Love Is Hell

“Rise and shine sleepy head!”

I slowly opened my eyes and found myself staring right into a pair of green eyes. Surprised, I yelped and quickly pulled away and sat up. Unfortunately, John was too slow at moving away and we ended up bumping heads.

“Jesus John!” I exclaimed as I held one hand over my racing heart and the other rubbing my forehead.

John, who was rubbing his own forehead, laughed at me. I scowled at him until he got the hint that I wasn’t in the mood and stopped.

“Ok, ok, sorry!” he finally said after laughing for a bit, “but you got to admit, that was funny!”

I just shook my head, “What do you want?” I yawned.

“I wanted to let you know that we’ll be there in about fifteen minutes according to Leon.” John said.

I nodded, “Alright, thanks.” I gave him a small smile, letting him know that I wasn’t mad at him. He smiled in return and then back to the front of the bus where I could hear faint voices.

Sighing, I got out of my bunk. I grabbed some clothes from my suitcase and walked towards the bathroom.

“Hey Lo!” Jared said as I made my way to the bathroom. I smiled at him and waved to the rest of the boys who were all scattered around the front lounge. I could feel the stare of a certain blue eyed boy, but I quickly ducked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me.
I took a deep breath and blew my messy hair away from my face.

The past two days had been exhausting trying to avoid Garrett. It was especially difficult seeing as we were both living on a small tour bus. The only place that I could be alone and actually breathe was when I was in the bathroom. The rest of the time Garrett was always trying to get my attention or talk to me.

It wasn’t like I was mad at him really. I just felt awkward and hurt. I mean what was I supposed to say to the boy that I liked who admitted to me that he still loved his ex-girlfriend?

I quickly took my clothes off and got changed. I didn’t even bother looking in the mirror, knowing I wouldn’t like what I’d see. I bet Liz was pretty. I bet she was skinny and beautiful.

As I was putting my shoes on I felt the bus jerk. I fell over into the wall, unprepared for the sudden movement.

“Lo, we’re here!” John sang from outside the door.

I put my second shoe on and then swung the door opened.

All the guys were already moving instruments and other things off the bus and onto the sidewalk. After putting my pajamas in my bunk I helped them carry their equipment off the bus and into the small venue.

We arrived way ahead of schedule so we decided to get everything set up now and then we could hang out before the show which was at seven. I helped the guys move all their instruments onto the stage and then they set everything up. Because I had no idea how to set up their instruments, I went to the dressing room.

I was alone for a bit and was enjoying the silence when I heard the door open.

“Are you guys almost done?” I asked, assuming it was Kennedy. I was lying on the couch, facing the opposite direction of the door so I couldn’t tell who it was.

“Uh yeah, they’ll be done soon.”

I froze. Of course it had to be him. And I was doing so well at avoiding him on the bus, but here he was.

“Lorraine.”

I closed my eyes and took a slow and deep breath before turning around slowly.

His hair was extremely disheveled. The ends were sticking up in various directions, making it look like an organized mess. He looked like he needed a haircut. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked tired, like he hasn’t slept in days. I couldn’t help but think back to the first time I met him.

We were at his house in Arizona and now here we were in Las Vegas, Nevada. So much has happened since the first time we met. Unfortunately though, he was still an ass…

He cautiously walked over to the couch and sat down next to me. I inhaled his familiar scent, which I still couldn’t place, and closed my eyes. I missed it.

“Look,” he said after a few minutes of silence, “I… I don’t know what to say.”

I shrugged, “Then don’t say anything.”

I could see him shaking his head through my peripheral vision, “No, I want to say something. I want to… apologize… but I still don’t know what I did. I need you to tell me.”

I sighed. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to bring his ex-girlfriend up and I just didn’t want to hear him tell me that what he said was true.

“Please Lorraine, I need to know. I don’t want you to be mad at me. I want to fix this.” He said.

“It’s alright Garrett.” I replied.

“No,” he shook his head again, “It’s not.”

I turned to him and sighed, “Ok fine. You said you loved me.”

He didn’t say anything. I couldn’t read his expression. He just stared at me, completely frozen.

“And then you called me Liz.”

He closed his eyes. He turned away and softly cursed under his breath. He leaned back against the couch as I hunched over and looked at my hands.

I expected him to say something, but when he didn’t I glanced back at him. He had his head back against the couch and was staring at the ceiling.

“It’s ok,” I finally said, “You still love her. It’s ok, I get it.”

I heard him sigh.

Suddenly the door burst opened and the rest o f the guys walked in.

“We’re finished so we’re going to walk around the city. You guys want to come?” Tim asked.

I nodded and stood up, wanting to get out of the room. I heard Garrett agree and get up as well. Ignoring him, I followed them out of the venue and outside. We stood outside the venue trying to decide what we all wanted to do.

“I’m hungry, let’s eat.” Kennedy suggested.

“Nah, let’s just walk around.”

“Let’s gamble!” John shouted.

We all rolled our eyes at him.

“Alright, let’s just split up. I’m hungry so I’ll go with Kennedy. You guys can do whatever you want, but we just have to be back here by six. And John, you can’t go gambling.” Tim said.

John whined, but eventually we all agreed. John, Kennedy, and Tim were all going to go eat and Jared, Pat, Garrett and I were just going to walk around.

I walked with Pat and followed Jared down the sidewalk. We walked around for a bit and occasionally went into some stores.

We were inside Urban Outfitters and I was in the back by the girl’s section. I was looking at a cute top when I felt someone pull me away. I turned around and realized that I was being dragged out of the store by Garrett.

“What the hell? Where are Jared and Pat?” I asked, trying to restrain his pull.

“They’re inside. I told them that we were leaving.” He replied as he continued to pull me along the sidewalk.

“Wait Garrett, stop.” I said as I twisted my arm out of his grasp. He turned around and looked at me.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“I want to show you something.”

I just stared at him, not sure if I should go with him or not. He noticed my hesitation and gave me a small smile, “Trust me Lorraine. Please just come with me.”

I still just stared at him, getting lost in his blue eyes. They were pleading me and I could feel
myself slowly giving in. The next thing I knew we were interlocking hands and he continued to guide me through the swarm of people.

We walked about two blocks back down the street towards the venue until we reached our destination. We stood outside the building and I glanced over at him, confused.

He just smiled at me and led me inside.

The instant we walked inside I could smell incense. I could also hear the distinct sound of the tattoo gun buzzing.

Garrett and I walked up to the counter where a guy was sitting.

“What can I do for you?” he asked. His arms and neck were covered in tattoos. I could barely see his natural skin color under all the ink.

“We would like tattoos.” Garrett said.

My eyes widened and I looked over at him, “What?” I asked.

The guy nodded and walked into the back. I pulled my hand from Garrett’s and turned to him.

“What are you doing?” I exclaimed.

“We’re getting tattoos.” He said. “Come on Lorraine, haven’t you ever thought of getting a tattoo?”

I glanced over to my right a guy was working on a girl. I cringed as I watched the needle make a permanent picture on her shoulder. I had to admit that I had thought of getting a tattoo, just to piss my parents off, but I always backed out because of the possible pain.

“It looks like it hurts…” I mumbled.

Garrett laughed, “It’s not too bad.”

The guy walked back to the front counter, “Ok, we can take you guys right now if you want. I’ll just need to draw your design so if you want to come back.” He explained as he motioned towards the back.

Garrett nodded and turned to me, “I know what I want so I’ll go back with him. You just think about it and when you’re ready you can come back.”

I hesitantly nodded and watched him walk to the back. I began to pace back and forth, deciding what I should do.

On one hand I wanted one. I always wanted a tattoo, but was always chicken, which was my other problem. The pain. I may be tolerant of certain pain, but I definitely didn’t have a strong desire to have a needle dig into my skin. Even if I wanted one I wouldn’t know what to get. But that didn’t really matter because in the end I knew I shouldn’t get one. My parents would kill me.

I sighed as I thought back to Seattle and the words Garrett spoke to me.

Come on Lorraine, live a little.

Those words would forever be etched into my mind. Whether that was a good or bad thing I wasn't entirely sure. Either way, I finally made my decision.

They’re going to kill me, I thought as I walked towards the back.

I didn't care though.

I walked into the small room where Garrett and the tattoo guy were sitting at a table. Garrett was watching as the guy was drawing something on the piece of paper.

Garrett looked up, waiting for me to tell him what I decided.

I took a deep breath.

“Ok, let’s do it.”

&&

“Does it hurt?” I asked as I watched the tattoo guy, Dan, work on Garrett’s arm.

Garrett had chosen to get a feather on his arm. He told the guy to draw it right over the three hearts that he had on his arm which I thought was a bit strange, but I didn’t ask.

He shrugged, “I’m used to it.”

I nodded and watched Dan perfectly trace the drawing onto his skin.

“Ok, I’m done.”

I turned around and saw Mike, one of the other tattoo artists, walk over to us. He had a piece of paper in his hand and showed it to me. I smiled when I saw the drawing and nodded, “It’s perfect.”

“Great, I’ll get the spot ready.” He said as he began cleaning the station next to Garrett’s. He disinfected everything and then told me to sit down in the chair. I nodded and nervously sat down. I decided to get it on my wrist, so he began cleaning the area.

Once he was done, he took the stencil of my tattoo and placed it on my wrist. When he took it off, the outline of the tattoo was on my wrist. He turned around to get the needle ready. I began taking deep breaths to calm myself.

I felt a hand grab my free hand and turned to my left. Garrett smiled reassuringly at me and gave my hand a comforting squeeze. I nodded and waited for Mike to begin.

Once the needle touched my skin it stung a bit. I winced and held onto Garrett’s hand tightly. After a bit though, the area started to feel numb and it didn’t hurt as bad.

“So man, I gotta ask,” Dan said, breaking my concentration. I was staring at my shoes, trying to block out the slight pain and the noise.

“Why are you covering the hearts?” he asked.

Curious, I listened in.

“Uh, well it was a matching tattoo that I had with my girlfriend,” he said, “Well, ex-girlfriend now obviously.” He chuckled. “I’m just finalizing the fact that I’ve moved on. I want to prove to myself and someone important to me that she’s out of sight and out of mind. There are no more reminders of her and I want her to know.”

Dan nodded, “Good for you. If that’s not a sign of moving on, then I don’t know what is. I hope whoever you’re trying to prove that to see’s that.”

I slowly looked over at Garrett.

He smiled softly, “I hope so too.”

I couldn’t help but smile back. I didn’t understand before, but now I got it. He wanted to prove to me that he didn’t love Liz and he was definitely doing it in the most extreme way. It was flattering and I felt butterflies erupt in my stomach as became conscious of Garrett’s fingers entwined with mine.

“And what’s the story behind your tattoo?” Mike asked, drawing my attention away from Garrett.

I smiled as I finally admired his work, “It’s kind of a long story, but to put it simple I’ve always lived in a cage up until now. It represents that now, I’m finally free.”

Garrett squeezed my hand and we exchanged smiles.

About half an hour later we were both finally finished. Mike and Dan bandaged them up and instructed us on how to take care of it. We paid and thanked them before leaving the shop.

I took a deep breath as we walked back out onto the sidewalk.

“I’m proud of you.” Garrett said as he smiled over at me.

I smiled in return, “Yeah, I feel great. Free.”

He nodded and took out his phone. “We should probably head back to the venue, it’s almost six.” I nodded in agreement.

“And Lorraine,” Garrett began.

I stopped and turned to him.

“I just want to let you know that I’m an asshole. I don’t even know why I drank, but I shouldn’t have. I say and do the stupidest things when I’m drunk and I didn’t mean what I said. I really am so—”

I stepped forward and hugged him, taking him by surprise. He was tense for a second before wrapping his own arms around me. I inhaled his sent that I missed so much and smiled as he buried his own head in my hair.

After a minute I slowly stepped back and we released each other.

He looked at me, a bit confused, but happy.

I took his hand and squeezed it, “Don’t worry. I know.”