I'm Missing You Again

The next few minutes of the ride was silent except for the music she was playing. I really was grateful for the amazing people I've met over the course of the years. Everyone was a family, so tight-knit and loving. And crazy, definately crazy. I was just hoping that at this point, she was going to stop worrying as much. I wished she would, because it made me feel terrible to know that someone was stressing themselves out over me. In my mind, it was totally unnecessary.

"You don't mind grabbing the few bags from the trunk, do you? I've got mine here, and I know that Matt went out to pick up a few more things as well. And I don't doubt that some people are going to show up with even more alcohol."

"No problem. When is everyone coming again? I feel like it's been forever since I've seen everyone together drinking." As much as I had missed the fun of getting totally shitfaced with everyone, I just couldn't anymore. Getting that drunk led to bad things now.

Val looked back, "That's because it has been a while. You really have no idea how long, and to be hoenst neither do I. Well, there were a few times you could have come over, but I mean, I don't know." I could read between the lines though. I had been trying all day to show her I was okay, that I was happy to be out and around again. But the honest truth was I still wasn't. I tried hard to be excited to see everyone again, and I was, but I knew that the thought on my mind the whole time would be that Jimmy was going to be missing. It would be the usual gang of friends, minus one. It would always be minus one now.

But I knew that I hadn't done much lately, and I had to do something. Tonight would help everyone stop worrying. I'd show that I could have a good time, and they would all think I'm finally getting to be okay. Besides, maybe, maybe, it would help. Perhaps I just needed to be surrounded by friends again and have a social life.

I pushed her front door open with my hip and kicked off my sandals as I walked in. Her house looked the same as the last time I had been here, except for the lack of beer bottles and people. But I guess it would look that way tonight anyway. I was honestly starting to get a bit excited, not a lot, but it was a start. However, I was also somewhat dreading it. One thing I knew was getting seriously wasted was not allowed. Once I do that, I could do anything-which was bad. One thing was remember. Remember Jimmy, and remember what I'd end up doing when I was drunk and depressed. It was a terrible mix, and although I couldn't always remember exactly what happened that night when I woke up in the morning, I knew it wasn't good, for many reasons. Hopefully I could just crash here for the night, where I knew I'd be safe with so many people around.

"Hey would you mind getting me another one while you're up Johnny?" I asked as Johnny Seward, better known as "Johnny Christ" to all of his fans, passed by on his way back into the kitchen.

"You come get your own, I'm already getting about five more, and four of them are for me." I rolled my eyes.

"Alright fine, if you wanted company you just had to ask."

"Drinking buddies are always loads of fun." He smiled, and I laughed. The night had been pretty good so far. It was the usual crowd of people, all drinking and hanging out wherever they wanted. I was just sitting around a small group, watching Brian, the all-too-amazing guitarist known as "Synyster Gates", do some stupid things with another friend of his that I didn't know all too well.

It had only been about two hours into the party, but I already saw empty cases of beer stacked by the garbage. Val and I had gotten to the house at around six o'clock, and people started to show up at about half past seven. I had my first drink at around that time, and didn't start my second up until about and hour later. It was my way of pacing myself. Now I was going to get my third with Johnny.

I took the beer he passed me and said "thank you". He nodded and gulped down one within a few seconds. I raised my eyebrows at him. I don't think I knew anyone else who could down a beer like he could.

"Fucking shit Johnny, you drink alcohol like a regular person would drink water after having ran four miles." He threw back his head and laughed.

"You act like you're so surprised! It's just good stuff, and I'm sorry I'm not a lightweight like you." He joked, taking another beer.

"Lightweight?" My eyebrows went up even higher. He nodded, twisting the cap off of the other bottle.

I took that as a bit of a challenge, and chugged down my own beer, grabbing another as soon as I was done. But my vow to not get wasted was still there in the back of my mind. A few more beers weren't going to do anything, and I definately was not a lightweight. He was just insane, and we all liked to call him an alcoholic anyway.

"Oh wow, you drank two beers, that's-wow that's great." He said with an immense amount of sarcasm. I punched him in the arm.

"Shut the hell up, I could drink as much as you and be totally fine. I just don't want to."

"Haha I know you could try to come close to it. But you probably won't."

"Really now? Well I guess I have to prove it then." I hated turning down challenges, but maybe I would be able to fool him into thinking I drank a lot tomorrow morning when he couldn't remember anything, if he couldn't remember anything. Otherwise there was no way I would be able to drink as much as Johnny without getting completely wasted, which is just what I didn't want. Then again, I could end up having fun...couldn't I? No, it's a terrible idea. I would not have any fun, because I knew that it would just lead to thinking. There was no "getting drunk for the hell of it" for me anymore.

He tilted yet another bottle at me, "Get started, I'll be checking in with you soon." He smiled before walking away to someone who had waved him over, probably the same person who asked him to get them a beer. I sighed, and looked at the bottle in my hand. I really didn't want to, but I figured I would end up doing what I didn't want to. I could try to hide the whole night from Johnny, who would undoubtedly check to see if I really held to my word.

As I sipped the cold beverage, I thought about the first time I had stood around by myself at a party with these people. I think I was invited by a friend who was friends with Val's sister, Michelle, but then again I'm not totally sure. It was years ago, and I felt like a total fish out of water. I didn't know anybody at all, not even Michelle, because I had never met her before! I don't even know why my friend, Jenna, wanted to drag me along, but looking back I'm really happy she did. I don't know where I would be now if I hadn't come.

I chuckled to myself, thinking about how empty my life could have been without everyone. I also thought it was quite ironic that Val had disliked me quite a lot at first. The night I met Jimmy was the night she was going to introduce him to somebody she thought he would be interested in. Once she saw us apparently "hitting it off", she was slightly annoyed and a bit upset for her friend because she had promised to set her up with someone good. She was also just worried because she had no idea who I was or what I was like. When she told me this story, I felt a little bad, but she told me it didn't matter because we were obviously happy with each other, and she knew that we would be good for each other.

I tried to push all of my thoughts away though, because I could feel myself wanting to remember that night, to remember Jimmy. But I flat-out refused to. Pushing my thoughts and memories away also, unfortunately, meant pushing away my promise not to drink. I downed the rest of my drink and proceeded to something a little heavier in an effort to distract myself.