The Tragic Truth
Trouble
The next day, we all slept in until close to noon. Zoe was really happy, probably realizing that she was getting every girl’s dream. Your boyfriend moving in with you at the age of 17.
Woo-hoo. And Derek [though in excruciating pain] probably realized that he was getting every guy’s dream: He now shared a bed with his girlfriend. Level with me on this.
We all drove to Derek’s house to get his stuff while his parents were out. Technically, we were breaking an entering because Derek didn’t have his key. We broke one of the windows in the back to get in. Derek was still in pain [those painkillers hardly helped at all] so he stayed in the car and started yelling up to us what he needed.
“Wait!” He yelled. I looked out the window.
“What do you fucking want?” I screamed. I could see him smile in the passenger seat of my Jeep. I had started cussing so much I could have been put in a rehab center for it.
“I don’t want you getting my boxers!” I smiled, and then looked down at him.
“I’ve seen boxers before, Derek. Now I can get them for you, or you can go commando until you go shopping again. Personally, I prefer to just get the undies here.” Zoe, sitting in the driver’s seat, yelled up to me.
“Actually, I’m okay with-” I interrupted. “Yes, Zoe. I know exactly what you’re okay with. I happen to be holding a pair of boxers as we speak, okay?” I smiled sarcastically and went back to raiding Derek’s room with Drake. I thought I heard ‘damn’ from the driver’s seat followed by laughing as I shoved a bunch of clothes into a white trash bag. Meanwhile, Drake was fishing under Derek’s bed. He pulled out a bunch of magazines, and leaned out the window.
“Nice, man!” He yelled, “I don’t have these! Oh-holiday edition…” I pulled Drake back into the room and stole a magazine from his hand.
“Playboy?!” I exclaimed. “Put. Down. Now.” I threw the magazine on Derek’s bed as Drake put the rest of them on the dresser.
“I think we have everything that he needs,” I said, “but can you carry the bag? My little arms just can’t handle it…” I smiled and bit my lip.
“Yes, dear,” Drake said sarcastically. He kissed me on the cheek and took the bag. I followed him out of the room. Drake looked out one of the windows leading down the stairs.
“Umm, Skye? The Jeep isn’t there…but a police car is.”
“Ohh shit dammit fuck fuck fuck…” I bit my thumb and looked out the window.
“Okay, here’s the deal. You take the bag, just go. Derek’s parents can’t know where he’s staying. Good thing I’m not listed in the phone book…I’ll stay behind and try to talk them out of it.”
“No way! We’ll both go.” We both ran down the stairs until we were standing in front of the sliding door in the bag.
“Mmhmm, we’ll get caught. Both of us. You go, I distract. You get the manly job! Be proud! And you’re forgetting something. They like girls more.” I smiled sarcastically. “Now fucking GO!” I pushed him. He stumbled with the bag, and then ran out the back and through a side street until he got close to the mall so no one would notice him with a huge bag. I rounded the corner, where I already heard the police walking in. And then I did one of the stupidest things I’ve probably ever done. Ever.
“Hello, officers. Why, you just missed Mr. and Mrs. Andrews, but I’m here. Use the handcuffs, if you want. They’re my specialty.” I bit my lip and batted my eyelashes at the first cop I saw.
Woo-hoo. And Derek [though in excruciating pain] probably realized that he was getting every guy’s dream: He now shared a bed with his girlfriend. Level with me on this.
We all drove to Derek’s house to get his stuff while his parents were out. Technically, we were breaking an entering because Derek didn’t have his key. We broke one of the windows in the back to get in. Derek was still in pain [those painkillers hardly helped at all] so he stayed in the car and started yelling up to us what he needed.
“Wait!” He yelled. I looked out the window.
“What do you fucking want?” I screamed. I could see him smile in the passenger seat of my Jeep. I had started cussing so much I could have been put in a rehab center for it.
“I don’t want you getting my boxers!” I smiled, and then looked down at him.
“I’ve seen boxers before, Derek. Now I can get them for you, or you can go commando until you go shopping again. Personally, I prefer to just get the undies here.” Zoe, sitting in the driver’s seat, yelled up to me.
“Actually, I’m okay with-” I interrupted. “Yes, Zoe. I know exactly what you’re okay with. I happen to be holding a pair of boxers as we speak, okay?” I smiled sarcastically and went back to raiding Derek’s room with Drake. I thought I heard ‘damn’ from the driver’s seat followed by laughing as I shoved a bunch of clothes into a white trash bag. Meanwhile, Drake was fishing under Derek’s bed. He pulled out a bunch of magazines, and leaned out the window.
“Nice, man!” He yelled, “I don’t have these! Oh-holiday edition…” I pulled Drake back into the room and stole a magazine from his hand.
“Playboy?!” I exclaimed. “Put. Down. Now.” I threw the magazine on Derek’s bed as Drake put the rest of them on the dresser.
“I think we have everything that he needs,” I said, “but can you carry the bag? My little arms just can’t handle it…” I smiled and bit my lip.
“Yes, dear,” Drake said sarcastically. He kissed me on the cheek and took the bag. I followed him out of the room. Drake looked out one of the windows leading down the stairs.
“Umm, Skye? The Jeep isn’t there…but a police car is.”
“Ohh shit dammit fuck fuck fuck…” I bit my thumb and looked out the window.
“Okay, here’s the deal. You take the bag, just go. Derek’s parents can’t know where he’s staying. Good thing I’m not listed in the phone book…I’ll stay behind and try to talk them out of it.”
“No way! We’ll both go.” We both ran down the stairs until we were standing in front of the sliding door in the bag.
“Mmhmm, we’ll get caught. Both of us. You go, I distract. You get the manly job! Be proud! And you’re forgetting something. They like girls more.” I smiled sarcastically. “Now fucking GO!” I pushed him. He stumbled with the bag, and then ran out the back and through a side street until he got close to the mall so no one would notice him with a huge bag. I rounded the corner, where I already heard the police walking in. And then I did one of the stupidest things I’ve probably ever done. Ever.
“Hello, officers. Why, you just missed Mr. and Mrs. Andrews, but I’m here. Use the handcuffs, if you want. They’re my specialty.” I bit my lip and batted my eyelashes at the first cop I saw.