Love Is Hell

The next day we were on the road again. This time we were on a ten hour drive to San Francisco, California. It was around nine in the morning and the bus was quiet seeing as the guys were still sleeping in their bunks. I was enjoying the quiet time as I sat at the table and played Solitaire on Kennedy’s laptop. Ever since John taught me how to play last night I couldn’t stop playing. I was excited when I learned the new card game, but then my life was pretty much completed when I learned that it could also be played electronically. So here I was, running on very little sleep because I was hooked to Solitaire.

I silently cheered as the fireworks erupted on the screen signaling that I won once again. I picked up the pencil on the table and marked down another tally on my piece of paper where I wrote down how many times I’ve won which was 46 time so far. As I was about to start another game my phone buzzed beside me.

I looked down at my screen which said I had one new text message from Amy. I quickly picked up my phone and opened the text message.

Check your email

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Amy never emailed, I didn’t even know she had an email. I minimized Solitaire and then opened the internet and logged onto my email. It showed I had one new email. I opened the email and there was a link. Still confused, I clicked on the link.

“You have got to be kidding me,” I whispered as I stared at a smiling picture of myself. Above my picture the words ‘MISSING’ were printed in big, bold font. I stared in disbelief as I continued reading the article. It talked about how my mother was so worried about me and was even accompanied by a photo of her crying and my father comforting her. At the end of the article it stated my information and then a reward of $10,000.

I shook my head. I could not believe she would do this. She didn’t care at all. She didn’t care to ask where I was when she called; all she cared about was the publicity that this
would bring.

I leaned back against my seat, not in the mood to play Solitaire anymore.

“Hey, you’re up early.”

I quickly exited out of the web page and turned around to see Kennedy fidgeting with the coffee maker. His hair was sticking up in all different directions and he was wearing grey sweatpants that hung loosely around his hips. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander, but once I realized what I was doing I quickly looked away.

“Uh, yeah, couldn’t sleep.” I replied as I fixed my hair and looked out the window.

I heard him chuckle, “Couldn’t sleep, or wouldn’t sleep?” he asked as he rummaged through the cupboards, “I remember leaving you last night while you were intently playing Solitaire on my laptop.”

I looked back at the computer screen where the game of Solitaire was still opened. I slowly closed his laptop and turned around to face him.

“Yeah well… and it’s not even that early. It’s like nine something, you guys just sleep forever.”

He let out a laugh, “Hey, we play tiring concerts for thousands and thousands of screaming fans every night. I think we’re allowed to sleep in a bit.” He joked as he poured coffee into two mugs.

He took the mugs and walked over to the table and sat down opposite of me, placing one mug of coffee in front of me. I smiled and thanked him, picking up the warm beverage and holding it in my hands.

“So,” he began after he took a long sip of his coffee, “How are you liking life on tour?” he asked.

I shrugged, “It’s different. It’s only been a few days, but I like it. It sure beats being at home.” I said.

Kennedy nodded, “Yeah, and you get to travel to different places which is always fun.”

“Definitely,” I nodded, “Being stuck in Arizona my whole life kind of was making me insane.”

“You’ve never been out of Arizona?” he asked.

I shook my head, “Not once.”

He looked a bit shocked which was understandable. My whole nineteen years of life I’ve been stuck in Arizona. I’ve never even been on an airplane, not that I would really want to fly on one, they seemed kind of scary, but if it meant getting out of Arizona I would gladly take one far, far away.

“Well,” Kennedy continued, “I’m glad your first experience outside of Arizona is with us.” He said smiling.

I smiled back and we both took a sip of our coffee. We then began small talk about all the places that Kennedy would take me on the different stops. We were laughing and joking when he looked over my shoulder and shook his head.

I turned around to find the rest of the guys slowly making their way into the kitchen.

“Well good morning!” Kennedy greeted them.

They all mumbled incoherently in response.

“Need coffee.” Pat mumbled as he found a mug and poured himself a cup. The rest of the guys followed suit and then made their way over towards Kennedy and I.

John scooted into the booth next to me and Jared next to Kennedy as Pat and Garrett sat on the couch across from the booth. It was quiet except for Leon’s soft humming coming from the driver’s seat.

“So,” John said breaking the silence, “What are we doing today?” he asked.

“Well we’re kind of stuck on the bus the whole day so that really limits our possibilities.” Jared replied.

John nodded and it was quiet again. Once everyone started finishing their coffee they got up and started getting changed. I remained seated at the table as the guys fought over who got the bathroom first. As I sat silently at the table I couldn’t help but notice Garrett still sitting on the couch as well. He was silently looking down at his empty mug and would occasionally look up over at the guys and glance my way.

As I was looking outside the window I heard a sigh and then saw someone sit across from me in my peripheral vision. I slowly turned my head and struggled to keep the grimace off my face when I saw who was sitting across from me.

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes as I waited for him to say something. He looked up from his hands and opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything. He did this a few times, making him look like a gaping fish.

Finally, I had enough.

“What do you want Garrett?” I asked, staring at him expectantly.

He sighed, “Kennedy said I should talk to you because I was a bitch to you yesterday or something…”

I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to go on. If this was him trying to apologize then he definitely did not get off to a good start.

He sighed again and ran his hand through his messy hair, “Ok, I’m not really good at this…” that much was obvious, “but, I’m… sorry…” he looked up at me hesitantly.

“About?” I asked.

He cleared his throat, “About being an ass to you yesterday. I was tired and I’m not in the best mood when I’m tired.” He explained.

“I would have never of guessed.” I mumbled softly. I looked up at him and nodded slowly, “Ok.”

“Ok you accept my apology or ok I don’t care?” he asked skeptically.

I stared at him. He was right, he was a complete asshole and I didn’t want to forgive him for that. At the same time though, he was letting me tag along on tour with him and his band.

I finally sighed and smiled softly, “Ok I accept your apology.”

He smiled slightly in return and seemed to relax a bit. We sat there quietly, but it was a comfortable silence as we both watched the scenery go by outside.

“I remember the last time we were in San Francisco we almost got arrested.”

I laughed, “What?”

Garrett nodded smiling, “Yeah, we were on the bus after a show and John had a bit too much to drink. He left the bus and about half an hour later a cop shows up with John who was only in his boxers. He tried to go streaking down the street and of course there was a police station right next to where the bus was parked. When the cop explained what happened we were all pretty drunk so we started laughing and he threatened to arrest us all.”

I continued to laugh.

“Then, as a joke before we left to go to the next city that night, John left his boxers outside the police station.”

We both laughed. I could totally see John doing that. I was not surprised at all.

“That’s hilarious,” I said shaking my head.

Garrett nodded, smirking at the memory, “You know, the usual crazy teenager shit.”

I chuckled softly, “Yeah, I don’t really know.”

Garrett’s smile fell slightly and nodded, “Oh yeah, right. Governor’s daughter, forgot.”

We were quite for a minute. He looked up, “What was the most daring thing you’ve ever done?” he asked.

I laughed bitterly, “I snuck out at night a few times with my friend Amy and her boyfriend, but it wasn’t even that thrilling because my parents never noticed and even if they did, they wouldn’t even care.”

Garrett nodded. As we were silent I had an epiphany of sorts.

“Oh my gosh,” I exclaimed, startling Garrett, “My life is so pathetic!”

He raised his eyebrows, surprised at my outburst.

“I’ve lived my whole life in a cage, a boring, horrible cage that has been controlled by my mother! I’ve never actually been free. My mother’s always controlling every single move I make and goes out of her way to make sure that never have a normal and happy life. I can’t even enjoy a normal day at college because of her!”

I ranted on and on as Garrett just sat across from me and listened. He didn’t say anything which was good because I didn’t want him to say anything. I needed to get everything out without him saying something judgmental.

“I’m nineteen, I’m a legal adult, but no, she still finds a way to control my life. She hates my clothes, she hates my only two friends, she hates my college, she hates everything about me. And the worst part is, I’ve done absolutely nothing about it up until now.” I shook my head, disappointed in myself.

“I don’t even remember the last time I actually had fun or genuinely smiled because I was happy.” I admitted as I looked down at my hands.

Now I felt embarrassed. Why did I just admit all of this to Garrett? It’s not like he cared, especially him who already seemed to have an opinion on me and my life.

We were quiet for a few minutes and I was contemplating whether or not I should awkwardly get up and walk away, but he beat me to it.

I looked up from my hands when I heard him get up. He walked over to the kitchen area and started searching through the drawers. When he found what he was looking for he came back and sat next to me. He placed a piece of paper on the table and grabbed my pencil.

He sat there quietly, twirling the pencil with his fingers. We just sat there. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even move for about five minutes. I just stared out the window, counting how many red cars I could find on the highway.

“Have you ever shoplifted before?”

I looked away from the window, “What? No.” I looked at him weirdly.

“Good.” he said nodding his head. He then wrote ‘shoplifting’ on the blank piece of paper on the top.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Have you ever been to the beach?” he asked instead of answering my question.

I shook my head, “No. Garrett, what are you doing?” I asked impatiently as I watched him write down ‘beach’ on the paper.

He just smiled at me and shook his head, “That is for me to know and for you to find out later.” He said as he got up from the seat, taking the pencil and paper with him.

“Garrett!” I called after him.

He chuckled, “Just trust me on this Lorraine,” he called over his shoulder before disappearing into the back of the bus.

I sighed and turned back around. I really wanted to know what he was doing, but I forced myself to go with the flow. I was going to loosen up and like he said, try to trust him. I just needed to let go, forget everything in Arizona and live.