We've Lost Control

Nick was being a lot better with the fact that I was friends with all that was Breathe Carolina. We hadn’t fought since Pomona which wasn’t saying much because we were barely in New Mexico. Hot, dry New Mexico. The only thing I was looking forward to was somehow getting to a shower and hanging out with my number one BFF Kitty Frost.

“Damn girl! You be lookin’ fine from behind!” I heard the familiar voice say from behind me. I turned around to face Kitty with a smile on my face. “Oh! Whoa. Take a shower; you look gross from the front.” She said with a disgusted look on her face.

My smile dropped and my voice went flat, “Thanks. So much.” I said sarcastically and she laughed then pulled me into a hug.

“Twice in one month! This is the most we’ve seen each other in three years.” She said when we pulled away.

“It’s got to be some kind of record.” I joked with a laugh.

“Whoa, when did you get that massive tattoo?” She asked with wide eyes as she turned me around. I had Lights cup up some of my shirts into tank tops like she wore, so this left the big flower on my shoulder and the branch extending down my side in full view.

“I got it a while ago. It was a birthday present from Hanley.” I said then lifted my shirt so she could see the whole thing. Don’t worry, my womanly features were being covered by a bikini top.

“Oh, what’s this on the other side of your stomach?” She questioned referring to the cursive words on my right side. She grabbed my hips and turned me, so she could see the whole tattoo.

“It says “My love is always on your side.”” I said as she inspected it.

Suddenly, she stood straight up and looked at the merch we were standing in front of. I watched her reaction then saw the amused look on Bam’s face and rolled my eyes.

“Aren’t those new Rocket lyrics?” She asked and I nodded. She sighed in response. “I bet you heard the new album, huh?”

I nodded and smiled cheekily at her, “I was even in the studio for some of it.”

She groaned at my confession, “How did you end up marrying the musician? You are the least musical person I know.”

Quite offended, my mouth dropped open, “Hey! I take offense to that!” I cried. “And who knows about the whole marrying a musician thing. How’re things with Colin?” I teased and bumped her hip.

She sighed again and crossed her arms over her chest, “Things are nonexistent with Colin. We’re just talking right now. Let me turn eighteen before I marry this guy; I’m not like you.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, “You’re very mean today.” I observed and she smiled.

“Sorry, I just don’t sugarcoat things.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed, “Come on, I’m sure there are some guys who wouldn’t mind your presence.” I said as I grabbed her wrist and dragged her away from Rocket’s merch table and over to the black and blue one that had Umbrella Clothing and Breathe Carolina’s logos printed on them. Luckily, I didn’t have to hunt for the members of BC because they were sitting under the tent in lawn chairs.

“Aye! Boys! Look who decided to show up!” I called as we neared the tent. They all looked up and in our direction. All at once, smiled spread across their faces.

“Well if it isn’t Kitty Frost.” David said with a hazy smile. “Holy crap, I will never get over how sick that name is.” He said to no one in particular causing Kitty and I to laugh. He was completely gone.

“I can’t believe you guys play like this all the time.” I said through a laugh.

“Practice. We’ve fucked up plenty of times.” Sauce said and I shook my head.

“Anyways, hey Kat.” Kyle greeted with a smile.

“Hey, how are you guys?” She asked with a bright smile. I knew she was happy to see them. She was just as good of friends with them as I was.

“We’re excellent. Chillin’ on fuckin’ Warped Tour.” David answered. Kitty and I couldn’t help but to laugh again.

“Are you just here for the day or are you staying for a couple of days?” Kyle asked. He was the only completely sober one out of their group. He wasn’t as into smoking weed as the rest. I think that’s what drew me to him; I could hold a civilized conversation with him and not worry about him nodding off or spitting out something totally random.

“I’m only here for the day.” Kitty pouted, “I’m not married to anyone on tour, so it’s not like I can stay.” She joked as she turned to look at me and I rolled my eyes.

“Hey! I’ll marry you.” Their drummer, Eric, said from the ground where he was lying.

“Eric, you’re drunk and or high right now, shut your mouth and go back to sleep.” Kitty said to which Eric shrugged at and closed his eyes again. You can’t make shit like this up.

“Bro, we all know you want to bang her, but keep your dick in your pants.” Sauce said causing Kitty’s mouth to drop and my eyebrows to raise in amusement. Ever since we saw them live, she’d had a thing for Eric, but knew nothing would ever happen.

“Oh, wow, okay. Sawyer, let’s go hang out with sober people.” Kitty said as she grabbed my wrist.

“Hey!” Kyle protested.

“Sorry Kyle!” She called “We’ll see you at your set! I hope you can function properly!” She added then continued to drag me away to the enclosed buses area.

“You’re aware that I have to go to the bus and get your pass so you can get back here right?” I asked as we stood in front of the entrance where a big security guard was clearly doing a his job quite well.

She sighed in annoyance then pulled her hair over her shoulder. “Just hurry up; it’s fucking hot.”

I showed security my laminated pass that had a picture of me on it with “Sawyer Santino” under it and “Media - A Rocket to the Moon” under that and was let through the gate. The bus was further than any other day so far, so it took some time to get over to it. My stomach was a little upset, but I blamed it on the fact that I hadn’t yet eaten. It didn’t occur to me that the pain had been off and on for the last couple of days.

When I pulled myself up the stairs and into the cool air conditioning, I immediately relaxed, not caring about all of the people crowding the front lounge.

“Sawyer! Sawyer Santino!” JohnO yelled out in a too-convincing gay tone of voice. I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared at him, a bit frightened. “Whatchu doin’ girl?” He continued.

“Getting the fuck away from you.” I said then continued on my way to the bunks as everyone began cracking up. I heard someone follow me and turned to look. There stood my husband with an amused smile on his face. “What are you doing?” I asked with a hint of a smile.

He shrugged, “Seeing how my beautiful wife is doing.”

I snorted as I dug through my camera bag, “I am gross right now, not beautiful.” He snaked his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. I couldn’t help but smile at how cute he was being.

“You are beautiful no matter what.” He whispered into my ear.

“You’re cheesy.” I whispered back and he let out a soft laugh, sending chills down my spine as his breath hit my ear. Soon my heard was racing and my stomach fluttered. This was love.

He leaned in and kissed the pulse point on my neck, “I love when your heart races like that.” He said lowly then walked back into the front lounge. Tease. I continued to smile as I finally found Kitty’s pass and stuck it in my pocket.

“Where ya headed, Sawyer?” John asked with the same tone as before when I walked into the front lounge.

“Gonna give Kitty her pass then probably head back here.” I said as I pulled a bagged blueberry muffin from the cupboard above the microwave. “Wanna come?” I asked.

He raised a questioning eyebrow at me then shrugged, “Sure.” He said in his normal voice then got up from the couch.

I pecked Nick on the lips before descending the stairs; he was sitting right by them. “I love you.” I said sincerely as I went to open the door.

“Awh, I love you, too, Sawyer.” Halvo said from next to him.

I flipped him off as Nick laughed, “I love you, too.” Nick said as he chuckled, but I could tell he was being completely sincere.
---
John and I walked in a comfortable silence before he broke it. “Sawyer,” He said hesitantly.

“Hmm?” I asked contently.

“You know, I never told you how happy I am for you and Nick.” He said a bit awkwardly. I smiled, about to say “thank you,” but he continued to talk, “I didn’t talk to you much on the AP Tour because you were only there for the first week, so I didn’t really see the point. I didn’t realize how much Nick cared for you until he got off the phone with you when the tour was over. He was freaking out when you told him you weren’t going to Braintree. And no offense to you, but I thought he was being stupid. I thought he was just in puppy love because as long as I’d known him, he wasn’t with anyone. It got to the point where I thought he was gay.” He laughed and I chuckled.

“Anyways, I didn’t believe he truly, deeply cared for you as much as he said he did because you can’t fall in love overnight.” I listened intently to what he was saying. We came to a stop about twenty feet from the gate. “But the look on his face when he got off the phone that night showed me he really, truly, deeply cared for you. All he kept saying was “something’s wrong with Sawyer. Something’s wrong with Sawyer.” We tried to talk him out of buying the ticket to LA, but he wasn’t even listening. It was kind of scary, I’m not going to lie. He looked kind of lost and we didn’t exactly know what to do. He loves you, Sawyer, so much and I can tell you love him just the same.”

I smiled as I took in everything he said. I hadn’t heard much about what had happened after he hung up on me that night, so it was good to finally get some insight on how he really reacted. John’s speech was completely unexpected, but that’s when things hit you the most; when they came unexpectedly. “Wow, JohnO, I’m kind of speechless.” I said as I choked back tears.

“Awh,” He said as he wrapped his long arms around me in a tight embrace. “What even happened that was so bad?” He asked once we separated.

I cringed as the memory of the night came flooding back to me. Should I tell John? Something inside of me felt as if I could trust him. Taking in a big breath and letting it out slowly, I came to my conclusion. “You have to promise not to tell. The only people that know are Nick and Hanley.” He nodded and listened intently. “Well, I was locking up the tattoo shop alone because I thought it would be okay.” I began slowly, making sure he was listening, “When I walked out the back door, some guy punched me straight in the face. I dropped to the ground and he got on top of me and just beat the shit out of me until I was knocked unconscious.” I retold my story and he gasped quietly.

“He didn’t…” He couldn’t bring himself to say the horrible word in case it was true.

I shook my head, “No, but he stole my money and credit cards.” I replied darkly.

“So, he jumped you and knocked you unconscious because he wanted your money?” He asked, getting peeved and I nodded. “Fucking LA.” He shook his head, “Man, I’m sorry that happened to you, Sawyer. You’re a good person and it shouldn’t have happened to you.”

I smiled softly then snapped my head in the direction of the gate when I heard my name. Kitty was leaning against the gate with an annoyed expression on her face. “Oh shit.” I muttered before I dug the pass from my pocket and ran it over to her.

“Shit, Dude.” She said after security approved her pass. “You and JohnO were standing there for like twenty minutes.” She complained as we approached the tall, lanky singer.

“Sorry, we were having a deep, meaningful conversation.” John apologized with a smile.

“You guys are lucky Colin texted me or I would have been bored to death.” She said as we began our trek to Rocket’s bus.

“How’s Loverboy?” John smirked before I could get the words out of my mouth.

She narrowed her eyes at him and I laughed, “He’s not my loverboy.”

“I know someone who wishes they were.” I teased.

“Who?!” John exclaimed.

“Oh my God! No he doesn’t! He was fucking high as a kite when he said that.”

“David or Eric?” I questioned with a laugh.

“Who?!” John exclaimed again.

“Both!” Kitty answered me and I laughed again.

“For the love of all that is holy, who the fuck are you talking about?” John asked exasperatedly.

“Eric Armenta from Breathe Carolina.” I explained.

All that came out of his mouth was a short “Oh” causing me to roll my eyes. “Everyone gets all awkward when I bring them up because Nick and I got into this huge fight the first day over them.” I explained to Kitty to which she furrowed her brow at me.

“Why? They’re nice guys.” She defended our friends and I sighed.

“No one trusts them.” John said and suddenly Kitty was angry.

“That’s bullshit!” She yelled, “I would trust those boys with my life!”

He rolled his eyes, “They’re bad news.” He said and just like that the subject was dropped because we came to our destination.