laughed nervously from the doorway a while later. “Yer not. What d’ya need kid?” Logan replied; still holding Lyrissa quite close. “Uhm, the Professor wants to see Lyrissa, he said you can come too if you want though.” she answered.

“Ya heard her ‘Rissa, let’s go.” he pushed; but Lyrissa didn’t move. “Lyrissa, come on… Lyrissa?” he moved the hair out of her face, to find that she had fallen asleep. “Jubilee, tell the Professor she’ll talk to him when she wakes up. I’m takin’ her to her room.” he sighed.
“But he said-”
“Jubilee, it’s been rough for her, I ain’t wakin’ her up. This is probably the first time she’s slept in days ‘n’ you know it.” he argued as he walked past her carrying Lyrissa bridal style.
“But I… oh fine!” she groaned before going back up to the Professor.

After making sure Lyrissa was all right, and had everything she needed because she had woken up on the way to her room, Logan went to see what it was the Professor wanted in the first place. “Come in Logan.” Xavier called through the office door before he could knock. “I understand Lyrissa finally got some sleep?” he asked calmly. Logan nodded and sat down. “Good, good. I was going to see how she was doing, and try to help her come to terms with everything, but that can wait.” Xavier sighed.

“Look, Professor, she ain’t gonna be easy to fix.” Logan said suddenly.

“I know.”

“You know the things she was sayin’ down there?”

“No, but I have heard a few of her thoughts. They are, troubling.”

“She thinks everything’s her fault. Down there, she was trying to get me to hurt her, because she said she deserves it.”

“I did not know that. I have been trying to respect her privacy, and avoid using telepathy on her without per permission since the accident. It seems she’s trying to punish herself for a crime she didn’t commit.”

“She did kill those men Professor.”

“I know, but it wasn’t her. She lost control again, and was unable to stop herself.”

“You don’t think she’d…”

“It is very possible that she would try to take her own life. Those are some of the troubling thoughts I have heard from her. I want you to keep a close eye on her. Give her space, but I want you, or someone else she trusts close to her at all times. If she tries anything, I want someone there who can convince her otherwise.”

With that Xavier dismissed Logan, and went back to the work he had been doing before; finding something to do with Andrew and all the kids they had running around the X-mansion. Logan headed straight to the kitchen for something to eat, and listened to the conversation Jean and Cyclops were having on the other side of the wall.

“She asked you to go to that race with her. I think you should go Scott.”

“I don’t know Jean, I think I should stay here. You guys need all the help you can get with these kids.
Especially Allie.”

“So you’re not going?”

“No, I’m not.”

Logan couldn’t believe his ears. Lyrissa had asked him to go with her to the race, and he was refusing her. He knew the reasons she wanted him to go, she had told him the day before when he asked about her choices. Gambit he could see, but bringing Cyclops to an illegal street race took some justifying.

He caught Scott just as he was walking past the kitchen. “Yer goin’ to that race bub.” he stated forcibly. “Why’s that Wolverine?” he demanded; standing up to whatever challenge Logan was throwing at him.

“Because she needs ya, and I ain’t lettin’ you, let her down.”
“Needs me, to break the law? I’m sorry if I’d rather stay home.” he turned around to leave, and nearly walked right into Lyrissa; who looked very different than usual. Her hair was hardly glittery at all, in fact she looked pale, and dull compared to her usual self. “It’s okay Scotty. I get it, and you don’t have to go.” she said quietly. Stepping out of his way so he could leave. “It’s nothing against you, I just…” he couldn’t justify his reason for not wanting to go to the race, without risking making her feel even worse. “Yes it is, and it’s okay. I understand, you think it’s about law breaking, and cheating thugs. It isn’t, but you’ll never see that.” she replied while keeping her eyes downcast; “It’s okay Scotty, really. I didn’t expect you to go anyway, so I don’t feel disappointed. I’m fine with it.” she smiled up at him; though her smile was completely empty and that scared him a little.

“I’m makin' a sandwich Logan, you want one?” she asked.Leaning tothe side so she could see past Scott.“Sure.” he shrugged. He had just eaten one, but at the moment he’d do anything for Lyrissa. He wasn’t sure why, but seeing her like this caused an almost physical pain; he wondered if the others felt it too. “All we got is ham and cheese. That cool with you?” she asked while going through the fridge and cabinets. “Fine with me.” he nodded.

A few minutes later Lyrissa sat down across from him and handed him his sandwich. He had forgotten she always made double-deckers. “How you holdin’ up?” he asked before taking a bite. Genuinely wanting to know. “Better. I guess I kind of needed that one-on-one match we had earlier.” she answered through a mouthful of ham and cheese; referring to her actually letting herself cry, and let out some of her pent-up emotions. “Anytime.” he nodded. Hoping she’d get better if she continued to vent like that; although hoping she wouldn’t try to get him to kill her again. “Thanks.” she smiled.

This time it was real, she had actually smiled for a second. Maybe she was getting better; or maybe she was just becoming a better actress. That smile was too real to be an act though. He would rather believe she was getting better, than believe she was just improving her act.

“Hey, is it just because it’s against the law that Scotty won’t go to the race with me?” she asked quietly; back to her dull, almost emotionless self. “I think so.” he answered honestly. “I don’t.” she sighed. “Why not? If it was a legal race, what would stop him from going?”

Before she could answer Jazz came limping into the kitchen. Beast had put her on crutches because they had broken her ankle during an experiment. “Lyrissa, where have you been? It’s like you disappeared. When I got out of that hospital room thing, I went looking everywhere for you, and no one had seen you! Are you okay?” she asked quickly while getting over to her as quickly as her crutches would allow. “Yeah, fine. You?” Lyrissa replied almost sheepishly. “…yeah…” Jazz answered; giving Lyrissa a very quizzical look. “Good. Hey,I’m really tired. I’ll see you tomorrow, I’m going to bed.” Lyrissa said quietly as she left the room. Leaving Jazz and Logan alone in the kitchen looking at her half-eaten sandwich.

“What’s wrong with her? She is never like this, she’s always really kind of… well, sparkly. It’s like she’s lost her sparkles entirely, did you see how… I don’t know… normal her hair looked? That’s not normal for her!” Jazz said worriedly. Logan gave a heavy sigh, and gestured for her to take a seat. “Do you know what’s wrong with her?” she asked eagerly. “Yeah, but she ain’t gonna be happy I told ya, so don’t let her know.” he answered. Jazz nodded and leaned forward; listening very carefully to ever word of his explanation.

“So that’s why she’s so messed up… I knew she’d have a hard time, I mean two of us died back there… but wow…” she whispered once he had explained everything. “Wolverine, Jean wants to talk to you. Once she’s done killing Cyclops anyway.” Jubilee laughed as she joined them at the table. “I thought she liked him, like really liked him, why would she wanna kill Cyclops?” Jazz asked curiously. “I don’t know. Something about street racing or something, I didn’t stay to ask questions, she was really mad at him. And he’s not so happy either.” she answered. “Hn. Told him he should go.” Logan grunted. “Go to what?” Jubilee asked. “Lyrissa asked him to go to the race with her, he said he ain’t goin’.” he answered before standing up to find Jean. “Whoa, she wants him to go with her? I thought she hated him.” Jubilee gasped. “Doesn’t hate him, just doesn’t like him much.” he replied as he walked away.

“I hope Jean can convince him to go.” Jubilee sighed.

“Yeah me too. I can’t believe you thought she hated him though.” Jazz gave an amused sigh after her reply.

“Why? She’s always trying to get him to lose it and stuff. I mean, if Magneto hired her to kill him, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did.”

“Jubilee! How can you say that? You’ve only known her like a week! Lyrissa used to talk about him all the time in the sewers. She’d tell all sorts of stories about her Uncle Charlie’s place, and her ‘ex-family’. I always thought she meant it like ex-boyfriend; but now I know she meant ‘X-family’ because they’re the X-men.”

Jubilee looked a little shocked. “Really? What kinds of things did she say about them?” she was genuinely curious about Lyrissa’s stories.

“Well, there was this one story she told after we all got into a really bad fight. Box had tripped during a race, and cost our team the game. Everyone was really mad at him for it, and made him feel pretty bad over it. Lyrissa came over and told us a story about the first time her X-family let her train with them. I’m not good at telling other people’s stories, so you may want to ask her, but it was mostly about Cyclops.
She said the first time she went into the Danger Room, they put her on his team. They were playing like a capture the flag kind of thing or something, and she misunderstood his directions. She said she kept falling, and he kept having to go back to help her; because of that they lost. He made it very clear that it was her fault they lost, and that if she hadn’t joined the training session things would have been a lot easier.
When everything was over, she said she went up to her room and cried because he really hurt her feelings, and she really looked up to him. Hah, when she said from the first time she met the X-men, and sat with her Uncle Charlie while watching them train she wanted to be just like him.
Anyway, the point of the story was that accidents happen, and hurting someone’s feelings because they tripped doesn’t change the score. Because maybe they really just tried too hard, so they could impress you.” Jazz sighed after she finished telling the story; she was one of the people making Box feel bad.

“So why does she act like she hates Cyclops so much, is it because of that day?”

“No, I think it’s because she doesn’t want him to think she’s that weak little girl who tripped and cost his team the game.”

Outside the kitchen, Scott stood leaning against the wall listening to the girls’ conversation. He had no idea Lyrissa ever looked up to him; even when Jean tried to tell him she did. He had forgotten all about that day until he heard Jazz telling Jubilee about it. He really was hard on her, and he shouldn’t have been. Xavier told him to apologize to her, and when he did she acted like what he said didn’t matter so he just ignored it and went on with his day.

“So do you think him not wanting to go to the race is like the same thing?” Jubilee asked Jazz. He leaned closer to the doorway to hear Jazz’s answer.

“Nah, I think she’d bring the whole group if she could. Every time she’d race and win, I’d hear her talking to Andrew about ‘Man I wish Scotty could’ve seen me out there tonight.’ and ‘Rogue would’ve loved this.’. She probably just asked him, because she wanted him to see her in action for once; in her own element.” she answered.

In the library, Lyrissa was sitting in a dark corner just enjoying the silence. She kept the lights off so no one would know she was in there; except the few mutants that would sense her like Uncle Charlie, Jean, Wolverine, and Allie. She was in her room until Jean came wanting to talk about the races; trying to justify Scott’s refusal. Lyrissa didn’t care why he didn’t want to go, she would just find someone else to go. No big deal. Besides, it was one day until the race and she hadn’t even taken Bad Boy out for a test run yet. She had other things to worry about, than who she is taking to chaperone.