Change of Heart

Later that night, I was still sitting on the couch, feeling horribly guilty. I knew that eventually, Darry was going to have to find out, but I didn't want to shove it in his face like I had.

Since I was completely caught up in my thoughts, I didn't even notice that Soda had sat down next to me until he said, "God, that was a bitchy thing to do."

"Seriously, Soda, I don't need that," I snapped loudly. As I was rubbing my temples, I opened my eyes for just a split second. In that time, Darry had walked through the living room and escaped out the door.

A second later, I stood up, my eyes never leaving the tear in the screen door, since Darry had left the main door open. It was almost as if he wanted me to follow him, although I knew that he really didn't.

"I have to go talk to him," I mumbled, making my way to the door.

"Be careful," Sodapop warned seriously. "He has a bad temper."

I didn't care, not at all. It was like Soda's warning had gone in one ear and out the other. By the time the crisp night had enveloped me and I was pulling on a sweatshirt, I had forgotten completely about Soda's caution.

If only I had paid attention.

As I was walking around, I realized that I had absolutely no idea where the hell Darry had gone. I could have been going in the complete opposite direction. Why I hadn't realized that earlier, I wasn't sure.

"Darry?" I called out, hoping for a reply. The sound of my voice was eerie, cutting through the silence that lingered everywhere else. The only things that had sound were the occasional houses that had parties, the music so loud I could feel the beat pulsing under my feet and the people so drunk that they didn't realize they were screaming.

As I passed the parties, I got nervous, my hands clenching into fists in the large pocket at the front of my old UCLA sweatshirt. I was extremely thankful I'd remembered to grab it before I left because then I really would have been cold. As it was, I could feel the goosebumps raising on my legs.

"Darry! Where are you?" I whined, trying to get him to respond, but he didn't.

As a car drove by me, I tightened. Until that moment, I had completely forgotten about the Socs, the rich kids who liked to jump greasers. Although that car didn't give me any trouble (I didn't even know if it was a Soc car or not), I hoped more than anything that nothing would happen to me. Maybe the Socs wouldn't know that I was a greaser, since I didn't really look like one. I didn't even come from around here, really. It helped that I didn't smoke and I wasn't wearing my leather or my denim jacket. So maybe I'd be safe.

"Sophia Grace, what the hell are you doing?!" a stern, angry voice questioned me. I knew that the scolding had come from straight ahead, but in the darkness and without my glasses I rarely wore, I couldn't quite make out the features of the person.

Then, the man stepped into the beam of light coming from a streetlight. Darry's blue-green eyes were blazing with anger. Obviously, he hadn't forgotten about the Socs.

"Looking for you," I answered finally.

"Why? I'm fine." As I took a couple steps forward so I didn't have to talk so quickly, it didn't escape my notice that Darry took a step back.

"I know, but...I just wanted to say that I was sorry. I didn't want you to find out that way. I didn't want anyone finding out that way."

"Yeah, well, we did, didn't we?" Darry's voice was so harsh that I flinched slightly, though I made it as unnoticeable as possible.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Well, you did. God...you have no idea what it was like, just waiting for the right moment to tell you. But, turns out that you were just ready to hook up with the first guy that came along, hitting on you."

"It's not like that," I whispered, even though that sounded pretty damn accurate. My insides were dying.

"Yeah, it is. Dally's not the right guy for you, and you know that. You're better than that." Darry's voice started weakening, so he cleared his throat before saying, "We better get back."

It was quiet and awkward between us for a few seconds before I muttered, "Dar', I don't want you to be mad at me."

"I think you deserve it," he replied matter-of-factly.

His sentence hit home. He was absolutely, completely, 100% right. I did deserve it.

The only response I could give to that was, "I know, but I don't like it."

"You can't have everything you want," Darry hissed. "Sometimes, people get mad. Just get over it."

I didn't know what was wrong with me, but as soon as those words came out of his mouth, my eyes started to tear up a little bit. Though I blinked to try to get rid of them, it didn't work, and soon enough, they were making faint tracks down my face.

"Are you crying?!" He sounded surprised and frustrated at the same time. What?! I was a girl, okay? Not a tough greaser at all. Not even tough compared to other girls.

"No," I sniffled, wiping my face quickly.

"Look," he started, his voice softer. "I didn't mean-"

"Yeah, you did. Just forget it. This conversation isn't going anywhere," I choked out before speeding up so I walked past him and into the house first.

"How'd it go?" Soda asked. Instead of answering, I went straight to my room and slammed the door shut. That could give him a clue that it didn't go too well.

I stared at my face in the mirror. Since I'd been crying, my eyes were a little red and puffy. Now, it didn't matter to me that Darry didn't like the fact that I was going out with Dally. I didn't care at all that I'd hurt him. He was just a jerk, and I was going to ignore him.