When Beginnings End
Saw
I don't bother locking my door. I simply just close it and walk over to the elevator, pressing the button for up and crossing my arms as I wait.
I left the letters on my desk; one for everyone I know. Some are longer than others, and some just consist of a line or two. I also send off the email I had prepared for my best friend. It's sad how my best friend had to be someone I've never met. Well, I've met him online, but that doesn't really count.
I can hear the elevator pass me, probably picking someone up from the basement. I live on the first floor. The laundry room is in the basement.
I did my laundry. Everything is clean. Even my sheets and my towels are all clean. I vacuumed and dusted off last night and cleaned the bathroom this morning. I don't want anyone to have to do that. There's gonna be so much to pack.
The elevator makes a dull thump, before the doors open. Right as I was, there's someone with it. I don't look him in the eye, but just step on and press 10.
As the elevator starts rising, I can feel the guy's eyes on me. I can see him out of the corner of my eye. He's wearing all black. He's even got black nail polish on, it seems.
I wish I could be that expressive. I wish I could just show the world that everything I see and feel is just...dark.
But I don't dare do that. Even though I've desperately tried giving hints to people that I'm not okay and that I just want someone to pay attention and realize that, then I just never dared changing my clothes.
I wear colors. Even now, I'm wearing a green sweater and red converse shoes. My jeans are black, but they are so faded that they just look dark-gray by now. Even my hair is dyed red and white.
People see me as what I dress like; colorful. People think that just because I wear colorful clothes, then my thoughts can't possibly be anything but happy and cheerful.
But they're anything but.
The elevator stops and the guy next to me moves. When the doors open, I look up and see that it's not my floor yet. The walls on the top floor are green. The walls here are blue.
The guy smiles at me quickly, before he walks down the hall and out of my sight.
For a split-second, there's hope in me. I can feel my heart beat again and I breathe a bit easier.
But it all comes crashing down when I hear a door open.
“Gee!” a girl squeals, and that's all I hear before the doors close and I'm going up again.
It's only one more floor, so I arrive quickly. I go to the right and open the door to the staircase that leads up to the roof. The steps are steeper than they seemed three days ago when I was up here last. That time I chickened out, but this time... Yeah.
I open the door and am hit in the face by a cold wind. It blows my hair back and I close my eyes when they suddenly feel uncomfortably dry.
I step out onto the tar and let the door slam shut behind me. The wind is harsh, and I stumble a bit as I walk.
Slowly, more and more of the building across from this one comes into view. With each step, one more floor becomes visible. With each step, more and more people should be able to see me.
A wind almost knocks me over and I stumble towards the edge. And surprisingly, I'm not scared. Three days ago, I got a suck in my stomach just from standing on the roof alone, but now I'm standing at the edge and the wind is blowing hard, and I'm not scared.
I'm just numb.
I'm not afraid. I'm not excited. I'm not elated.
I'm just numb.
I wrap my arms around me to protect myself from the cold. Not that there's any real point to doing that. I won't get sick. You can't get sick when you're dead.
I look down. My stomach clenches, but I don't back away. I'm not afraid.
I'm ready for this.
I look up and notice how many lights are on in the building across the parking lot that's so, so far down. I see so many lights, but I don't see any people. I look in through the windows where the curtains aren't drawn, but I can't see anyone. I spot a TV, but I don't see anyone watching it.
No one's there to stop me.
I take a deep breath and then exhale slowly. I can see my breath in front of me as it turns into mist. My teeth clatter as I hold my breath.
I lean forward and fly. I'm flying away from here. I'm-
I left the letters on my desk; one for everyone I know. Some are longer than others, and some just consist of a line or two. I also send off the email I had prepared for my best friend. It's sad how my best friend had to be someone I've never met. Well, I've met him online, but that doesn't really count.
I can hear the elevator pass me, probably picking someone up from the basement. I live on the first floor. The laundry room is in the basement.
I did my laundry. Everything is clean. Even my sheets and my towels are all clean. I vacuumed and dusted off last night and cleaned the bathroom this morning. I don't want anyone to have to do that. There's gonna be so much to pack.
The elevator makes a dull thump, before the doors open. Right as I was, there's someone with it. I don't look him in the eye, but just step on and press 10.
As the elevator starts rising, I can feel the guy's eyes on me. I can see him out of the corner of my eye. He's wearing all black. He's even got black nail polish on, it seems.
I wish I could be that expressive. I wish I could just show the world that everything I see and feel is just...dark.
But I don't dare do that. Even though I've desperately tried giving hints to people that I'm not okay and that I just want someone to pay attention and realize that, then I just never dared changing my clothes.
I wear colors. Even now, I'm wearing a green sweater and red converse shoes. My jeans are black, but they are so faded that they just look dark-gray by now. Even my hair is dyed red and white.
People see me as what I dress like; colorful. People think that just because I wear colorful clothes, then my thoughts can't possibly be anything but happy and cheerful.
But they're anything but.
The elevator stops and the guy next to me moves. When the doors open, I look up and see that it's not my floor yet. The walls on the top floor are green. The walls here are blue.
The guy smiles at me quickly, before he walks down the hall and out of my sight.
For a split-second, there's hope in me. I can feel my heart beat again and I breathe a bit easier.
But it all comes crashing down when I hear a door open.
“Gee!” a girl squeals, and that's all I hear before the doors close and I'm going up again.
It's only one more floor, so I arrive quickly. I go to the right and open the door to the staircase that leads up to the roof. The steps are steeper than they seemed three days ago when I was up here last. That time I chickened out, but this time... Yeah.
I open the door and am hit in the face by a cold wind. It blows my hair back and I close my eyes when they suddenly feel uncomfortably dry.
I step out onto the tar and let the door slam shut behind me. The wind is harsh, and I stumble a bit as I walk.
Slowly, more and more of the building across from this one comes into view. With each step, one more floor becomes visible. With each step, more and more people should be able to see me.
A wind almost knocks me over and I stumble towards the edge. And surprisingly, I'm not scared. Three days ago, I got a suck in my stomach just from standing on the roof alone, but now I'm standing at the edge and the wind is blowing hard, and I'm not scared.
I'm just numb.
I'm not afraid. I'm not excited. I'm not elated.
I'm just numb.
I wrap my arms around me to protect myself from the cold. Not that there's any real point to doing that. I won't get sick. You can't get sick when you're dead.
I look down. My stomach clenches, but I don't back away. I'm not afraid.
I'm ready for this.
I look up and notice how many lights are on in the building across the parking lot that's so, so far down. I see so many lights, but I don't see any people. I look in through the windows where the curtains aren't drawn, but I can't see anyone. I spot a TV, but I don't see anyone watching it.
No one's there to stop me.
I take a deep breath and then exhale slowly. I can see my breath in front of me as it turns into mist. My teeth clatter as I hold my breath.
I lean forward and fly. I'm flying away from here. I'm-