Copycat
01
-So, when did these symptoms first appeared?
-Symptoms? I'm not sick to have symptoms, it's my life we're talking about. And you say it’s like something wrong. It’s not wrong, I’m not sick. In fact, I know a lot of people who live the same way. Are you saying that they are sick too? They seem pretty sane to me.
-And where do those people live?
-I don’t know. But we talk via Internet daily.
-Why not in person?
-Because, sometimes I stumble over my words in person, and this way, I have more time to think of a response that’ll make me sound more literate.
-Literate?
-Why must you repeat every word I say?
-I’m just curios.
-Well…
-Well?
-I don’t wanna talk about it.
-Okay. Tell me about something else then.
-What?
-Whatever you want. Tell me about that boy you like.
-Oh him… He’s my dream come true, my ticket to get out of this life and actually make it worth living. When he talks, it’s like, he can really portray my emotions at that point, and when I look at his eyes, its like, I can see that he’s looking at me, and all the others don’t exist.
-There are others?
-You know, every other person in the crowd. But that’s not the point.
-Oh, there is a point?
-Yes. I know that we are meant to be together, and one day, you’ll see when this happens, you’ll be sorry for not believing me.
-I believe you.
-No you don’t.
-You can’t tell me whether I believe you or not. It’s my opinion.
-I know. It’s okay, no one believes me, so I’m used to it. They look at me like I’m crazy and obsessed. Meh…
-Tell me.
-I went to his place, well not really inside his house, but in front of his front yard door. His curtains were closed, which wasn’t unusual at early in the morning. I guess he doesn’t like the morning Sun waking him up. But he looks so beautiful at that time in the morning.
-How would you know, if you haven’t seen it?
-I read it.
-Where?
-On the Internet.
-Oh, sorry. Continue.
-He woke up, eventually, around noon and went to get a cup of coffee. He doesn’t like making it himself, it just doesn’t taste the same way someone else makes it. He likes his coffee with cream and a lots of sugar, but he rarely has cream in his fridge.
-And you know this how?
-The Internet.
-Right. So…
-So, he went to this small coffee place and ordered a cappuccino, I know that because it’s the same kind I like. And he smokes. The same brand of cigarettes I smoke as well.
-But you said smoking makes you dizzy.
-Yes, but only when I smoke any other brand other than that.
-What’s so special about this brand?
-I don’t know. But the way he does it, it just looks so delicious. Taste like Heaven.
-And how did you to meet?
-We haven’t.
-Yet you know everything about him. You dress like him, you talk and walk like him, you smoke the same brand, you even got a matching tattoos.
-Yes.
-Isn’t that a little…
-What?
-Wrong? And it makes you seem like you’re obsessed.
-I’m not obsessed.
-Then how would you call this?
-Bringing the two soul mates together.
-How are you two soul mates, when you change yourself to be more like him?
-Exactly. When he sees it, he’ll realize that we are the same, and he’ll fall in love with me.
-It doesn’t work that way. You have to meet a person and talk to them, not stalking and copying their every move.
-I told you, I’m not good at talking to people that way.
-Change it. You’ve changed everything else, so why not change yourself into someone who has more courage to talk to people?
-I don’t wanna.
-Why?
-shrug- It’s good this way.
-Except it’s not.
-I like it that way.
-But it’s not healthy.
-And that’s why I hate you grown up people. You always seem to look at the down side of everything. There is not a single good thing.
-Tell me one good thing.
-You wouldn’t understand.
-Believe it or not, I was young once. I know what you’re going through.
-Really? Have you experienced rejection from the real world, have you felt betrayed by the people around you, have the real world and the people in it made you escape into imaginary one? Have you ever loved someone that you thought that, even though you two have never met, you belong to each other? Have you ever loved so much and with passion so great that no romance novel or movie could ever portray truly? Have you cried, times and times over and again, just because reality hit you in a moment of weakness, and you realized that everything you believed was real, wasn’t. Because, trust me, I know all these things, I’ve experienced them so many times, at the level of being true, that you wouldn’t believe that level exist.
-I know what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t love you back. But to love someone who doesn’t know you don’t exist.
-What’s with you and the existence? Why must something exist to be real?
-Because it wouldn’t be real.
-It’s real. It’s my life. I know it’s real. And I want to believe it’s real. Otherwise, I might as well be dead. How’s that for your “existence”?
-That’s rather extreme.
-Nah.
-???-
-I’m just sick of explaining people everything. I don’t want to do it anymore. I wish if everybody would leave me alone.
-But there are people who care about you, and hate to see you wasting your life.
-I’m not wasting my life.
-You spend days in your room, with people on the Internet being your only friends.
-A friend is a friend. Internet or real life.
-True, but it wouldn’t hurt…
-It wouldn’t.
-I haven’t finished.
-I know. You don’t have to. I’m well aware of everything you said.
-But you’re not going to listen not a single advice I would give to you.
-You know I wouldn’t.
-That’s your choice.
-It is. As well as it is my behavior and every thing I do. I made myself into this, and I trust myself to finish it.
-How?
-If you think about killing myself… No. I love myself way too much to ever do that.
-Then how?
-I don’t know. I’ll find a way. One way or another.
-I wish you every luck in the world for that.
-Thank you.
-Symptoms? I'm not sick to have symptoms, it's my life we're talking about. And you say it’s like something wrong. It’s not wrong, I’m not sick. In fact, I know a lot of people who live the same way. Are you saying that they are sick too? They seem pretty sane to me.
-And where do those people live?
-I don’t know. But we talk via Internet daily.
-Why not in person?
-Because, sometimes I stumble over my words in person, and this way, I have more time to think of a response that’ll make me sound more literate.
-Literate?
-Why must you repeat every word I say?
-I’m just curios.
-Well…
-Well?
-I don’t wanna talk about it.
-Okay. Tell me about something else then.
-What?
-Whatever you want. Tell me about that boy you like.
-Oh him… He’s my dream come true, my ticket to get out of this life and actually make it worth living. When he talks, it’s like, he can really portray my emotions at that point, and when I look at his eyes, its like, I can see that he’s looking at me, and all the others don’t exist.
-There are others?
-You know, every other person in the crowd. But that’s not the point.
-Oh, there is a point?
-Yes. I know that we are meant to be together, and one day, you’ll see when this happens, you’ll be sorry for not believing me.
-I believe you.
-No you don’t.
-You can’t tell me whether I believe you or not. It’s my opinion.
-I know. It’s okay, no one believes me, so I’m used to it. They look at me like I’m crazy and obsessed. Meh…
-Tell me.
-I went to his place, well not really inside his house, but in front of his front yard door. His curtains were closed, which wasn’t unusual at early in the morning. I guess he doesn’t like the morning Sun waking him up. But he looks so beautiful at that time in the morning.
-How would you know, if you haven’t seen it?
-I read it.
-Where?
-On the Internet.
-Oh, sorry. Continue.
-He woke up, eventually, around noon and went to get a cup of coffee. He doesn’t like making it himself, it just doesn’t taste the same way someone else makes it. He likes his coffee with cream and a lots of sugar, but he rarely has cream in his fridge.
-And you know this how?
-The Internet.
-Right. So…
-So, he went to this small coffee place and ordered a cappuccino, I know that because it’s the same kind I like. And he smokes. The same brand of cigarettes I smoke as well.
-But you said smoking makes you dizzy.
-Yes, but only when I smoke any other brand other than that.
-What’s so special about this brand?
-I don’t know. But the way he does it, it just looks so delicious. Taste like Heaven.
-And how did you to meet?
-We haven’t.
-Yet you know everything about him. You dress like him, you talk and walk like him, you smoke the same brand, you even got a matching tattoos.
-Yes.
-Isn’t that a little…
-What?
-Wrong? And it makes you seem like you’re obsessed.
-I’m not obsessed.
-Then how would you call this?
-Bringing the two soul mates together.
-How are you two soul mates, when you change yourself to be more like him?
-Exactly. When he sees it, he’ll realize that we are the same, and he’ll fall in love with me.
-It doesn’t work that way. You have to meet a person and talk to them, not stalking and copying their every move.
-I told you, I’m not good at talking to people that way.
-Change it. You’ve changed everything else, so why not change yourself into someone who has more courage to talk to people?
-I don’t wanna.
-Why?
-shrug- It’s good this way.
-Except it’s not.
-I like it that way.
-But it’s not healthy.
-And that’s why I hate you grown up people. You always seem to look at the down side of everything. There is not a single good thing.
-Tell me one good thing.
-You wouldn’t understand.
-Believe it or not, I was young once. I know what you’re going through.
-Really? Have you experienced rejection from the real world, have you felt betrayed by the people around you, have the real world and the people in it made you escape into imaginary one? Have you ever loved someone that you thought that, even though you two have never met, you belong to each other? Have you ever loved so much and with passion so great that no romance novel or movie could ever portray truly? Have you cried, times and times over and again, just because reality hit you in a moment of weakness, and you realized that everything you believed was real, wasn’t. Because, trust me, I know all these things, I’ve experienced them so many times, at the level of being true, that you wouldn’t believe that level exist.
-I know what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t love you back. But to love someone who doesn’t know you don’t exist.
-What’s with you and the existence? Why must something exist to be real?
-Because it wouldn’t be real.
-It’s real. It’s my life. I know it’s real. And I want to believe it’s real. Otherwise, I might as well be dead. How’s that for your “existence”?
-That’s rather extreme.
-Nah.
-???-
-I’m just sick of explaining people everything. I don’t want to do it anymore. I wish if everybody would leave me alone.
-But there are people who care about you, and hate to see you wasting your life.
-I’m not wasting my life.
-You spend days in your room, with people on the Internet being your only friends.
-A friend is a friend. Internet or real life.
-True, but it wouldn’t hurt…
-It wouldn’t.
-I haven’t finished.
-I know. You don’t have to. I’m well aware of everything you said.
-But you’re not going to listen not a single advice I would give to you.
-You know I wouldn’t.
-That’s your choice.
-It is. As well as it is my behavior and every thing I do. I made myself into this, and I trust myself to finish it.
-How?
-If you think about killing myself… No. I love myself way too much to ever do that.
-Then how?
-I don’t know. I’ll find a way. One way or another.
-I wish you every luck in the world for that.
-Thank you.