Love Letters

“Man, look at him,” Andy said, shaking her head as we sat together at the lunch table on Monday. “He looks like he hasn’t gotten any sleep in days. Do you think he’s deprived?”

I shrugged and put my hand in my chin, not wanting to look at Trey across the cafeteria. I didn’t trust myself with staring at him for too long and being able to hold my ground for being angry at him. He would wear it out of me eventually. “I don’t care,” I said simply.

“Maybe what you said really made him think. I talked to him on the weekend, you know.”

I sat up a little straighter. “Really? What did he say?”

She smirked. “Don’t care, huh?”

I frowned. “Come on. Tell me what he said.”

“Well, he told me that you really went hard on his ass,” she began and then paused. “In a non-sexual way.”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“Okay, I’m just clarifying. And he also said sorry to me and apologized to Pax but he tried to call you and you didn’t pick up your phone.” She shrugged. “Did he call you?”

“Yeah but I didn’t want to speak to him,” I said, crossing my legs. “What else?”

“Well apparently, he spent so much time standing on the sidewalk thinking about what you said that Ruby freaked out at him when he finally went over to see her because he was a half an hour late,” she said, crossing her arms on the table. “He really is sorry, Karlee. Are you going to forgive him?”

“Eventually,” I said. “I’m just really pissed right now.”

She nodded and looked at her watch. “We better get to class. The bell’s going to ring in about two seconds,” she said, pushing her chair up. I followed her and got my things from my locker and then headed to philosophy. I didn’t have anyone in that class to talk to so I just sat quietly and did my work and then when it came time for English class, I only said hello to Roxy and Dalton, but ignored Trey—partially because he kept his head down and refused to look at me. And then halfway through class when the guys were replying to the person who wrote letters to them and the girls were doing more brainstorming for their box, a small note landed on my desk from beside me.

I’m sorry.

I looked over at Trey and raised my eyebrows. He shrugged and focused on his letter again.

It’s not that simple, I wrote back, and put it on his desk. He read it over, then wrote something else and passed it back to me.

What can I do to make it right?

Hang out with us more.

Done.

I just don’t think you get what’s really bugging me.

You miss me.

I looked up at him and he smiled. “Ten years of friendship. I think I’m starting to pay attention,” he said.

“I guess you expect me to apologize,” I said, folding one leg over the other. He shook his head.

“No, you were right,” he said. “I need to stop trying to make her happy and focus on myself more. Are things still going smoothly with you and . . .” He nodded to Dalton.

“Yeah, we’re fine,” I said.

“How come you didn’t want to talk to me over the weekend?” he asked. “I wanted to say I was sorry for turning you down every time you offered to spend time with me. I got Pax and Andy but it was like you were avoiding me.”

“I was.”

“Oh.” He cleared his throat, scratched the back of his head. “Well, that’s . . . good to hear.”

“I didn’t want to speak to you that quickly. I think everybody noticed that I got the most pissed off about you ditching us all of those times,” I said, kicking him lightly in the shin. “You big dumbass.”

He laughed. “Well, I’m sorry,” he said. “But man, when you get angry, you sure know how to make someone think about what they did.”

I nodded. “I know. That was the point.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Over the next week and a half, we managed to rescue Trey from his shame spiral and he stopped saying yes to seeing Ruby every time she requested. Of course, I could tell that he was worried he would get dumped again but we tried to make him feel better about it. The only problem was that I was becoming increasingly nervous about the fact that I only had a few days until I had to kiss Trey or I would “face the consequences”. I still hadn’t said anything to him and I didn’t plan on it either, but luckily Roxy had talked to the instigator of the dare and convinced her to give me an extra week. That at least gave me a little bit more time to figure out how the hell I was going to go about it. Christabelle and Blade hadn’t managed to visit us before like they had said because she suddenly became swamped with projects and also had to study for her exams but they were coming down together for Christmas break so my dad had me get everything ready for her arrival for two days straight. We waited for an hour and a half at the airport since the flight was delayed. Apparently it was snowing on her way up but we hadn’t received anything where we were.

The doors opened to the seating area and a rush of people came bustling out to greet their families. The room was filled with all of the University students coming back to spend Christmas vacation with their parents and siblings, and then I saw Christabelle. She walked hand-in-hand with Blade out the doors, laughing at something he said. I was the first out of my seat but that was because my dad and Anne still hadn’t seen them but when they finally noticed, I was already racing toward them to throw myself on Christabelle.

She dropped her bag when she saw me and ran up to hug me.

“I’ve missed you!” she yelled, holding me at arm’s length to take a good look. “You’ve gotten taller.”

“Have I? I can’t tell. Trey’s still five million feet bigger than I am,” I said, and she laughed.

“Your hair’s gotten lighter too. Have you been outside a lot?”

“A fair amount,” I said, looking her over. I hadn’t really expected too much of a change because for the last two years, she had only been straightening her hair on a normal basis or changing her style but this time, she had lost a lot weight to a point that she almost looked sickly. I was about to ask her if she was all right, but I saw over my shoulder that Blade was shaking his head, signaling for me not to say anything.

Anne and my dad walked over and embraced Christabelle so I turned to Blade and gave him a hug. “Good to see you,” I said, smiling. He returned it.

“You too,” he said.

“What’s wrong with her?” I whispered. He crossed his arms and let out a deep breath.

“I’ll tell you later,” he said. “She wouldn’t want your dad to know, and I probably shouldn’t even tell you because she doesn’t want you to worry about her. But since you two are pretty close, I feel you should be aware of it.”

“Is it bad?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m concerned but find me tonight and I’ll tell you what’s going on,” he said quietly and put on a smile when Christabelle turned back to him. She took his hand and they walked off but he sent me a look while he passed as his way to tell me not to say anything. If she didn’t want me to worry, then it wasn’t really working because I already was.

We all went out to dinner together later once Christabelle and Blade had settled in properly and put their stuff away. They had a month off for Christmas break and Blade didn’t particularly want to visit his family—except for his little sister, Isabelle, who was now eleven if I did the math correctly—so we were letting him stay with us. Aiden had brought Emery and Joanne along as well so he could see Christabelle and say hello, and with that family came Chris and Blade’s friend from high school, Shane. I had actually expected all of their friends as some sort of reunion but I figured they would cover that later when it was just them. Shane worked with Aiden at a book publishing firm. Shane had apparently always wanted to get into book editing and since Aiden ran his own business already and since Chris asked Aiden for the favour as something to even out their score of him torturing her for so many years, he gave him the job. Now, they were permanent partners and very good friends.

I felt very left out because really, I didn’t have many connections. Although, since Andy was Nick’s younger sister, I was Christabelle’s, I used to babysit Blade’s little sister, and Pax and Trey’s cousin was their friend David, it wasn’t all that awkward to talk with them. They just seemed like adults now and I felt like a child.

Around ten, the house had become very stuffy inside with everyone moving around and since Aiden brought over his family to help out Blade and Christabelle, it was way more packed than usual. It was like having the whole family home again and it felt like it was five years ago. My dad and Anne had gone to bed, which Christabelle had done a long time ago so as far as I was concerned, I was the only one up. I decided to get some air and sat on the porch with a blanket and some hot chocolate, and that was when Blade came outside.

“All right,” he began, rubbing his hands together and holding the collar of his jacket together. “Do you want to know what’s really going on?” I nodded. “Scoot,” he said, giving me a nudge so I slid over under the blanket and he slipped under beside me. “So listen, you have to promise not to tell anyone anything,” he said. “They’d get worried and I know Chris; she wouldn’t want that kind of attention.”

“Okay, I promise,” I agreed.

Blade let out a deep breath. “Well, for the past few months, Chris has really been having it handed to her rough. Her teachers are constantly bugging her about assignments and she’s trying to find a job but no one’s hiring her. She’s just trying to make it easy, you know?” he explained. “Anyway, I noticed a couple of weeks ago that she hasn’t been eating as much. I guess she’s stressed but with all of these tests and papers to write, she’s been freaking out. Usually I’m able to calm her down or I’ll tell her to take a walk with me so she can cool off but it’s not helping. She thinks she failed her exams.”

“That’s not possible,” I objected. “Chris is like a big brain. The day she fails her exams is the day that a meteor hits Earth.”

Blade nodded. “That’s basically what I said but on the plane here, she looked like she was about to burst into tears,” he said, pushing his hair back off his face. “Anyway, I’m really worried about her. We had a scare the other day, too. It was pretty traumatizing.”

“What happened?” I asked, sitting up straighter.

“Well we were . . . you know . . .” He paused, cleared his throat. “Whatever. We were hanging out together”—I chuckled—“and all of a sudden, she stops moving completely and almost passes out. I thought I was going to have take her to the hospital because she wouldn’t say anything, wouldn’t budge, wouldn’t even breathe. It was like she was a statue or something and then when I finally got her attention, she starts bawling her eyes out.”

“Wow,” I gasped. “What did you do?”

“I just held her,” he said, shaking his head. “She was shattered. I didn’t know what the hell was going on and I didn’t want to ask her but I think she’s just really stressed lately, kind of feels defeated, you know? I’m worried that something worse is going to happen if she doesn’t relax and take a breather. Her first two years combined weren’t even half as bad as this.”

Blade sighed and tilted his head back. “You know I’m crazy about your sister, right?” I nodded. “I’m in love with her. I’d do anything for her but I just don’t know how to handle this.”

“You’re not thinking of breaking up with her, are you?” I asked, eyes wide.

He jolted upright. “No! I wouldn’t even consider that. I want to help her but I’m running out of ideas. I just needed someone to talk to about it. I just don’t understand how she can put on a smile and still seem so happy when all this has happened to her. I’m not sure if she’s sick or if University is just too overwhelming but . . . I don’t know. I’m really concerned about her.”

“Should I talk to her?” I asked.

“No,” he replied quickly. “I just want her to pull through. I want her to be okay.”

I sighed and sat up. “Chris is strong, Blade. It would take something really crazy to break her down. You know that.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I know,” he said. “She’s a real trooper, I’ll tell you that.”

I smiled. “Well, she loves you,” I said. “Whatever this is that’s bothering her, I can guarantee you that she doesn’t mean for you to be troubled by it. It probably is just stress and that’s why it’s good she’s here for Christmas break. We’ll help her calm down.”

Blade sucked air into his cheeks and then released it again. “Thanks Karlee,” he said, looking over at me. “I appreciate you guys having me over.”

“You really love her, huh?”

He laughed. “Until the day I die.”

“Are you going to marry her?” I said, nudging him. He grinned.

“I think so. Well, I sure hope so,” he said. “I can’t see myself with anyone else.”

“Well you’re practically family as it is. You won’t have any problem fitting in.”

“What about you? Are you dating anyone lately?”

I nodded. “Yeah. This guy Dalton, in my English class. He’s actually the brother of your ex-girlfriend.”

Blade twitched. “Oh God. That’s horrid. Is he a good guy?”

“Yeah. He’s very sweet,” I said, smiling.

He shrugged. “Shame. I always liked that one guy, what’s his name again? Trey or something?” he asked.

“Trey? No, we’re just friends,” I said, shaking my head.

Blade smirked, like he knew a secret that he was pleased I didn’t know. “Well, you may not be aware of this . . . but in the end, the best friend is the one you’ll really want to go for.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

“I see you!” Andy screamed across the women’s lingerie section at Trey.

“Dammit, run away,” he whispered, grabbing my wrist and yanking me out of our hiding spot. Andy’s cousins were visiting for Christmas so for something to do, we took them to the mall to play hide and seek. Of course, if we played it through the whole mall, they would surely get lost so we limited it strictly to the one store that sold pretty much everything.

Little four year old Lacey put her hands on her hips and pouted at Trey. “Where are you going?!” she yelled. “We caught you! That’s cheating!”

Lacey had grown very fond of both Pax and Trey in the past hour, whereas her twin brother Tate seemed to be smitten with me. Andy was lucky that he was her cousin because he seemed to be very . . . attached, in a more literal sense than figurative. The minute Lacey stopped us, he grabbed hold of my leg and refused to let go. We played a few rounds more with Trey and I on one team, Lacey and Pax together, and Andy and Tate on the last. Every time we passed an employee, we had to pretend we were shopping so that definitely made it easier to lose, and eventually it turned into a game of tag. To say we knocked a lady over would be an understatement; we trampled right over her but we helped her up and she was overly affectionate so it wasn’t so bad.

Although, Trey’s cheeks begged to differ.

“God,” he mumbled, rubbing his left one. “It still hurts. Did she have to pinch me so damn hard?”

"At least she didn't grab your butt," I said, laughing. He just frowned. “Well if it’s any consolation, you’re quite a strapping young man,” I added, quoting the lady. He shot me a glare and I grinned back at him to try and lighten the mood.

“Let’s switch up the teams,” Andy said, rubbing her hands together. “How about four against two now? It’ll heat things up.”

“What did you have in mind?” Trey asked, crossing his arms.

“Pax and Karlee,” she said, pointing to us. “You two can hide. We’ll count to fifty and then we’re coming to get you. If we don’t catch you within the first fifteen minutes, then you win and I’ll text you to let you know. You’ve got a timer on your watch, right Pax?”

He nodded. “Can we hide now?” he asked, preparing himself.

Andy nodded, and Lacey screamed “run!”

Pax grabbed my arm and practically yanked me right off my feet when he took off in the opposite direction. For the first five minutes, we hid in the dressing room until we got kicked out because the woman that was watching over them but had looked away for a quick second so we could sneak in had kicked us out and said that “making out in the dressing room is unacceptable”. Pax thought that that rule was ridiculous, and he receives a sharp slap on the back of his head for that one.

We spent the remaining time just hiding within shelves and behind stacks of clothes but when I made a run for the other end of the store where they definitely wouldn’t have been able to find me, I stopped right in the middle of the hall because through the different sectors and right into the mall hallway, I saw Ruby but she wasn’t alone.

She was sitting down on a chair with Josh. And they were kissing.

My jaw dropped and then Pax walked by to tell me to move but when he saw what I was looking at, his eyes went wide.

“What the—!” I put my hand on his mouth and pushed him behind a few racks of oversized dresses and skirts.

“Shut up!” I whispered harshly. “Trey will hear you.”

“Dude, we have to tell someone! She’s cheating on him with Roxy’s boyfriend!” he exclaimed once I had uncovered his mouth.

“Shh!” I exclaimed, pulling him down onto the ground by the cuffs of his shirt. “You can’t tell him. If he hears you, then he’ll come over.”

Pax frowned. “Karlee,” he said seriously.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not talking about hide and seek. I’m not willing to see him get crushed by that.”

“I’m going to talk to her,” he said, starting to stand but I pulled him back down and he landed on his butt with his head hitting the wall. He winced in pain and rubbed it with a scowl on his face. “Why don’t you want him to know? He’s your friend and his girlfriend is cheating on him. Don’t you get it? She’s cheating on him.”

“I know that,” I repeated. “But if I tell him here, then we’ll start unnecessary drama and he’ll go end it with her right then and there. Guaranteed Josh will start a fight and we’ll all get kicked out of the mall. Would you rather have your brother witness his girlfriend kissing someone else or at least give him some time to get himself together and think about what to say to her?”

Pax thought about it for a minute. “But this isn’t right,” he whispered. “What are we going to do?”

“We’re not going to do anything,” I said. “We’ll tell him eventually, but not here, and not now.”

He shook his head. “He’s my brother, Karlee. This isn’t just some game anymore. It’s gone on long enough and I’m tired of seeing him get stretched and thrown around by Ruby. This will just make matters worse.”

“I agree, and we will tell him but not here,” I said, and jumped a bit when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

All right, you win. We give up.

I knew Andy was talking about the game of hide and seek, but I was not about to give up yet. Ruby wasn’t going to win this one.