When Beginnings End
I
I sit on the beach, looking out at the dark water. The clouds are meeting that ocean far out, while right in front of me the waves are rolling in and drawing back at a perfect rhythm. Some elderly couple walks behind me, not caring that I'm sitting so close to the ocean in what is probably too little clothing. I'm chilly, but not cold. It's late summer. The life guards are still on duty, but the chick in the tower a few feet down the beach is closing up, so I'll be safe. I'll be fine. I have no need to worry.
I unzip my sweater and shrug it of, letting the chill air hit my bare arms. The short sleeves of my t-shirt waves in the wind, slapping lightly at my shoulders. My hair does the same to my cheeks. My sweater blows away a bit, but I don't bother to care.
I turn around and as I take some of my hair out of my mouth, I spot the lifeguard walking towards the parking lot. I watch her open the door to her car, throw some of her things in before she gets in herself. I turn my head back around and stare out at the ocean.
A lightning far, far out stretches briefly across the sky. I count. 1. 2. It's probably too far out to interfere with my plans. All it's going to do is wash my body up on shore in a few hours. 7. 8. I hope it's a selfish bastard who finds me and not a kid.
A thunder roars. 11 seconds. 11,000 feet. That's about 2 miles. That's far enough away.
I get up and look down the beach. The old couple is pretty far down the beach by now. Maybe they weren't as old as I thought.
Aside from them, I don't spot anyone else. I look behind me to see an empty parking lot and to spot my sweater being blown away by the wind, running along the sand.
I turn towards the ocean and open my belt. I unbutton and unzip my pants as I inhale deeply through my nose. The salty air fills my lungs and I suppress a cough. I kick off my shoes and pull off my pants, one sock coming off in the process. I toss them on the wet sand near the edge of the water, before I let that edge cut into my toes. It feels like a cut, due to the low degrees of the water. A chill runs all the way through my when a wave comes in and drowns my feet.
Half of my body feels like it's been cut off when I take a step forward and fall into a hole in the sand. The freezing water grabs at my skin and numbs it quickly. The part of my chest where the water's surface is surrounding me feels like it's being attacked by knives, so with just a quick thought I decide to immerse myself.
My hair swirls in front of my face along with the bubbles escaping my mouth. I feel the water tug at my body and I let it pull me out of the hole I'm in and further out – away from the dry beach.
The water enters my mouth and trickles down my throat, and immediately I feel like coughing. But I know I can't.
Out of pure reaction, my feet pound against the ocean bottom and pushes my body upwards. I quickly break the surface and let air enter my lungs again. I feel a pang of failure hit my chest, and it hurts.
I don't want to do this. I want to go under. I want to disappear from the surface of the earth.
I breathe out and dip my head under water, but my subconscious manages to take over and inhale a breath of air before my mouth is filled with water.
My tongue is screaming, the salt biting at it continuously. Both the air and the water's salt is torturing it and I regretfully close my mouth.
I breathe out through my nose, but again, my own subconscious reactions stop me. I tense up my entire body to keep it from going up, and instead force myself to let the ocean tear me away. I breathe out a little more, fighting my own body. I can feel my lungs convulsing, but I refuse to give in.
A flash of light brightens up the ocean I'm in, and I start to count. 1. 2. 3.
Why am I counting? I can't hear the thunder down here.
Suddenly, my head is hit by the salty sea air again, and I breathe in.
Stop it! I want to stay in the water. I want to leave!
I push myself under water again. The salty water fills my lungs quickly.
Finally.
I let my body relax. My lungs have stopped convulsing and are practically breathing the water. In. And out. As if I was a fish.
Another flash lightens up the water and I see a dark figure approaches me. It disappears along with the light and a tense feeling of fear runs through my veins. Shark. That's all I can think. Shark.
-----
I open my eyes, not understanding what I'm looking at. Above me, dark locks are dripping on me, bouncing up and down and whipping from side to side.
“Hey,” someone yells. My ears are filled with water, but I know it's a yell because of the way the mouth above me is wide open.
“Stay alive,” the man above me yells as he keeps bouncing up and down, his face getting closer and further away continuously. His outstretched arms are pointing towards my chest.
“Don't you die on me!” I stare at the pale, bare chest of the man, feeling a déjà vu rush over me before I go against his wish.
I unzip my sweater and shrug it of, letting the chill air hit my bare arms. The short sleeves of my t-shirt waves in the wind, slapping lightly at my shoulders. My hair does the same to my cheeks. My sweater blows away a bit, but I don't bother to care.
I turn around and as I take some of my hair out of my mouth, I spot the lifeguard walking towards the parking lot. I watch her open the door to her car, throw some of her things in before she gets in herself. I turn my head back around and stare out at the ocean.
A lightning far, far out stretches briefly across the sky. I count. 1. 2. It's probably too far out to interfere with my plans. All it's going to do is wash my body up on shore in a few hours. 7. 8. I hope it's a selfish bastard who finds me and not a kid.
A thunder roars. 11 seconds. 11,000 feet. That's about 2 miles. That's far enough away.
I get up and look down the beach. The old couple is pretty far down the beach by now. Maybe they weren't as old as I thought.
Aside from them, I don't spot anyone else. I look behind me to see an empty parking lot and to spot my sweater being blown away by the wind, running along the sand.
I turn towards the ocean and open my belt. I unbutton and unzip my pants as I inhale deeply through my nose. The salty air fills my lungs and I suppress a cough. I kick off my shoes and pull off my pants, one sock coming off in the process. I toss them on the wet sand near the edge of the water, before I let that edge cut into my toes. It feels like a cut, due to the low degrees of the water. A chill runs all the way through my when a wave comes in and drowns my feet.
Half of my body feels like it's been cut off when I take a step forward and fall into a hole in the sand. The freezing water grabs at my skin and numbs it quickly. The part of my chest where the water's surface is surrounding me feels like it's being attacked by knives, so with just a quick thought I decide to immerse myself.
My hair swirls in front of my face along with the bubbles escaping my mouth. I feel the water tug at my body and I let it pull me out of the hole I'm in and further out – away from the dry beach.
The water enters my mouth and trickles down my throat, and immediately I feel like coughing. But I know I can't.
Out of pure reaction, my feet pound against the ocean bottom and pushes my body upwards. I quickly break the surface and let air enter my lungs again. I feel a pang of failure hit my chest, and it hurts.
I don't want to do this. I want to go under. I want to disappear from the surface of the earth.
I breathe out and dip my head under water, but my subconscious manages to take over and inhale a breath of air before my mouth is filled with water.
My tongue is screaming, the salt biting at it continuously. Both the air and the water's salt is torturing it and I regretfully close my mouth.
I breathe out through my nose, but again, my own subconscious reactions stop me. I tense up my entire body to keep it from going up, and instead force myself to let the ocean tear me away. I breathe out a little more, fighting my own body. I can feel my lungs convulsing, but I refuse to give in.
A flash of light brightens up the ocean I'm in, and I start to count. 1. 2. 3.
Why am I counting? I can't hear the thunder down here.
Suddenly, my head is hit by the salty sea air again, and I breathe in.
Stop it! I want to stay in the water. I want to leave!
I push myself under water again. The salty water fills my lungs quickly.
Finally.
I let my body relax. My lungs have stopped convulsing and are practically breathing the water. In. And out. As if I was a fish.
Another flash lightens up the water and I see a dark figure approaches me. It disappears along with the light and a tense feeling of fear runs through my veins. Shark. That's all I can think. Shark.
-----
I open my eyes, not understanding what I'm looking at. Above me, dark locks are dripping on me, bouncing up and down and whipping from side to side.
“Hey,” someone yells. My ears are filled with water, but I know it's a yell because of the way the mouth above me is wide open.
“Stay alive,” the man above me yells as he keeps bouncing up and down, his face getting closer and further away continuously. His outstretched arms are pointing towards my chest.
“Don't you die on me!” I stare at the pale, bare chest of the man, feeling a déjà vu rush over me before I go against his wish.