These Lines Were Never Established

Hayley watched as everyone seemed to spend more time outside. They always played outside but not like this. Everyone was on their loud machines soaring through the air. All of them. She wasn’t allowed near so she sat on the grass on the hill and watched them while she played with Tito and Barbie.

It’s been like this for a while. Everyone seemed to ignore her to soar through the air. She wanted to soar through the air.

She hung her head and kept playing with Barbie’s hair. She just wanted some to play with. Barbie wasn’t much fun she was mean if Hayley didn’t do what she wanted and that meant Tito wouldn’t play with her either. She looked over at Tito a foot or two away napping all curled up.

She watched as more people went soaring through the air and frowned. More and more people had showed up in the past few months and the more people showed up the more she got ignored, the more everyone spent time soaring through the air. She didn’t like these new people, they took away her daddy.

Hayley put Barbie down and pushed her to the side as she began to complain. Picking grass she put it on Barbie’s face to get her to stop talking. Tito stretched and walked over sitting next to her with a smile.

“Yew f’ink it be like this all time?” Hayley asked him sadly watching the large group of people.

“No. I think it’ll change once they leave.” Tito nodded picking at grass with her as well. Hayley sighed heavily

“But dey keep coming!” She whined at him with a pout.

“They can’t come for ever…can they?” He asked unsure of the answer. Hayley looked at the crowd of people on their loud moving machines and sighed deeply. They probably could keep coming. Soon she wouldn’t even see Travis at the dinner or breakfast table. She’s just see him with his friends once he took his helmet off she see could figure out which one he was. That was it.

She felt lonely, like she had when her mom was in the hospital. Nothing to do but watch and hope things change. Hope these people go away. Hope her mom got better. Hope someone came to her aid and told her they loved her and meant it.

“I wan’ mommy.” She sniffled sadly. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw her mom. She could barely remember what her mom looked like. She had blonde hair, long blonde hair and a pretty smile. She was pretty. “Do yew ‘member wha’ mommy looks like?” Hayley looked at Tito with tear filled eyes.

“Blonde hair, blue eyes, big pretty smile…uhh…” He trailed off scratching the back of his head. Hayley sighed heavily.

“I dun ‘member ‘er eyes…Jus ‘er hair and smile.” She whispered going back to picking grass. More tears welled in her eyes. Why couldn’t she remember her mommy? Where was she? Why did she leave her?

“Hey don’t cry.” Tito cooed. “I’m sure it’s cause all these people are here.” Hayley looked up at him. “Too many people to remember and her face in jumbled up in them. Once you don’t have to remember all these people you’ll remember exactly what she looks like! I bet you can’t even remember what your dad looks like.” He reasoned. Hayley paused.

No, she could remember what he looked like perfectly down to the lines on his face, the ones just around his eyes as if he used to always squint. But she couldn’t remember her mom’s face very well. It was all, blurry.

“I wan’ mommy.” She stated again sadly. She did. She wanted her mom to hold her. “I wan’ mommy.” She sniffled more tears welling in her eyes. She began to gasp for breathe at the thought of not remember her mom’s face and not knowing where she was. “I wan mommy.” She sobbed out.

Travis stopped. Even over the roar of bikes he could hear it, the faint sound of crying. Turning he looked up the hill to where Hayley sat. She had the back of her hands to her eyes and her shoulder shook violently.

“Shit.” He swore dropping his bike and removing his helmet while booking it up the hill. “Hayley. Shush, Hayley, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He cooed picking her up. “What’s wrong princess? Huh? Why you cryin’? Did you hurt yourself?” he asked quickly while looking her over. She was sobbing uncontrollable. Usually if she hurt her self it was only a few tears before she stiffened her lip and pretended like it didn’t hurt or that it was all better. It was by that point Travis was breaking out band-aids and kisses for the boo-boo’s.

“I wan’ mommy.” She cried loudly.

Travis froze. She hadn’t asked in months, no hint, no questioning, nothing and now he couldn’t even tell her they’d go see her in a few days or a week. He couldn’t tell her that because he couldn’t take her to see a grave, she wouldn’t understand. She hadn’t understood when he told her Ashlee was no longer with them.

“Hayley.” He breathed into her hair. “I…” Licking his lips he tried to think of what to tell the distraught child. “Come on let’s go inside.” He picked her, Tito and her Barbie and headed inside. All the while she cried for her mom. Travis was used to her crying for him, not her.

Hayley wanted her mommy. She wanted to remember her face and the sound of her voice and her smell. She could remember Travis’s. He had a gentle voice usually that sounded rough around the edges and he always smelled like outside, dirty and sweaty. She knew his face to just about every detail. Yet she couldn’t say the same for her mom.

All Travis could do was hold her and rock her to sleep and lay her in bed with Tito and her doll.

“What was that about?” Renner asked nodding at the stairs Travis had just descended.

“And why do you look so bummed?” Andre Villa asked confused.

Travis licked his lips and sat at the table when Andy moved to give the confused and sad looking man a space to sit. Everyone watched as Travis ran a hand through his sweaty hair and down his face in confusion and thought. No one spoke waiting on him, not wanting to rush him.

“She was crying for her mom.” He whispered. It was all he could come up with. No other way to say, no other way to work around it. “I didn’t know what to say. I just…held her. There’s nothing I can say. She doesn’t understand the concept of death. She may be a genius but she’s still a little girl.” He added as he held his head in his hands, lost once more as a father.

The room grew quite as they all tried to think of something.

“Where is she now?” Jolene asked softly.

“Sleeping. She cried herself to sleep.” He mused. Again silence incased the room. “I can’t leave her alone. I just can’t. If she needs me I have to be there. You guys can keep training for X games but I…I can’t.” He shook his head at the thought of giving up training for X games two weeks prior to it. He felt like he was admitting defeat yet he didn’t care all that much, it was for Hayley. If he had to get off the bike completely then he would. He would never touch another dirt bike again if it meant Hayley’s happiness, stability, state of mind, and gave her a good childhood and life. He would, no questions asked.

“It’s only two weeks away. We can all still train.” Cam Sinclair smiled at his friend. Travis lifted his head. “We’ll just take turns.” He added. “I mean why would she care if you’re not around when Uncle Cam and Uncle Renner are?” He slung his arms over Ronnie Renner’s shoulder with a proud smile.

“Exactly! I mean, I left my kids at home, so I’ll help you take care of yours. Three kids down to one…” Renner looked around while bobbing is head. “I feel accomplished.” He added teasingly. Travis laughed with the others.

“Thanks guys. But it’s okay. I don’t have to ride. She means more.” Travis said.

“Well duh!” Travis looked at Bilko leaning over the table at him. “But if you stop ridding you won’t be able to feed the little doll, nah how da tha’ work mate?” He asked with a raised hand. All Travis could do was point. “So let her play with her uncles and SHUT IT!” He yelled the last part in Travis’s face.

“Thanks guys.” He smiled at them.

“Oiy! Back to what we do best mates!” Bilko declared getting stares. “Harassing Street bike, duh!” He laughed.

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Tommy protested.