Coffee and Cigarettes

For Gerard, it was hard seeing Frank because he constantly felt as if he were pressuring him to feel things he may have not have It wasn't that Gerard felt that he were undesirable or un-lovable, he just figured Frank only wanted to be friends. That was their agreement and Gerard had gone back on his word. In a few words, he fucked things over.

So, after the conversation the pair had endured back in May, Gerard did everything in his power to avoid Frank. He smoked in his car during lunch, sometimes going for lunch at McDonald's or Wendy's. He didn't answer Frank's phone calls and, when he did, told him he was kind of busy and couldn't talk. It was difficult being away from his best, and practically only, friend. Gerard's world had basically revolved around the kid. All of his other friends were stoners and alcoholics. He didn't exactly fit in with that crowd anymore; Not that he ever believed he did.

Frank was mostly just confused. He knew he'd hurt Gerard's feelings when he told him he wasn't sure how he felt about everything, but he never expected to be ignored. Love was a big word and while Gerard seemed pretty sure of his feelings, Frank needed time. He loved Gerard as a friend, but he had to be sure he could see himself in a long term relationship with his best friend. He wanted to know that he was willing to risk that friendship for stolen kisses or late mornings in bed.

And then Frank was hurt. Seeing Gerard sneak off to his car during lunch, sitting against the wall all by himself, hearing the recorded voice of a woman he barely knew on the other line... things like that tore into his heart. It made him wonder if Gerard even loved him in the first place.

Soon enough, Graduation rolled around. Gerard was proud that he actually received a cap and gown and he was proud when he stole a glance at Frank picking his up from the main office after school. He was a little, or a lot, sad that he wouldn't exactly be sharing the day with his best friend, but he knew they had the summer. Or at least he hoped.

Frank was indifferent. Graduation meant that high school was over, which was good, but it also meant that he only had the summer to patch things up with Gerard. That was something he wasn't sure would actually happen. He had barely said three words to the guy in over a month.

It wasn't until the morning of Graduation, after the ceremony, that he came face to face with Gerard.

Frank was sitting on a bench, his cap in his lap, as he waited for his parents to bring to car around. He was sort of in shock, having a hard time believing that high school was actually over. He'd probably never step foot onto this campus again.

"Hey," Gerard said, taking a seat a safe distance away from his friend.

Frank turned to face Gerard, shocked. "What are you doing here?" He asked. "I thought you were avoiding me."

Gerard dropped his gaze. "I uh... Congratulations, Frank."

Frank furrowed his brow. He wasn't expecting anything of that sort. An explanation maybe, but not a congratulations. "You too... I know you worked hard to get here."

Gerard shrugged. "I'm sorry, you know. About May and just... putting you in that position."

"What position, Gerard? I'm not in any sort of position. I just don't understand why you've been avoiding me for a month."

Gerard looked to his friend and saw sincere confusion, and a little bit of hurt. "I thought that was what you wanted. You seemed upset after I told you... you know..."

"That you loved me?" Frank asked.

Gerard blushed. "Love... it's not past tense, you know."

Frank chuckled and scooted closer to his fellow graduate. He sighed and stared straight ahead, slightly afraid that his parents would turn the corner at any moment. "Gerard... I wasn't mad. I was just... love is a pretty big word and, while you were sure of yourself, I had to be positive that I would be willing to risk our entire friendship for something more serious."

Gerard nodded, feeling as if Frank were going to say the words he'd been dreading during that entire conversation a month ago. "I'm sorry, then; For ignoring you."

Frank smiled and rested his head on Gerard's shoulder. "Me too... for not being clear. I was shocked, in case you were wondering. I wasn't expecting you to tell me that."

"I never planned on telling you. Not after we agreed to be just friends."

"Gerard," Frank said, his voice growing in volume as he sat upright. "People change, feelings change. It's like I told you that time, you know, when you blew smoke in my face?"

Frank waited for Gerard to remember. Of course, he knew it would be difficult considering Gerard had blown smoke in his face millions of times just to get a rise out of him. Soon enough, Gerard smiled lightly and nodded.

"You told me the world was changing. I closed my eyes, but I couldn't feel it. But you could... you just knew."

Frank shrugged. "It's like that. People, feelings... things change."

"Like now?" Gerard asked. "Between us?"

Frank thought about for a minute and decided that things could change between them, but they didn't necessarily have to. He shook his head. "No. They could... I mean, we could stop being friends and never speak again, or we could go back to the way things were." He paused, noting Gerard's saddened expression. giggling, but only slightly, Frank used his index finger to lift Gerard's gaze.

"Or," he began. "I could tell you that I think I love you too and things could be different, but only slightly."

Gerard grinned. "Are you sure?"

Frank nodded. "Yeah, I think so. I've had a lot of time to think since you've let me have lunch on my own this past month."

For a moment it was strange, looking into each others eyes like that. Gerard felt the urge to lean forward and press his lips to Frank's, but he wasn't sure if he was quite ready to do so since they were surrounded by a little over half of their graduating class. Frank on the other hand, wanted Gerard to go for it.

"Are you just gonna sit there and stare at me like that?" Frank asked. "Because, to be honest, it's getting a little awkward."

Gerard shook his head, a grin spreading to his lips. "If you want to know the truth, I was thinking about kissing you."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because half our class is here and I'm not sure if I want them seeing the first one."

Frank laughed and leaned back onto Gerard's shoulder. He took in the scent of his best friend and, for the first time, relished the scent of coffee and cigarettes. Smiling, he lifted his head and pressed his lips to the spot where Gerard's neck met his collarbone.

"I'll wait then," Frank mumbled, closing his eyes. He felt Gerard's head against his own and dreaded the time when his parents would emerge from the traffic of the school parking lot.