Status: Always in progress, as long as you submit something.
Under My Skin
ANONYMOUS ii
I feel like I’m waiting around for a universe that will never happen.
It’s funny, but this past year (including the second half of eighth grade) in which I’ve actually gotten over the majority of my social issues, I’ve found myself wishing even more for a different world. I see myself as a popular kid, an athlete, an even more accomplished musician. I see myself as a scene kid, an internet celebrity, a famous author. I’ve had about thirty different imaginary friends show up this year. I imagine twenty different scenarios with each of those imaginary friends in almost every situation i find myself in in my everyday life, from sitting in the band room and talking to people to what I would do at night.
The one constant throughout all of those scenarios is that I’m in love with somebody.
It’s pretty obvious, then, that I’m desperate. and I hate that. I hate that I come off as some whiny little kid who’s never been in love, but in reality, that’s all I am. I've never been in love. more importantly, nobody’s ever been in love with me, which is even harder for me to grasp. I’ve had crushes, yet, but…I’ve never been in love, I think, with a person who’s actually in my life on a day to day basis. and if I have, I don’t know what it feels like, but I highly doubt I’ve just missed that feeling.
so I make up for it with what I think about when I’m lying asleep. I think of different people that I end up with, most of them made up, but some of them real. I’ve even imagined that I was simply bisexual instead of gay and that I ended up with a girl that I was extremely dedicated to. That’s how desperate I am to be in love with someone and/or have someone love me in return.
I know that once I get to college this will all change. I’ll be able to meet more people, broaden my horizons, actually find people like me…but still. I don’t want to be the kid who’s never had a relationship in high school. I don’t want to go to senior prom with one of my friends because I didn’t have anyone to ask out. Even if I got rejected it would be fine, because then at least i could know there was someone that I actually liked in my real life. but, as of right now, there’s no one, and that, quite honestly, has saddened me to a great extent...
It’s funny, but this past year (including the second half of eighth grade) in which I’ve actually gotten over the majority of my social issues, I’ve found myself wishing even more for a different world. I see myself as a popular kid, an athlete, an even more accomplished musician. I see myself as a scene kid, an internet celebrity, a famous author. I’ve had about thirty different imaginary friends show up this year. I imagine twenty different scenarios with each of those imaginary friends in almost every situation i find myself in in my everyday life, from sitting in the band room and talking to people to what I would do at night.
The one constant throughout all of those scenarios is that I’m in love with somebody.
It’s pretty obvious, then, that I’m desperate. and I hate that. I hate that I come off as some whiny little kid who’s never been in love, but in reality, that’s all I am. I've never been in love. more importantly, nobody’s ever been in love with me, which is even harder for me to grasp. I’ve had crushes, yet, but…I’ve never been in love, I think, with a person who’s actually in my life on a day to day basis. and if I have, I don’t know what it feels like, but I highly doubt I’ve just missed that feeling.
so I make up for it with what I think about when I’m lying asleep. I think of different people that I end up with, most of them made up, but some of them real. I’ve even imagined that I was simply bisexual instead of gay and that I ended up with a girl that I was extremely dedicated to. That’s how desperate I am to be in love with someone and/or have someone love me in return.
I know that once I get to college this will all change. I’ll be able to meet more people, broaden my horizons, actually find people like me…but still. I don’t want to be the kid who’s never had a relationship in high school. I don’t want to go to senior prom with one of my friends because I didn’t have anyone to ask out. Even if I got rejected it would be fine, because then at least i could know there was someone that I actually liked in my real life. but, as of right now, there’s no one, and that, quite honestly, has saddened me to a great extent...
♠ ♠ ♠
thanks for submitting this.SUBMIT MORE.