Honey

"So.... how was it?" Eliza asked as Frank entered the shop. She wasn't expecting him back so soon, but she figured he was only back because he had a job to do. "Was it everything you expected?"

When Frank looked up, Eliza could immediately tell that something had happened and it wasn't nearly as good as she had hoped.

"What's wrong?"

Frank sighed, hopping up onto the front counter. "He told me that he loved me," Frank mumbled, staring down at his fingers.

Eliza furrowed her brows. This should have been something good. Frank should have been beaming. Hell, he should still be out with Gerard if it was something as good as being in love.

"Okay... then why the hell are you here? You should be off somewhere with that amazing boyfriend of yours."

"No. I actually shouldn't," Frank replied, looking at Eliza with sad eyes. When she didn't respond, Frank exhaled heavily and leaned back on his palms. As his eyes focused on the ceiling, he gathered the nerve to tell her what happened.

"I shot him down, Eliza," he said. "Well... not exactly. I told him I could possibly be in love with him, but I wasn't sure. I gave him a maybe and I fucked things up. I mean, you should have seen his face. I felt so bad. He looked at me with these eyes, you know? His eyes were like 'what the fuck, Frank? I just told you I loved you and you give me this shit? What the hell is wrong with you?'

"Only that wasn't what he said. He said he was fine. But he wasn't fine, Liz. I basically ripped out a little bit of his heart and left the rest of it inside of his chest to rot. How terrible am I? I fucked this up, Liz. I really did."

Eliza stared at Frank in disbelief. Never in her life could she see him doing this to someone. Frank was always the one getting screwed up, the one who gave away a little to much of himself. This time, however, the tables had turned and Frank had done the hurting. She knew it wasn't intentional and if Frank could take it back, he would. It was just shocking was all.

"Eliza... say something."

"I can't believe you did that," Eliza stated. "I never could imagine you doing that."

Frank leaned forward, his head falling into his hands. "I know. I know. I know. I wish I hadn't though, Liz. I really do. I just... I hate lying to people. I don't know that I love him. I feel like I do, but.... I'm not positive. He seemed so sure of himself and I didn't want to say I did and then two weeks later come to the conclusion that I don't."

"Yeah... I understand that, Frank, but... you know you're supposed to say it if you at least eighty percent there. I know you're way past eighty. You could be pushing ninety-five."

Frank laughed, but only a little. "Yeah. I'm at like... ninety-eight."

"Then why not just say it back? I'm not trying to make you feel worse, you know I'd never do that, I just... Gerard is such a great guy. He's such a good person and he genuinely likes you. I can see the way you guys are together and I don't want to see that change for you. You have a good thing, Frank, and I really don't want to see you fuck things up because you're scared."

Frank nodded, looking straight ahead at his best friend. He knew Eliza was right. She always was. She was right about Josh and he knew, deep down, that she was nothing but correct about Gerard. However, Frank was still scared. He didn't want to put all he had into a relationship just to wind up hurt all over again. But that was what he was doing to Gerard right now by leaving him to question their relationship. He had to be honest with himself and get things straight.

"I still kind of still love Josh, Eliza," Frank mumbled, hoping Eliza hadn't heard him.

"What?"

"You heard me," Frank told her. "Please don't make me repeat myself."

"How could you still love that asshole?"

"Don't ask me that, okay? I just need to know what to do."

"Do you love him more than Gerard?" She asked him.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I was with Josh for so long, you know? I don't know anything else, if you think about it. I really like Gerard and I can't see my life without him in it anymore, but I feel the same way about Josh. I'm still very disappointed in him for what he did, but you have to understand that Josh was a major part of my life. I based everything around him and then he was just gone."

"And now he's back..." Eliza finished. "And you don't know what to do."

Frank nodded. "I can't tell Gerard. I told him everything between Josh and I was resolved, but, as you know, it isn't. Not entirely."

"Clearly," Eliza muttered, folding her arms.

She hated that Frank was doing this. He was only ruining himself and she knew that when everything went to shit she would be the one to clean up the mess; the one that would be at his house at three in the morning to wipe his tears and force him out of bed so he could get to work on time. She hated seeing her best friend like that and she knew, if things weren't fixed soon, that was where everything was leading.

"Well... I guess you and I are going to have to figure something out," Eliza said, climbing onto the counter so she could sit next to Frank. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close so she could kiss the top of his head.

"I have to call him tonight," Frank said. "Gerard. Not Josh."

"What are you gonna say?"

"I don't know. He may want to go out or something. I know he's gonna want to talk and I'm not going to be able to lie to him about what's going on. Not anymore."

"Well... you can't avoid him, you know."

Frank nodded. "Yeah. I know."

There was a pause and then Frank turned to Eliza. He knew he could tell her anything and she would still love him unconditionally. That, he knew to be true. However, he knew that Eliza was a little disappointed in him just as Gerard had been. The reasoning behind it may have varied between the two of them, but it was there. He'd seen it in Gerard's eyes and he could see it in Eliza's now.

"I'm sorry, Liz," Frank said. "If you're disappointed. Don't lie and say you're not because I can tell. I just can't help how I feel, you know?"

Eliza sighed, rubbing Frank's arm. He was still pulled tight against her. "I know. I just hate seeing you do this to yourself. I understand that your feelings for Josh run deep and it's hard to simply cast them aside, don't think for a minute that I don't get that, I just know that he isn't good for you and I only wish you could see that."

"I think he feels bad though, Liz," Frank murmured.

"Then let the fucker feel bad, Frank," Eliza responded. "He should feel bad. He hurt you and you were feeling just as bad, if not worse, while he was parading around with that guy from yoga. Don't screw up a good thing because Josh decides that he has the time to feel remorse."

"I won't," Frank assured her. "I just have to sort things out for myself okay? You don't need to worry."

Eliza only nodded and took Frank's answer for what it was. She knew Frank was going to do what he wanted to matter what she said about it. All she could do was hope things turned out okay.