My Angel King
Let Me Stay
"Miyako, please, just once more?" His voice was so soft, so sweet; I'd never heard him sound like that, so sad and happy at the same time. I knew that if I turned around, I'd see him standing there, his arm outstretched, palm up, offering me. I knew that if I turned around, and saw him again, that it would be too much. To see him as happy as he is, something that I'd never been able to give him, despite how hard I'd tried. I knew that if I turned around, I'd end up in tears, and I knew that know he would never understand why.
And yet, when he spoke just that one word, "Please?" I did. I turned to him. And there, there he stood, his eyes soft and calm, a smile I'd never seen spread across his face. I choked on my air, a lump in my throat as I struggled not to cry. He was so beautiful, so blissfully happy for once. For all those years that I'd known him, he was finally and truly happy.
He stepped to me, his footsteps echoing in the emptiness of his world; the Great Spirit, so vast and perplexing. I came to only his chin, and when he pulled me into his arms, and fit me under his chin, it took all I had not to sob. "I want one more dance Miyako. I don't want to ever let you leave, to ever have to watch you live a life in which I'll never be in, but I will," I could see a pain in his brown eyes; he spoke his truths, truths that no matter how much I wished were wonderful lies, were not. With a soft hand he slipped his arms around my waist, and I, slipped mine around his shoulders.
Though it had no source, I could hear the song we'd dance to, so many times before, begin to play in the open space.
Person in the peace,
You're not as damaged as the others.
You got used to this without anyone else, didn't you?
You've got to get out of this place.
As the music filled the air, our bodies swayed. Our dance was nothing intricate, just a thought turned fluid. I rested my head upon his shoulder, my face buried against his throat.
All you need to do is realize,
If it's for someone precious to you,
Someone you need to hold once more, in your stilled heart,
If everything ends in the next moment, think of the person you love,
How she laughed, how she cried, she's the one you remember.
"I love you Miyako," his hand smoothed my dark hair. He knew I was crying, he always knew. My hands balled into fists behind him, trying to hold myself together. I loved him as well, but I couldn’t make him happy, I would never be able to.
One promise is enough,
One thing to protect is enough,
I’m used to greed,
So I need to lose you.
His eyes were closed as we floated in the open space of his world, he was at peace here. Speaking over my tears I whispered his name, “Hao.”
If you could live your life over again,
would you do it without making a mistake,
without hurting anyone?
If you’re going to do nothing, so you’ll never regret,
You might as well...
I couldn’t speak, couldn’t say what I needed to and couldn’t beg him to let me stay with him, I couldn’t tell him how much I loved him. His breathing was soft in my ears and his heart beat slowly near mine.
I feel you, I love you, even now.
With the touch of a soul that has lived longer than any other, he held me close, his hands drifting over my back. A sob escaped me as I buried my head against his neck, taking in his scent one last time. To think that this was it, I could hardly understand it.
If you could get back the time you lost, would you close everything up in your heart?
That chest, that hair, that face, that voice, it was all so right.
You can’t live, biting into every tenth of a second, can you?
I want back what I lost in the peace.
“I’ll watch over you Miyako,” his promise was soft and heartfelt, saying more than anything I’d ever heard, “I’ll make sure you’re happy.” I wanted so desperately to tell him that he made me happy, just by breathing, just by speaking, and that without him I couldn’t be.
The pain of living.
Our time was running short, I’d have to return to it all, I’d have to leave him. He would be there, watching the world that held me prisoner turn, as was his role as king. But was it so selfish of me to want him to let me stay?
If everything ends in the next moment, think of the person you love,
How she laughed, how she cried, she's the one you remember.
His lips grazed my head and I could feel him smile, in my mind I could see his face, radiant and ever calm, so beautiful. I’d fallen for him so long ago that I could not remember a day that he had not been in my life, my angel king. He’d protected me, raised me, loved me. He’d given me life when I had given up. What would I do without him?
Person in the peace , before you fall asleep on your bed,
Think of the person you love, I want you to realize, that simple happiness…
“I love you Hao, and, and I don’t want to leave you, ever.”
And yet, when he spoke just that one word, "Please?" I did. I turned to him. And there, there he stood, his eyes soft and calm, a smile I'd never seen spread across his face. I choked on my air, a lump in my throat as I struggled not to cry. He was so beautiful, so blissfully happy for once. For all those years that I'd known him, he was finally and truly happy.
He stepped to me, his footsteps echoing in the emptiness of his world; the Great Spirit, so vast and perplexing. I came to only his chin, and when he pulled me into his arms, and fit me under his chin, it took all I had not to sob. "I want one more dance Miyako. I don't want to ever let you leave, to ever have to watch you live a life in which I'll never be in, but I will," I could see a pain in his brown eyes; he spoke his truths, truths that no matter how much I wished were wonderful lies, were not. With a soft hand he slipped his arms around my waist, and I, slipped mine around his shoulders.
Though it had no source, I could hear the song we'd dance to, so many times before, begin to play in the open space.
Person in the peace,
You're not as damaged as the others.
You got used to this without anyone else, didn't you?
You've got to get out of this place.
As the music filled the air, our bodies swayed. Our dance was nothing intricate, just a thought turned fluid. I rested my head upon his shoulder, my face buried against his throat.
All you need to do is realize,
If it's for someone precious to you,
Someone you need to hold once more, in your stilled heart,
If everything ends in the next moment, think of the person you love,
How she laughed, how she cried, she's the one you remember.
"I love you Miyako," his hand smoothed my dark hair. He knew I was crying, he always knew. My hands balled into fists behind him, trying to hold myself together. I loved him as well, but I couldn’t make him happy, I would never be able to.
One promise is enough,
One thing to protect is enough,
I’m used to greed,
So I need to lose you.
His eyes were closed as we floated in the open space of his world, he was at peace here. Speaking over my tears I whispered his name, “Hao.”
If you could live your life over again,
would you do it without making a mistake,
without hurting anyone?
If you’re going to do nothing, so you’ll never regret,
You might as well...
I couldn’t speak, couldn’t say what I needed to and couldn’t beg him to let me stay with him, I couldn’t tell him how much I loved him. His breathing was soft in my ears and his heart beat slowly near mine.
I feel you, I love you, even now.
With the touch of a soul that has lived longer than any other, he held me close, his hands drifting over my back. A sob escaped me as I buried my head against his neck, taking in his scent one last time. To think that this was it, I could hardly understand it.
If you could get back the time you lost, would you close everything up in your heart?
That chest, that hair, that face, that voice, it was all so right.
You can’t live, biting into every tenth of a second, can you?
I want back what I lost in the peace.
“I’ll watch over you Miyako,” his promise was soft and heartfelt, saying more than anything I’d ever heard, “I’ll make sure you’re happy.” I wanted so desperately to tell him that he made me happy, just by breathing, just by speaking, and that without him I couldn’t be.
The pain of living.
Our time was running short, I’d have to return to it all, I’d have to leave him. He would be there, watching the world that held me prisoner turn, as was his role as king. But was it so selfish of me to want him to let me stay?
If everything ends in the next moment, think of the person you love,
How she laughed, how she cried, she's the one you remember.
His lips grazed my head and I could feel him smile, in my mind I could see his face, radiant and ever calm, so beautiful. I’d fallen for him so long ago that I could not remember a day that he had not been in my life, my angel king. He’d protected me, raised me, loved me. He’d given me life when I had given up. What would I do without him?
Person in the peace , before you fall asleep on your bed,
Think of the person you love, I want you to realize, that simple happiness…
“I love you Hao, and, and I don’t want to leave you, ever.”