Love Letters

Trey gave up his bed and decided to sleep on the floor. Of course, when I argued with him for a good ten minutes that I wasn’t going to kick him out when he had the decency to let me stay over, he got me some pillows and blankets. Carpets were never comfortable to sleep on because they were so rough against skin so I used some covers as a mattress to block it out.

Pax was passed out in his room because otherwise, he probably would have kept me up for the small amount of time we had until we needed to get up for school. I couldn’t get to sleep anyway because of such a disastrous night. I wasn’t sure if Trey was still awake, so I tested it.

“Trey?” I said quietly.

“Hm?”

“How, uhm . . . how are you and Ruby doing?” I asked.

He was quiet for a second and then he appeared over the edge of the bed to look at me. I sat up and crossed my legs.

“Can’t sleep, eh?” he said, tilting his head to the side. “Me neither.” He pushed his hair back and swung his legs over the side of his bed, leaning back on his hands. “We’re all right. Remember when I said she was ignoring me before and acting like my opinion didn’t really matter to her? Well she’s doing it again and now every time I offer to see her, she always seems to be off with someone else.”

Yeah, making out with them.

“And yet she went through all that trouble to get back together with you,” I said more to myself than to him but he heard it anyway and shrugged.

“The tough thing is, though,” he began, lowering his voice, “I’m busting my hump for this girl and I’m still getting my ass kicked because she keeps expecting more and more from me but there’s only so much I can do, you know?”

I nodded and tried to think of the best thing to tell him. I was sure that “dump your bitchy, lying girlfriend” wasn’t the ideal statement for right now so I settled on something easier. “There is no Shangri-La, Trey. Every person on the face of the planet is going to be in a relationship that has its flaws. Ruby doesn’t have any right to ask you to give up everything for her but what should really make things perfect is if you still want to be with her when things get seriously rough.”

“I’m not so sure though,” he said, looking up at the ceiling. “What if she’s not the one? I want her to be but I just don’t think I can do this.”

“Well if it’s right, you’ll know,” I said, and jumped when my cell phone buzzed on my pillow. I looked at it and saw that it was from Roxy.

You have until Friday.

My eyes went wide. The countdown was on and I only had four days to kiss Trey.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I had to wake up at five in the morning because I didn’t have a change of clothes for school so I ran home, snuck in through my bedroom window, grabbed some things and left. I could see while passing by the window that my dad had fallen asleep on his recliner with Anne on the couch. They had probably been waiting for me to come home but since I never did, they probably wouldn’t realize it until they woke up.

Trey let me use the shower before he did because both he and Pax took really short ones and only spent about fifteen minutes altogether getting ready for school. Their parents had no idea I stayed over until they found me in the kitchen with the twins eating cereal. The Weston’s were probably the most welcoming family I had ever met and their mom had even said they wouldn’t mind it if I stayed over for a month. I wasn’t going to do that.

Pax had me volunteering with him for the organization of the school’s semi-formal dance, even though I didn’t plan on attending. I wasn’t big on dances, and I was a terrible dancer so it would be the worst combination if I showed up but he said that we got to decorate the gym during our classes so I agreed to it. When I got to school, Dalton was standing with Ruby at her locker, laughing about something she said. Then she spotted me and pointed, so he looked over and lifted a hand. I was pretty upset with him that he hadn’t shown up to the hospital for some support when he was the first person to know, and yet my friends came when I hadn’t said anything to any of them. They even stayed until early hours of the morning and he didn’t even bother to drop in or get back to me.

“Hey,” he said with a smile. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” I replied, trying to be distant. “What’re you guys up to?”

“Making plans to hang out after school,” he replied. “We’re going to see a movie. Do you want to come?”

I looked at Ruby, who frowned deeply. I knew what was going on; I had to kiss her boyfriend so she was going for mine. Her hand was rested on his arm and she was standing really close.

“No, I’m okay,” I said, looking up at Dalton and giving him a small smile. “I’m staying at Trey’s house so I’ll probably be doing something with him instead.”

Dalton nodded. “Cool.”

I bothered me that it didn’t bother him. It clearly got to Ruby, though.

“What’re you two doing? Hooking up in his bedroom?” she asked, her eyes narrowed into small slits.

“Ruby,” Dalton warned.

“Yeah, that’s what we’re doing,” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. “I’m not one to cheat on my boyfriend but I can’t say the same for you, can I?”

Her face fell. “What’re you talking about?” Dalton asked.

“Ask Josh,” I snapped and walked down the hall. Pax and Andy stood together talking to a group of people holding clipboards and binders that were overly organized. I figured it was everyone what was helping set up for the dance so I met up with them and after a short discussion of what everyone was covering, we went down to the gym to get to work.

Apparently Dalton was also volunteering because when Pax and I were working on applying five large buckets of glitter to cut-out letters labeled “Fairytale Dance”, I spotted him across the room talking to a girl on the basketball team. Normally, it wouldn’t have bugged me but the fact that he was leaning down, his face hovering right in front of hers just blew a fuse inside of me. They weren’t kissing, but they were definitely flirting and maybe it shouldn’t have gotten to me, but it did.

Pax looked over when he caught me staring. “Want me to kick his ass?” he asked.

“No, it’s okay,” I said. “I’ll do it later.”

He laughed. “You know, you don’t deserve that,” he said. “The guy didn’t even have the common decency to make sure you were okay when Christabelle was in the hospital. We all showed up. Unless he was incarcerated or something, he should have been there. Did he even apologize this morning?”

“He did not,” I replied, wiping my hands on my jeans and then cursing when I realized that the glitter had carried over and now it looked like a pixie had attacked my knees.

“You should yell at him for that one,” he replied, rolling up his sleeves.

“I would, but what if he just didn’t get the message?” I said, biting my lip. “My phone doesn’t send them sometimes.”

“Then it would list it but it said it was sent. The jackass is at fault here,” Pax argued, shaking his head. “And if you don’t want to yell at him for that, at least make it for what he’s doing now. How can you take that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why are you defending him? He’s a jerk,” he said, scowling.

“He’s my boyfriend, Pax. I don’t have any reason to be pissed like you clearly are,” I objected.

He threw down his brush. “Yeah, you do!” he exclaimed. “Look, if anyone thought that you and Dalton would be together at the end of all this, the drama would be gone.”

I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“All I’m saying is that this isn’t the end,” he answered. “It’s far from over.”

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at,” I said, folding my arms across my chest.

He let out a groan of frustration. “Dalton isn’t the guy for you, okay? He’s just not.”

“Well then who is? What’s your point here, Pax?”

He stood up. “Forget it. You’ll figure it out eventually,” he muttered and walked off. I sat there by myself, baffled, and only got to work again when Andy came over and helped me out with the rest of the letters. About an hour later, we had gotten most of them done and that was when Trey walked into the gym. I looked up when someone called his name. He didn’t see me but he smiled and waved at whoever had welcomed him, and then I glanced at Ruby. She stared at me and walked right over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and slamming her lips against his.

A sharp knife-like feeling stabbed me in the gut and I looked away. Andy saw it though, and giggled.

“What?” I asked.

“You like him,” she teased, poking me in the arm.

“I do not,” I argued, but my face going red did little to validate what I had said.

“I don’t think you can say that when your face looks the way it does,” she said, laughing full-on now. I put my hands on my cheeks. They were burning.

“Oh God,” I muttered. “I must look like a clown right now.”

“It’s not too bad,” she said. “If you don’t like him, why does it bug you so much?”

“Because she’s cheating on him,” I said, throwing a hand out. “Anyone would be angry.”

“That’s not an angry look,” she said, pointing her paint brush at me. “That’s a jealous look.”

I sighed and dropped my hands. “What the hell is this feeling? I don’t get it. It’s never happened with Trey before.”

She raised an eyebrow doubtfully. “Really?”

“Well . . . actually, I got it when he and Ruby first got together,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean anything, right? We’ve always disliked each other so it could just be for that.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think that’s it,” she disagreed. “I think you were jealous of Ruby when they started dating and you’re jealous now because your boyfriend is a jerk and you like Trey, even if it’s just subconsciously. I mean, think about it; you two have been friends for years now and there have been times when you’ve liked him as more than that, and he’s had crushes on you too.”

My eyes went wide. “What?”

Andy froze, and bit her lip. “Shit. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

“He liked me?” I blurted. “When?”

“Uhm . . .” She hesitated, scratched the back of her head. “Last year, and then a couple of times before that.”

I was horrified, not because Trey had liked me but because I had no idea and all of those times I wanted to date him, I didn’t make a move when I could have.

“See that look,” she said, poking my cheek hard. “That’s you admitting you like him.”

“That’s impossible,” I responded. “I’m just . . . anxious to see how his love life turns out. I’m happy for my friend.”

Andy scoffed. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

I covered my face in my hands, defeated. “I know. I just don’t want to confess that I like him.”

She burst out laughing. “So you do then, for sure?”

“I don’t know, sort of?” I asked more than stated, shrugging. “How are you supposed to tell if you’ve got feelings for your best friend? There’s really always been something there but I didn’t think too much of it. I thought it was normal.”

“It’s not,” she smiled. “But it’s cute.”

“It’s not cute. It’s like a . . . disease,” I muttered.

“You and your sister are so alike, it’s insane,” she said, shaking her head.

“So many people at school like him,” I added, ignoring her previous comment.

“How do you know that?”

I pointed to a couple of girls that were sitting a little ways away from us but we could hear every word they were saying. They were talking about Trey and how good looking he was. One girl said something very graphic about what she wanted to do to him, but I did not want to picture that or even repeat it.

“As if they have anything on you,” Andy said, crossing her legs. “Who do you think he would rather spend the day with; a girl who practically wants to kidnap him or his best friend that he’s clearly more than smitten with? If you two have liked each other so many times, don’t you think that’s saying something? You’re made for each other.”

“You’re ridiculous,” I said, returning to the letters.

“And you’re honestly trying to convince yourself that you don’t have any feelings for Trey?” she asked, pointing at him. “You know that’s a load of crap.”

I sighed. “Andy, he’s with Ruby and even though I think he’s insane for it, he’s happy. Or at least, he’s trying to be. Even if I did like him, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Besides, the feelings would have to be mutual if we were in love with each other.”

Andy fell silent.

I looked up at her. She had an almost frighteningly large grin on her face. “What?” I asked cautiously, leaning back at little.

“I never said anything about being in love with each other,” she said.

My eyes went wide. “What . . . uhm—”

“Oh my God, Karlee!” she yelped, slapping me on the arm. “Are you in love with him?”

“No!” I denied, waving my hands in front of my face. “I didn’t mean that! I just . . . you—”

“You’re crazy about him!” she cheered. “I knew it! You’ve liked him all along and you just refused to admit it to yourself! That’s it, isn’t it?!”

“I didn’t say that,” I managed to get out. “I was just trying to explain how I do feel something for him but it may not be love and it’s probably not even wanting a relationship. It’s most likely just curiosity, if anything. Last time I liked him was years ago.”

“It’s history repeating itself,” she smiled. “Stop lying to yourself. He drives you up the wall.”

I shrugged. “A little bit.”

“If it helps, you two have practically been a couple all along. I don’t know anyone else who spends that much time with their best guy friend and claims it’s just that,” she said, nodding in satisfaction. “Do you think about him a lot?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“And when he brought up the idea of you two becoming a couple, did you want it to happen?”

“Well, who wouldn’t?”

“I think there are more feelings at hand than what you’re letting on to,” she said, poking me at my heart. “In my opinion, I think you’re very well absolutely crazy about him.”

“I have a boyfriend,” I said. “This conversation is over.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I spent my lunch period sitting beside Dalton while he was in a conversation with another girl at the table. He talked to her for a good hour and I wasn’t even sure if he knew I was there. He looked at me maybe twice and that was it. If anything, his arm around me was just for show because he seemed completely uninterested. Halfway through, I just got up and left to hang out with Andy in the library while she studied for our math test.

Dalton obviously knew what happened with Christabelle and he had definitely not gotten back to me on purpose. Roxy even knew about it but she was out of the city doing some Christmas shopping with her parents so she didn’t get to come see me but when she brought it up and apologized for not visiting, Dalton said “yeah, I heard about that. It really sucks.”

I was near fuming, so that was another reason I got up and left. Pax refused to talk to me during lunch and I wasn’t surprised because after that conversation with him, I felt like the biggest idiot in the school. During fifth period though, when we continued our work on the gym and I was standing on the ladder to tape the letters up on the wall, he came racing in.

“Guys!” he called, drawing everyone’s attention. “You two are going to love me for this!”

I looked over at him. “What’s going on?” I asked him, propping myself on the ladder so I wouldn’t fall.

“Okay, so my friend Jake was at Dalton’s party on Halloween, right?” he began, putting a hand on his chest to steady his breathing. He took his phone out of his pocket. “Well he sent me something when I told him about the thing with Trey and Ruby.”

“Pax!” Andy exclaimed. “You can’t tell people about that!”

“Relax. He promised to keep it a secret,” he said, holding up a hand. “You guys need to see this.”

I leaned down and watched over Andy’s shoulder as Pax showed us his phone. A video played on it of Dalton’s party where a girl that I couldn’t quite identify yet took a long drink of her beer, turned to a boy and kissed him for a really long time. My jaw dropped when I realized who it was.

“Is that Ruby?!” I exclaimed, snatching the phone from him and replaying the kiss.

“And Josh,” Pax nodded, smirking. “Don’t you understand? We’ve got her now! We have to tell Trey!”

“Where is he?” Andy asked, grabbing the phone from me.

“At home. He left early,” Pax said.

“But—” I began.

“No buts! Let’s go!” Andy exclaimed, racing out of the gym. Pax grabbed me suddenly and put me over his shoulder, moving as quickly as he could toward the doors. I shrieked because he had pulled me right off the ladder.

“Not cool!” I yelled. “Put me down, Pax. We’d be faster then.”

He did as he was told, and we both ran to catch up with Andy.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Andy and Pax were runners and I wasn’t nearly as fast as they were so they beat me to Trey’s room but when I caught up with them, they were just standing there, arguing with each other over who would be the one to tell him.

“You do it,” Andy said, shoving Pax into the door. “I don’t want to have to look at him and see his face when I tell him that his girlfriend’s cheating on him.”

Pax scoffed. “I’m not going in there. He would think I’m kidding.”

“You have proof, you dumbass. He’d have to be an absolute idiot not to believe that,” Andy said, pointing at the phone.

“Are you kidding me right now?” I asked, putting a hand on my chest and giving myself a minute to catch my breath. “Andy, you just shoved Pax into his bedroom door. Don’t you think he heard that?”

Right on time, Trey opened the door and raised his eyebrows at us. “What’re you guys doing?” he asked.

“I’ll do it,” I muttered, grabbing the phone from Pax’s hands and walking into Trey’s bedroom. He looked confused and then shut the door on his brother’s face, and Andy’s.

“What’s going on?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Okay first, I just want to clear some things up,” I said, lifting a hand. “We’re all here for you and we didn’t mean to keep this a secret but we didn’t think you would believe us if we came to you without proof.”

Trey looked confused. “All right, you’re kind of freaking me out right now.”

I opened the video on Pax’s phone and handed it to Trey. He took it from me, giving me an odd look first and then watched it. Through the whole thing, his face remained emotionless, even during the kiss. Then he looked back up and gave me the phone. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I kind of figured,” he said. “Isn’t that Roxanne’s boyfriend?”

“Josh, yeah,” I replied. “You’re not angry?”

“Why would I be? It gives me another reason to break up with her now,” he answered.

I smiled. “We also, uhm . . . we saw her at the mall that one day. She was with him again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“They wanted me to but I figured if we came to you without a picture or video or anything, then you’d just assume we were kidding around. I mean, you know we don’t like her,” I explained.

He paused for a moment and then shrugged. “Fair enough.” He nodded over my shoulder. “He’s probably listening right now.”

“Yeah?” I slammed my elbow against the door and I heard Pax scream “Jesus!”

Trey smirked. “Well, thanks for telling me,” he said. “Now that you did, I think I should show you what was on the tape.”

My eyes widened. I had completely forgotten about that. “Are you sure?”

“It’s only fair,” he replied, walking over to his desk and taking the camera out of the cabinet on top. He flipped open the video recorder, pressed a few buttons and then handed it to me.

Dalton appeared on the screen, sitting down on the curb of the road and playing with some grass. “Relationships?” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not big on them. I mean, I can handle them but I don’t particularly want to be in one. What’s so bad about just casually seeing people, you know? I’m not even a virgin. I don’t get why people make such a big deal out of it.”

My mouth dropped open.

“That’s the problem with dating someone, you know? You’re committed and I don’t want to commit to anybody. I’m all against cheating and everything, and if people are going to do it why even bother telling someone you’re in love with them and you’d never hurt them? All I’m saying is that there’s nothing wrong with just hooking up,” Dalton said and shrugged. “Do you know how many people were cheering you on when the rumor got around you were banging Chris Hawthorn’s little sister?”

Trey lowered the camera to his side but it was on anyway and they were still talking.

“Is that why you’re interested in her?” he asked.

“Maybe,” Dalton replied. “On some level, sure. What’s the problem with that, though? Most guys only like her because they think she’s sleeping around.”

“She’s not.”

“So you two have never done it?”

“No, and even if we had, it’s none of your business,” Trey said. “I think we’re done here.” The camera moved, showing Trey had turned but he stopped when Dalton called him back.

“Hey, this isn’t being shown to your class right?” Dalton asked.

“No, it’s not.”

“And you won’t tell Karlee what I said?”

“I should, but I won’t,” Trey replied. “I’m a man of my word and no matter who the person is, this is confidential. Plus, I wouldn’t want to hurt her with letting her know how much of an idiot you are.”

Dalton snickered. “Whatever.”

“And if you’re so opposed to relationships, why did you bother to date Roxy?”

“She’s hot. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I guess she saw past you.”

“Maybe. She dumped me and that one hurt, I’ll admit, but it’s not like it’s that hard to get over. Any random girl will do, you know? Rox will get jealous of her and then we’ll get back together. It’ll be a piece of cake,” he said.

“You really disgust me,” Trey snapped. “How can you treat someone like that?”

Dalton’s shadow moved as he stood up. He shrugged. “I just don’t care,” he said. “And since you promised to keep this between us, you can’t tell your friend that I’m just using her. I’ll have her wrapped around my finger before the end of November. Just you watch.”

The video ended, and I stayed standing exactly where I was, stiff as a board. I couldn’t believe myself, I couldn’t believe that I had fallen for that act and listened to him over Roxy who had probably been telling me the truth all along but I was blinded by Dalton’s stupid lies.

I sat down on the edge of Trey’s bed and dropped the camera next to me.

“Oh God, I’m such an idiot,” I moaned, dropping my head into my hands.

“No you’re not,” Trey said, sitting beside me on the bed. “If anything, I am. I should have told you but I promised not to say anything, to everyone on that tape. It would have hurt you if I told you he was just screwing with your head. Just like the thing you were going through with Ruby. You couldn’t have told me without proof, right?”

I looked up at him. “I just feel so stupid,” I said. “Do you think I was an idiot for believing him?”

“No,” he said, leaning back on his hands. “I think you’re normal for it. There’s no way you could have known.”

“Then what do I do?”

Trey shrugged. “Hand his ass to him. He’s a jerk and I’d gladly kick it for you.”

I let a small laugh escape me. “I should take care of it.”

“I told you I’d be there for you if anyone hurt you,” he said. “This guy deserves a good—”

“Trey, I’ll do it,” I said, smiling at him. “But thank you.”

He nodded. “Any time.”

“What are you going to do about Ruby?”

“Break up with her obviously,” he replied. “There’s no way I’m going to spend another minute with a girl who cheats on me, hurts my friends and then lies about it. It’s about time she got a little taste of her own medicine.”