I Didn't Know I Could Break Your Heart

"Hey," Marrietta smiled as Rudy walked through the door. She slid off the couch, approached him and kissed him gently on the lips. He avoided her eyes carefully, not wanting to see how shameful he looked. "What's wrong?"

Rudy shook his head and pushed past her, going straight for the fridge. He wasn't used to being sober so late in the day. He needed something to calm his mind and all his feelings of betrayal. The way she was looking at him wasn't helping.

She came towards him again, this time slower, with a gentler touch. Laying one hand on his shoulder, she whispered, "Honey... are you okay?"

He didn't even move. It was if her touch had paralyzed him. His fingers curled around the frigde door and he flung it open, closing his eyes at the sound of the crash. Marrietta didn't move from his side, not even to pick up the broken pieces of glass that now littered the floor. Severed glass was normal in this apartment.

"Just... tell me what happened. Where were you anyways? Work? Smoking?" She shook her head helplessly. She knew Rudy would never let her in. It was something she had learned from experience. "I know you didn't cheat on me because then you would just-"

"Would you shut up?" Rudy breathed out, the sound of his voice shocking her. He snatched a beer from the top shelf, cracked open the lid with his teeth and downed half of it in one swig. He could feel his heart slowing as the alcohol raced through his blood. He knew he was going to cry if she tried to talk to him again.

But Marrietta knew the expression on his face. He was gone. Something in his mind had snapped again and all the progress they had made, all the self-esteem they had built together, had come crumbling down. Nothing about him was perfect and he refused to believe that was what made him so.

Rudy closed the fridge. Quickly and silently, he circled around Marrietta and sat down on the couch. He drank the rest of the bottle, relishing the feeling of his brain shutting down and his memories going away. Somehow he could believe he was a good person when he was high. It let him escape.

So quietly that he did not even notice, Marrietta snuck onto the couch beside him. When she started to play with his hair, he didn't stop her, not even when she pressed her lips lightly against his temple. It was almost as if he did not notice that she was there. At least, not until she whispered, "I love you."

He jumped back so quickly she didn't even have time to feel hurt. One second he was sitting beside her and the next he was halfway across the room, hanging onto the wall for dear life. Rudy's breath was coming in gasps. He wasn't exactly terrified, but he would not let her say it again. Not if his life depended on it.

"You don't mean that," He whispered.

Marrietta shook her head, confused, "Of course I do. I mean, I've been repressing it for so long but after everything with Tyler and what's happened between us, I can say that I really do love-"

"No!" Rudy exclaimed wildly. Running towards her, he placed his hands lightly on her shoulders and whispered desperately, "You can't love me. I'm not... I'm not right. I'm not even a person, I'm a monster!"

He looked so much like a little kid that Marrietta wanted nothing more than to gather him in her arms and sing him to sleep. But he recoiled as she went to brush the hair from his face and looked like he was in immense pain when she whispered, "How can you say that about yourself?"

"Because of who I'm taking you away from,"

There was a beat and then Marrietta said, "Tyler isn't-"

"Fuck that!" Rudy screeched. He grabbed the beer bottle off the coffee table and flung it against the wall. The glass shattered on impact, flying everywhere, yet somehow missing the two of them. "Fuck it all. You know he's better than me. You know you should be with him."

"No, Rudy-"

"You only want me because I'm a 'tortured' soul and all I need is to be 'fixed' and then I'll be the perfect boyfriend! Well, newsflash, I'm too damned tortured to give a fuck about you're 'fixing' process! This won't work, Mary. It'll never work because I'm too fucking damned!" He shouted, wiping away tears.

She reached for him and murmured, "Rudy, you're more than that. You're an amazing friend and you're the most honest person I've ever known. Maybe you don't know the right way to help people sometimes but... it doesn't matter," She shook her head and pulled him closer, "You're the only thing I need."

"No," Rudy shook his head, "No. Because the only thing Tyler needs is you and he can't live without you. And you can't live without him and I know it because I've seen you without him. I can't live without either of you. So you have to go back to him right now and forget about me."

"Rudy-"

Marrietta was cut off by Rudy's hand coming across her face. A crack reverberated through the apartment and as soon as his hand was gone, her jaw snapped back into place. She stared at him in shock. All she got in return was her reflection in Rudy's tear-filled eyes.

Shaking her head, she whispered, "I hope you rot in fucking hell."

Then she left.