Drop Dead.

I’m sitting at my computer desk working on a project that’s due for History while Laker is lying on my bed, eyes shut and humming softly to himself. Mimi and Ken went out tonight while Gel is over at a friend’s house. I remember when we got home from school and she was jumping up and down, shouting to the world that she was invited to stay over at someone’s house.

I, of course, was thrilled for her. It’s nice to see her so happy and making friends so easily. She needs friends. She needs to do what normal girls her age do. I guess I’m grateful for meeting Carter. If he hadn’t talked me into allowing him to take us to a home then we’d still be out on the streets.

And I wouldn’t have met Laker.

Glancing back at the boy, I bite my lip at the realization that Laker actually really is attractive. I never thought the day would come when I found another male attractive. Grumbling, I go back to work and try to kick those thoughts from my mind. Really they’re just too troublesome and frightening.

Just as I finish Laker appears behind me, his breath fanning across my cheek. I’ll never admit that it made my cheeks heat up.

“Are you done?” he asks, not realizing that he’s causing my heart to thump erratically in my chest because of how unbelievably close he is. I can feel his hand brushing my arm and his hair tingling my cheek. Clenching my eyes shut I bite my lip and tell myself to stop acting like such a girl. This is just ridiculous.

“Yeah,” I reply, saving it and printing it out.

“Took long enough,” Laker grunts, his tone suggesting that he’s been bored this entire time. Whatever. I told him I’d be doing my project and not to come over but he didn’t listen. He’s so annoying.

“Let’s go out.”

“Excuse me?” I raise an eyebrow and turn in my computer chair. Laker grins and places one hand on each of my arm rests. Leaning in he brushes his lips over my own. My eyes widen because in the past week that we’ve been “dating” we haven’t kissed once.

That is mostly my fault. Every move he made on me I evaded. Whatever it took to keep him from hugging me, holding me or kissing me I would do. The feeling bubbling up in my chest was weird and definitely not appreciated. I hate feeling this weak.

When Laker’s around my legs give out. My mind never functions properly and I end up saying or doing silly things that normally I wouldn’t ever allow. My entire body tingles and I begin to shake. My lungs feel constricted and…everything is just so messed up and I can’t control it.

I can’t control what’s going on or how I feel. I hate it. I don’t like it when I can’t control what’s going on with myself. It’s my body, I want to be in control of it. It’s my life, I want the control. No…no, I need it, but when Laker’s around I don’t have any control. It’s all thrown out the window and I just hate it but at the same time, I love it.

Laker’s lips move against mine softly, slowly. I press my hands against his chest in hopes to push him away but when I feel his fingers running through my hair I end up doing the exact opposite. Laker falls into my lap, one hand in my hair and the other gripping onto my hip.

My arms wrap around his waist, pulling him closer so we’re chest to chest. I can feel his heart beating against me. Something inside me sparks at the thought of me making him react that way. It’s almost a proud feeling but I ignore it to focus on the movement of his tongue running over the seam of my lips.

If my brain was functioning any way it should be I would have pushed him off me and screamed at him but like I said, I never work as I’m supposed to when Laker is in the vicinity. I open my lips and allow his tongue to invade my mouth, running over teeth, cheek and tongue.

I moan into the kiss before pressing my tongue against his, forcing it back where it belongs. My hands slip into his back pockets, holding onto his ass while I explore every inch and crevice of his mouth. Hearing and feeling his moan against my lips only coaxes me on. His taste is intoxicating and when we pull away I nearly lean back in for another until I realize what just happened.

Laker smirks, seeming to be incredibly pleased about our bruised lips, shortness of breath and tinted cheeks. I, on the other hand, am panicking on the inside.

I did it again. I lost control and did something without thinking about it. I always think about the consequences before doing something so stupid but Laker just…he messes everything up. I hate this. I hate putting my trust in him because I continue imagining him hurting me, betraying me like everyone else.

I just know that one day he’s going to stab me in the back. He’s going to hurt me beyond repair. That doesn’t sound like Laker at all. I’m not willing to let that happen. I don’t want it to happen. I need to break up with him.

“Come on,” Laker says, getting out of my lap and grabbing my hand. The moment his skin touches mine I forget all about the thought of breaking up with him. It just slips my mind as he tugs me out of my room and out to his car. “How about we go to the mall and just walk around?”

“That’s ok…I guess.”

Laker smiles and steps into the drivers seat while I get in the passenger side. The ride to the mall is silent and once we reach our destination Laker and I end up just walking around the mall, windowing shopping. Laker tried on funky glasses and clothing in hopes to make me laugh. It worked. We went to the food court to eat and ended up talking about things that really don’t matter but it just felt so right to be sitting here talking about it.

It felt right to be here with Laker. I’m worried about this feeling. I shouldn’t have it. I don’t want it. Yes I do. But every time I look into his bright green eyes and see how happy he is to be here sitting with me, every time I feel his knee brush my own and his fingers run over mine every thought of stopping this, of ruining it completely vanishes. It’s thrown out the window and into the trash and I just go own smiling and laughing with Laker because it just feels so right.