The Way It Played Out

We’d been back home for a while and it was nice, just having time to relax. Pete had finally been trusting me enough to leave me home on weekends when he went to visit Ashlee and Bronx, so I had the house to myself.
Of course I was sketching again, this time it was a photo I’d taken on tour. I’d carefully taken my camera out on the surfboard with me and stood up pretty far back from the beach, capturing the scene before me- the sand stretching endlessly in either direction, Bill and Joe celebrating their completed sand fortress, Sisky falling spectacularly off his boogie board as Andy laughed, Brendon, Ryan, and Pete chasing Patrick with water guns, and Mike, and Michael burying the Butcher, who was up to his neck in sand.
It was a utopian panorama, and I loved it. I’d taken the photo close enough to be able to capture everyone’s faces, but far enough back to include everyone and the seagulls dotting the azure sky.
Of course the doorbell rang at that minute.

Curious, I hopped off the couch and sauntered to the door, opening it without checking the peephole.
“Bill?” I was stunned to see him there, and even more shocked to see how torn up he looked. “What happened?”
I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside, sitting him down on the couch with me.
“Are you ok?” I asked. I knew we weren’t exactly friends anymore, but he’d been my best friend for almost my entire life. Even if he rather would, I wouldn’t ever forget that. “Bill, you know you can tell me anything.”
Bill glanced up at me, obviously crushed, then back down at the couch. “I’m a shitty friend, but I knew you’d try to cheer me up. I can’t believe I had the balls to come.”
“Bill, you’ve been my best friend since before I can remember. I’ll always be here for you.” I hugged him. “Now, tell me what happened.” I ordered gently as I pulled away.
I saw Bill’s gaze drop to the scars on my arm- revealed by the tank top I was wearing because I was home alone- and he flinched.
I did my best to ignore that.
“I… We…” Bill sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Nova cheated on me.”
“Oh, Bill, that’s horrible.” I sympathized. “I can’t believe she’d do that.”
“Neither can I.” Bill laughed humorlessly. “But… I broke up with her.”
“Good. Cheaters don’t deserve you.” I informed him confidently. “She was horrible to throw what she had away. You deserve someone better.” I hugged him again, holding him close. “You did the right thing, and I’m proud of you. Trust me, you’ll see how much better off you are without her lying, cheating, twiggy self.” I tried to get him to smile. “I’ll go snap her anorexic neck, if you want.” I offered, and that got a weak half-grin out of him.
“Thanks, but no.” Bill said, then sighed. “I just… Amaya, she hurt me. I didn’t know that a heart could really break like this.”
“Well, they do. Hearts are muscles, and they tear like all the other ones.” I sighed. “But you know what? Muscles repair themselves. They grow back even stronger than they were before.”
“I can’t believe I know a suicidal optimist.” Bill shook his head, somehow amused.
“Yeah, yeah.” I rolled my eyes. “Trust me. Everything heals, to some extent.” I said, making him look at my scars. “All you need is time and friends to pass it with.”
Bill met my eyes, nothing but pain in his gaze. “But I love her.”
I sighed. “I know, Bill. I saw how you were together. But she’s not right for you.”
“Do you think anyone is?” He asked, his eyes pleading, like I could procure his dream girl with a wave of my hand.
“There’s someone out there for everyone.” I told him. “Sometimes you just get sidetracked while you’re looking for them.” I gently rubbed his back, feeling him relax slightly.
“Think you’ll ever find who you’re looking for?” Bill asked quietly, after a moment of silence.
“…I’m not sure I want to look.” I sighed, gazing out the window for a moment, deep in thought. Then I glanced back at Bill. “I know you loved her, but you’ll find someone you love even more, one day.” I promised him quietly.
“How do you know?” Bill demanded.
“’Cause you deserve it.” I smiled crookedly at him.
After Bill and I talked for a while, we were almost back to normal. It was still as easy as breathing, talking to him. Everything seemed to flow.
Eventually, he went back home, leaving me alone.
“I think I like you’re idea. I won’t be looking, for a while. I think I’ll wait, see who finds me. Who knows; maybe I’ll even get Nova back.” Bill had grinned at me before he left. At least he’d been sufficiently cheered up.
He loves her so much. And I can’t believe he’s become a fair-weather friend. He really is just using me. Maybe he always has been.
Is this how Mrs. Lovett felt, when she realized who Mr. T was? When she burned for him?
As tears leaked down my face, I realized that my friendship with Bill had been nothing more than our false marriage- convenient for him.
And now he’d never need me again.
I knew what I was doing was childish, petty, stupid, but I couldn’t help it.
I watched that pretty shade of red flowing down the drain again, realizing I still hadn’t gotten around to preserving it on paper.

||Oh, Five A.M. on the bathroom floor from the night before. Do you find me dreadful? What a shame, such a sad disgrace, such a pretty face, but she's not regretful.||