Honey

There was a pause that made Gerard feel horribly uncomfortable. He'd basically just put everything out on the table. He had no cards up his sleeve and he was left feeling completely vulnerable. It was so hard to be sure that the time was right time to drop the "L bomb" as his brother called it. Gerard had no way of being totally sure that Frank was ready for it. He knew Frank liked him, there was no doubt about that, but knowing whether or not Frank loved him was totally impossible.

"Are you sure?" Frank asked. His hands were shaking, his heart was racing, he could hardly keep still. There were so many thoughts running through his head. the main one being the question of whether or not he loved Gerard back.

It wasn't as if he never thought about it. Every time he saw Gerard it popped into his mind. They spent almost all their free time together. Each time he was with Gerard he found himself wondering if he could be as happy with Gerard as he had been with Josh; If he was happier with Gerard now than he was with Josh. Could he be with Gerard forever? Is there such a thing?

He hated the constant questions and all the unknown answers that came along with them.

"Well, yeah," Gerard said. "I've been thinking about it for a while now and I feel like that's where I stand. I love you, Frankie."

"It's been two months since we first went out, you know," Frank pointed out.

Gerard nodded, smiling. "Yeah. I know."

Frank dropped his gaze and lifted his hand so he was tracing the marks Gerard had left behind in the bark of the tree. It was all so final. Even if he decided to turn Gerard down, their names would be there forever.

"It's kind of hard to know, for sure, where I stand with you, Gerard," Frank said. "I mean... I know how you feel and I have a good sense of how I feel, but I know for a fact I'm not as certain as you are right now."

Frank looked up at Gerard and saw the slight tinge of fear in his eyes. Like Gerard was only preparing himself for the worst possible outcome: rejection.

"Don't be so worried, okay?" Frank said. "I'm not saying I don't love you, I'm just saying... I don't know. I'm sorting a few extra feelings out. I know that I like you a whole hell of a lot and I can't really picture my life without you in it anymore. I'm just not as for sure as you are about everything."

Gerard nodded. He wasn't entirely happy with Frank's response. He'd wanted to receive an I love you too, the kind that said that Frank had felt the same way for days now and was only waiting for the right time to say it out loud.

However, he got a maybe; a possibly; an 'I think I could maybe, kinda, possibly, love you too.'

Gerard wasn't bitter, just a little disappointed. Or maybe, just maybe, that's only a rationalization.

"Okay," he said, his eyes drifting toward the ground.

Frank, deep down, felt terrible. He could see it in Gerard's eyes that he was no longer happy. He couldn't be cheered up by a mere smile or a reassuring hug or a kiss. His ego was hurt, his heart, though still in tact, was slightly bruised.

"Don't look like that, Gee," Frank murmured, rubbing circles in Gerard's back. He pulled him close, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend as best as he could.

"I'm fine, Frank," Gerard said, pushing himself away.

Frank drew in a deep breath. He wished he'd simply said 'I love you,too' like he was supposed to. Everyone knew that you were never supposed to be completely honest. When your boyfriend says 'I love you' you say it back, even if you're not 100 percent sure. The only time you're allowed to break that rule is when you're 100 percent sure that you'll never even be able to learn to love them back.

Frank sat down in front of the tree and stared straight ahead into the seemingly endless fields of yellow grass. It was so beautiful out in the country. The air was clear; the atmosphere was so quiet and serene.

And here he was, unable to enjoy it. He'd ruined Valentines Day.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, looking up at Gerard. "I'm sorry that I ruined your Valentines Day."

"You didn't ruin it," Gerard responded, avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah..." Frank said, standing up. He felt like it was time for him to go. Hanging around wasn't going to make things any easier. "I did."

He started walking back towards the city, unsure of what he would do when he got there. Maybe go back to work if his shift wasn't over. Perhaps he'd just ditch work all together and lie down in bed so he could wallow in his self-pity. Either way, he needed to get away from Gerard.

"Where are you going?" Gerard asked, surprised.

When Frank turned around Gerard was looking at him with furrowed brows and concerned eyes.

"Home? Work? I don't know. I just feel like you want me to leave, and I feel like I should leave because I basically ruined this whole romantic thing you have going by telling you that I may or may not love you back."

"You didn't ruin everything. I just told you that," Gerard said.

"I know, Gee. You did say that, but I can see it in your eyes that you're disappointed. I can tell that I killed you a little bit just now."

Gerard shoved his hands into his pockets and looked back at the giant gorilla sitting under the tree. He wished that he'd waited; maybe bought Frank a giant teddy bear instead of giving him a tree that would last forever.

"See?" Frank added. "I'm right."

"I don't know how else I'm supposed to feel, Frank. I mean, yeah, I'm upset about the way things turned out but that doesn't mean I want you to leave."

Running a hand through his hair Frank walked back to where Gerard was standing and placed his hands on his shoulders. Looking him in the eye, he leaned forward and placed a slow, romantic kiss to his lips. As Gerard's hands drifted toward Frank's hips, Gerard felt like, finally, things were getting back to the way they should be. Where Frank acted as if he loved him back and Gerard was able to interpret things as he saw fit.

When Frank pulled away, he lifted a hand to cup the side of Gerard's face. "I'm gonna go, okay?" He said. "As much as I want to stay here with you I feel like if I do, I'm only making things a little bit harder."

Gerard sighed. "If you leave, it's not going to make things any easier."

"Yeah, but at least it will make the situation a little less uncomfortable. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

Gerard only nodded because he knew arguing wouldn't make things any better. He watched as Frank walked away and wondered where he would end up going. He wondered if he'd run and tell Eliza everything that happened, or if he'd come to the conclusion that he just didn't want to be in a relationship any longer.

And then Gerard thought of Josh because, to be honest, Gerard was worried that Frank just might run back to what he was used to. He'd hoped that by telling Frank that he loved him he would somehow be able to remove Josh from Frank's mind completely; make him remember that it was the present that mattered most.

Did that make Gerard jealous? Maybe. Just a little.

But it was that distant look in Frank's eyes that made him nervous. When they would cuddle on the couch doing nothing of any importance, Gerard would wonder exactly what was running through Frank's mind.

It was only innocent. Gerard was sure that Frank wouldn't run off and do anything stupid. He knew Frank liked him enough to want to be exclusive. However, now that everything had been put out in the open, Gerard wasn't so sure.