Love Is Hell

“Seriously, where are we going?” I asked for about the fifth time since we’ve been walking.

Garrett ended up leading us down the road a bit more, away from civilization, and eventually completely off the road all together. We were currently walking into the desert and I could honestly say that I had no desire to be here. I kept glancing back behind us, making sure the road was still visible so we wouldn’t get lost.

Like usual, Garrett ignored my question and continued walking.

I sighed, “Fine, I give up!” I finally exclaimed as I threw my arms into the air.

Live a little, live a little, live a little.

I kept repeating in my mind as I ran to catch up to Garrett. Once I caught up I turned towards him and noticed a smirk on his lips. He casually glanced down at me and his smirk grew, “About time.”

I narrowed my eyes at him and just shook my head. He laughed at me in return.

After walking for another five minutes, he finally stopped and took in our surroundings. We were standing in a random patch of desert grass and in all directions you could see mountains off in the distance. I turned back around and could still faintly see the road and the big yellow M. When I finally assured myself that we weren’t lost, I allowed myself to take in the pretty scenery.

“This will do,” Garrett said, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked back at him and watched as he sat down on the grass and started taking out the food. I pursed my lips and glanced down at my clean dress and then the grass.

What the hell?

Sighing, I dropped down next to him. He looked up at me and smiled before reaching into the bag and grabbing the fries. Once he took everything out, he flattened the paper bag out and used it to put our food back on it. He handed me one of the strawberry shakes and began unwrapping his own burger.

I watched in amazement as he took the burger out of the paper. It was huge. I glanced down at my own and picked it up, looking at it in disbelief.

Garrett moaned and I looked up to see him chewing a large mouthful of burger.

“So good,” he mumbled around the food.

Ketchup started seeping down his chin and I couldn’t help but giggle at him. He looked at me in confusion and I grabbed a napkin and wiped his mouth. I showed him the ketchup on it and laughed.

He quickly swallowed his food and chuckled, “Thanks,” he said embarrassedly.

I smiled and nodded.

He then glanced down at my still wrapped burger and nodded his head towards it, “Well, aren’t you going to eat it?” he asked.

I hesitantly looked at it, “Uh… I’m not that hungry?” I asked more than stated. What other excuse could I come up with for not wanting to eat it?

Garrett rolled his eyes and put down his own burger, “Bullshit. You haven’t eaten anything all day, you have to be hungry.”

I shrugged.

He grabbed the burger and began unwrapping it. Once it was all unwrapped, he handed it to me. I took it from him, but continued to just stare at it. I looked up at him and he nodded his head in encouragement.

“Trust me; you’re going to love it. I mean, who doesn’t love a big, juicy burger now and then?”

Me, I thought.

After a few seconds, I sighed, deciding that Garrett wasn’t going to give up until I took a bite. Hesitantly, I smelled it first. I couldn’t lie, it did smell rather enticing, but when I pictured the excessive amount of weight I would gain, I quickly reeled my head back.

Again, I looked up at Garrett to see him waiting and watching me expectantly. Finally, I took a deep breath and took a small bite. I chewed slowly, getting used to the taste.

“So?” Garrett asked, waiting for my reaction.

I swallowed, and shrugged, “It’s actually not too bad.” I finally said as I placed the burger back down on the wrapping.

“See?” Garrett exclaimed, “Now you have to try this though,” he said as he grabbed the cup of fries. He took two and then took the lid off of his shake and dipped the fries into it. He then handed one to me.

“Are you serious?” I asked as I stared at the milkshake covered fry.

“Looks can be deceiving. It’s a lot better than it looks,” he said as he popped his own milkshake covered fry into his mouth and smiled.

Trying not to think about it, I quickly threw the fry into my own mouth. Once again, I nodded, “Yeah, ok, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be.”

Garrett smiled victoriously, “Now you can officially cross off eating at McDonald’s off your list!”

I laughed and nodded, “Except we’re not really eating there…”

He shrugged and glanced around, “Yeah, but I personally think that here is much better.”

I glanced around at the open desert and the pink tinted sky and smiled, “Yeah, me too.”

&&

“What’s your biggest regret?”

I sighed and contemplated the answer.

An hour later, Garrett’s burger and shake were completely gone, mine was half eaten, and we were currently sharing my shake, occasionally dipping the remaining fries into the drink. For once I felt satisfied and decided to not worry about how much I had eaten. I could worry about that later.

For now, we were lying on our backs next to each other, playing twenty questions and staring up at the sky that was now a beautiful mix of pink and purple. The sun was very slowly starting to go down and the moon was becoming more visible. Garrett’s iPhone was playing Ryan Adams softly in the background. It was peaceful and I couldn’t help but enjoy the moment as Garrett’s arm rested gently against my own.

After another moment of thought, I cleared my throat.

“Probably never truly doing what I wanted.” I finally said.

Garrett was quiet and I could feel his eyes on me.

“You came on tour with us against your parent’s wishes. Wasn’t that something you wanted to do?” he asked, breaking the silence.

I nodded, “Well yeah, but I regret not doing something earlier I guess. I think if I did, I’d be a lot happier.”

I finally tore my gaze away from the sky and looked over at Garrett. He was already looking at me with a slight frown on his face. We stared at each other for a few seconds before he sighed and turned on his side fully to face me, propping his head up with his hand.

“What about you? What’s your biggest regret?” I asked, turning sideways and mimicking his position.

He stared at the ground and seemed to think about it for a minute. After a few moments of silence, he spoke.

“Falling in love.”

That definitely surprised me. I furrowed my eyebrows and waited for him to elaborate.

He sighed, “I don’t know if the guys told you anything, but I was with Liz for four years.” he said as he looked up at me.

“We went to high school together and I had always had a major crush on her. She was the kind of girl that every guy wanted, you know? Anyways, you can probably imagine everyone’s surprise when she agreed to go to the winter formal with me junior year. We went together and it was great, but I remember being nervous as hell the whole night,” he chuckled.

I smiled slightly in return.

“She became my girlfriend a few weeks later and it was great. Later on in the year, the band formed and everything was going perfect. Liz was really supportive of us and would come too all our practices and shows. She helped sell our first EP and everything. While she was supportive, I think she thought the whole band thing was just a phase and that we weren’t really going to go anywhere. Eventually though, we started getting more popular and Pat and I ended up dropping out of high school to focus on the band. I know she wasn’t too happy about that.

Over the next couple of years she definitely tried her best with supporting my decision. We went on our first tour while she was in her senior year, so we didn’t get to see each other that much. She hated when I toured and I hated leaving her, but this was my life now and I really wanted her to accept that. Instead, she started getting distant and whenever we would see each other we’d always fight about the band. It eventually got better over time and she’d come visit on tour and whenever I was home I’d be with her, but I could tell it wasn’t enough for her.”

Garrett paused and turned on his back. Clouds were now rolling in, making the sky a dark purple and blue hue. The temperature seemed to have dropped a bit and I hugged my sweater closer to my body.

“Last year, she broke up with me. I guess I should have seen it coming. She started getting distant again and never really visited on tour anymore. She broke up with me the day after I got back from tour. A few days later I saw her walking around hand in hand with some other guy.”

I frowned as I watched him.

“She cheated on you?” I asked quietly.

He sat up and rested his arms on his knees. He didn’t say anything, just nodded.

I sighed and sat up as well. I didn’t really know what to say. I think Garrett and I were alike in the sense that we weren’t great with expressing our feelings. I never knew what to say to comfort people.

So instead, I gently took his hand in mine and gave it a soft squeeze.

He softly squeezed back and we just sat there. We sat in silence for what felt like forever, but in reality it was just a few minutes. As we sat there, Garrett flipped my hand over and slowly started to trace my tattoo.

“What would you do?” he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I looked at him in confusion, not sure what he was talking about.

“You said you regret not doing what you truly want to do. What do you want to do?” he asked again.

I sighed as I watched him gently brush his fingers over the small bird on my wrist. His soft touch caused small goosebumps to erupt all over my body.

“A lot,” I chuckled quietly.

He looked up at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

“Well,” I exhaled, “for starters, I’d change my major.”

“What are you majoring in?” he asked.

“Pre-law, to become a lawyer.”

He made a face and we both laughed.

“Whose idea was that?”

I gave him a look, “Whose do you think?”

“The parentals, I’m assuming.” He said.

I nodded slowly, “You assume correctly.”

“What else then?” he asked.

I just shrugged, “There’s so many things that I wish I could have done and things that I want to do. I’m learning how to do what I want and to live, but as for the past, I’ve realized I can’t dwell on it. There’s nothing I can do to change it,” I looked up at Garrett and smiled faintly, “all we can do is move forward and hope for a brighter future.”

He smiled at me and nodded.

The familiar sound of thunder broke us out of our trance. We both glanced up at the sky and for the first time I realized that the pretty purple sky had turned into a sort of ominous gray.

“Crap,” Garrett mumbled, “we should probably head back to the bus.”

I nodded in agreement and we began gathering our garbage up.

We had barely shoved everything back into paper bag when it started to downpour. It seemed like the clouds literally just opened up and dropped a huge bucket of water on us. One moment we were warm and dry and the next my hair was matted to my face and my sweater was sticking to my skin.

“Oh my gosh,” I exclaimed as I stood frozen in shock. I tried to pull my sweater over my head to shield myself from the rain, but it was no use, I was already soaked from head to toe.

“I think it’s time to go!” I tried to yell over the sound of the rain.

I started walking back towards the road, but stopped short when I realized that Garrett wasn’t next to me. I turned around and squinted my eyes to try and see him through the thick sheet of rain.

“Garrett!” I yelled, “Come on!”

I didn’t think he heard me so I walked back over to him. He was standing still, his head tilted towards the sky. His eyes looked closed and as I got closer, I could hear him laughing.

I looked at him oddly. “Garrett, what are you doing? We’re getting soaked!”

He looked down at me and I couldn’t help but catch my breath. His hair was a mess as it stuck to his face, his blue eyes shone brightly, and he had the biggest smile on his face. I don’t think I had ever seen him smile that big unless he was on stage performing, but here he was, laughing and giving me the happiest smile I had ever seen.

Without warning, he grabbed my hand and spun me around. I yelped in surprise and lost my footing, falling. Unfortunately, I let go of Garrett’s hand and fell right into a muddy puddle.

I groaned as I looked down at my white and blue striped dress that was now covered in mud. Garrett’s laugh grew louder as he looked down at me with amusement clear in his eyes. I glared up at him, “Not funny.”

Still laughing, he reached down and helped me stand up. We both looked down at my dirty dress and I huffed in annoyance.

“Come on Lorraine,” Garrett chuckled, “don’t make me say it.”

I looked up at him to see him smirking down at me in amusement. Clearly I was acting like a child, but what did he expect me to do? My dress was ruined and I was covered in wet mud. Nevertheless, I narrowed my eyes at him, somehow knowing exactly what he was going to say and just daring him to do so.

His smirk grew as he said those three simple words that he knew affected me so much.

“Live a little.”

We stared at each other and I raised my eyebrow, accepting his challenge. In a matter of seconds, I had tackled him and we were now both back on the ground, me on top of him as he lied in a puddle of mud. I looked down at him with a smug expression, but Garrett just laughed again, not even caring that he too was now covered in mud.

I got up off him and pouted that he didn’t seem to care that I just pushed him in a mud puddle. I wanted him to regret egging me on, but instead, he stood up and grabbed my hands and began spinning around again, this time keeping a tight grip on my hands.

He spun us around in circles, laughing and shouting as he did so. His laugh and smile was so contagious that eventually I couldn’t help but join in.

And I realized that right there, in that moment, despite the fact that I was completely soaked to the underwear, and despite the fact that we would most likely both be sick tomorrow, I felt free.

For the first time in forever, I felt truly free. Free from my parents, free from my sad life, free from my insecurities, free from everything.

As I watched Garrett spin around, head tilted towards the sky, rain pouring down on the both of us, I couldn't help but start to cry.

This was it. This was what life was supposed to feel like. This was me throwing caution to the wind and jumping.

I ran over to him and grabbed his face, smashing his lips into mine. He didn’t even hesitate as he grabbed my body and pulled me closer, kissing me back with just as much desperation. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he lifted me up slowly and once again spun us around.

My heart was nearly bursting through my chest with so many emotions that I could barely stand it. I could practically feel and hear my erratic heartbeat pounding in my ears. After a few more seconds we both pulled away, panting and staring at each other. He was smiling, but it faltered just a bit as he reached up and wiped under my eyes, somehow realizing that I was crying.

To quickly reassure him that I was happy, I smiled and we both let out a laugh.

I looked up and took in the dark, cloudy sky. It was still pouring and I finally realized that we should probably head back to the bus before it got too dark. Garrett seemed to have come to the same realization because he picked up the now soggy paper bag full of our garbage and grabbed my hand, leading us back towards the road.

We walked in a comfortable silence, enjoying the steady sound of the rain. After about fifteen minutes, we finally reached the road and another ten minutes we had reached McDonald’s, deciding to take shelter there until the rain lightened up.

“I think my phone’s broken.” Garrett said once we were inside and sitting at a table. There was still a decent amount of people eating and they all stared at us as we bustled inside and sat down, leaving a trail of water. Surprisingly however, I didn’t mind that they stared. I found it quiet amusing actually and couldn’t help laughing when the older couple at the table next to us stared at us in bewilderment.

I looked back over at Garrett and saw him staring down at his iPhone. Remembering that I had slipped mine into my sweater pocket, I quickly took it out to see if it still worked.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure mine is completely water damaged,” I said after trying to power it on for the third time with no such luck.

Garrett nodded and put his back in his pocket. “Yeah I was planning on calling Leon to see if he could pick us up here, but I guess that’s not going to happen,” he chuckled.

I laughed, “Yeah I guess not.” I looked outside the window and saw that the rain seemed to have slowed down to a steady drizzling.

“At least it lightened up a bit,” I said as I stood up.

He looked out the window and nodded. He then stood up and wrung out his shirt, letting the water fall on the floor. I contemplated doing the same to my hair, but decided it’d be pointless if we were just going to get wet again on the walk back to the bus.

“Do you two need an umbrella?” asked the older lady next to us. She held out a black umbrella to Garrett.

He smiled at her, “Oh, thank you—”

“But we’re fine,” I piped up.

Both Garrett and the lady looked at me like I was crazy. I smiled politely at the woman and then grabbed Garrett’s hand and led him towards the exit and back out into the rain.

“What are you doing?” Garrett asked once we were outside.

I smiled and shrugged as I pulled us in the direction of the town and the tour bus.

“Seriously, we should have taken the umbrella,” he said as he pulled back a little, making us stand still.

I shrugged again and glanced over at him, “Come on Garrett, live a little,” I said smirking.

He shook his head and grinned at me. He let out a laugh and then pulled me close, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I smiled contently as I leaned into him and took in the warmth from his body. I looked up at him and he glanced down at me, both of us smiling and we began our walk in the rain down the deserted highway.