Half Alive

The way that I feel tonight, so down
So down, I pray that I can swim...
Just so I wont drown. And the waves
That crash over me, I'm gasping for air
Take my hand so I can breath
As I write this last song down.

---

A soft sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the brick wall, a cancer stick wedged in between my lips. Memories of that night flashed through my brain and I mentally flinched while I took a puff of my smoke. The blood, the writing on the walls, everything just made my brain mentally collapse that night. I never thought my twin sister would be one to commit suicide, and not long after her death, my parents couldn't take it to have a child that looked exactly like their beloved daughter, and they put me up for adoption just like that after her funeral. It hit me like a brick, but I was used their harsh behavior towards me. I wasn't the best son in the world, I can tell you that. I did drugs, I smoked, I partied like any other half-regular sixteen year old boy would, not seeing the bad things in life.

After my twin died, I quit everything but smoking on her behalf, because she always told me that I should stop doing what I do because it made them angry (my old parents). I smiled at the memories of our bickering, and small arguments that would usually end up in tickle wars. I sighed and took another puff of my smoke. I smoked it until the end, and dropped it on the ground, stomping on it then going back into the adoption center, where I lived from now on.

It's only been a couple months since her death, and it was starting to really take a toll on me. I stayed away from people who came to adopt children, because none of them were really looking for a child to love, they just wanted something to start with to see if they had parenting abilities. I hated people like that the most.

I went straight to my room, ignoring the calls I got from Annabelle, the head of the adoption center. I flopped down on my bed, leaving the door open. I flipped onto my side, staring at the acoustic guitar case in the corner. It belonged to my twin, and I haven't played it in a while. That guitar held precious memories of me and my twin. God, I loved her to death, why did she have to die?

I felt the tears sting at the corner of my eyes, and I quickly rubbed them away, regaining power over my emotions. I got up and went over to the case. I unclipped the clips keeping it closed and took out the Autumn colored guitar and went back to sit on my bed, I ran my fingers up and down the fragile neck and sighed.

I positioned it on my lap and strummed a few notes before hearing a small sneeze. I looked up quickly, to meet blue eyes. I stared at them wide eyed before I raised a hand and motioned for the blond girl to enter the room. she sent me a soft smile, that remided me much of my twin. I shook it off, and whens he sat on the bed indian styled, I started to strum the notes to Broken by Secondhand Serenade.

"In the moonlight
Your face it glows
Like a thousand diamonds
I suppose
And your hair flows like
The ocean breeze
Not a million fights
Could make me hate you
You're invincible
Yeah, It's true
It's in your eyes
Where I find peace

Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
Let's light up the town, scream out loud!
Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes
You're ready to break
Don't look away.

So here we are now
In a place where
The sun blended
With the ocean thin.
So thin, we stand
Across from each other
Together we'll wonder
If we will last these days
If I asked you to stay
Would you tell me
You would be mine?

And time
Is all I ask for
Time
I just need one more day
And time
You've been crying too long
Time
And your tears wrote this song
Stay

In the moonlight
Your face it glows

Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
Let's light up the town, scream out loud!
Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes
You're ready to break
Don't look away. "

I could feel the tears stinging at the corner of my eyes. As I sang the lyrics, I put my whole heart into them, seeing pictures of my twin flash in my mind as I sang the song. I let the tears fall this time, not being able to hold them in anymore.

"Oh Tyler..." I heard Annabell sigh.

I put the guitar aside and looked at her, seeing a couple more people standing in the hallway. I let out a disgruntled sob, and covered my mouth. I felt warm arms wrap around me, soft breaths on my neck. I could hear the blond whisper in my ear 'it's okay to cry'. I shook my head and wiped at my eyes.

I shrugged the blond off of my shoulders and got up, taking a large breath.

"Annabell, did you?..."

"Yes Tyler, I did."

"I miss her."

"I know you do, she was your world wasn't she? It's only natural you cry when you remember her."

"It's just so god damn hard now that she's gone."

Annabell rushed over and took me into her arms, bringing my head down so I could cry on her shoulder. She was short, compared to me being 6'1". After a couple of minutes I pulled from her grip, and went to put the guitar away.

The blond bounced off the bed, and whispered something to Annabell. I heard what she asked, and I closed my eyes as I put the guitar away in it's case. Today was going to be one, long, boring day for me wasn't it?