Coffee and Cigarettes

Gerard sat down on the steps just outside of Frank's door. He'd stopped by numerous times since Kenny Montgomery's party but hadn't had the nerve to actually ring the doorbell. He had a vague idea of what had happened that night, but there were still things that were a bit fuzzy. He'd tried calling Frank the morning after but he didn't answer the phone. After that he'd lost all of his nerve and figured talking to Frank in person would be a little better.

This time, a few days after New Year's, Gerard had gathered the courage to knock on the door. Frank's mother had answered.

"Hello," she'd said, folding her arms across her chest. "May I help you?"

Gerard smiled. "Uh, Hi. Is Frank home?"

Frank's mother eyed Gerard suspiciously. She'd never really liked Gerard, but had no real reason to prevent Frank from hanging out with him. It was a gut feeling she had, and her gut was telling her right. Gerard was no good for Frank. He was a bad influence.

And yet, he made Frank feel so alive.

"Yes. He is. Would you like to see him?"

Gerard nodded and prepared to walk into the house. Just before his foot made it past the door, Mrs. Iero said a quick wait a moment and shut the door in the teenager's face. Gerard stood in place for a minute before sighing and taking a seat on the front steps.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Fuck," he mumbled.

Frank opened the front door and saw Gerard sitting on the front steps. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot, gaining his friend's attention. Gerard promptly stood and smiled nervously. Upon seeing this, Frank began to see Gerard in a different light. He wasn't his usual self. Frank knew Gerard as being cool, abrasive, and confident. He never saw him as jittery, unless he was jonesing for a cigarette, or nervous, or, dare he say it, scared.

"I've been trying to call you," Gerard said.

"I know. I was busy, you know, homework and stuff."

Gerard laughed nervously. "Yeah, I should have done a little bit of that too."

Frank rolled his eyes. "Do you even know if you have homework, Gerard? Do you know anything? How about what happened at that Christmas party; do you know anything about that?"

Gerard had expected Frank to be a little angry about that; It was the whole reason he'd bothered with stopping by. However, he hadn't expect Frank to act the way he did. Gerard figured he'd apologize and they would be best friends again.

Gerard shrugged. "I don't know. I remember being really fucked up and I know you drove us home. I don't remember anything else, Frank. I just... jeez, can you fill me in?"

Frank sighed. "You were fine until we got home, okay? Just leave it at that."

Gerard narrowed his brow. "What do you mean 'I was fine until we got home'? What did I do?"

Frank avoided Gerard's gaze. "I'd rather not talk about it, okay? I'd rather not talk to you for a while."

Gerard stepped forward, looking into Frank's eyes. He saw a bit of anger and a bit of fear. He knew where the anger was coming, but the fear had him beat.

"Frank..."

Frank looked back at the front door. "Let's just... can we talk about this somewhere else? I don't want my parents to hear anything."

Gerard nodded and followed Frank down the steps. They crossed the street and followed the sidewalk until they came to a small playground where a few toddlers were playing pirates or spies or tag.

Frank sat down at one of the tables and motioned for Gerard to do the same. The two sat in silence. Frank wrapped his arms around himself. He'd thought about what would happen when he saw Gerard again; how he would act, what he would say and vice versa. He wasn't expecting this. Awkwardness maybe, but not the distance.

Then again, he was the one that put the latter there in the first place.

"You tried to have sex with me, Gerard," Frank said.

Gerard's eyes widened. He didn't say anything. It was the first time, that he could remember, that he had been at a loss for words.

"We didn't do anything. Well, I mean, we made out for a while, but nothing more. I said no and it was a hell of a hard time to push you off of me. I didn't even know you were gay, Gerard."

Gerard averted his eyes from Frank's direction. "It's not something I broadcast to the whole fucking planet, Frank."

Frank nodded. "Yeah, but I'd think you'd tell me something like that, you know? I thought we were friends."

"So?" Gerard replied, standing up. "It's just... nobody knows. Just a few guys, but I don't even talk to them. We just fuck around and then we're done with each other."

Frank sunk into his seat. "I wouldn't hate you or not want to be your friend over something like that, Gerard."

Gerard's eyes darted towards Frank. "Yeah, but you hate me now, and that's exactly the reason. You think that just because I like dudes that I'm gonna wanna fuck your brains out every time I see you."

Frank shook his head. He stood up, taking Gerard by the shoulders. "I don't hate you," he said. "I was just... I didn't know what to say to you. I didn't mean to shut you out or anything, I just.... I had a lot on my mind." Frank paused, a smile creeping onto his lips. "I actually kind of liked kissing you.

Gerard raised his eyebrows. It was strange, seeing Frank in this light. He was usually quit and a little reserved. Gerard drew in a deep breath. "Okay..." he said, exhaling. "Then what now?"

Frank shrugged, dropping his hands from Gerard's shoulders. "Nothing. We go back to the way things were. I'm your friend and you're my friend. I don't want to complicate things."

"Okay," Gerard said for the second time. He ran a hand through his hair and plopped down onto the table top. He laid back and stared up at the sky, his eyes shifting to look towards Frank.

He grinned. "I need a fucking cigarette."