Love Is Hell

“I think that’s everything.” Tim said as he walked onto the bus. He nodded to Leon and the bus jerked to a start.

As I sat on the couch by the window, I watched as the Seattle scenery passed by slowly. Like a more normal Seattle day, it was raining, however that didn’t seem to stop the various pedestrians as they all briskly walked along the sidewalks with their umbrellas. I couldn’t help but to smile as I remembered Garrett and I running through the crowd the other day.

“Hey.”

I looked away from the window to Kennedy who sat down next to me.

“You want some?” he asked, holding his piece of pizza out to me. All the guys were complaining of starvation so we ended up ordering pizza before we left.

“No, I’m good thanks.” I replied, shaking my head.

Kennedy furrowed his eyebrows as he took a bite, “Are you sure?” he asked, “Because we didn’t have any breakfast and you didn’t even have some pizza. Aren’t you hungry?”

I shrugged, “My stomach’s been bothering me.” I lied.

He still looked concerned. “Do you need me to get anything for you?” he asked.

Again I shook my head, “No I’ll be fine.”

He nodded, “Ok.”

I smiled, grateful for his concern for me, “Thanks though.”

He smiled in return and wrapped his arm around me, “No problem Lo.”

I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. Kennedy was a good guy and I felt like we’ve become close. He seemed caring and understanding. Maybe he could be someone I could confide in. I mean he is the only one who knows about my parents saying I'm ‘missing’.

“Hey Kennedy…” I began.

“Hmm?”

I decided to just come out and say it.

“Garrett and I kissed.” I breathed out.

I couldn’t see Kennedy’s expression, but I continued anyways.

“It was the other day. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing, but he kissed back. So then, I get this crazy idea that maybe he likes me, you know? But then yesterday he said we’re just friends. We haven’t talked about the kiss yet because he’s acting like it didn’t even happen.”

Kennedy didn't say anything for a moment. I think he was just processing everything I just said. Finally though, I heard him sigh.

"Garrett is..." he seemed to be struggling to come up with the right word, "He's... really complicated when it comes to feelings and relationships."

I nodded and waited for him to continue.

"About a month before tour he had a pretty intense breakup. He was with this girl since middle school. Garrett isn't the type to believe in soulmates or anything like that, but he definitely thought she was the one. I mean he was with her for like ever, but then she decided that they should take a break. He didn't really admit it, but he was heartbroken."

I took in everything that Kennedy just said. He obviously loved this girl and then she broke his heart. If I were him I would be cautious about a new relationship too, especially if he's only ever been with this girl.

"I think you guys would be good together though. You guys seem to just click well." Kennedy said.

I smiled, "I just wish he'd see that too."

Kennedy shrugged, "Trust me, he already does, he's just scared. But he likes you so he'll come around." he reassured me as he lightly squeezed my shoulder.

I sighed, hoping he was right. I knew that eventually I would have to leave the tour and go home, whether it be by choice or not. I just hoped that Garrett would be able to open up before then.

&&

I groaned as I stretched and opened my eyes. Confused, I looked around and noticed that I was in my bunk. Not remembering  ever crawling into my bunk, I must have fallen asleep in the front of the bus and Kennedy probably brought me to my bunk. 

I slowly got up and out of the bunk and walked towards the front. 

It was unusually quiet which made sense because no one was in the front. I looked around and then walked  to the lounge in the back. I opened the door, but only Tim was there. 

He was on the phone and when he noticed me he nodded. I then finally noticed that the bus wasn't even moving. 

Not sure exactly what town, or even state, we were in I looked outside the windows. It was dark out and I could only picture the lit up sign of the bar across the street. 

"Hey, there you are." Tim said. 

I turned around and smiled at him. He was still on the phone, but he was covering the mouth piece.

"Hey, where is everyone?" I asked. 

He motioned to the bar across the street, "They all thought it was a good night to get drunk." he said, rolling his eyes. 

"Hey, but do you think you could go get them?  I've given them an hour or so and we should probably get to the hotel." he explained. 

I shrugged, "Uh, sure."

"Thanks." he said before he returned to his conversation. 

I nodded and walked back to the front of the bus. I quickly pulled my shoes on and walked off the bus. 
The street was pretty deserted as I made my way across to Joe's Bar. 

Once I entered the bar I was met with a thick cloud of smoke. I coughed and waved my hand in front of my face, trying to get rid of the smoke so I could see and breathe. 

I looked around the dimly lighted bar and instantly noticed John's tall and skinny figure hunched over at the bar. I then noticed the rest of the guys siting around him. 

I quickly made my way over to them. As I got closer I heard them talking and laughing loudly. I was about to tap John on the shoulder when he suddenly turned around. 

"Lorraine!" he shouted. He got off the stool he was sitting on and hugged me. 

"I was wondering where you were! I found her you guys! It's Lorraine!" he exclaimed, clearly drunk. 

The rest of the guys drunkenly shouted their hello's. 

I awkwardly waved in return, but it was short lived because I had to hold up John, who decided to lean all of his weight on me.

"Um," I struggled to hold him up, "Tim wants you guys back on the bus."

"If we must!" John exhaled dramatically. He downed his beer and then proceeded to stumble towards the door. The rest of the guys attempted to follow him.

I ran over and held up Pat before he tripped and fell on his face. I guided them outside and across the street to the bus. Tim was waiting for us at the door and helped me get the guys onto the bus.

"We're missing Garrett." He said as he helped Pat onto the bus.

I sighed, "I'll go get him."

I ran back over to the bar and walked back inside. I scanned the room and finally spotted him at the end of the bar. I quickly walked over to him.

"Hey," I said softly as I touched his shoulder, "We're leaving."

He turned around and nodded. He jumped off the stool, but ended up stumbling so I quickly grabbed his shoulders and tried to steady him.

"Thanks." He mumbled.

I nodded and we carefully walked out of the bar and to the bus. We were right in front of the bus when Garrett quickly ran to the side and vomited into the bushes. I cringed, but walked over and rubbed his back.

When he was finished he groaned and straightened up.

"Fuck." He mumbled as he ran his hands through his hair.

Sighing, I guided him onto the bus. When we got on the front of the bus was empty. Either everyone was passed out or in the back, but it was fairly quiet. I led Garrett to his bunk, which thankfully was on the bottom, and helped him in.

"Thanks." He slurred as he lied on top of his blankets.

I nodded before I went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. I then grabbed an Asprin and brought it back to his bunk. He slowly sat up and quickly swallowed the pill. He then lied back down.

I was about to leave when I heard him softly mumble after me. I walked back over.

"I'm sorry..." he mumbled, his eyes barely opened, "I'm-I'm sorry."

Not exactly sure what he was apologizing for, I simply patted his shoulder, "Don't worry about it."

He opened his eyes widder and softly smiled. I smiled in return and started to close his bunk curtain.

"I love you."

I stopped. My heart began racing. I looked back at him; he was smiling with his eyes closed.

"I still love you Liz..."

Liz? Who was Liz? Maybe he mixed up Lorraine with Liz? They did both start with L's. But that was when I realized who he was talking about.

Liz. His longtime girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. The girl who broke his heart.

The girl he still loved.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Go to sleep Garrett." I mumbled softly as I closed the curtain.