Honey

"Do you wanna see a movie?" Gerard asked, settling into the couch.

Frank shrugged as he stared down at his fingernails. He sat Indian style beside Gerard, a competition show on the Food Network playing on the television. "I don't know," he said, looking over at Gerard. "Maybe. What's playing?"

"I have no idea," Gerard replied, chuckling. "I just want to do something with you, you know? It's been so long since we've gone on an actual date."

Frank smiled, liking the fact that Gerard wanted to do something with him. Ever since the small sort-of-fight they had on Valentines Day things had been slightly tense between the two of them. They made a point of hanging out on weekends and during the week when they both had a free lunch break, but it wasn't as easy as it had been before the fourteenth. There were words hanging in the air that were always left unspoken. Gerard made a point of not saying anything about the way he felt about Frank and Frank made a point of not mentioning his confusion about Josh. It was just the way things were.

"Why don't we take a walk. Maybe grab a bite to eat if we get hungry?" Frank suggested. "We don't have to do the conventional dinner and a movie, you know."

Gerard grinned, leaning over and pecking Frank's lips and then his nose as Frank's eyes fluttered shut. "I love the way you think," he spoke, his face lingering in front of Frank's.

Frank closed the space between their mouths, his hand finding a place on Gerard's shoulder as their lips worked against each other. He adored kissing Gerard more than he adored a good cigarette. When his lips found Gerard's the world faded away and he felt as if it were only the two of them. Gerard's fingers twisted themselves between locks of Frank's hair as their bodies shifted closer together. Frank untangled his legs as he pressed himself against his boyfriend. Their breath became uneven as Frank willed himself to breath through his nose and not to forget how to do so. Soon enough the need for air became to important and Gerard was the one to force himself to pull away as Frank willed his lungs to go a few extra seconds without oxygen.

"I swear I love kissing you more than I love breathing," Frank mumbled.

"I never knew how much you loved to breathe," Gerard replied, chuckling.

"Very much so. You know, only because it's a basic need and all."

Gerard lifted his palm to the side of Frank's face as the younger of the pair leaned into his touch. "I like kissing you too, though," Gerard said. "More than you know."

Frank sighed, smiling. He brought Gerard's hand to his lips and kissed his open palm. "I feel like I love you, you know," he said. "But I'm afraid to admit it."

Gerard furrowed his brow. It was the first time the subject had been freely introduced. There had been several moment where the topic lingered in the air, but nobody had acted on the opportunity bring it up.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because," Frank answered. "I just feel like if I say it out loud I'm turning the page on a whole chapter of my life. I'm open to starting over with you, but... I don't know. I have a hard time letting go."

"Of that guy?" Gerard asked. "That Josh guy you saw when we first started dating?"

Frank sighed. "Yeah. I guess. Not him in particular, but that whole part of my life."

"I'm not asking you to change who you are or who you were, Frank. I just... I'm not asking you to do anything," Gerard said. "All I want is for you to be honest with yourself and with me. I just want this to mean something to you. That's all."

Frank raised his brows, shocked. "You think you don't' mean anything to me? Is that what you're saying?"

"No, Frank. That's not what I'm saying." Gerard raked his fingers through his hair. He hated how things took a turn for the worst whenever the subject of their relationship came up. Frank got defensive and then Gerard got defensive and then they both ended up angry. All he wanted was for Frank to be sure of himself. He wasn't asking for love, although that was really what he wanted, just security. Gerard simply didn't want to have to worry about ex-boyfriends and whether or not Frank loved that Josh guy more than he loved him.

"Then what are you saying, Gee?"

"I feel like you still have feelings for him," Gerard admitted, looking toward Frank with sad eyes. "I know you said you still loved him and I know you said it wasn't in a romantic way. I just--- when you basically told me you weren't sure of your feelings, you know, on Valentines Day, it made me wonder exactly where you stood with that Josh guy. I feel stupid and insecure for feeling like this, but I can't help it, Frank. I wonder."

Frank sank back into the chair, staring straight ahead as a cake toppled over on the television screen. He never wanted to make Gerard feel this way. "I don't love him, Gee," Frank replied, his voice no louder than a whisper. Gerard had to strain to hear him speak. "Do I still feel something? Well, yeah. I feel hurt and I feel let down. Sometimes when I think of Josh I think of how happy we used to be, but I don't think of how happy we could be now."

Frank turned to face Gerard. "You have to understand that Josh was all I knew. He was my first. For everything, he was my first. Before you, he was the only boy I'd ever really kissed and he was certainly the only boy I've ever been with. He still is, but, you know, that will change." Gerard smiled shyly, his face turning red. Frank placed a hand on Gerard's cheek, his head tilting slightly to the side as he searched for something positive in Gerard's eyes. "I'll always feel something toward him, but it's never going to be something I would act on. I'm with you now, and you're all I want."

Gerard turned to the side, kissing Frank's palm the same way Frank had done for him earlier. "Are you sure about that?" Gerard asked. "You had me nervous earlier. Like you weren't sure."

"I'm only apprehensive, Gee," Frank replied. "I don't want to get hurt again."

Gerard took Frank's hands in his, his voice taking on a more serious tone. "I'd never even dream of hurting you, Frank," he said. "I love you."

Frank grinned and leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to Gerard's lips. When he pulled away, he was still grinning as his forehead rested against Gerard's. "You know what, Gee?" He asked.

"What?" Came Gerard's response. He felt strangely content. Even though his words were still somewhat hanging in the air.

"I love you too."

And then they weren't. A smile crept onto Gerard's lips as he kissed Frank for what felt like the thousandth time only it felt different. It felt fuller and more understood. It was more than just a meeting of lips; it felt more like an answer. It felt like it was supposed to be that way all along.