Love Letters

Adam had a very nice home and he made all three of us feel comfortable, but it wasn’t the same as the house I had spent all of my life in. Emma was fascinating to listen to when she talked; she was one of the smartest people I had ever met and she somehow managed to use bigger words than half of the people in my school did. She was only in grade six and her IQ was higher than Dalton and his friends combined.

After dinner, Adam took Emma and Aiden out to do some grocery shopping and get our bags from our dad’s house, so I sat down on the couch with a hot chocolate while Christabelle, Blade and my mom decorated the Christmas tree. Aiden wasn’t staying overnight so he didn’t have anything to bring with him but he offered to get our things for us but Blade came over about an hour after we settled in and I gave him a big apology for freaking out at him earlier.

“So mom,” I said, curling under a blanket to warm myself up even though the fireplace was turned on. “You’ve got some explaining to do.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I guess I do,” she said, sitting down next to me. “Well, I met Adam in BC at a job interview. He was applying for the same job as I was and since they liked us both, they hired us both. That worked out well for me in the end because I fell in love with him after about two months.”

“That fast?” Christabelle asked, standing on her toes to place an ornament around the top of the tree.

“He’s very special to me,” she answered, “and I know I promised you girls I wouldn’t get involved with anyone because it would be hard on you but . . . I love him and I would really like it if you could too.”

Christabelle and I looked at each other.

“You don’t have to ask our permission to date someone, mom,” she said. “I mean, I didn’t ask for yours so it’s only fair and you’re entitled to see someone whenever you want.”

Blade smiled and kissed her.

“What about you Karlee?” my mom questioned. “Are you okay with this?”

I nodded. “Of course. Don’t even worry about me. How long have you guys been engaged?”

“About seven months now. I was going to email you to tell you both but I figured it would be much better if I told you in person and I’ve wanted you to meet him for so long now.”

“So you two were dating last Christmas when you came down?” I asked.

“Yes, but I didn’t know we were going to get this serious,” she explained. “I’m glad we did though.”

“So tell us about the baby,” Christabelle said, folding her arms. “How far along are you?”

“Oh.” My mom smiled and put a hand on her stomach. “Just over three months. I know it must be weird for you two since I’m pretty much an old lady now, but I feel confident about it. I know there can be a lot of complications when you’re older and you’re having a baby but it happens all the time and I know I can do it, as long as I have my kids helping me out.” She put a hand on my back and I smiled.

“We’ll be there,” I said, nodding. “Right Chris?”

“Absolutely.” She paused for a moment. “Wait a second. If you’re three months in, you must know the gender, right?”

“We do,” she replied. “Do you want to know or would you rather keep it a mystery?”

“No, I want to know,” Christabelle said immediately.

My mom laughed. “It’s a girl, and we’re going to name her Amelia.”

“That’s really pretty,” I said. “I bet she’ll look like you.”

“There’s no telling yet,” she said. “So what do you guys think of Emma and Adam?”

“Emma’s really cool, and Adam seems like a very nice guy, but it’s a little too early to know all that much about them,” I said, shrugging. “I mean, we just met them today but I’m sure if you like them, they’re great people.”

“They are, and they’ll grow on you.”

“Does dad know?” Chris asked.

“About what?”

She put her hand on her stomach and widened her eyes.

“Oh.” My mom shook her head. “No, but your father and I never talk anymore unless it’s regarding who gets you on the holidays. But enough about me; what’s going on with you two?”

I looked at Christabelle but she was too busy smiling and gushing about Blade to notice my hesitance. She was fine with telling my mom about how University was and what had been going on with her in the last year but when it came to me and I said nothing was new, my mom saw through it. She always had and she always would as well.

“That’s bullshit,” she said and Christabelle burst out laughing. “What’s going on? Is it something you don’t want to talk about with me?”

“It’s not that,” I objected, looking over at Chris. She grabbed Blade’s arm and pulled him out of the living room and into the kitchen.

“We’ll uhm . . . we’ll make cookies or something,” she called over her shoulder and disappeared.

“So what is it?” my mom asked again. “It’ll do you good to talk about it.”

So I told her what had happened in the past few months. As I was giving her the full story, I realized how fast time flew by and it had felt a lot longer than just four months but here we were and before grade eleven, life really had never been so exciting, or complicated. And halfway through, again I had started to cry because my mind was still stuck on Friday and it wasn’t until I left that I had started to notice how big of an idiot I had been. I knew I shouldn’t have told him but at the time it seemed like a good idea, seeing as everyone had told me he liked me back. I just hadn’t expected to be turned down by Trey. I had always figured that if we got together, that would be the one that stuck but I had no idea that the first time I tried to make something happen, I would get rejected for it. I felt like a moron for crying so much over the same thing. I knew I should have sucked it up and just moved on but I couldn’t seem to do it.

When I was finished and once again a crying mess, my mom grabbed a tissue and wiped my eyes for me. “Honey, look at me,” she said and I did. “I’ve met Trey before and he’s a very nice boy, but to me it just doesn’t sound right. I don’t think he’s telling you the truth.”

“I think he is” I replied. “Christabelle said he’s not worth it.”

“Well he’s not if he’s making you feel this way and still hasn’t called to talk about it,” she replied. “Have you tried talking to him?”

“No, and I don’t really want to. I can’t handle being rejected twice by the same person in the time span of a week,” I mumbled. “I’m just going to leave it. Dad’s having the Christmas party next Friday so I’ll kind of have to see him there but besides that, I’m not going to make the attempt.”

“Well it never hurts to try,” she said, standing up but leaning down to hold my face in her hands. “You are lovely, Karlee. You’re kind and sweet and beautiful and you are not stupid so don’t doubt that for even a second. And if any boy ever makes you feel differently, he isn’t worth even a second of your time. You know your family will always be there to catch you when you fall.”

It’s amazing how a mother’s words of encouragement and sympathy always seem to turn things around. It was one of those unexplained philosophies that no one can really get a hold on because it just comes with having kids; she felt the need to be there for her kids all of the time and I would never be able to thank her for that. I smiled and wiped my eyes.

“Thanks mom,” I said and she kissed my forehead.

“No problem. Come on, let’s go get your sister back into the room,” she replied. “We need to finish off this Christmas tree.”



“I have a surprise for you,” Roxy said, sitting down next to me at the kitchen table the next morning. I was still in my pajamas around ten but she was wide awake and ready for the day so when she came knocking on the door, my mom let her in.

“You do?” I asked, stuffing my mouth with cereal and not really all that excited to hear what her surprise even was.

“Yes. I think you’ll love me for it,” she replied, crossing her legs and pushing her hair back. “My brother Brody has this friend that was over at our house that time I had the sleepover and he said he thought you were really hot.”

“Awesome,” I mumbled.

“And he wanted to know if you’d go out on a date with him.”

I shrugged. “I’m not really in the dating mood, and I don’t even know him.”

“That’s why you get to know him,” she said, adding the hand gesture. “Come on, I think you’d really like him. You can’t mope about Trey all day. It’ll just bring you down.”

I hadn’t even recalled telling her anything but I figured Pax did because he had texted me during the night and I finally decided to explain it to him, as long as he kept it to himself. So much for that. But Roxy was right; I wasn’t going to waste my Christmas holidays down in the dumps when I had so much to do with my friends and family.

And so I went on the date. Brody’s friend Daniel was actually very and he was quite a good looking guy. He had a good sense of humor too and I did end up having a lot of fun when we went to the movie, cracking jokes about some lame lines and laughing at the funny parts, but there was a voice in my head telling me that I was being stupid, that this was a bad idea. I pushed it aside, figuring “what else do I have to do tonight?” and enjoyed as much as I could of the night.

But when we went out for some pizza after the movie and sat down, I froze. Two tables away sat the entire Weston family, and the one with his eyes glued to me was Trey. I gulped and looked away, trying to act like I hadn’t seen him and returning my attention to Daniel. The fact was, my face was going bright red and I couldn’t concentrate on the person who was giving me his full interest because now that I knew Trey was there, I wasn’t going to be able to get it out of my mind. I put my cheek in my hand and looked at Daniel, feigning curiosity about what he was talking about and nodding in the right places, but my head was spinning.

I could feel Trey watching me out of the corner of my eye. Why was he here? Why did he have to be here? Why was he upset the other night and snapping at Pax? And why the hell was I still thinking about him? After all, I was on a date with a great guy and I couldn’t place my attention anywhere but on Trey. Now I knew what the little voice was talking about; there was no way I was going to be able to get close to anyone as long as I was still hung up on Trey, and I definitely was.

“Do you know what I mean?” Daniel asked, laughing. I hadn’t even been listening.

“What? Oh, yeah,” I replied, nodding.

He frowned. “Did you even hear what I said?”

No, I didn’t and I wasn’t going to lie. I needed to get the hell out of there because with Trey’s eyes on me and Daniel forcing me into an awkward position where I was caught between guessing what he had been talking about and just telling him that I wasn’t and then probably having to tell him what was going on, I couldn’t handle it.

“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “I can’t do this. You’re a very sweet guy Daniel, but I can’t keep this date going.”

He stared at me, shocked as I stood up and went for the exit. As I passed the Weston’s table, Trey stood up and I sucked in a breath, opening the door and walking out quickly. My stomach muscle’s tightened, partially because I had just ditched someone in a pizza parlour when he didn’t even deserve it and also because I wasn’t sure if Trey was following me or not. If he was, I had no idea what to expect when he actually caught up with me.

“Karlee!” he called and I stopped where I was, but didn’t face him. “What, you’re not even going to look at me now? Come on.”

I did now. “What do you want me to say?”

“How about ‘hi’?”

“Hello Trey,” I said. “There. I even used a longer word for you. Happy?”

“Karlee.” He put his hand on my arm when I started to turn away again. “Just talk to me.” He glanced back over his shoulder to the restaurant, cleared his throat. “Were you on a date with that guy?”

“Yes.” I crossed my arms, shivering. “Not to down on your parade but I’m going home. I’m tired and I prefer not standing in knee-high snow.”

“Are you angry at me?”

“No. I’m confused about you but I’m not angry,” I said.

“Let me walk you home,” he said quickly and when I raised my eyebrows at him, he bit his lip. “I miss you, and we’re still friends right?”

Were we? Not really but it was a start to get him to tell me what the hell was going through his mind on Friday.

“Your family’s waiting for you,” I said, shaking my head. “Go back to them.”

“They’re not. My mom’s too busy talking about her new promotion. They won’t even know that I’m gone,” he said, putting his hand on my back and turning me around to face the sidewalk in front of me. “Pax said he went to see you.”

“He jumped out of my closet and scared the crap out of me,” I replied, trying to hold back the laugh. Some things, even though upsetting at that time, turn out to be pretty humorous later and this was one of them. “But yeah, he visited.”

Trey nodded. “He said you were crying. What was wrong?”

He was staring at me seriously now. I didn’t want to talk to him about it so I just shoved my hands in my coat pockets and lifted my shoulders. “I was happy to have Christabelle home.”

He frowned. “That’s bullshit.”

I stopped walking now and glared at him. “You basically said you wanted nothing to do with me on Friday and you let me run away in tears. I don’t think it’s very appropriate of you to just suddenly ask me out of nowhere why I was upset. If you know the answer, which you clearly do, then don’t bother asking me.”

“Why the hell were you on a date with that guy?” he asked, his arms coming out to the sides and his voice rising with anger. “If you like me like you said you do on Friday, what gives you the right to shove it in my face with something I already feel horrible about?”

“Oh yeah right, like I knew you were there,” I scoffed. “I didn’t plan on seeing you and if I did know you were going to be there, I probably would have told Daniel to take me somewhere else. And why do you even care that I was on a date with him? It’s not like you like me but if it gives you pleasure, the minute I saw you were there, I stopped paying attention to the guy I was actually on a date with. But it’s not even your business because you told me you don’t like me back so why should I waste my time waiting to see if something will change?”

“Why were you on a date with someone else when you’re got your mind stuck on me?”

“Because I am not going to sit around at home and think about you for two weeks straight!” I exploded. “Do you think it’s easy to have feelings for someone when they blatantly told you they’re not interested? It’s not the fact that you turned me down; it’s that you kissed me twice and then said no. That’s like taking advantage. You don’t do that to your friends!”

“Well I’m sorry but I didn’t know what to do!” he threw back. “I wasn’t expecting you to come clean about any feelings that night so don’t you think it’s a little reasonable if I’m thrown off and don’t have an immediate response for you? Besides, you kissed me and not just on Friday night.”

“Exactly! And you acted like nothing happened! I told you that it meant something to me but then you went and threw that in my face and said it didn’t to you, like it was nothing,” I argued, my eyes narrowed into mere slits. “Excuse me for acting on any feelings I had but you’ve told me over the years that if I want something, I need to go for it. But what, if it has to do with you, you’re just going to throw your hands up and back off like you’re scared?”

“It didn't mean just anything to me, Karlee. It—”

“And where you do get off yelling at me for being upset with you after how you treated me? At least I was honest with you about my feelings and I don’t know about you, but if you don’t like someone, you don’t kiss them but you did, so what the hell am I supposed to think?” I snapped, cutting him off quickly to get my point across. I had so much anger built up now and it felt like a weight off my shoulders to finally get it out, and at the right person. “If you don’t like me, you shouldn’t have kissed me again.”

“Well I don’t like you! Don't you get it by now? I—”

“Hey!” A car pulled up next to us and Christabelle stuck her head out the window. “We’re going to get some dinner. Have you eaten yet?”

What was Trey talking about? What didn't I get?

“Sort of,” I managed to reply to Chris but with a shake in my voice. “I’ll come with you anyway though.”

“How was your date?” she asked.

I glanced at Trey, who frowned deeply. “Uhm . . . it was okay.”

“Well come on, then. We can’t wait forever,” she laughed. I looked back at Trey. I wanted to say something but I didn’t know what. He tightened his scarf and lifted a shoulder. “Karlee!” Chris exclaimed and I jumped, not expecting her voice in the silence.

“I have to go,” I said, turning for Christabelle.

Trey grabbed my wrist. “Karlee—”

“I’m sorry. I really-I have to go,” I said quickly. He swallowed hard and finally let go of me, and I practically ran to the car. When I got to the other side and looked over the top of it at him, he was already walking back to the restaurant, staring at his shoes. I climbed inside and closed the door, rubbing my freezing cold legs.

“Are you okay?” Emma asked, leaning forward from the back seat.

“I’m fine,” I replied but my heart beating rapidly in my chest and my dry throat said the exact opposite.

And just like that, I couldn’t wait for the Christmas party.