Love Letters

“Game!” I yelled, throwing my cards down on the table to reveal a full house and laughing at Blade and Aiden’s dropped jaws. “I owned your asses.”

Christabelle laughed and high-fived me. “For two guys that claim to be the masters of cards, it’s kind of pathetic that you let a girl who’s only ever played once before and is younger than you actually beat you.”

Aiden put his cards down, leaned back in his chair and ran his hands down his face. “I hate this game,” he muttered sourly and stood up to meet Joanne in the kitchen. They were both over with Emery to prepare for the party tonight and since it was Christmas Eve and they planned on staying the night as well, our tree was surrounded with presents. Joanne was a chef so she and Anne had spent most of the day cooking and baking, and they had been at it since I woke up at eight in the morning. We were expecting some neighbors, Christabelle and Blade’s friends, Andy’s family and, of course, the Weston’s.

Blade’s sister Isabelle was busy playing with Emma and Emery in the other room and getting her hair eaten, but she didn’t complain once. It was crazy how calm she was compared to her older brother who was pretty much the life of the party. Emma on the other hand was immediately drawn to Isabelle and in about five minutes, the two of them were acting like they had been friends for years. Then again, everyone was like that at that age.

Christmas music blasted from the living room as people around the house continuously placed presents under the tree and Blade lifted Isabelle up to put the finishing touch on it; the star. She laughed and elbowed him in the stomach so he set her down and ruffled her hair.

“When are your friends coming over?” I asked, closing some ornament boxes and handing them to my dad so he could take them downstairs.

“Any minute now,” Blade replied. “What about you? When are you expecting yours?”

“Not for another five hours,” I said. “Party doesn’t start until six, right?” He gave me a nod and I sighed, pulling my hair back into a high pony tail. “I need to finish my Christmas shopping. I still haven’t gotten it all done.”

“How much more do you have left?” he asked. I did the math in my head, and then held up four fingers. Blade checked his watch. “We’ve got time. I’ll take you to the mall.”

“You don’t have to,” I said but he was already hoisting Isabelle over his shoulder and dragging me to the door. “She’s coming?” I asked, nodding to the small brown-haired girl struggling in his arms but giggling despite her best efforts to hold it in.

“She is now,” he replied, putting her down on the floor. “Put on your boots.”

“Don’t be a jerk,” she said, pointing a warning finger in his face.

“Go on,” he said, giving her a nudge toward her winter clothes. She pulled her coat on and zipped it up, and was all ready by the time I was just finishing with my boots. “You’re so slow,” Blade laughed, pulling his gloves on. “Let’s go. You can get changed in the car.”

“I’ll only be a second—” I began but he was already pulling me outside and into the stormy winter weather without a jacket.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

We spent a good three hours picking out Christmas presents and cards, and the mall was surprisingly quiet for the day before the memorable holiday but I guess it had something to do with the fact that lots of people had already finished their shopping earlier and some of them were planning for parties like our family. Isabelle wasted just under an hour looking at books that she wanted to buy but didn’t have the money for, and staring at the piano in the music store, silently dying for not owning it. Isabelle was even more intelligent than Emma was and that was saying a lot, seeing as the two of them put together had a bigger vocabulary than I did. She was one of those girls that you could just tell was going to go big places with her life, and most likely become a writer or a musician, or even a lawyer. She and Blade held up big debates against each other when we were walking around between stores and it was on things that I didn’t even know about. Isabelle was high on politics and that was what threw me off most because she wasn’t even twelve years old yet.

Before we left at five, Blade suggested getting something to drink so we didn’t have to walk outside into the snow without something to warm us up. He offered to get me a coffee but when I told him I wanted a hot chocolate, he just stared at me.

I shrugged. “I don’t like coffee,” I said and he raised his eyebrows quizzically. “I put up the effort to argue with my dad but I don’t actually care for it.”

He laughed and gave the woman behind the counter our offers. “Let’s sit down,” he said when I stared to pull my jacket on again. Isabelle ran to grab the table she wanted by the fountain shooting water up right to the second level of the mall and we followed her, taking a seat. She sipped quietly at her drink and read the book that she had convinced Blade into buying for her as her Christmas gift even though he had already picked her something else up earlier, so we were free to talk.

“So,” he said, leaning back in his chair and tapping his fingers on the side of his coffee cup. “What’s going on with you and Trey? Are you nervous to see him tonight?”

I put my bags down beside my chair. “Of course I am, and nothing’s going on. He made it clear that he isn’t interested so what’s the point in pursuing him anymore?”

“I don’t think that’s the case,” Blade objected, moving his hair out of his eyes. “I think you’re in love with the guy.”

I sighed. “Why does everyone think that? I’m not in love with him, okay?”

Blade gave a sharp nod and lifted a shoulder but his eyes held doubt. “All right, if you say so. You know, I’ve always thought that Trey was kind of an idiot.”

Something snapped inside of me. I didn’t know what it was exactly; maybe it was the fact that this guy I should have trusted was insulting someone that I’ve been friends with since before he even knew my name, or because I was still very interested in Trey but I did not take what Blade said easily.

“You’re wrong,” I disagreed. “Trey’s an amazing person. He’s far from being an idiot and I don’t think you have the right to say that when you don’t even know a single thing about him. He’s sweet and he’s kind and any girl would be more than lucky to happen. Any guy would be lucky to be his friend so don’t call him a name when he’s the exact opposite.”

Blade’s lip twitched.

“Do you even get why I like him? He’s the only guy that has ever been there for me since I was little and not many girls get to say that their best friend is as gorgeous as he is. Plus, he’s smart; brilliant even and he can make anyone cackle until they can barely breathe. And even when I make really stupid jokes, he laughs at them because we have the same sense of humour. He’s probably the only person on the earth that actually gets me, and he calls me pretty, even on my worst days. And—”

I cut myself off when I saw Blade’s small smile turn into a grin. Isabelle had long before looked up from her book to listen to me with stars in her eyes and a look of adoration spreading across her face.

“What?” I asked, glaring at Blade.

“Do you even get what I did?” he asked.

I froze. “Oh no.”

He laughed. “So you’re in love,” he confirmed. “How does it feel?”

How did it feel? I wasn’t really sure. My hands were shaking on the table and my face was on fire. It wasn’t anger but it didn’t exactly make me happy either. “Weird,” I settled on answering, sitting back against my chair and letting out a deep breath. “How did you know?”

“You two have been best friends for ages now,” he replied with a shrug. “It wouldn’t make sense for you to be in love with anyone else.” He tapped his finger on the table. “See, in my opinion, this is the right guy for you.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

"I’d bet my life on it. You may not have known it but you’ve probably been in love with him for the past . . . two years or so. You can only take so much of him with other girls before you finally snap and realize your true feelings for him. I know it was there; it was just deep down but yeah, it was definitely there. You just had absolutely no idea that this level of feeling even existed. If it means anything to you, you’re just like Christabelle.”

“I am?” I questioned, baffled.

Blade nodded. “You’re passionate,” he replied. “Love is blind, Karlee. And what I mean by that is if everyone else saw it from the get-go but you were the only one that didn’t, they were probably right. And if Trey’s the one who’s really come through for you all these years and you just now realized you’re crazy about him, it’s been there all along but you just didn’t know.”

I pushed a loose section of hair behind my ear and looked down into my cup, not wanting to lock eyes with Blade. “How did you know you were in love with Christabelle?”

“The moment I met her,” he smiled. “She’s the only one I want to spend my time with and I wouldn’t have put up such a hassle in high school to try and be with her if I didn’t think it would be worth it in the end. And now, almost four years later and I still feel the exact same.” He leaned forward and crossed his arms on the table. “The thing is, Karlee, if this guy really means as much to you as I think he does, then that is not something you want to let just pass you by. You have to go after him.”

“But he turned me down,” I said, slumping down in my chair.

“And I can bet you good money that he regrets it,” he said. “I can tell; he’s probably ten times crazier about you than you are for him. And I know that you think it’s too tough because of what happened in the past—what with him saying he doesn’t have feelings for you and all—but everyone thinks he’s lying to you. Christabelle said that she’s seen the two of you together before and he hasn’t been able to keep his eyes off of you. Don’t you think that means something?”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Love doesn’t come easy,” he said and sat back again, picking up his cup. “But nothing that’s worth the trouble does.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Christabelle did my hair in record time. The minute I stepped in the door and headed upstairs to finish wrapping some presents and get changed, she was on my tail and pulling me into the bathroom so quickly to curl my hair and apply some makeup that I didn’t even get the chance to blind. I had seen a few of the neighbours already in the kitchen making conversation with Anne when I had passed by and the Christmas music had been lowered to a dull roar with classical orchestras playing on tapes and CD’s now. The Christmas tree shone brightly and the wreath wrapped around the banister up the stairs had its tiny lights lit as well. Overall, the house looked gorgeous.

I pulled on a short red dress that spread out like a flattened tutu from the waist and wrapped a black belt at that place as well once Christabelle had done what she wanted and left my room. I grabbed a pair of black heels from the bottom of my closet but when I pushed my clothes out of the way to dig them out from the back, I noticed my memory box and pulled it out. I grabbed the letters from Anonymous out and opened the last one, reading it over quickly. He was a very sweet person, and seemed so in love with his best friend. Why couldn’t I be that girl? Why couldn’t he be the person that I wanted him to be?

“Why can’t I meet someone like you?” I mumbled to myself and put them back in the box, pushing it to where I had got it. I pulled on my heels and stood up, taking one last look in the mirror and checking the back of my necklace to make sure it wouldn’t fall off. I opened my door and walked downstairs, scanning the living room as I made my way down. In the time that it took me to get ready, nearly every guest was here. Andy walked by with Pax but stopped when she saw me and broke out into a smile, waving me down to walk faster.

“How are you?!” she exclaimed, pulling me into a hug. “You look gorgeous.”

“Thanks. So do you,” I smiled. I was anxious to ask if Trey was here but I didn’t want to seem desperate so I kept my mouth shut, but Pax could tell I was on edge.

“He’s here,” he verified, giving me a nod. “So is our overly-touchy cousin Laura, though. Chances are, if you were hoping to talk to him, you’re not going to be able to get him alone without help because she’s glued to his side. He’s the only one that hasn’t snapped at her for fooling around with his tie.”

“That’s disturbing,” I muttered, and he laughed.

“You’ve met her before. She’s a little too friendly,” he said.

I nodded. “I know her kind.”

“Well, don’t think about it too much,” Andy said. “Just have a good time. We’ll stick by your side so you don’t have to be left alone for most of the night even though you know pretty much everyone.”

I laughed. “Thanks.”

For the next three hours, I made casual conversation with the neighbours and sipped ginger ale out of champagne glasses. Joanne and Anne were all for classy and sophisticated so even though half of the guests were children and teenagers—not to mention under the legal drinking age—they still used the glasses but they just put a different drink in them. Pax had somehow started a dancing area in the small cleared-off area in the dining room when Lacey attached herself to his leg and demanded a dance.

Of course, dance styles were pretty limited, seeing as it was all slow Christmas music so I didn’t expect that Pax would break out into chest pumping. Luckily, he kept his manners up for the night and after I had danced two songs through with Tate standing on my toes, I needed to take a break. Pax didn’t like that idea though, and he grabbed me for a dance.

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,” he sang, his head tipped back and his eyes closed. He looked to be in a dream state and I laughed. “Just like the ones I used to know!” The neighbor’s four year old daughter, Lily looked up at him biting her finger and giggling until her parents came to her and made her move because apparently Pax’s behavior was inappropriate. I, however, couldn’t get enough of it because of how hilarious he sounded. He was not a good singer. A tap on the shoulder made him drop his arms from around my waist and turn around to come face to face with his brother.

I swallowed hard and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Do you mind if I cut in?” Trey asked, speaking to Pax but looking at me.

“No, go ahead,” Pax said, sending me a wink and walking off to grab Andy’s arm and pull her into another dance. Trey held out his hand to me and tilted his head to the side, his eyes begging me to take pity on him for this one. It was the look that had me taking his hand and putting my other on his shoulder while his arm came around my midsection and pulling me closer to him. I sucked in a breath and held it there, looking anywhere but at him.

“I’m sorry,” he spoke quietly. “For what happened the other night. It wasn’t my business and I had no right to get upset with you.”

“It’s okay,” I said but it came out as a whisper because I thought that if I talked at normal volume, it would be too loud.

“Listen, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a really long time now,” he said, squaring his shoulders. I looked up at him now, directly into those striking eyes that left me breathless. “And it’s really important so hear me out before you say anything.”

“Okay.” My heartbeat sped up. I wasn’t even sure that we were dancing anymore.

“I told you that I don’t like you and that’s the truth, but what I didn’t clarify is that I—”

“Karlee!” Christabelle called outside the crowd, waving me over. “Dad needs to talk to you.”

Trey sighed and let go of my hand, defeated.

“Trey—”

“No, forget it. You’re busy,” he said, lifting a hand and walking off. My shoulders dropped, my emotions went into overdrive. Why did there always seem to be some sort of distraction right when things got interesting?

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Everyone was leaving by midnight and after giving up on trying to find Trey, who had mysteriously disappeared after leaving me by myself on the dance floor, I was ready to go to bed. I kissed my dad on the cheek and gave hugs goodnight to Christabelle, Blade, Isabelle, Andy, Roxy and Anne, as well as giving handshakes and polite goodbyes to people as they left before heading for the stairs. Andy’s family and the Weston’s had stayed over for a bit longer to help clean up and open the presents that we had gotten for each other since our families were so close but I couldn’t find Pax or Trey. Pax was most likely upstairs using the bathroom, but I had no idea where Trey was. I got up the first three stairs and then the front door opened and Trey walked in, cold and shivering. I looked over my shoulder at him and gave a small smile, then continued on my way up the stairs to my bedroom.

“Karlee, wait,” he said, taking my hand. I stopped and turned to face him. “Can we talk?”

“About what?”

“I want to give you your Christmas gift.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of folded up paper, then handed it to me. I took it from him, curious, and opened it. My heart stopped beating altogether when I read the words on it.

I love you.

-Anonymous.

I looked back up at him, my eyes wide.

“You’re . . .”

He shrugged. “Yeah, I’m your pen pal,” he said. “I told you I would tell you before Christmas.”

“But . . . but you . . .”

Trey smiled. “I’m in love with you,” he said simply, like admitting this was suddenly the easiest thing in the world for him. “I have been for years and I wasn’t lying when I said that I didn’t like you. It’s because I’m so crazy about you that had me lying to you. It felt unbelievable that you could like me back so I needed to give myself a few days to straighten it out. I thought it would matter what I said or when I said it. Being shoved in a closet isn’t exactly something I’d call ‘romantic’, and neither is making out with you against a sink or in the middle of the street after you ditched your date.”

My face went red.

“Anyway,” he continued. “I’m really sorry for how stupid I was. I just . . . I didn’t know what to do. The idea of you having feeling for me that were even a fourth of what I felt for you just didn’t sound like something possible. I thought Pax was joking with me when he said you actually were crazy about me. I know that that kiss in the bathroom was for a dare.”

“You do?” I blurted, biting my lip. “I mean, I—it was but it still meant something to me.”

“I know, but from my perspective, if the kiss was a dare then I didn’t want to let on that I was happy about it. You said it was an accident,” he said, shifting. “And that led me to believe you didn’t like me and that you were put up to that too.”

I shook my head. “I would never lie to you like that.” I paused. “You really feel that way about me?”

“Karlee, I put on nail polish for you,” he laughed. “If I wasn’t nuts about you, then I’d have to be just nuts and I’m not. Only someone that’s so in love with you that they can’t even think straight would do something like that. I know it’s probably the last thing you’re expecting, but I’m not willing to keep it a secret anymore. Although, I guess I can’t count it as a secret when everyone in the world saw through it.”

“Except for me.”

He grinned. “Yeah, except for you.”

“Who else knows?” I asked.

“Pax, Andy and Roxanne,” he replied. “Pax has known for years and Andy was told just over one, but Roxanne only found out about it a few weeks ago.”

“And how long have you . . .”

“Loved you?” he finished for me. “Since we were, like . . . twelve. So four years.”

“Four—” I put my hand over my mouth. “Oh my God. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Trey sighed. “Well what else was there to do? You’ve only been my best friend for most of my life. I’m not supposed to be crazy about you. Everyone says that falling for the person you spend most of your time with will just screw everything up and I didn’t want to put what he had at risk. You can’t even begin to understand how much you mean to me,” he stressed. “Besides, you’ve considered me to be your brother for over ten years. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“I was offering myself to you that night, Trey. The opportunity was right there and any sister of yours wouldn’t kiss you twice and then cry when you told her you weren’t interested,” I argued.

“I was interested,” he said, nodding. “I just didn’t know what to tell you. You know what it’s like to be in disbelief that the person who makes your head spin likes you back.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” I said, biting my lip.

Isabelle walked by then and giggled.

“What?” I asked.

She pointed above our heads. “Mistletoe,” she exclaimed and we looked up. “You have to kiss!” Then she ran off laughing hysterically and Trey and I were left in silence again. I turned back to Trey, who was still staring at the small plant hanging from the roof. Whoever left it there, I wanted to punch them and hug them at the same time. Trey locked eyes with me again.

“If you thought it was hard to believe that I liked you,” I said quietly, “then you’re going to get a kick out of the fact that I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you too.”

His eyes went wide but he didn’t have much time to think about it because I put a hand on the back of his neck and brought my mouth up to meet his soft lips. Now I didn’t have to worry about rejection, or boyfriends and girlfriends, or the fact that I was crossing a line that could possibly change everything for the worst. I was kissing the world’s most perfect boy and there was nowhere else that I would ever want to be. This time, I wasn’t afraid of anything so I threw myself into the fire and let myself enjoy the bittersweet bliss.

Trey’s hands were in my hair, pushing it back and tipping my head up to meet his lips more directly. I sighed in delight and wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning against the banister for some support. It had been too long since our last kiss and now I didn’t have to worry about how long I was going to have to wait for the next one.

“Well it’s about damn time,” Pax’s voice suddenly mumbled as he walked passed us, completely unaffected.

Trey let out a light laugh and put his hand on my cheek, smiling.

"The notes," I said suddenly. "Were those from you?"

"The ones in your locker?" I nodded for confirmation. "Yeah. Roxanne gave me the idea. At first, I thought it would be a little creepy but she said that since you're a 'hopeless romantic', you'd go for it. I just wanted to do something memorable and it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"It was," I said. "It was a great idea."

“Listen,” he said. “I know I’m definitely not ‘Man of the Year’ after what I pulled but do you think you can forgive me? I’d really like to take you out and not as just friends but I don’t think I can do that until I’m sure that you’re not still upset about what I did.”

I grinned. “I was wondering when you were going to ask.”

“I know how picky you are.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Watch it.”

Trey smiled. “Well, I don’t think I could go another year without telling you I love you and I certainly wouldn’t be able to handle the rest of my life without it. Better late than never though, right?”

“I like hearing you say that,” I said. “I don’t care how you said it, Trey. It’s enough to know that you did.”

He dipped his head again and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled against him.

“This is going to take some getting used to,” I laughed.

“You’ll catch on,” he said. “They’ll get a kick out of this.”

“Well if they don’t like it, they can suck it.”

“I’ve really rubbed off on you over the years, haven’t I?”

“I’m glad you did,” I replied, pressing my forehead to his. “I can’t imagine what life would be like if I hadn’t met you.”

“I’m sure it would suck,” he joked and kissed me on the nose. “I really love you, Karlee.”

“I love you too,” I said and my heart skipped a beat as I said that. The only other people I had ever said it to was my family and even then, it felt weird. This didn’t feel weird; this felt perfect. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

And he did.